To know

To know hate
You have to love first
Or understand the experience from a relativistic point of view
Eww

To know love
You have to open the word up and not judge
Even though I wouldn't call that true love

To know happiness
You have to experience sadness, anger, and all the above

To miss something you have to either be aiming or have a target in mind or have it and lose it over some period of time

To know
Is hard to define
Because you need know the opposite

The problem is we tend to forget what knowing accomplishes

What knowing what the real problem is

If knowing is the problem them
Should you reconsider experiencing from the start again

Believing you have a choice in the matter
Knowing what your value is

And even to know that
You have to experience
The thing that makes you know

Consciousness

Goodbye love
Fragile like a paper heart
It's still there but torn yo pieces

The touch of a playful shove
Winding falling to the ground like art
I' am glass shattered in a thousand pieces

Now my best wish, is just a beautiful memory
We soar like we're chained together by a flock of feathers
I can quench your thirst with this bottle of love

To bad you've found another, turned me into an enemy
Soft touches feel like the warmth of leather
Another morsel I hunger for so goodbye and goodnight love

Forever alone in a mistake place

A unlikely outcome to real gimmicks

kind enough to accept ones faults

Entity


Im surrounded by catch phrased gimmicks

I'd rather be labeled fake then anything else

That piece a malleable plastic 

Worthless scrap

It tends to surround everyone that doesn't  understand its worth

Maybe im wrong

You're the realist of the real they say

You've hurt me

And buried me deep

Let me change

I  a toxic helium

These rich brewed tea

Tasteless as it seems
 
Ive been noticing 

You prefer coffee

So it appears to me

To be seen by an individual that isnt mean isnt something i prefer

So i will stay and remain

Forever

A 

Kind

entity

There is no walking to the other side
Not for the desire I hide
For myself
My motive or drive
Today my birthday
An anniversary for living
The day
Earths birthday
Whatever Gaia shall look upon

Where the tiger roams
He cannot hunt the wolf
Be the omega
Don't allow alphas

I am as bad as you can make me out to be
You're as bad as everyone else
The more you change
The more you change

In the happiest times
Darkness lies ahead

For to know happiness
You have to know sad
You have to miss the happy
And cuddle sad as a best friend
It's the basic emotion

There is no such thing
As sad
Sad by itself leads to angry
Angry isn't the most horrific
Angry is sad
Sad is happy
Happy is angry
Take time to wallow in the darkness
To appreciate the light

But to that light we fall
We fall we fall
Because everyone fears
The devils handwriting

On my path of self discovery
I've discovered that I must destroy myself
To become what is new
Wether it be by brick
Or an explosive tick
For I walk on goals
Full of holes
Deeper and steeper the steps will take
But now in lay stagnant
Something never wanted
It concerns me that I'm an open book
With a summary and title
Chapters of many
But the contents of my pages
Well there aren't any
On the verge of relaxing in stress
At the place where negativity surrounds me and positivity smothers me to death
I fear the mirror I look in will appear blank
For I know what I am
But not who I am
At the point I discover I'm destroyed
Maybe it'll make sense when I look in the mirror

What a joke

They call it

Growing up

I have no intention on coming back to this grave a dug for myself
Because of myself all the chemical components of stress I endure

Oh woe is me
Hw I long to be alone
And yet I find myself showing my outer face
Some would say a ****** mask
Regardless I share it with everyone around me
Oh woe is me how I envy the happiness I don't won't
But stray from the silence I desperately crave

What we fight for
Is what they feed off of
We are the enemies closest to us
And that's why I dug the grave
That I walk away from every time attacking a new problem
That life brought back to me
And sprinkles it with irony

I mature only to realize lesson I learned burned me in past expression when I express my inner self because even with experience

They are really just all memories
Compact in an organic density
That will be like WiFi when I die

Let each touch the heart and spread like butter
For it will forever be a common story

Doctor doctor
I need some therapy
It has been hell for me

I'm still here
Counting my blessings
Hoping they rescue me

Where do I go from here
Am I less of me

Doctor say something
Please just talk to me

You need help and I'll help you

Time for some therapy

Doctor doctor
I feel like a pawn
I want to be a king piece

The problem I have
Is someone is still playing me
Folding me at every crease

How many steps do I go
Let my soul rest at ease

How did I end up here
Standing or on my knees

I see that you have a problem

Time for some therapy

Doctor doctor
This is session three
I don't feel any better

Every problem I fix
One just cones around the corner
I don't know why the pester

How am I getting by
I feel like this is a letter

One eye open one eye closed
Now this seems like a jester
Am I trapped in a closet
With a jacket or sweater
And it keeps getting hotter
Regardless of temperature or weather
I know this is a rant I am going off tangent
But this word we call pain i cannot even imagine

- silence breaks in the room -

1 second
2 seconds
3 seconds

The doctor smiles stands up and walks to the door and opens it.

I see that you know the problem

Time for some therapy

I'm scared of being in this position the rest of my life

Anxiousness tightens when thoughts of the future arise

Success scares me more for I suffer from complacency

In this frivolous pursuit

The journey is worth more than the destination

But its not worth the wait to travel forever

Choices choices

Why so many

Death ought to feel like this

Instead of the sweet escape it claims to be

I feel ill and a bit sleepy

As the saying goes

I'm sick and tired

But I'm sick and tired

Of being sick and tired

Living as a child was easier

Wishing to be older

Wanting to experience wanting to learn

Then when you get there

It was just another lie

The biggest lie

The only real lie

Now like me you're stuck between doing nothing, doing something, or doing everything about it

Whatever it is doubt it

Don't let it live

Because everyone has something to say

From June to may

You'll hear it all hoping for a simple happiness or a simple death

While every day you wake up absorbing the stress

And when you get to your destination it doesn't feel real

As most dreams don't

That's me everyday

Every night

No one knows what actually goes on

Even I can't figure it out

But the more I tend to reach or think about my success

The more it stresses me out

You make me not want anything
Anything including you
Excluding me
To be myself
I've been distracted
To blend in
Seems I've been different for too long
Your way seems to late
No matter what you say
I will falter
I will fight
I will accept
Understand
But I will fight
I guess it's multifascet
Wether its a good or bad habit
Regardless what does happen
I will take change from this transaction
The marginal effort differs great
By the span of perspective
I respectively say
******* *****

I follow you by the love I've conceived

My ears and eyes follow your lips

Only pictures cure my loneliness when your gone

Your home, pick up the phone

I'm not obsessed

I hope I'm not clinging

I just walk around supported by ghost

No one is really near me

I guess I've hit my limit at the point of erosion

Couldn't you see the decay

Receiving many scoldings

They all say it's just a critic and a harsh opinion

Obviously it's true 

no one like sugar coatings anymore

bitter, sour, and spicy seems to be what they want more

I want the sugar with a little bit of sour, a dash of something bitter,
And of course the spice

Yet I crave another simple item

It's you in my life

And the day I realize you and them can't be there or can without my notice

That's the day I'll still walk this road

Remaining at my loneliest

Its only When you decide to pick a side that you have to  prepare to be the bad

For its no longer what's right or wrong it's to you who feels justified

Because at opposite ends you  can flip a coin but you will never land on the third side

Which is the ending you what but like an endless ocean you will never land

And for all that's lost what is really taken
Is really only  time

Because time takes the love and hate and kills the past we left behind 

Time is the number 1 killer

So take you time

answer all the questions just to  be asked some more

Is to learn that whatever will be will be

But then we ask some more

I may never know

The answer to this simple mystery

What a conundrum

I need not accomplish

What success may bring

I need not stay on a path ir stray off another

I need not love nor carry the hate

I need not art for anything but art

It is what it is

Simple and complex

But I need not fret

What will happen next

Here on the west side
Crime does pay
And doing no crime
Still pays crime

Here on thr west side
We live by one rule
Grind
Not survive
Because we are modern America

Here on the west side
People appreciate free
And will abuse you for it


Here in the west side
Sympathy is a victim tactic
No longer used for genuine purposes
Except for genuinely getting ahead

Here on the west side
We die by one rule
But that rule doesn't exist
Because everyone dies

Here on the west side

What's going on?
I am questioning happiness
Not mine of course
It wanes and changes from time to time

I'm questioning everyone else's 
It just seems
Like when you tune in to the world
Everyone else is
Tuned off
Flick
Light switch

No one wants to be here
Here
Not now
Here

What's going on

I am questioning love
Not mine of course
I neither love more or less than the words to describe the feeling itself

I'm questioning everyone else's
Is it just dopamine
A temporary high
Or something that can be taken the wrong way
As many are

No one wants to love
They just want to be in love
Not love
In love


What's really going on?

Perfection is a virus
You have to survive it
Flaw by any variant
whoever  makes it apparent
Misery loves company
Sorta like an infection

Oh boy oh boy
Are you listening now
When I was young and misunderstood I made my vow
When I got older and grew bolder
I became a clown
And as things headed south
Well they are still headed south
Im just old enough to know better
Whatever better is
And still young enough to not really know what to do right now

They say love is many things
And you can love three times
They say its a chemical reaction
Then after that it takes time
I dont think I've loved like that before
So i don't mind

I've been hurt by my past infatuations  
I'm human
So there's a hole in my heart where that part use to be

And i know there's a hole in your heart that's filled with the very part of me

I don't mind this thang
I dont mind it at all
For anything to bare it's fangs
We all just get older

Growing pains...

If I have to find forever alone

I shall become a fierce animal when I find home

If I have to live a life where I don't feel alive

Can I deprive another to to end my dependence

If I have to find happiness

In the pursuit does that mean I search miserably

Crawling among daisies and daffodils

Just to be stung by bees 

Do those bees die feeling fulfillment

Does the floral arrangement leak beauty but attract danger

If I have to get you to love me

Would it be worth it

Trying sometimes isn't 

Forcing would be a better option

But I don't really mean it

If I have to make you smile

And I smile in return

If I have to turn you on

Does it seem to just appeal

If I have to break your heart

Will it be on purpose

Is it only that much worth it
If I have to 

Should you to

We aren't friends
We're just cool

Theres no reason i can't give kindness
And dismiss you like I'm mindless

I don't mind it's
Just something

I do to make me feel a little better about living
Through my anxiety and pain

Anxieties and pains
Crush girlfriend wife migraines

Eating disorders
So now i eat junk because it rots my brain

Maybe it's insane
Maybe i don't feel like myself when i express these thangs

These rack my brain while i rack these weights

**** now im going to be late
That's another 15 that i wont be paid

Now i have to look at my supervisor say
This is why you won't get a raise
At same time another mans chick is on my brain
I just want to see her taint
No not that one
That **** stank

In the meantime im ******* with a chick that's twice my age

And another with 6 kids to date
**** I'm in a pickle
Few can relate

This is the **** that I hate

With my third eye strife
This is my life
And when i dig my grave its gonna to be very nice

With my cake
And my bed
Made it
Laid it
And ate every slice

If i do right
Can i just say that I'm kind
My egos bind
Why am i lyin

This is why i Write
Its not for you this time

Seems like yesterday
That i saw that look in your eye and nevermind
Almost empty non empathetic
A little psychopathy

Seems like yesterday
I held your waist
Coke bottle thin just the right proportion


Seems like yesterday
I yearned to know the ferling of your lips
You on the physical plane
The one on top
****** physical thangs

Seems like
Well it doesn't seem to me
I have yet to know you
The you now
The you in 20 years
That'll seem like yesterday


For now my senses betray me
Because i want tomorrow to be today
So i can dream of yesterday

Smile when we initiate
Sensual *** play
Cry on your wedding day
Scream the baby is on the way

And weep the day of mourning
So in the morning i can ache
And remember
All the little everything
That seems

Like it was yesterday

Maybe im not the medicine you need

Here it goes

She is suppose to be easy on the eyes

And now overstimulated i can't believe the witness statements

This is boring to me

So she has to learn how to douse it down

Or be herself

But what she

Whats the issue

She has a bigger problem than her breast size

Even though its easy on the eyes

But now im over stimulated

This is just another situation

She's suppose to make me more conscious?

Note it's more self conscious to the obvious

I still dont see what the problem is

She knows its obvious

But now I'm overstimulated

Before I start this

Thank you,

I used to be so helpful

I need to call my momma

I think I need a girlfriend

Time to talk to papa

I used be so different

Now I know the problem

Maybe I should love her

But where's the issue

Maybe I should bleed

But I am not a cutter

I love the pleasure sensation

But not the feeling of slicing my skin like butter

On a summer day

A wonderful day

Through my skin with an iron dagger like a tragic story

I need to get my ****

All together probably

I need to stop my procrastination

Well maybe I'll start tomorrow

Where are all my virtues

Behind the sins I follow

This is not the issue even the though rhe consequence follows in sequential order
Bordered on my persons if the action do more than my conciousness can fathom i shall falter with this ******* world

That's why papa said my **** is int he dirt

But I do not like cabbage

Maybe a couch potatoe

why does it even matter

Before you go to the next step

Please read the disclaimer

In this day and age of digital things

I got everything I really should need????

We leave things up to interpretation
Welcome to the hurtful nation
We give incentive to be alive
Open words to be despised
If you feel free to some advice
Listeners discretion is advised

We're a product if a product
And what the product brought us
Some are lost ones
Some are far from what has really cost some

Dangerous meanings make dangerous species
And what is between us is meaning
Still left to interpretation

Feel free to express
Whatever comes next
But just like a text
We're left to interpret its purpose
So clairty is barely applied
But fairly i should say
It's spread like butter

Because when its left to interpretation
We dont really know one another

The only reason
I'm disappointed depressed disoriented

I had expectations
They let me down

Disappointed in what everyone thinks they do better
Disappointed to think I'm any different

Depressed at human nature
Depressed that I try and do no better

Disoriented because what's real is a dream

We stay asleep not because we can't see
But because we can't believe what we see

So row slow down the river of eyes closed

For when i lose expectations
I expect I'll find hope