I could stare into those eyes forever, but we only had that night.
I could wake up to them every morning, but the timing of our love wasn't right.
I could put his prolonged gaze on repeat for it made me feel as if no one in the room mattered but me. Just that look spoke to me and told of how he felt the same way.
When he held my hand, it's like it all came together. The moment we had been waiting for finally arrived, allowing the tension to subside. We didn't need words to communicate how we felt, for a single squeeze of his hand told me everything else.
We were so comfortable in each other's hold, and his warmth made me feel at home. I was vulnerable, but he was strong and his company made me feel calm. I wish I could relive that night for it made me feel so loved and filled in the missing piece of a heart that was so used to being alone.
Oh! How I knew he would have loved me in the most beautiful way, but I wasn't good enough for him and he lived so far away. I wish I could've put life on pause just to enjoy his company a little bit longer, but I only had that night to stare into his hazel eyes one last time.
Interesting how sometimes we don't even need words to communicate how we feel. Been editing this poem a lot and maybe one day I'll be able to officially let go of the poem and the person it is about.
He gave meaning to the poems I had read over and over again.
Meaning to the songs that had often been stuck in my head.
I finally understood why people loved falling in love.
Why people would rather stay awake than dream.
He changed my view of how love ought to be and reminded me that I was worth so much more than I had ever been able to see.
To my Ecuadorean lover. This is my thank you note.
It was a quiet little place.
And perhaps I was on the border of change.
How I could feel it- a new life was near!
Another person on the other side is who I hoped to find.
But change requires action.
The trick is you just start now.
No need to wait in line for a new vision and change of heart.
I've been reflecting a lot on my daily choices and who I am lately. I want to make changes to make my life better and simply to be happier. The time is now.
I wish you could've been there, sitting next to me.
Under the moonlight, sipping on some coffee.
Simply enjoying the bands play after a long day
with the lights twinkling above outside of the hipster
coffee house that I love.
Because it's these little moments that make me feel alive and I want to experience them with you by my side.
Yes, I'm talking to you.
I wish you could have been there too.
I often experience moments like these in which I wish my best friend was there to appreciate them with me.
The calm after the storm.
The peace that comes about like a silent echo.
A sigh of relief.
We all knew the storm wouldn't last, didn't we?
Yet I stand in awe of the calm and the beautiful clouds painted like a work of art.
My soul and my face slowly turn into a smile.
I've been waiting for a moment like this a good while.
I long for the days when we'll look back on the past and laugh at the fact that we thought the hard times would actually last.
I really want to get to this point haha
To the outside world it may have seemed like I was quitting or giving up on my dream. Really, I was just allowing myself time to finally breathe.
Decisions and adulting are hard, but you have to remember to breathe sometimes.
I used to filter my words and actions to meet other's demands. Thankfully, I've gained confidence in who I am.
Because, I would rather be myself, frankly.
I'd rather have my flaws than yours and boast about my imperfections than pretend to be this socially acceptable girl.
Trust me, I'm far from perfect. This I know.
And I'd rather be that than put up a show.
I used to crave for acceptance, but instead I felt pushed away by cliques and clichés, realizing that pretense came with no gains.
Now the filter is gone, and I'm sticking with those who've been with me all along. I choose to be myself today. My life is better like that anyway.
Not quite sure why I began writing this poem, but towards the end I express some feelings I had in high school when I always seemed to be trying to impress people. College has taught me the value of being myself and I am moving towards being more comfortable in my own skin.
Do you remember?
You know what I'm talking about.
Those times when the entire family was gathered at our house,
simply enjoying the pleasure of each other's company.
The smell of the grilled fajitas.
The sight of the women cooking in the kitchen, preparing the side dishes.
The kids playing in the pool as if the day were endless.
Oh, how I long for those days!
How I wish I could relive them.
Truth is you never appreciate anything until you look back in time,
cause in the moment you're too busy feeling alive!
I miss my old home and our family/ friend gatherings. Times seem much more simple then. I wrote this like I was having a conversation with my brother.
Everytime I walk down that path I remember of when we met. It's the spot where you hugged me and that I won't forget.
You were so gentle and kind, while I was confused and surprised.
My heart skipped a beat every time your eyes met with mine.
You told me about your plans, and I shared mine too. Although my plan didn't seem nearly as complete since it wasn't including you.
They say you're too old for me and with that I will reluctantly agree. But I wish this were another life where we were meant to be.
I thought I was over you, thinking I had finally moved on. But the truth is I think I've been waiting for someone like you all along.
He's such a beautiful human. I just wanted to capture this moment so I could stop thinking about it. Also, he's only a few years older than me.
A fleeting comment.
A bit of attention.
This doesn't last forever, need I mention?
We paint picture perfect lives
as if it were the truth.
Rarely do people post about times
when they're discouraged or feeling blue.
Our lives seem enviable, but you don't see what occurs behind doors.
The mundane moments no one wants to disclose.
With social media I find myself becoming more distant, yet feeling more connected in an instant. Making so called friends that I never talk to in person. Adding to a list of people that I pretend to know and ignoring the ones I say I care for.
Then there's the selfish gratification. It's all about me. Here's another one of my selfies. But somehow I find that I compare myself endlessly. And so do you and so does he. It's a game we aren't aware we signed up for. Yet the mutual agreement is we all score.
Social media can be great and also terrible at times. Don't get me wrong- I'm all for selfies but I think sometimes we can become a little shallow and conceited from them.
Perhaps I've always been too quiet.
Perhaps I've always been too shy.
Perhaps I've always been afraid to look you in the eye.
Perhaps I get jealous too easily.
Perhaps I complain too much
and suffer from anxiety.
But perhaps this is who I am.
Or perhaps this isn't who I want to be.
If you haven't noticed I overthink...everything!
Even my own existence.
I think I'm having an existential crisis. But that's ok, I feel better after writing this.
I am not the amount of likes my selfies get. I am not the amount of heads that turn when I walk into a room. I am not the amount of makeup I wear. I am not the weight I gain or loose. I am not the brands I have. I am none of that.
But I'll tell you what I am...
I'm a thinker.
I'm a writer.
I'm a fighter.
I'm my faith.
I'm my laughter.
I'm a sister.
I'm a friend.
And I'm still learning that what matters is what's inside my heart.
Inspired by Amy Schumer's speech on confidence.
It is a joy,
allow me to say,
to watch the sun as it goes down
and watch the clouds continuously circle around.
Stop and take a breather from your hectic life to appreciate the creation and its might.
Because even if you think you're big and tall, it reminds you of how small you really are.
Watch the trees as they blow with the strong wind and the leaves as they rattle and fall.
Take a second to realize you really do have it all.
What a lovely view!
When they asked me who I was I gave them a simple reply, but what I wanted to say was...
I'm a mess!
I never sleep.
I can't control what I eat.
I'm an emotional and nervous wreck.
But I can lie and say I'm trying my best. (I'm not)
I still have a long ways to go.
After all, I am a work in progress, you know?
We all pretend to keep it together but it's ok to admit that that's far from the truth ;)
Focus my mind.
Adjust my lens.
Allow me to see how amazing the world can be-
the green grass on the other side of where I find myself trapped.
Give me positivity.
I want to be optimistic!
And see the good in everything
Instead of continually wishing...
for something better or a different life.
Turn my night into day and the darkness into light. Change me just as you do with simply being you.
Life is all about what lens we look through.
I have a secret,
One I like to keep.
A little secret about me.
I love poetry,
But few know how I have a love for words not just the ones I write but the ones that beautifully, artistically flow.
The ones that make me want to cry and make my jaw drop and remind me of how much I've lost.
Words that astound me because they sound as if they were my own, expressing exactly what I feel and yet written by someone completely unknown.
Poetry does that and also allows me to spill my heart out without a filter and express my very deepest thoughts.
I want to keep secret what I've discovered about myself.
Because I'm afraid if others knew the magic would be lost.
Poetry is so special to me.
Hear my cry dear God,
My cry of sorrow.
Do you have any strength I could borrow?
Cause I'm living with a head full of fears.
I've held on to them for all these years.
They've been crawling all inside my head.
And I want to be set free from this horrible side of me.
I want faith. I want your hope. I want it now.
I know for a fact you won't let me down.
God'a faithful, it's just we're not.
And so everywhere in my life I found myself being mediocre.
Saying things I didn't mean.
Pretending to be someone I wasn't.
I was at war with myself.
A war that went down to the core of who I was and begged me to change.
Begged me to remember everything I wanted and was working for.
And in this civil war, who would win?
I didn't want a life like this, but I was too afraid to change and take risks.
So instead, I just remained the same.
Slowly loosing my voice...
I felt like I was on a long vacation.
I could accept this as my new home.
Old and new friends.
This story of change will never end.
The only constant in life is change.
All the other faces pale beside you.
You are my point of focus.
Like a spotlight that makes you stand out, my eyes are sensitive to you in a crowd.
But I dare not stare and I quickly look away because I don't want you to know I feel this way.
I'm not confident that I am your type.
And I don't want to seem trite, but I have to face the fact that you're out of my league.
Too beautiful for a naïve girl like me.
No, I'm not being negative I just know this will never happen.
Just let me fade into the background.
Allow me to sink into the wall like a wallflower.
This is the kind of invisibility I crave sometimes.
But we all know great things hardly ever come from staying in our comfort zones and it's impossible to always be alone.
So I think I can be confident enough now.
I can't keep holding on to doubt.
Go ahead, watch me as I step out.
That's all we want to be.
But who has the power to define beauty? Is it really me?
Can I judge others like a critic?
No. I don't think that's what I'm here for. And what kind of beauty are we talking about, the shallow outside? This case that we're enclosed in? The one we dress up as if it defined our existence?
When we pass away nothing will matter more than the beauty we left behind, the impact we left on others lives not the way we looked today, but the way we made another's day. Beauty isn't simply about appearance-it's all of you as a human being.
I read somewhere that only God has the power to defund beauty and I couldn't agree more.
Like a piece of paper.
No it's a lot deeper than that.
I feel more than just torn. It's a feeling of emptiness. It's longing.
Longing for the past, to relive the memories. To re-experience the good times with all those people in my mind. Because I miss so many friends and family but they're scattered everywhere and I'm in one place. Actually, I'm moving all the time and can't seem to find the time to slow down and stop by.
We moved recently and it's been hard to adjust.
I know I'm not alone.
I know that when I get home
there's people who love me.
I am surrounded by love even from those faraway.
And that my friends is a beautiful thing I can say.
Because sometimes I feel weak and bland and terrible, to say the least.
Sometimes I don't even love myself, if I may speak. But other people's love keeps me going, because it is always showing.
And that is the best kind of love isn't it? One not defined by words, but by actions and forgiveness.
Oh sleep, oh sleep!
How I miss thee!
If only I had not taken you for granted.
I never feel as awake as when you are by my side, but when you're not close I fear I can't survive.
When we reunite, you take away all my blues, especially in that deep sleep filled with dreamy hues.
When will we meet again?
I surely look forward to it!
It's sleep deprivation season!
Every time I walk into the line I can only hope to run into you like I've done before.
Your smile brightens up my day and
In your conversation I could forever stay.
Will you be my Starbucks lover?
We could grab some coffee and lattes,
talk about our lives and mistakes.
Cause I want to be the peppermint to your mocha, the pumpkin spice to your latte, the caramel to your macchiato.
We could compliment each other.
I just want your sweet company and I'll wait in line patiently.
Written about a cutie I like to bump into at Starbucks.
Sometimes I wish I was blind.
No, don't get me wrong.
I'm grateful that I can see flowers and sunsets but,
It's that many times what my eyes see is distorted.
It's that I find myself making judgements about people based on what they wear, what their race is, where they come from, and caving in to stereotypes set in my mind instead of thinking about who they are as a person.
It's that I use words like ugly or fat to describe people as if looks alone defined them and as if I had the power to define beauty.
It's that I start comparing myself to others instead of being thankful for what I have and who I am.
It's that I start checking out guys
And seeing what's on the outside instead of wondering about what lies inside .
It's that I start selecting people to be friends with based on their appearance instead of wondering who they are as a human being.
It's that my eyes hinder me from focusing on what's truly important.
And perhaps if I was blind my soul would better understand that there is more than meets the eye.
That what makes certain humans great is how passionate they are when they talk about what they love.
How caring they can be in time of need.
How their personality can far outshine looks.
How even if physically a person may be falling apart on the inside they have the greatest heart.
Perhaps if I was blind,
Maybe then would I truly see.
Just remember to not judge a book by its cover. Humans are more than just their appearance. Although I do encourage you to use your sight to focus on beautiful things like nature and art.
Spent my summer solstice in solitude.
Many don't like to be alone, but I fear not...
Being alone helps me gather my thoughts.
The longest day of the year and I chose to spend it with myself.
We must be thankful for every breath.
For every day.
For every year.
Because let's be real,
Being alive is kind of a big deal.
Let's stay thankful everyone!
Another day, another year
And I know this isn't about me.
So I give thanks to the Creator above
Who chose to give me life and so much more.
Who blesses me with his mercy in every breath.
And I know I have yet to understand that this life is His gift
And that I must repay Him for all that He did and has yet to do.
Thank you God, today, I thank You.
I may not be Walt Whitman or William Wordsworth or Robert Frost. But I am human and just as Whitman and Wordsworth and Frost wrote, so too can I write.
So too can I share with strangers words that express my humanness because even if I'm not famous, I feel, I see, I hear, I simply exist.
Isn't that what poetry does?
Reminds us that we all experience this world similarly,
We all grieve,
We all seek,
We all love,
We all want,
We all cry,
We all wonder,
We all simply exist.
And that is enough for me to write, for you to write, and even if we don't get recognition,
It's about conveying this notion of existing.
I'm going to take it one step at a time
Because I'm not going to pretend like I have it all figured out.
In fact, I'm filled with doubt
As to what the future holds
Because I'm tired of listening to what I am told .
Not because I'm rebellious but because like me, they don't know.
You know when you're in the middle of the present and future, and you don't feel like you're going anywhere and people try to tell you what to do? I just know it will all work out in the end, sometimes all we have o do is wait.
I write to a distant soul,
Someone I may or may not know.
On this day,
I want to tell you
I will wait till the time is right,
Till by Divine Right,
We finally find love at each other's side.
"It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you,"
but seriously don't you want to?
I'm giving you permission,
I'm giving you the go.
Because all I want to know is who you are,
along with what you fear, what you love, what makes you smile and laugh.
And in the end it's ok if you want to let me go,
I'll treasure every moment we spend together even if you don't.
The first line is one of my favorite quotes from John Green's *The Fault in our Stars*.
But I want to.
Life is a never-ending battle against our own nagging flesh.
I want to cling to a single thread of hope
that one day we'll meet again.
And when we meet again,
my mind will be complete.
I hope I'll finally understand if this was even real,
if I am in love with you still.
Not sure if I still feel this way.
It's a ship that gets us through the ocean of life when that wave of doubt or unfortunate events falls upon us and we see no way out.
When we're single and need someone to spend those dateless nights with.
When we find ourselves in situations that only a simple call can fix.
When we're bored and want to just laugh at things no one else understands.
When we're old and sad, but hey, even then life is not too bad when you have friendship to get you past-on to the harbor where joy will forever last.
Wrote this after a Valentine's Day spent single, but with good friends by my side.
Make up your mind.
Do you want a mindset made for this Earth
or one of a different kind?
Why do you worry about clothes...
that won't even matter when you're dead.
Who's going to remember what you wore or if you had on Michael Kors?
Soon his name will be forgotten as well,
gone and left with no more products to sell.
So what is it like? Allow me to ask.
To fall in love?
To meet that special person?
Does it just happen?
How do you know?
Is it a feeling, can it even be explained?
Am I simply supposed to wait?
I fear I will grow old just waiting.
Am I supposed to search for them?
Is their meeting brought about by
And when you finally do meet them?
What is it like?How do you get past the awkwardness of it all?
How do you know when you truly fall?
Is it an instinct?
Have I missed it?
What is it like to fall in love? I said.
I want to know if it's something worth waiting for.
It slips away from my fingers,
It's like I'm chasing a feather.
I run, stumble, and fall.
It evaporates in thin air.
Does it even care?
I gasp, I think it's gone,
but the ticking in my ears persists.
I cover them in hopes to drown the sound out,
but instead it beats louder in my head.
It's like a constant reminder of what I have to do...do you hear that clock ticking too?
Time is running out I suppose with every breath I take, but I must live for living's sake.
Because many would like to be in my place still
With time left to fill
With dreams left to meet.
With hope left to seek.
With loved ones left to cherish.
With poems left to write,
with today still in sight.
A lot of the imagery in the first section was influenced by a scene in Veronica Roth's Allegiant.
— The End —