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Xaela San Oct 2019
She saw her face

In the mirror

Reflecting her flaws

She looked away

If only she's beautiful

She thought.
Every time
Xaela San Feb 2020
I found it easier to lie
To just smile
Pretending to be fine

Than to explain
What I truly feel
To people who won't listen
When they speak I listen, but if it's my turn they won't.
Xaela San Apr 2021
BOY

Walking
I saw you
I began to stare for a while
In your book, black hair
Sitting in your favorite spot

My heart skips a beat
Nervousness hidden in a smile
Sweating, hands are shivering
I am unable to speak

But I wonder, what you're reading
I wonder what page you're now
I took a deep breath
We finally said Hi

I don't mean to stay distant
I am unable to move
I fear you'll see through me
I might melt in this space
When I hear your voice


GIRL

Reading
I saw you
I began to stare for a while
In your black shirt, black jeans
Walking through the door

My heart skips a beat
Face hidden behind a book
Redness, enveloping my cheeks
I am unable to speak

But I wonder, what face you're making
I wonder how's your day been
I took a deep breath
We finally said Hi

I don't mean to stay hidden
I am unable to look
I fear you'll see through me
I might melt in this spot
When our eyes meet

BOTH

I might not be able to say it
I might be someone, who'll not know
How our hands feel, intertwined
But I would like to try

I might not be able to say it
My eyes might say otherwise
I am someone who likes you
I wish I could be someone you like.
Another story in the boy's and the girl's perspective.

I wish I can sing....
Xaela San Jul 2018
I see pain in the child's eyes
Screaming silently with his mind
As he close his mouth containing his sorrow;

In his back, he carries his dead brother
Traveling miles from the danger of men and guns
Running away with little energy for the sake of safety

Looking at him
A river of sorrow flows in him;

With a gentle kiss of goodbye, a lifeless body descended
To the soil resting from the agonizing war

Through so much sorrow overwhelming his soul
This child's legs collapsed and touched the ground
Where river of tears never fell
But only blood from his lips dripped down

He bit his tongue to ease the unbearable pain within
As he stare blankly to the soil not minding the taste of blood
For he knew, his brother's body is now one with the Earth;

Then with little determination
He left, in his head held up
And with the sorrow of lost in his heart.
Xaela San Sep 2018
Sorry to disappoint you

but I really did my

best, but it was

not enough;

I hope you'll

understand .
Xaela San Sep 2020
Erase that frown
Draw that smile
You'll become
A beautiful
Piece of art.
Smile because that looks good on you
Xaela San Apr 2019
He's not just a man
He can fly, he can fall
He can run, he can protect
He's a superhero

He fly, he's on the top of the world
Touching the white clouds
With his hand unto his soul
Feeling the cold spring breeze

He fall, he's covered with mud
Like any man, he can stumble and fall
But he didn't mind the cold mud
And continued to walk with life

He run, he's faster than speed of light
Though it's hard to believe
It's true he can run on water
Everything happened like bullet shot ahead

He protect, he's an invincible man
Like any other super heroes
He's strong and will protect any one
To make this world a better one

Because if you're in danger  
Like dust flying swiftly in the wind
He'll come to your rescue
And bring justice with his pride

He tries harder and harder like crazy
Fighting with effort to save the nation
With his blood, sweat and tears
He deserves a praise like of a Superhero

Though he's unaware of the realities he does
He's living in his own sweet nightmare
As he continues to bring out the best of him
And continue to save the people around him

Yet, beyond his own utopian world
Comes out the truth of his existence, he's no superhero
But he's a man, someone who can't fly
But a man that can stumble and fall

The people around him can't deny anymore
As they look into his eyes, there they knew
Everything's wonderful, but never true
And that he's held captive to his own illusions

They saw beyond his superhero behaviors
He became someone nobody knows
He only knows himself through his perception
Because he's held captive to his own illusions

Like a maze where no one can get out
He'll remain there without help to escape
If not helped, someday it will bring his end, because He doesn't need someone to save but himself.
Xaela San Jul 2018
Remember the last time we walk
Also it was our last time to talk,
It was the night of snowing December
Freezing our bodies with its cold winter

But there's no use crying again and again
As memories flows of you leaving with a train,
Together with our tears falls like rain
Saying our last farewell caused pain

Those vivid memories of you leaving for war
Drowns me with anxiety and uncertainly,
Waiting for you to go home feels like enternity
But keeps me aiming far;

And I've always known war is a game
A game of life and death
Which even a man without a name
Would die in womb of his mother;

Now death has prevailed, your life has ended
Promises, shattered, broken instead;
Your lifeless body was an evidence
Of war's dreadfulness and cruelty at worst.
Xaela San Jun 2019
I think there is life after the windstorm
Where the wind allow the dried leaves blew out
Into the distance, leaving a clear path
For life to continue growing on land

I think there's life after a tornado
Where the violent winds uproot dead trees
Giving plants opportunity to sprout
And life will inevitably remain

I think there is life after the rainfall
Where rain allow the seeds to be moistened
Letting the seeds in the ground to flourish
Into trees the animals will call home

I think there's life after the thunderstorm
Where it's lighting and thunder cools the air
And maintain earth's electrical balance
Enabling plants and animals to thrive

I think there is life after a rainstorm
Where the rain filled the body of waters
Replenishing aquatic habitats
Allowing aquatic life to prosper
Nature's beauty has been inspiring me lately
Xaela San Jun 2019
Lost in his thoughts as his grieving heart cry
The King gazes upon the heaven's light
Praying to the illuminating moon
To let the sleeping lotus flower bloom
One more time under this late midnight sky

Longing for his sleeping Queen's safe embrace
His Highness hopes his love can return time
When the flowers still bloom along the path
The birds sing no grieving songs in the air
And the sun still shines in its golden rays

Time spent alone living in this  lifetime
Only sorrow continues to bring life
In the garden his heart remains to beat
Longing for his sleeping Queen's sweet breathing
His Highness hopes his love can return time

Yet, the King's sorrow grew with the season
Even the light cease shining and comes night
His sorrow, never withdrawn from his mind
And in his dreams, grief remained to remind
The reason to keep on living is gone

Lost in his thoughts as his grieving heart cry
His Highness hopes his love can return time
When the flowers still bloom in the garden
The birds sing alluring songs in the air
And the moon still shines in its silver rays

Longing for his sleeping Queen's loving heart
His Highness hopes his love can awaken
His Queen, his love, from her eternal sleep
Yet, the King's love can't bloom the dead flower
There, death remains to the lotus flower

Lost in his thoughts as his grieving heart cry
The King crys upon the heaven's moonlight
Gazing to the illuminating light
To let the sleeping lotus flower bloom
One more time under this late midnight sky
Xaela San Jul 2018
I am a girl and I am unique

I am full of silence and mystique

I am humble, mild and meek

I know from my heart I am not weak;

At times I may fall down

And cry myself until I meltdown

But I'll always try my best to not drown

In this life cycle of up and down

Even if life will stain my pride

Or **** me slowly inside

And sway me to the wrong side;

The me I know will hold her head high

The me I know is unique and strong in her own ways

Even if the world turns grey;

Either inspiration or motivation dries;

She will and always strives to survive everyday.
~♥~~♥~
Xaela San Oct 2019
The mind
wants to
know
the truth

But

The heart
can't take
the pain
with it.
Xaela San Jul 2018
Dancing under this beautiful moonlight

My wings brought us high as the mountains could reach;

Listening to the songs of the wind whispering in our ears;

As the stars illuminated us with its light

And through our hearts beats in unison

Our love grew strong as time passed;

For I looking in your ever green eyes shines

Our memories, our histories of hardships

Like raging waves of ocean's wrath upon us;

Like you looking in my ever violet eyes

Brings back memories of how we hold our hands

Under those cherry blossoms in spring's time

Of the time we survived the stormy seas;

Of us looking up in the night's sky starry view

And of us looking through our own breath in the winter's cold night

Like you said "you are my darkness and i am your light"

It is a fate of two lovely souls of opposites

Truly one and extraordinary yet never old;

Yet the story of our love was heard from the heavens and hell

Eldest, my master, the God of Gods was disgraced;

Hades, your father, the king of the underworld was disgusted;

For I an angel, a guardian of Eldest's kingdom

Fell in love with the darkness' son;

Our love caused chaos and wrath in the heaven's peace;

And made hell burn a thousand times its self in anger;

Eldest, whom was displease, cast my death

Upon my soul and separated us with his command

Like I, a flower dying with its own roots

Withered and had slowly losing its own life;

Yet as we stand forth and supported each other

Our hearts connected even after death's command

As the reaper stand and awaits to take your soul,

To take you back to the place you belong;

There is nothing we could do but accept this inevitable

As our beating crimson heart cries silently;

For even the Wraths and the Gods do us apart

Our fathers and masters hated this love;

Like the night meets the light at dawn;

Our souls will find its way back in each others arm;

Even us can not cease this burning desire

To never let go of our ties;

In this world or in our illusions

It is our story worth dying with;

Even the history goes on, we shall live in eternity

As the story of the night that meets the light at dawn.
Xaela San Feb 2019
If I were to be the "person"

I've always wanted

Would I be happy and contented

Like I hope to?
It's a dilemma
Xaela San Aug 2018
The girl
       was always
                  there

But the boy
        was never
                 once aware.
Or vice versa
Xaela San Jan 2019
Her perspective:

He walks by
and she said "Hi"
He didn't respond...
Oh wait,
She said "Hi" in her mind
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His perspective:

She walks by
and he felt her gaze
she didn't say anything...
Weird,
And she walked away
Yet another random poem
Xaela San Jan 2019
This is not love
this is just hunger
there's no "butterflies"
causing rampage
in my stomach
when you're near

This is not love
I just see you
everyday
making your
image stay
in my every
brain cell

This is not love
When even the
simplest action
or the smallest
things somehow
reminds me of you

This is not love
as my hand
holds a pen
and write poems
about you
in every pages
of my notebook

This is not love
as my heart beats
faster than the rhythm
of your breath
when you call
my name

This is not love
as I avert my eyes
on you
when you looked
at me
I'm just afraid
You'll see my
flaws

This is not love
I just like the way
You put a smile emoji
In every text messages
You sent to me

This is not love
I just like the feeling
when your hand
will intertwine
with mine

Tell me
This is not love, is it?
Xaela San Oct 2018
As time went on, our

story became

nothing but

dust in

the

past.
Xaela San Aug 2018
Our never
forgotten
tales
of
yesterday

Has been
treasured
and safe
Somewhere
in
history.
Xaela San Nov 2019
They made-up truth

Which created lies
Xaela San Feb 2019
I know as an abstract idea what describes love
Through what they have told me in the movies I've watched
Yet, I'm uncertain to the fact if this feelings I possess
Is truly romantic love I'm experiencing at the moment.
I dunno. I can't explain it somehow.
Xaela San Dec 2018
My mind's drifting further
back to the memories we had
when I was yours
and you are mine
the time we said " I love you"
under the midnight sky
the time we were under those
shady tree and secretly kissed

Our story
it was like the stories told by those
television romance
we watched before
it was so magical it made me blind
blinded by our blossoming love

Back then I was a blind maiden
smoothened with your touch
is all it takes for me
to melt in your arms
yet, I was a fool to believe
that forever was for us

Our story
it was a foul play of fate
we were not destined together
and it broke our hearts to pieces.
Xaela San Aug 2018
We're in the
same universe,
aren't we?

Yet we're a
thousand worlds
apart and unfit.
Xaela San Apr 2019
In a fragment of a lifetime history
Counted are the precise point in time
Where the past reflects the future, becoming our present
This includes the reasons why we parted ways;

It was an accordance to a heated moment one night ago
Of our dreadful argument and misunderstanding
Even the days that came, was still a raging storm;

It was travail, painful, a difficult experience
Even the weeping of my eyes can not cease the brokenheart bleed;

Until everything became still, silent like strangers meeting for the first time
And we know both this is our unexpected ending of our history.
Xaela San Apr 2021
I ask the ocean a question
The ocean waved back
I said thanks
Then walked towards him
Waved my hand
Now am finally noticed.
I won't be noticed if I don't let my presence felt right?
Xaela San Oct 2018
Slowly

you

became

a

complicated

riddle

forever

remaining

a

mystery.
Xaela San Sep 2018
Darkness
appeared suddenly
it was manipulative
unreasonable
keeping me away
from what I wanted
even my dreams
my family
gone with it.
Xaela San Aug 2018
come
a
little
closer

can
you
hear
my
heartbeat?

No right?

because
you
broke
it
into
pieces
Xaela San Nov 2018
Being with you feels like
Riding a rollercoaster
Butterflies in my stomach
With fear in my head
A fear I might fall
And you won't catch me
Like I hope you will.
Xaela San Dec 2018
I realized how painful
it is to let go of the people
I know for a long time
And I'm not ready
to say goodbye
Because
I have no choice
but to accept the fact
that they can live
without me in their life.
Xaela San Dec 2018
I am
nothing but
a friend slowly
falling for you and
someday I will be
that memory
you will
forget.
Xaela San Jul 2018
My blood boils hearing your breathe amongst the air
I can feel my body rage in mere presence of you
As my mouth screams in silence of hatred
With every syllable your tongue twisted;
Such a fruad, fearing not to be judged
What a great ignorance you bear!

But hear me or not young sir, this rage I possess
Is deeper than any lies you made in your lifetime
This, I will use to curse you away from your life
And bury you along my hatred to the bottomless hell I've created;

So you wait for the right time shall come
For the day this vegeance shall be put to hand
And end this misery you've caused
When you took everything from me!
My happiness and my world!;

Prepare and fear me, for I am amongst the shadows of your breath
For vengeance shall rage upon your sinful soul- to death without mercy!
Then never shall I be most grateful for silencing you forever.
Xaela San Nov 2018
The color violet travels the slowest in
the sky
and has the shortest wavelength
of light
But we can't see it clearly as the color red of a twilight
This entirely explains what my love is like for him
It is my color of love visualized as violet in a sunrise
Not clearly seen; it is blocked and scattered with other colors.
Science and Love
Xaela San Aug 2018
Why didn't
you wait
a little
longer?

We
could
be
together.
Xaela San Feb 2020
I'm willing to walk a hundred more steps
Just to be with you even for a short moment
Just to spend a little moment alone with him.
Xaela San Jan 2019
What if I die tomorrow?
What if I die now?

What if it was the truth?
What if it was a lie?

What if (s)he is the one?
What if (s)he is not the one?

What if I go right?
What if I go left?

What if.....?
What if..?
What if.?

What's
going
to
happen?

Such simple questions
yet a complicated realizations.
What if?
Xaela San Jun 2019
The land, where grass prettify Earth in green
Is filled with wild greenery that gives life
Which it came from the fruits the trees offer
To the dwellers, inhabiting the land
Providing food to populate its kind
And sustain continuous growth of life

The sky, where the eagles fly for freedom
Is painted with passion in hues of blue
And in the night, it's painted in darkness
With twinkling constellations of stars
Filled with wild dreams of the ambitious and
Gentle wishes of the meek in spirit

The ocean, where whales call the water home
Like the sky, it's described in hues of blue
Beyond its alluring sound of wild waves
Lies danger of drowning into the deep
Where predator and prey gamble their life
To survive the pressure underwater
This poem is written base on my perspective about the nature
Xaela San Oct 2018
Winking, winking- I like you
But you won't know because you're not looking at me
You're looking at her smile in the middle of the room
When all the while I'm just here always winking
By your side, smiling, winking wanting to catch your eye
Like an idiot, slowly losing her control
Because she doesn't have
neither confidence nor courage to say hello.
⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄
Xaela San Dec 2018
The women from the past century
Is a collection of mystery
A woman of her own royalty
She's a brimful of nobility
A representation of modesty
In her character and quality

She can hum sweet melody
Forever remaining in our memory
She has great craftsmanship in pastry
Feeding the hungry with her generosity
She can write thousands of poetry
Expressing deepest desires and misery
She's brimming of badassery
Winning battles for our democracy

She's a factor of our history
With her fierce victory
Unwavering bravery
Against human slavery
From the hands of tyranny
Ancient atrocity
And lowlife peasantry

She's the future of humanity
Through her maternity
Perfect epitome
Of womanhood biology
Brings life in this society
I am inspired by the struggles and badassery of historical women.
You
Xaela San Dec 2019
You
You gave me a reason
to love myself a little bit
more than how I used to.
In fact it made a big impact on my confidence.
Xaela San Jul 2018
Close your eyes
and breath slowly
Feel your beating heart
and listen carefully

Be at ease
and relieve your mind
Be the person
and stop being blind

Listen to yourself
and be free from the chain
Let it go
and be free from the pain

It is all in you
you may not know
But all I can say is
find it, feel it, listen to it

Search in your self
the person you should be
Listen to yourself
not to the whisper of others

Come out from your shell
and be the person
your mind and heart seek for.
Xaela San Aug 2018
I was waiting behind the door for you
And I felt the warm air blew
As those delightful memories I once knew
Shows an unforgettable, beautiful view
Of us looking up to the sky so blue
And, of us holding hands as we grew;

Without knowing time moves and flew
As if everything was a product of the untrue

I remember our sweet youth memories, we value.

— The End —