No love is given on the surface that doesn't come from within

From out and within

Let souls pierce you

Deep deep and deep

Sleep and set sail on that which spins and doesn't sink

Jump from tree to tree and let words be your leaf

Speak speak and speak

Speak when spoken to or speak to be heard

Her the slight jesters that make you think

Think think and think

The mind is a thing

A weapon a computer

A chip in a computer where hummingbirds and motherboards meet

Meet meet and meet

We seek interaction

Whether daily skirmishes with thy neighborhood or a nuisance on a foot so fleet

Fleet fleet and fleet

Run away from violent objections

Run towards the power to be the strongest version of you

Or what you could be

Be be and be

Be yourself when you speak greet meet and fleet

Act out your soul deep

I always wanted to fit in
Never to be to different
I'd be a lion among black sheep
Wanting to be a sheep
Not surrounded but hidden
Only to miss it
Every second in minutes before the hour
And now in a garden once so green
I miss my flowers

Now there's smog it seems
I just want to vent
Be a little bit of weak
And let my ideas spread
While someone else is light years ahead
Just let it be in the sea
Still on the surface to be more than grounded

Beat or let me be
As free as a bee
Sun or sleet
No one comes
All there to see
Can I get a witness
Is it less than free
What's less than free

Nothing is all I be
Something is what I seek
To find the me
Hidden within the me
But fail to like this

I'm over the identity crisis
I can see what I see
But I can't hear
Not one peep


Man I miss the flowers

It seems you'll be inside of my head 
Until I lay dead


Until I die
You whisper to me you can't make me leave
Goodnight
Sweet dreams
With the memories 
That turned into enemies of imagery
Everyone like a bomb
That douses me in exploding shrapnel
To the memories that I can't let go
And won't let me forget
That haunt my every movement
That invade my daydreams 
That bring me to my knees in tears
If you love me let me go
Because they are the sharpest knives that reopen my scars
And every time I'm torn apart
You've found a way to burrow to my heart
From there to my mind 
Those memories aren't kind
And until they shovel dirt on my corpse
I guess it's my fault for remembering what hurts

Stuck in guilt tattled by perpetual emotion she tries to find her devotion

She looks from face to face
Trying to find her place
While she secretly aches
To drown in his ocean

A runaway slave
Trying to find her grave

He makes the hours
In her head
Into minutes
Quickened hearts beat
As she seeks
A final home
to rest her bones

He reminds her that life is too short to find matching pairs of socks

Now she wanders on a terrain of rocks

Maybe it could've been

A smile overcomes her

Overwhelms her
But he compels her
Despite his lack of trust
For an honest open love

Arms open for that of a skeleton

They know each of the others relevance

His heart is hers to own

As he sits and cradles her unmarked tombstone

segregate me, but I am only human

I have to power to change a future

Peace, love, war, and violence

I contain it all with my thoughts and actions

I'm not whole from the apparent soul that consumes me

A fruitless tree only bears vegetables for me

And poorly salted meats  

Im not lost forever

I just lost my way

No one knows what it's like

Still Everyone shares the experience

But me, myself, and the person and the mirror

A rippling pebble cannot change the strangest tides

To try and try harder

To the brink of insanity

Its simply 

Who we are

And what we'll become

To be alone
Curled in silence
Loved by darkness
Appreciate by one's thoughts
Muddle by one's skin
Far from home
An equivalent to minus
invoke an inner artist
Only to entrap what wants to be caught
A dim emotionless cycle
Does it break when you scream
A simple fall from a tree
Smoke till you need
Choke on the free
Black minds follow the core of the white heart
don't patronize me
I don't want the advice
Right now I want to hate life
You make me bleed
Your my own enemy
Give me the reason to leave
It's just poison

I don't care

I will not care 

For I've learned my lesson

I will not bow like a lowly peasant

I will not dip my fingers in boric acid hoping I can save you from the burning ashes

Just so you can walk away

Unscathed, and do it again

Then show no love for me

I want you  to be happy

But at my expense

Is this what you call happiness

For shame

And shame once more

That's why I do not care anymore

I don't dive in rivers deep

To break my hands and feet

Have my lungs collapse and save your life

Just for you to do it again

Im no hero

I'm human

But you might as well be a villain

Maybe I'm not chosen

For your notice

So I can warm you heart

So it won't remain frozen

I am not going to watch you weep just to pick you up at your feet

To catch you while you fall
And break the bones that support my knees

Just so when I fall

You don't catch me
 
Or at least put a pillow out

I know burdens can be heavy and make you sink

I'm not evil oh no no please

Look at the scars and the way I bleed
And the tears that have stained my cheeks

I will not love you back

To make my soul a darker black

I'd rather rip out all my hair

And be lonely and at despair

Then to love you anywhere

I don't Care

Dear you


You who I don't remember

I didn't try to forget you

As I forgot others

You just slipped away like a meal I had yesterday

No offense

And I apologize if it was taken

I know the feeling

And it wasn't on purpose

The funny thing is 

I've tried to forget other's

To no avail

And I only remembered you

One day on the bus 

When I saw your face and remembered

You remembered me


I could tell by your face

And I know now why we didn't talk

Not because of a useless conversation

Or a phone number to keep in touch

Not because of misplaced hate

More like disturbed feelings

I hurt you and I am sorry

And you hate me now

I hope I am human but the feelings I feel

Aren't hurt by you

And not to say I don't care

But by next week you won't be there

And I've been in your position and have been forgotten

So I'm human by nature and wrongfully rotten

To you who I don't remember

And for those who don't remember me

Out of sight and out of mind is where we will always seem to be

Nothing is stable
Because I'm use to instability
This ground is not fertile
So get use to infertility
I might be able
And not have the ability
Everyone one needs saving
But there isn't a savior
Through many of labors
We try to find loyalty
Which is funny because
We're all used to enemies
Nothing is labelled
Its all under the table
Nothing has flavor
But it still taste good to me
You want to love like you're dying
With no time to wait
And all hearts at stake
Die like you're living
Forget all the hearts you break
When I'm tired I seem to be the most calm
When I'm stressed I feel relaxed when I'm anxious I keep on waiting
For my paranoia to detach
I tend to want to get high
But I embrace the night
Like an introvert I'm in my mind like I wear its design and material things are measured in time and all the time I seem to whine
Just to be extra ordinary
Lord I'm wary
I wonder what's going to happen next weekend

Chances are you've met your soul mate already
But if your soul's corrupted
Your unproductive
And you have to wait your turn
When your new soul is ready
You be met your soul's mate again
But maybe they've corrupted
But corruptives soul like the one that you used to be
So usually
That soul corrupts you
And unadjusted you
Until you see met your soul's mate again
3 times its been
4 times it will be
How many times until
The souls are in harmony


The law of attraction
Past lovers
Future friends
Wether it be mental
Spiritual
Emotional
Or physical
This attraction exist
And persist
In spite of loyalty

Face the fact that I could attract and be attract while keeping intact that if rather know you
Then not
Care for you
Then hate you
Or think indifferent
But this meaning is different if its differently expressed I digress




Can men and women be friends?

Alcohol only understands alcoholics
**** for stoners
power for politics
dark knights for the jokers
I casually forget
that I casually forget
What reason to resent
connect to the tempt
let it rip like a blade through the skin
unphased by the sin
An abysmal of interest
still bewildered by abashed movements and contemptment
plaugues by immortal sins
of mortal men
we are only equal by the hierarchy we rule by
actions and reactions do or die
unpleasent motives inflicted pain by mere touch
I trust my eyes are clouded by the logic in my mind
Shift to an undisposable appetite
set a riot after night
Excuse my Vocalization
take it how i meant it understand Veberalization
I am a ***** man
look at my ***** hands
Dull minds
Dull minds
Take your influence
make your influence
reality checks save lives
end lives with escapism
Uncaged birds with clipped wings
Freedom just isn't free
I am at your mercy
No matter how diabolical it can be

If I wrote suicide note...
It wouldn't be a love letter
If I wrote a suicide note
Would you be in it
Would it sadden your conviction
Would you be my hopeful light that made me leave with a smile
If you read the note
Would tear ducts flow
Would you caring make a difference
Woul I be pushed aside or would it be more delibrate
If I wrote a suicide note
Do you think I would end it
Would life crush me to the point
Thyat I would morlly want to end it
When you read it and the truth spilled out
Could it make or brake your attention
My hateful restitution
My loving resolution
What would be the reason
Today or tomorrow
If you wrote a suicide note
Would i be in it or make the difference





Have you ever thought every consequential second me just exsisting or emotions thick as resin
Would you cry knowing I did. The guilt would it **** you that I lived and you weren't around to care or do anything about it. If you were there and tried as hard as you could and love me with warmth and not responsibility as I would you. I left it in the note as my best and worst

A product of peace and propaganda

God of nothing

Hope, but don't expect too much

Chewed up and spit out

Like a favoured gum

Acknowledgment is lacking the knowledge if passion

Binded by free chains 

Silently screaming

I hope there is a lesson learned in all this *******

A vision of greatness

Despite arousing statements

We man hear then our trouser snake lifts

My heart beats fierce when I see your face or hear your name
I try not to let it, it just happens,
My brain has forgotten
But the memory or stored in my loving apparatus
Ever picture and caption
I remember what happened

The better I make you feel the more you ignore me
The **** is annoying

Patients is a virtue it won't hurt you a little bit
Practice the preaching
It's still all simple ignorance

You just want the reassurance
That you're beautiful
That you're smart 
That you're awesome
Or that 
Things aren't that bad 
Then you ignore us and that 
Isn't really a heavenly match

Say hi to the sunrise

And For mercies' sake

Let it die if you knows it's bleeding

To be broken

Without repair

Is a game without a token

To have been caught and snared

I've got a bad habit

We all do

A favorable habit

Let it forward and ensue

The smile is a trap

With all the warning signs

I guzzle the drugs

To take the plunge

And shift through the wreckage

Piece it together with perpetual guilt

We can't cure the sickness

When it's cold before you hit the ground

Let it snow let it snow let it snow

Hopefully the cold will numb it

As it did before

Then when summer comes to melt the ground

Pick me up as you did before

Broken and battered

Repaired and bruised

When I jump again

Maybe just maybe

You won't put me together

And help me again

Paper hearts
Coated in sugar
Sweet simple art
Lightly tread on edges thin
Living through warm smiles and dormant memories
Forever and ago we will reach fin
Side by side
Lightly caress to break my stationary casing
Barely close enough to confide
Hoping everything
Leaves a beat
An exigent effort to remember
Living by friable motions
Break with rain
Torn apart
You can't wear me down
I'm sustained by something paper thin
Stopping my heart with a touch at a time

I had s nightmare
That I changed the
It helped every generation
Boys and girls
I had a dream
That everything was the same
It didn't really change any perspective anyway
I had a nightmare
That we were standing right screaming Revolution resolution and restitution
I had a dream that I lived in America twin condo and ciroc with a girl named Eric
I had a nightmare
Everyone was happy
We all would fight
For the world and what happened
I had a dream that I was a black activist
Dying for the truth and my truth only is what mattered then
I had a nightmare that I spared the differences of unity and freedom and how equality isn't fair because we are equally different from where we're from
I woke up
Frustrated
Upset
Joyous
Happy
Contant
Realized what I had
Past present future
And now I make decisions
Because I'm only getting older
And its all just controversy
Trying to hurt me

It seems hard

But not concequential

To understand but still neglect the inner meaning

I've been meaning to look at you and understand a man

Mixed signals and arguments

Sacrasm and bombardments

Is all it gets

And I'm sure we have our differences

But I'm tired of it

Their is a void in myself

Where the desolate roam

And more seem to go

Underhanded it may seem but it seems to me

That this won't be fixed

I feel like it's the only way we communicate

My opinions spark the outrages

Now this feeling I'm gauging

Seems Amiss

There is rouble afoot

And the footstep I can't follow

Won't follow

Seems out of place

I guess even a parent is a person

And it's not the worst version

Of revaluations

Can't we relate the more in realize it's a debate

I'm trying

But im done trying

Let it repeat

All I want to do is get high and dance

But not until first light

I need your empty love tonight

Because for some reason

It's the warmest thing I felt in awhile

Silence is golden

Words are dipped in uranium

Memories painted in platinum

Born just to die and feel

Can't tell whose doing worse

For what its worth

I'm still cold and sleeping silent

You know it means nothing

But the feelings I can't hide

And its okay if your gone before I wake up

I just want you to take the space in my bed

So I won't be alone

And reside in my eyes

Thinking that this might be the day that I die

Lots in grieving with no meaning in my happy thoughts

I'm afraid of affection
Exerted through many faults
My skin torn from limbs
just to regenerate.
My shell grows thicker
Beautiful butterfly of death
Cure me with poison
From the lethal remedy
To move forward I put faith in my feet
My legs crumble like cookies
If only I had to leap
To stare and wait till no one is looking
I've never seen the dark side of love
It is blind
I've never experienced the lighter side if hate
With my eyes opened wide
My kindness is a curse
The kind that gets submerged
Right before the purge
clip the lovely wings
And we all fall down
Dread not the bitter moth with the lurking eyes
It's not the beauty
It's the death of a butterfly

To see you for you

The pretty face

Sculpted by fairies in a timid place

We equipped make up

But oh oh oh natural 

The hormones of a different women

Hot cooking

Where I'm looking

Kisses to you

The taste if that blue moon

Moon moon moon

How quaint very soon soon soon

I've donned to be inspired

Motivated by smiles

Determined all the while

Few few few

Look and taste and feel

Like you you you

No life has meaning

Search for meaning

Still no life

Seek life

Find the meaning

I'm infatuated with an indulgence that is a poison for me

At times it's the best medicine 

Other times it leads to diaries of pain

It makes me gaze at the graying rain

it can cause smiles

It can make me drink awhile

I need it close

And at times I push it far away

It's warmth lets my skin roast

It makes me whisper lies and scream truths no matter what I say

It helps me live a little

And I know it kills me a little more everyday

It can cure a deadly ailment, and cause it all at once when it's done

It teeters me on the border or sober and high

Resistance and addiction

Sickness and medication

I need it want it and can live without it

What about you

Autumn the struggle of orange in red flow with warmth before winter's might

I hit rock bottom once i hit the bottom of the bottle It's getting cold. And I'm just not alright.

Pursue me otherwise

till then I'll drink this bottle with numb regret

There's nothing I can do after your mind's made and your heart's set.

So in the end I enter fugue

And wonder if anything's real that I know to be true

Someone once told me the color of love is the color of Autumn leaves

But Regret's the only feeling I get when watching them blow in the breeze.

Disclaimer

I know not what I am

If only for a second I remember it would be you I would blame for my disorderly conduct

And just maybe, my thinking's corrupt.
I shouldn't blame you for my self inflicted pain, But it's a strain not to wonder If those love colored fallen leaves are missed by the trees they fell from. Or if you'll miss me when I'm done.

Now reaching my heart is harder than carving my chest open with a jagged knife while the Serrated edges my human away from my chest
And I scream ****** ****** from the mess

It wasn't supposed to be that way but I did my best.
That what hurts the most is knowing my best wasn't good enough. That I'm not as good as the wrest of the stuff that serve your escape. It hits nerve that when with me you had to close the drapes. Your ***** little secret, had to keep my voice hushed. But now your voice is shaking and the color from your face is flushed. But i doubt I'll ever know what it is you're afraid of
Leaf.

This wisdom I attained formed my common sense

Which is now a situational technicality
Faint laughs and dull quips

As i finish the last bottle in pathetic sips

I write this last sentence with the color of autumns blood

Maybe I wont fall for it like the leaf's every autumns season

Walk with me on this journey
You'll soon understand so hurry
Back before the first leaf fallen
I was a summer bee
That's had found its pollen

Mentally I had nothing
My heart told  me these instructions


Hold up prove yourself
First off introduce yourself
During this be yourself
Show your mental wealth
Make her feel
Special, unique, funny, and relaxed
Don't step to forward or she might step back
Squire conversation and really get to know her
And listen she might tell you every secret
Make sure you can keep it
Get to know her
Hurry before her
Time is spent elsewhere
Think about her when she's not there
Pray or her safety out there


Don't manipulate just to get close
Don't make it feel forced
Like most folks
Those folks
Who aren't you right now
Let's be realistic
Your a seven to her ten
Hopefully you can talk and make it even
And between then
Show some emotion

Let time go by
That very special thing
Because s
Flowers take time to bloom in the spring
Let her be the queen
And that you know and she knows
That she is something special

And that's before she loves
Maybe even likes you
But you're not something this is about
Just simple instructions with obstructions if you don't know how to love her

She hates her beautiful
Hide with make up
The natural women
Clouded by strangers
 Little blush is bold
Red lips to pucker

She hates 
Arguments
**** it 
The effortless spark of a lighter 
It's like music
A bird's chirp to signal the morning
Talking is just venting
She hates venting
She hates problems
It's doesn't take much
For the scars on her arms to replace
The nicotine taste
When they listen
To her speak
They reach for an item that can't be grasped
Getting set up to fail from day one
Living like Hell in a dream from a conscious state
She hates
Loving too much
Because then they won't love enough
Sigh
They will never get it
what's wrong with the women
Who she really hates when the mirror is an enemy
And everyone shares her reflection

The truth right now

Is the truth I know

Unity is the reality that freedom couldn't bring

The greatest gift I've ever gotten

Is a reality check

Check mark check

Pay cash check

The truth I know

My worst gift I've ever gotten

Was a green paper

And the ideology that I could be anything and go anywhere

Oh the truth I know

For as a person the hardest math equation is getting something to equal when the scale is forever tipped


The currency of gift

Distinguish from the rift

The easiest thing I've done was breathe

For the struggle wasn't real as the life form unconsciously growing in the womb I wasn't the one to ensure my survival

The hardest thing I've done

Is decided to keep breathing

While I get penetrated

At the pinnacle

Of my pineal gland

And what its made up of

But the truth I know

I enable limits

Because the truth I know

I reach for what can't be reached

Because the truth I know

Oh the truth I know

Is the truth right now

I should've wrote it down

Sweet like honey and milk
Only the smoke will appear in the mirror
Smooth like silk
I couldn't understand it any clearer

I wish i could stop the times i experience a profound sadness of unopened events of my heart and future self  in the span of time for things I haven't experienced yet

I couldn't bear anymore of the weight in my interior
Exterior
Inferior of all the things engraved in me

To think I am a fragile being constantly tossed in to a vortex ripped apart fished out and put back together

We are one of them

Thinking of a time only drunk and high questions yet

Still thinking sober thoughts of things you haven't decided to even have the time to think of yet

This is all still the same recital

Of things untitled

No no no no
Where did you go
No no no no
I don't remember how I lost you
Now watch it workout
As I block the world out
I know these words aren't contained quite often
It seems the reply time is killing you
Coffin
I can wait while my shell cracks
Soften
I've gone past mad sad and distraught
I have to push it to the side like I just forgot
So walk toward the valley
 the way left
Was like premeditated ******
Less than unheard of
And I don't mind
The border of struggle
Electrical barbed wire
Low tier
A king in the slums
What's a king among bums
A common misconception
Within a skeptical selection
Women are
Seminar
Relax and take a seat
Men are
Rent a car
Come follow fleet
demonize
No no no
No no no no no


Behold
I am the low tier king of the mud

We all need feedback

I simply

Want to think deep

While my mind is empty

Sitting in all my wrong doings

And the people who've

Done me worse

Loved me better

And made it happen, somehow

You're visually perfect, but I'm looking for the mental image

To personally mix

To try and find the balance

What changes is the dialogue

The common misconception is that we all learn the lesson when we can only think of the future outcome that presently effect the us when will turn into the past

I am the object
Of my own demise
Surprise
I wish you wouldn't of heard me say it

I shut down and close you out
And I didn't know how stupid it was until now
But I won't go back
I don't regret a simple single thing

It's been awhile
Since I've sat and thought it over
My dreams aren't so sober
And the venom is still in the center left
Of my heart so I didn't die
In this weakened state I tend to stay awake

Unfortunately I took your love for granted
You, also used me to become stable so you wouldn't be alone
So we are our own enemies in each other
We can mix like oil and water

In the most delicate of moments
And the decadent situation

This is my last chance to reach through the wall without using my limbs
Before I'm slain by my own promises
And smack against the ground of reality

Don't lie the hard part isn't the first step
It's having to take the first step and the fear that comes after it

I don't think

I'm ready

This is a lost journey

If knowledge isn't what you yearn for be the jury

Follow the bricks and hope you reach home

Where ever it is

Whatever you call it

We can be portrayed as vicious predators

In the pursuit of a wild happy

Inhale when you die

Just to embrace the way of life

And when falling is the only chose

As it is from time to time

Fall forward

And put your hands out to touch the ground

Push up even when it's a million pounds

It's plausible

It's possible

Impossible

I'm possible

I can love you just how you like

Will you be forced over the edge

Off the brink into the imagination

Can danger be what's there

Or what's not thought of

Side by side at this table

It's dusk as we stare and sip our coffee

You have what you want

I give what you need

This seems like too much

We indeed two separate beings

I desire backpacks and simple lore

You the less practical classy desire a financial security

That's not secure to me

It seems I will be the tombstone blockade

On your way to lifes luxurious destination

I your brain

I your heart

The clock strikes nine and I have to run

And I await the day you tell me its done

Call me crazy

But I lie alot

Even when qips and quoted urge the truth

The truth shall set you free

So I should assume lies keep you locked

I just can't stand hurting people a lot

Call me weak or whatever you will

I can keep a secret or a promise if you will

Disagree that's your decision

I just can't give my loved ones a true depiction

Family problems

What a troublesome bunch

So I lie to keep the peace

Because it's gotten worse

Since the truth has been out

I can take it they scream and shout

Friends are just as bad

Because family is forever and friends my never last

So how to keep it dear like the beginning of a letter

I sweat in summer wearing a winter sweater

So I will always be sweating

To tell the truth

Or to lie to you

It's like walking into hell from a war zone
Reality just to escape the "comfort" of your own home

It's actually not that bad

But not that good

Because I've noticed that being difficult is not my style

But I can't conform to everyone

Lose control to brash decision that aren't my own

So I lie

Yes I lie

Why I lie

Because like this sweater

It makes me feel better

To not hear the bickering

To not keep a secret

To not care when caring

To lie and make you feel better

To stay in the back

I'm interested in that

Because if I get involved

Then I'll be free

And freedom has its price    

Pay it that's your choice

But it won't be mine

Not this time

Because I'm tired of it

So call me crazy

But

Sigh



This is why I lie

I crave honesty

Though I weep to it's side effects

I've seen the ******* and many lies

Can you tell from my bitter eyes

Accepting and tolerating

The truth with the lies

I'm turned immortal by a stone dragon

Cursed to be reborn from                     A phoenixs' ashes

Just to be held close

To know it never felt close to love

Because love never felt so good

Which is what made it an enemy

I turned my back to the knife right at me

Hoping another entity maliciously pierced me

Situations change but don't lie to me

This love is all that I got

And when the escapism fades

All I'll have is the shirt on my back

Between information and entertainment
While I practice my own divination
From criticism and determination
I find that I'm deteroatinng
Before all my summer leaves turn red
And fall to hit the ground so dead
I practice every page I read
Recitie it a million times in head
Then deep in my globes core if woes
Where more than the hottest magma flows
My thoughts turn to plasma
I cannot stop the phantoms bantar
So if I super solider
The serum imperium
I shall shake the frustrate if the open hand you take
Supported?

This is where sorrow is entitled

Welcome to becoming tomorrows idol

Walk down this isle

The first steps to many miles

Its too bad it was forgotten long ago

A social connection

Beyond the part apart from the scenario

A mothers protection

Left behind to tread a path never taken

Was it benign to begin with

The first nine ahead of me seem to think so

Too bad the tenth is an unlucky number

In this case

I fell and scrapped my knee

I hope it doesn't get Infected

Because back is a way for me not yet travelled 

And the choice or option isn't there

So follow me on a road yet explored

Lets meet a sensei and absorb the folklore he speaks

Or she speaks

Eat the knowledge 

Malnourished simpletons

**** and cut the middle man

Remember the journey less travelled 

And the destination of less worth

But less anxiety should stand *****

 Since it isn't known 

The first step away from home

Is A first step to the pilgrimage

On a black brick road never walked

You know what plagues me at night

Thoughts

Thoughts and the ever living darkness the brings them from the parts of my brain associated with stress

I however am not an insomniac

Like Good dreams I think deep before my slumber

And in that thinking what is to come of me occurs

Even with thoughts as rich as fresh soil nurturing a budding flower
I swirl into disbelief of what is to come of me

Will I win

Should I do

Will I not

Yes I must

Overlapping in a heart racing pace

It bothers me

I want to sleep

I have things to do

See while my mind stretches itself into far far reaches

My body must suffer

My body must suffer even when my mind isn't being stretched

I know it could be worse

And I'm grateful it's only here

Another thought

This endless loop

I'm in pain

Still I need more from my body

Achy knees whistling lungs

I truly don't have it worse as I hastily type these words of fear confusion and frustration

It can bring me to the brink of tears

Like my friends

How blissfully ignorant some of them may be wether they may be privileged lucky or just plain stupid I have succumb to the poor man's set backs

Tossing and turning

YouTube to facebook

What if I never make it

I don't know the outcome

I'm just afraid to move

And moving because if I stay still the fear of not moving will consume me in a manner most unpleasant

Oh the bump I must overcome to become a stronger withered man

A husk if I may

I no longer taste the air air or bare the fruit of knowledge

I've lost the battle

I do not crave knowledge

And knowing is half the battle

The battle I play in my mind

Which tonight at this time will be forever and reoccurring

Sleepless thought

Sweet intoxication
Take me on a ride today
I'm not addicted to You
I'm influenced to move Efforts to understand and compromise
This is not one-sided
I know                          
You know
It's not self sustaining              
Alas in language we suffer verbal fractures
Cruelty has no color or age
To be evil is to live
If I had you upside Down
In the basement of my house
A bat aimed at your mouth
And a ***** on a drill aimed to penetrate and violate
Would you apologize
In this world you can die if you give a ****
Saying sorry is to simple
Predicaments placed by selfless actions
A definition of Nativity at it's finest

his is the time
Where smiles are worth a thousand memories
And tears are worth a thousand emotions
This is the time
Where
Everything must return to the mean

It's like there is something weighing me down
Right in the middle
That thing that doesn't exist
That thing heavier than gravity
It's like you don't know
What all of this means

I don't know what to do
But I have to move
I just have to

So I'll keep calm
Until
The other few
Do as I do

I need motivation

A constant reminder to keep moving

Because I'm down

And I can't talk

Or atleast form the words I need to express

What's killing my unconscious happiness

I think my mind is getting writers block

I seem to be getting stressed

Random nights I wake to the dizzy heavy breathing consistently

How taxing it is to hold up 110lbs eye lids

I can fight it

Only for awhile

It seems

Though I get this iron sour bitter taste

Is this what I get for what seems to be a triumph in my perspective

Then victors truly get the spoils

To give everything

Wheres my toxic escape

Just for a moment

That moment I need to resist

That's what I told myself

I just want to breakdown

Every etched piece of me

I want to crumble

Just for a little while

I'll pick up the pieces while no one is watching

I promise

Please

Their is nothing wrong with anyone

And something wrong with everybody

Like what is blind to a man that can hear color

We can be subjected to all five senses

And still miss the color he hears

Grant the gift of sight to the man so blind
And like a child the grows into the world

And forms an adult

The man realizes

He was better blind

Because now he can see

Without his ears

what pity

The man wished to be in a nutshell

And to his dismay

His wish was graneed

Like the child

who wished for adulthood

My eyes open
I'm dazed
Silence, nothing
I inhale
Clogged suction
A shivering static vibrates through me
I exhale
A short whimper
The tightness and heavy feeling strike My chest
My body stiffeness then numbs
The rustle and whiswtle turn to a dying gasp a hissing howl
My eyes close
"Where's My inhaler?"
Shifting hands like cilia feel through the dark
Panic
Adrenaline
Suddenly an L sharped item in my grasp
"Shake" "shake"
"Puff" "puff"
Exhale
Sigh
That sudden euphoria
Relaxation followed by a loss of  conciousness
Sleep and dream

Waking in water

teeter on a negative edge

With 11 men approaching

Planing to cause some trouble

I'm not a lion fighting for survival



But Until I hit my zen mode

I'll return it 10 fold

This experience is universal

I pray it doesn't hurt you

Let's be hopeful one day

The scene is sweet like bundt cake

Lost without a purpose

Feeling a little worthless

Don't let the time fly by

Connect to the wifi

The circle of life is torture

Heed and maybe you will survive it

Because through the apple orchard 

We bite poison apples

Then speechless words are giving

To the birth names we are giving

A curse by the parents

It's not to tolerate  just shut up and accept it

I'm cursed to

Fated temptress

The sway of your head in. The back and forth motion

Something that almost seems to be a talent

Commoner and empress

Eyes as deep as the ocean

Treading so gallant

The muse with a motive for *****

Just the simple ****

What she will do to follow

The sexually Venus

Every eyebrow to pluck

The **** to the swallow

Valiant bottled frame

With no good intentions

To be torn between woman and *****

She has her needs

And needs her wants

She won't stop

The devious ****

I've tasted black coal

For the first time ever

What a bitter taste

Dry grainy texture

Water makes it worse

I couldnt finish the first lump

Oh how weak i am

My parents made it seem so good

Smile of their faces

Black of demons on their teeth

Its only now i realized

The plain rice

And warm milk

Was a gourmet meal in comparison

They protected me

And i appreciate the weakness I endured through the love of my parent

But for my childs sake

They will taste coal the very first day

Seasonal characters
Putting up barriers
Dissmis the modest focal point
Of whoever is in you area
Partial thoughts of you pass by
What inquires you to be a variable
Are you moving forward
Are you walking blind
I just worry but don't worry seasonal character
Because at the end of the day
You mean nothing at all
Like a lost kind of doll
That I might see again
And again your gone
I respect that
Or do I mean nothing at all
Just remeber December is a cold season
Just remember I'll open the door if you knock
And when you leave
You will leave my thought
Because it means nothing at all

So long