Just breath in and out
But how do I do that?
Every breath seems to take more air out
Until I am suffocating on nothing at all
Breath
Take it one step at a time
But how do I do that?
Every step I take turns into a tumble
And now I am falling to my ultimate doom.
Breath
Everything will work out in the end
Or it won't
Maybe I was meant to fall and crash and burn
The minute I was born
Breath
Don't worry
But it is only going down hill
A never ending tumble
Until I crash and burn
And breath in the smoke
Until I suffocate
On nothing at all

I was young. A girl of just 13 when my life was taken away from me.
He was a leader to me and someone I trusted deeply. But when doors were closed and rooms were dark, he was a demon.
He took little pieces of me away. My sanity, my trust, my everything.
No one knew what he was doing but neither did I. I was young and naive. Always trusting someone.
All I could do was feel trapped as he touched my innocent tiny body. Touched all the parts that he shouldn't have. Parts that were mine and mine only.
I felt trapped and suffocated over the months it accured. I felt more and more disturbed and felt like this wasn't right.
My mother told me to say out loud if things like this happened.
But I couldn't.
I would disappoint her. So I lashed out at him. It was sudden anger and trapping myself in my room for him to stay away. Countless knifes littered my room if he ever forced himself on me.
That little girl disappeared with his hands.
And to this day he is still in the family. The demon I am forced to consider my father.
No one knows.
Not that I would ever tell them.

Our hands met
Fire on ice
My ice cube hands melting in your warmth
Fire on Ice
Our love burst into flames
That became bigger as the flames burst
My fingers intertwined with yours
Gripping tighter
Getting warmer and warmer
My ice heart melting in your warmth
Melting in your hands
Fire on ice
Your burst of hot flames
My fingers wrapped around yours
Like a spider
I nested into you
Never wanting to part
But when we did
I ached for you again
Feeling icy
Until my hand met yours
Once again

What gives you the right?
To shame a girl's body
Then stalk her and find all her ***** secrets
To send out pictures not meant for your eyes
To make her shamed to exist
What gives you the right?

What is wrong with me
I was fine
Now I am not
Wanting to dress myself in red
And drown in it
I miss things
I guess
Or maybe this is just a episode
That I want to suffer from
Not die
I love life
I just don't like this moment
Right now

It's 2 in the morning
And I can't sleep
I just want to feel you in my sheets
Skin on skin
And heat on heat

I want to touch you
To feel that I have someone to hold on too
You make everything crisp
Like fresh clean air
I wish I could breath you in
Give me another taste
I am addicted to you

Love,  
Yours truly

Until we meet again.

I'm a self destructive mess.
Putting myself down
Starving myself
Because when I see myself
I feel I am not good enough
You shouldn't love me
You shouldn't care.
You shouldn't be near me
Because I am self destructive
And I will hurt you
In the process
Of hurting myself
I know I scare you
With all the things
I think badly about myself
But I didn't tell you to love me
But maybe
You can help me fix myself
Because I am a self destructive mess
And so are you
I guess that is why we work together
So perfectly

Let me smash
Let me smash
Let me have a slice of that ***.

Save my soul for I have sinned
Red hot on my thigh
And regret in my chest

At some point tears turn into anger
And I am sick and tired of crying and crying

In my eyes
The light seems so much brighter
And colors
So much deeper
Your beauty
So much bigger
In my eyes
I can not deny
That you
Honey
In this light
Are so much more pretty
Than any sunset
Any night.

Love me deep
Love me true
And maybe I will give you coconut
From my hips too.

I am a shy girl
Age 17
Who has her nose in a book
Because society doesn't accept her
Her friends are not her friends
Since they are so calm to dump her
No one seems to care for the girl
Who has her face in a book
To hide the tears
From the unspoken words
She always hears
I am a shy girl
Age 17
Who writes poems
That no one sees
Since she hides them so perfectly
She cries reading them
As she sees how her life has been
From friends who dump her To unseen and unheard tears
To unspoken words
From the girl
A shy girl
Who is age 17

Trying to have something you never could
But still you try
Pushing yourself in the dirt
To just see the sunshine
For one taste of what it feels like to be free
You fight for it
Digging yourself out
Just to bury yourself in
One step forward and two back
You can't fight for forever

I must not be alone
In the struggle to say no
Catching on my lips
Stuck between my teeth
Which turns to a yes
Before I can think
To not disappoint
To please others
I say yes
Even though
Yes is a bother

My mind is a mix of color and paint
Confusing me from reality and fake
Coloring me what I shouldn't be
Drawing all the colors of a world
That is not reality
And I can't stop
I don't have a choice now
This is my life
I could of escaped
If I thought of something
Other then color and paint

I sat in my car
Wanting to leave
But just for a minute
I put on a song to make me cry
And I shed a tear
A stupid tear
For moving forward
For not being the person
You wanted me to be
So I cried
And let my tears match the rain
Pattering on my windshield.

I am exhausted.
Mentally and physically
Sore to the bone
And wanting sleep.
No work for me today
No care for my grades
I just want sleep
To make this exhaustion go away.

You ripped my heart out of my chest.
And I have no clue
How to put it back in.

Stress riddled into my veins
A drug leaving my head in the clouds
No one cares about your stress
Just study for the tests.
3 in one day
What a gift
Stress in my veins
But it takes a lot to **** me.

This face is natural
And it may look mean
I look like a *****
Who eats nails daily

But I am actually sweet
With a heart of gold
Just talk to me

But be prepared
Because if you break my heart
I will tear you apart.
Because this ***** Face can be a *****

What were we?
A huge mess tied in a bow?
But I loved you so much it hurt
When I had to let you go.

Spit on my face from your poison lips.  
Yelling names I could never repeat.  
Curses and foulness fills the air.  
All I wanted was love.  
Appreciation.  
Someone to look up too.  
All I got was a drunk stuck on drugs  
Screaming and falling into my life.  
But even after all these years
And what you did to me
I still love a little part of you.  
I just wish you loved me too.  
Dad.  
Sincerely,  
The *****

You kissed to trap
And you kissed good
Tying your lips to mine to make me yours
But I don't trap easily
But with every touch I almost fell to my knees for you.  
But I didn't.
  
"It is either all or nothing. "

You kissed me.  To get me.  
But I am not easily got.  
And I deserve better then you.

I would love
To love you forever
Until the sun explodes
And forever and ever.

I sometimes wish I was dead.  
Want to be dead.  
But then I think of you.
6 feet underground
Not feeling happiness anymore.  
Was it worth it?  
Did it make you feel better?  
Do you miss me as much as I miss you?

You are trying so hard
To get in my bubble
Planning dates with someone so unstable

Don't you get it?
Don't you see?
You are only a friend
Only a friend to me.

You won't give up
You won't go away
Blocked on all my social medias
But still you find a way to contact me

Don't you get it?
Don't you see?
You will never, ever be with me.

Still there you are promising again.
That this will work out.
You are a "gentleman."

DON'T YOU GET IT?
DON'T YOU SEE?
You have been friend-zoned, baby.

I want to smile
A real smile
Not the fake ones
I put on every day
I want to smile
But I can't
I can't be happy
When there is nothing
To be happy about
A smile seems to hard to do
When all you can think about is
Unhappiness

We are not friends
We are nothing
But you can't seem to take the hint
That I don't like you
You did me *****
You threw me to the dogs
But you seem to think
I still like your guts
Coming over
Spreading lies
Acting like everything is alright
Sorry chicky
But you are just as ugly in and out
I don't give second chances
You had your chance
I am doing better now
So get the hint.

Throw me to the side
Cancel everything we had planned
Don't talk to me for days
Never say you love me.
But here I am
Still attached to you
Still loving you
When you haven't been here for me
For years it seems
Cancel me.

The sickness
I purged you out
Like a demon
Finger down my throat
Feeling like a sinner
The toilet my only friend
In my moment of darkness
The demons inside
Screaming as I purged them out
The pain
But feeling great
The secrets hid of what I did
Feeling thinner but like a sinner
But a sinner I am
With a head full of demons
Telling me to purge again
Because I will never be thin enough
Ribs sticking out
I will never be thin enough
Until I am dead
And in the end
My demons will win
I already know this
But still I sin
Because I am a sinner
So here I will purge
Away the sin
Down the drain
Into pipes who hide my secrets
That no one knows

How lovely the clouds look
From the ground below
Painting the world in darkness
Such a beauty to behold.

It is so weird
How this is my life
How I am alive in all this
And get to change my fate

But death will come
And somehow curiosity
Is in my skin
Of what happens
After my heart stops beating

Hours
I spend it on my face
To make me love myself
Even when the person I show now is not even me.
Mascara
Foundation
Highlighter
Hide all my mistakes
Erase my flaws
Erase me
One stroke at a time
Hour by hour
I erase the girl I was
And replace her
With what everyone wants to see.
With time
I erase
Me.

You were my world
I revolved around you like crazy.  Bringing you waves and a beautiful thing in your sky.  
But you didn't like my waves
Or the way I looked in your sky
So I drifted away.  I didn't have to revolve around you.  I chose you.  
And I can take it away.

Pain
That is all I can feel
I want to eat
But how can I when my mind tells me not too
That that food will make me fat.
So I look at it
Say I deserve the pain
I talk to people
But I keep thinking they are lying
That they are just trying to make me feel better

Pain
and I know it can **** me
I know the effects
I know what I am doing
And my brain says
That this will make me happy

Pain
and that is all there is
I want to stop it.
But who said I didn't deserve it.

Do you see this?
The words I write online
Mixing and clashing in beautiful colors
A story for eyes who want to indulge

Do you see this?
Do you feel the emotions mix as I send them out.
Does it paint a picture in your mind
Bright colors of read and deep indigo

Do you?
Cause I hope you do.

It is a crush
Nothing much more than a few words said.  
Just a crush on a boy with a head full of blond hair
Tall and handsome
With beautiful green eyes.  
Just a crush.  He doesn't know it though since I always hide how I feel.  
Just a crush.  
I haven't felt this in a long time.  Since my heart was broken by the last guy.  
Just a crush on a guy.  Who may never like me back.

I hate
Your lies
You spit at me, like venom, into my eyes
Blinding me from everything
And who I should be
You blind me and bond me with your words
That sure did win me

I hate
That you let me crumple at your feet
And used me as a stepping stool
Til I gave defeat

I hate
Your eyes that burned into me
Making all my words that slipped
Come with a twist
That hurt me

I hate
Your mouth that whispered words
That made my mind foggy
So everything I did
Was for the words you whispered into my pure ears

I hate
Your hands that touched my small shoulders
And picked me up to touch the clouds
But slammed me into the ground
And hit my face when no one was around

I hate
Your smile that fooled others
But fooled me as well

So here I am on the ground
Battered and beat
And my body slumped in defeat
Then the words set in of all you said to me
And I finally get it all now
Now that the blindness has disappeared
I HATE YOU!!!

The marks you left behind after the bruises faded
A flinch at a hesitant touch
Afraid to be alone with someone
Afraid to be touched in a hug
It isn't on purpose
I swear
I just panic at touches even by family
From what you left when the bruises had healed over

You walked away
With my heart in your hands
Smirking at what you stole
I was on fire
Burning all over
It felt like when I placed my hand on a pan
The pan that burned me all over
Burned my soul
The kind of burn that would blister
I wanted the pain
I wanted to hurt
But I wanted you to be there
Not the one to cause me to burn

The smell wraps its warm arms around you
Drags you down with promises of forever
His smell.
His touch.
He drags you down with sweet whispers
He wants you
Only you
The smell wraps around you
The smell of promises
The smell of him
As you slip on his jacket.
To go see him
When you know.
The jacket promises forever,
But he promises nothing