No song explains it, no poems I’ve read
So I guess I must write one, to express what’s dead
He loves me, I am sure
But my soul does he adore?
He loves me as we are supposed to
The way they tell you when you say “I do”
Here is the thing though, I must express
We have fallen way too far, the subject I must press
A marriage once made for love has changed
Now a business partnership, tasks exchanged
I know between us love is there
But it’s a chore now, what despair
“I cannot live without you.”
He says to me, but “I can’t live with you.”
I scream in my head
My soul almost dead
I do not blame you, or who you are
I blame us both, for driving this far
I must confess I wish we could…
But we cannot, it’s no longer any good
We deserve better, we deserve love
Not the kind that we have, as it’s fading
But the kind with clear cut passion, no shading
It’s the rare, true, and scariest goal
To find someone to love your soul
My heart sings for you, and what we built
My soul cries out to me, filled with guilt
For I have neglected it’s thirst for a drink
You see, that is more important, I think
To follow your soul, fill it with its desires
To explore and find adventures, until it expires
I cannot miss out on another cry
For my soul needs fed or it will die
I tried to express, what I now confess
I tried to express, I even gave you my compass
Maybe you have a different map
Is it worth it to try? Or is it a trap?
I must go now, as my soul has a call
To live life, and experience it all!

Mist lay before you covering lands
Careful steps now, feel around with hands
Nothing seen but what's at your feet
Go slow and steady, for mist carries deceit
Don’t be fooled
let your curiosity be cooled
One step at a time do not look ahead
Or underground will be your newfound bed
Don’t try to clear the mist with magic tricks
What lies before you is set in stone not sticks
Cannot be changed or foreseen or broken
Just walk the path at your feet one step for a token
Reward for staring down, focused on where you step
Reward for moving forward, without a tricky attempt
Present is your only state
Mind it carefully for a clean slate

This is not a request
It is a demand for the best
Sent on a quest
To find the passion between my *******

Do not quit
Nor throw a fit
My desires remain unsplit
Here I am with all my wit

There I go
With passion in tow
Running like I did years ago
Here I go quickly, although

Awoken by reality’s lewdness
What a serious crudeness
Why does reality have such rudeness
Leaving me with nothing, but nudeness

Naked and confused by reality
The truly cruel world of fatality
Designed to live to die, another mortality
We live without living, Is this really our mentality?

Something needs to budge
So don’t look back holding a grudge
Put our world on trial with a ruthless judge
We need reconstruction here to rid the sludge

Let it out, all that is wrong
Speak it loudly, this may be long
A trial of the world just chugging along
Not noticing we lost all that is strong

Obey, do not display
Stay, there is no time to play
Emotions are not for show
Just reap the crops you sow

**** it all
Do not fall
You cannot fail
For you must set sail

To the ends of success
No need for excess
Emotions are not for show
Just reap the crops you sow

Reap and reap, build and build
Do not let down your guild
Keep going, do not dwell
On the pains that swell

This is what we are taught
This is how we get caught
In the perpetual fire blazing
Judging eyes a-gazing

It burns you up
To be ****** up
It devours your life
Nothing left, bring on the scythe

Why love or live another day?
When I've already been murdered inside?
What really is there left to say?
How can I live when I've already died?

Let me tell you something neat
Its knowledge is power that cannot be beat
Ready? It's a hard pill to swallow for sure
It will allow life to florish, but it's not quite a cure
You see.... it takes a lot of work
I'll say again, it takes a lot of work!!
Listen carefully now, It's not just for tricks
Allow yourself to feel the pain, and you will die a Phoenix
You will be brought back to life
And oh, what a wonderful life
It is filled with joy and love
It takes a lot of work, most important though, LOVE
The kind that's raw and open deep
The kind that brings a melody and weeps
Love, it is the birth and death of all
So listen carefully my Phoenix, do you hear the call?

A dream once brought to me
Beautiful and sweet
Tender touches of love
Coexisting, together two bodies high above
Happiness and beauty wrapped around
We were tangle in it entirely bound
A dream once brought to me
Instead turned dark, how can this be?

A nightmare suddenly broke a tremendous light
A face above me now evil, causing much fright
Holding down my fight
Screams muffled by your hand so tight
Pressed against me without tender touches of light

Happiness and beauty no longer in sight
Instead held captive by chains of despair
I stare over my own body tortured, oh what fright
As demons grew around me laughing at my fear
Hard and unsettling with an ice cold heart
You pressed your hot skin to mine
It burned and welted, forever scarred
The nightmares end is lost without time

Shadows cast, screams stopped
Outside myself, scream inside, fight within
Nothing more to do, I laid still and watched
Done and gone, I think not
Replay upon replay, night after night
I dream of only what nightmares taught
And watch myself fight

Never winning over such despair
So sleep is my new found fear

A beautiful mountain, white with snow
A light breeze, a wind ice cold
Frozen in time, I stare in awe
Under ice is a heart so raw
Diamonds glistening, ice shimmering
An imbalance of time and minds dancing
Beauty and despair frozen in ice
Waiting for summer sun to pay the price
Still and quiet, but the pain screams in your head
Frozen in place beside your bed
Staring into the pains
A hundred rocks flow through your veins
A thousand needles biting skin
Outward calm, but screaming within
Summer warmth approaching
Ice slowly melting, diamonds gleaming
With perseverance you break the ice
It falls, shattering, what a sacrifice
I watch as there is nothing I can do
As your body shed the ice encasing you
It is beauty and despair, intertwined
Dripping to the floor, Oh how I adore
To watch you come alive. An uproar!
No longer frozen, full of motion
As if watching a glistening ocean
You stand tall, high above us all
For you melted the ice, made it fall
Leaving only a memory
Your fight so strong, dauntlessly
Standing, living, believing, and yet...
Your feet are wet, so with regret
I must inform of icy returns
Gone are the days of summer sunburns
For ice will come, it will be done
Your body shunned from our warm sun
You will freeze again, be lost again
Icy diamonds will shine like back then
You must remain strong while waiting,
Frozen in time that is crippling
Shed your ice everyday, overcome
One day Summer will stay and all this will be done

I could scream at you
I could punch you
But no good would it do
For neither me or you

Although my anger is still hot
I'm cooling it down with the breath I've caught

Take me down to the river to scream
Where the fish are alive in the stream
Where the heart can loudly beat
There we are safe to take a seat
Resting our feet from the fire
We can clearly see our true desire
Let our screams cover it all in black
Do not hold anything back
We used to have silly little fears
But now we face true worldly scares
In a river with only so much water
Let us fill it with the fears we slaughter
In a storm or current that sweep us up
Screaming on to fill and fill, now keep it up
Let it out and release your cares
Let it out so we forget our fears
Move on and enjoy the sweet rush of water
As if nature our mother and we her daughter

If I could tell you what I really think
Would you take a drink?
Of my thoughts and passion
Could you have compassion?
If only you knew what went on in here
My head is spinning, I have to go, but where?
Where to or where form am I running?
This event won't stop it keeps returning
This is never ending, am I misbehaving?
I am stuck in a cyclone full of this craving
How to get out, I do not know
Maybe I can stay, and reap what I sow
My thoughts are a mess! maybe only to you?
Because I know what I’d like to do
Is it worth the judgement or deceit?
Can I hid it away, under my bed sheet
Where only I can see the truth at my feet?
If it could stay there, forever hidden and complete
Then I would indulge in the thoughts you cannot hear
The ones deep within me I know you cannot bare
It makes sense to me, I understand it now
All the questions you have, what why, and how?
I don’t want to answer, you will not understand
How I crave what I do! Or where I stand
We all have secrets, yes you too!
Ones that hurt people if only they knew
So do I tell you the thoughts that I think
Would you really like to take a drink?

Like the broken glass of a window
Shattered to pieces
A million bits laid out for show

Sweep me up and throw me out
Please don’t
I beg, I scream and shout

I promise to shine in the sun
Sparkle in light
I’m better than what I’ve done

I am not trash to be swept away
I am more
Hear me and what I say

I will not be the glass as before
I cannot be
But a new creation to love and adore

See me in the glistening light
Uncovered
The darkness I’ll gladly fight

Broken with no return to past
No not true
I’m breaking out of this cast

No more restainsts or darkness
I tell you now
Don’t be so heartless

Let me try to do better
I swear it
I won't be a scarlet letter

Like the broken glass of a window
Let me shine
I want to rebuild, so please don’t let go

Sh.. Don’t tell him, but I have a secret
He doesn’t know yet...
I have to go, or i’ll have more and more regret
It’s a big one… it’ll cause a lot of pain, I bet

I am leaving him, don’t you know?
For a woman, he doesn’t even know
She is pretty, most days I like her
She recently found herself, suddenly so sure

***** blonde hair, that rests at her neck
Bright green eyes, and .. give me a sec…
There’s more.
She is strong - a quality I adore

Her walk is purposeful
Her talk is straightforward and meaningful
She is ***** minded and a little bit odd
She is a pink salmon in a river of cod

Standing out from the crowd you see
She is a wild spirit that just got set free
I love her, like I never have before
A new found trust in her very core

I tell you this, because I had to hear it
I don’t know how he will bare it
When I tell him I have to go
To be with this woman I found when I was low

The biggest secret is yet to be told you see
Because the woman I need to be with,          is me.
I found strength in myself finally
He tried to put me through a refinery

But I dug deep, with no time to weep
I clung to my spirit in hopes to keep
The happy and adventurous me
So here I go, I am finally free

I have all I ever wanted
It is a dream come true
All I ever asked for
A family, a home, a life so full

It is beautiful as I look in
Sunshine beaming and sleek
Like heaven on earth made just for me
Nothing more to seek

Or so I thought

Darkness swept over my eyes
The agitation hit suddenly.
Crawling itching skin, as if I was sick
Infected with a virus no one could see

Happiness where did you go?

I saw sunshine and smiles
Everyone beautiful as God or Goddess
Then suddenly like a swarm of flies
I was taken under pulled down into darkness

It was like being eaten alive
Held under and drowning in death
Pulled on, dragged down, held there
Clawing, gasping for a single breath

I watch it all from outside my tomb

As I watch myself pleading for help
I see dirt falling on my head
I have nothing to give to assist
I have no rope to send

There is nothing left to give

I can only watch from the outside
Numbness fills my soul
With total fear and terror that I cannot feel
A loss of all control

A million hands pull you down
Sinking numbness suffocates like dirt
The darkness burning as you breath it in
Knowing pain without feeling the hurt

Still fighting with health at zero

I watch myself die over and over
Only to find that I am still alive
The swarm bites and claws
Will help ever arrive?

I don’t believe it anymore

Somehow with nothing left to give
I am clawing, gasping to breath
How long can I go.
Guess I'll have to watch and see.

Addicted, I joke of my obsession
Obsessed? I laugh at it’s truth
Live life, move on, go on
It will come around, I know
One day this building will fall on top of me
Crumbling me under the rocks
But I am addicted to whats inside
I cannot let it go
The smell, the taste, the feel
Most of all.. The adrenaline.
It hits and holds, like a drug better than any other
No need for pills or syringes.
No smoke or bowl to pack
Just a mental addiction for physical pleasure
I cannot stop, I cannot stop, I cannot let go

Sailing through storms, lost at sea
Two ship search for love, they plea
Lost in the unknown, two ships
But relief was found on your lips
Not knowing what we found
A love, or lust, or trust inbound?
Ships tethered together tightly
Surrounded by chaos, so unsightly
But your eyes like the ocean
Slowly swaying me, a beautiful motion
I didn’t know I was searching for you
I didn’t know what I could do
‘Til I found your touch
I couldn’t get enough, to you I clutch
Feelings of adoration, giving me inspiration
Appreciation so strong, my salvation
Chaos ensues over the sea
Two ships search for love, they plea
Untethered by contract made too long ago
One made before truth I didn’t then know
Longing for each other, but belonging to another
Should we even bother, to go undercover
Or brake free and together always be?
Tell me if you can, are we forever lost at sea?

1
Screams in the night,
Sleeping all day.
Yelps of pain,
And cries of anger.

****** torture,
Mind disruption,
Soul disappearance

Tears in the light
Screams in the night.

2
Terror through and through,
Scared thoughts of pain.
Living in sadness,
Then despair,

Life drained.
Dark appears.
Nothing left.

All taken and blue,
Terror through and through.

It is made of the finest bark
Standing between two trees
It is open and closed only in the dark
Enveloped in ivy, locked without keys

Vanishes behind rays of the sun
Following the moon so bright
Away it goes when it hears you come
Held within are secrets that make us light

Locked by your chaos heart
With just a key of silence
Opened only in the darkest part
Warriors of life protect with demilance

A door stands in the forest of life's psalm
A door dedicated to shining bright
Only seen when a heart is calm
Hidden because this door cannot stand a fight

Between two trees it stands, insides expanding
To you there is much unknown
But, the ones inside are filled with understanding
In the world behind it, goodness is shown

This may seem absurd, but just highly misunderstood
Maybe, because you have never seen
What lies behind the sturdy wood
But it's truth, I witness, is keen

A black hole is ******* in light
Gravity is everything and it's folding inward
Crushing, absolutely crumbling
Like a thousand tons on your chest

Emptiness and nothingness consume

Do you feel it, the darkness?
Where everything and nothing exist all at once
Where you can touch fear and see joy
Isn't it beautiful, and terrible all at once

It's the heaviness of gravity and flying
The consumption of death and life
Adrenaline and calmness
It's destruction and reconstruction

Staring at the darkness where nothing and everything live
Feeling both all at once
Every emotion floods your soul
As the pressure of the condensing black numbs every nerve

You're floating away, sinking and flying
Deeper into the hole of emotional despair
Higher into the dark empty peace
Are we dying or is this living?

Scream, scream! ... Louder!
Pull me out, someone please pull me out
I have no strength left to fight
I'm terrified, but I'm empty
It's peaceful letting go
But I don't want to

We wait and watch
A digital wall or wrist-watch
The ticks and tocks
Of the never ending clocks
Continuing night to dawn
It goes on and on
Never does it consider our mood
It is a date or something we elude
A specific dot to take our stance
We sit, we wait, we do the time dance
It goes on and on
One day it’ll be all gone

Excerpt from ‘The Wind on the Downs’
"That you are round about me, I believe;
And knowing you are happy; should I grieve?
And when I leave the meadow, almost wait,"
(Continued by Dani Massey)
For you to show up where I have placed the bait.
Love is keeping me here as long as the day,
Coming back until I have your say.
This is something I need to know,
Did you want to stay or want to go?
Give me all my prayers to read again,
So I can fix them in permanent pen.
Let me know so I can think of your face,
And not cry, but remember your grace.
Show me you can feel no more pain,
Show me that I am truly sane,
And that I am right about that place,
Because I know you can see His face.
The perfect peace you surely can feel,
I know that is part of the deal.
It will be a while for me, my turn I have to wait,
For the privilege to see the perfectly pearly gate.
When my name is called I know I am ready to go,
But your choice, I need to know!

Why do you haunt me ghost
Lingering, lurking, and watching your host
Around every joyful corner you linger
From every happy window you watch
And from ever peripheral shadow you lurk
You do not own me
Yet you dangle a key
As if to show my captivity
In chains I am bound
As memories fly around
Nightmare is a better name
For this haunting game
Day lit terrors before my eyes
Sunny momentarily, til you cover the skies
A dark lit confusion
Met with desperation

All the unspoken screams
Still rattle in my head
Fear fills what were once dreams
Panic now owns my bed
A bed I wish to share
With kindness and love
But you lay there and stare

Pretend not to be
The mask you acquire
Stand up against currents
Ripping at skin
Filleting fish, STAND
A requisite, no deficit
For this terror we hide
Do not abide
Pretend not to be
What we cannot be

In a forest without trees
Where only a buzz is heard, not seen
She laid on black ground
Her belly up and her face down
She stared at the missing stars
Empty spaces of used up light, now just scars

Bathing in a sea of mud
She lifted her hands and saw blood
LIFE she thought, so from the ****** muddy pulp
A melting body she tried to sculpt
To bring to life from the wet dirt
A being to love her, although formed in a chaotic birth
To fill the voids with light and sense
Instead, a being stood, made of nonsense
Upsidebackwords and a grievous grin
For which she hugged dispute the sin

Pretending that light magically appeared
Knowing it was only her sanity that disappeared
Upsidebackwords and a spinning head
She would be okay here, amongst the dead
Living in an empty chaos was better than not
So she gave up what she had originally sought

Spent her life in the upsidebackwords, and forgot
That she created this being to aid her escape, but it was all for not.

The moon rises high in the sky
To the light of day we say goodbye
As the sun goes away
The wolf comes out to play
The man goes away
And the wolf comes out to play
A ***** of flesh it desires
A primal instinct it requires
It runs with the wind
On a hunt for those who have sinned
To eat their hearts full of mud
It's mouth dripping with dark red blood
Sharp teeth and ragged fur
Protection you cannot procure
To the light of day we say goodbye
As the moon rises high in the sky
The form of man goes away
So the wolf can come out to play

Oh, but what a wild world it is
You see we breath to live
Yet, we live to die

Is it worth it? After all we have done
And all that's been done to us.
Can we pretend darkness doesn't exist.
Fall without fearing the risk..
As if for the first time again
After all we have done and all that's been done to us.

Cause I am falling more with every lingering kiss
As you press close to me I forget about the risk.

Your touch is a harmony
Skin to skin, a perfect symphony
The warmth of you delights me
Your eyes are my sanctity
A sanctuary of a musical harmony

Your touch gentle as a petal in the wind
Kisses soft as the morning sun rise
Slowly rising from the dust undisciplined
Bringing a comforting warmth to my thighs

Your smell familiar as a dream once dreamt
A sweet taste on lips kissing
Hands on my body gracefully you tempt
Long lasting moments of caressing

A love so kind, as a flowers tender touch
Leaves tumble outside tap tap tap as one
Tightly to you I clutch
Skin now hot like the risen sun

Burning the day in sweet harmony
Hips playing a perfect symphony

A scenic view of warmth and motion
A breeze swaying wild and free
Like a curling wave in the ocean
Holding on as an unripe fruit to a tree

A sunset slowly falling down
Releasing the day with a wink of light
Night settles on the ground
Your beauty is all I have in sight

Together we breathe in coexistence
Your touch more tender than anyone
Resting now with peace and silence
Calm night, for the day is done