Sometimes I forget how much words hurt
The sting as they hit your ears
And the jagged incision they make to your brain
Then on to your heart

Even more often I forget that silence hurts worse
Your pleas and needs falling on deaf ears
The response of a muted tongue
It’s so hard to find my balance

When I was a kid I would carry a can of spray paint in my backpack
I always wanted to leave behind something that someone would see
Something that would make them stop and be enthralled
Something interesting... inspiring even
Something more than just the value of its creator

Maybe I haven’t changed that much

I’m a single heartbeat
The blinking of an eye
A crash of lightning
A single drop of rain falling
Will you miss me?
Or forget me?

How many times
Have I put my knuckles through these walls?
Not enough times evidently
Because my blood still boils
Rage surging through contracting muscles
At least it was only the wall

I’m not sick because of love
I’m sick because I have an emptiness
It’s where you fit perfectly
I need to tuck you in tight
Stay there forever in my heart

Is it sane to question your sanity
Sometimes I wonder what real is

Am I? Are you?
Are my words landing somewhere?
Or did I just imagine it?

How many people did I hallucinate?
Can I trust my thoughts?
Or my memories?

What if this is all a dream?
Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow to something else
What makes real really real?

Maybe reality is just us responding to our own imaginations

This one sided love is making us crazy
Forcing us endlessly to drive in circles
Like two starving vultures spotting carrion
It wears on me so
I’m dizzy and tired… please just let me sleep

I’m still here
Still standing
Still trying
Falling on my face
Over and over
But I stand back up
I keep going
I’ll get where I need to be
Eventually

I wear these masks
Fake smiles
Pretending to care
Hiding my pain
My brokenness
Tucked away tightly
But still slipping through these cracks

I know you are worth more than this
I know you are worth more
I know you
I know

You can’t make me be who I’m not
I will rebel from your demands
I can’t go along with your manipulation
I’ll chew it up and spit it back in your face
Please don’t force me
You’re setting me up to fail… again

Hold your head up child
Don’t let the darkness **** you in
Be a light… burn brighter

Love more and worry less
Enjoy this life now
What will come later doesn’t matter

Refuse to dwell in the misery
These things are temporal
Live your life now

As I walk these dark streets
I’ve seen the faceless ones
Hiding in shadows
Beckoning me to join

I’ve tasted their powder
Felt it speed my pulse
And dilate my pupils
As I fade away slowly

Evil has gripped me tight
More than once I’ve fought
I keep my eyes ahead now
I must keep moving forward

Maybe I should change my name…

***** would get your attention
TV would have your eyes on me
Bathtub so maybe you would relax with me
Sleep so that we could spend time together
Phone you’d always have your hands on me
Your lover… no I hate that guy

I guess I’ll just be me and be left wanting

Tus espinados
Mi sangre en fuego
Necicito tu conmigo

Donde estas mi vida
Mi vida para ti
Donde estas mis pensamientos
Los que eran antes

Me extraño contigo

Have you...

Held a stranger like your life depended on it?
Cried on the shoulders of someone you didn’t know?
Shown your dark soul to the world?
Kissed someone that you just met?
Given yourself to the person who didn’t deserve it?
Loved someone that didn’t or couldn’t return the sentiment?
Hurt so bad that you questioned if you’d die?

No not me… Not ever… you?

We’re both horrible liars.

Those tears from sad eyes
They can’t last forever
Someday the sun will come out
The warmth will free your lips
And that smile will grace the world again

I guess I have a need
To long for something
Something missing
Or simply shiny and new

Something I’ll never have
Always there in the cold
Never satiated or diminishing  
****** both ways

My peace helped calm your storms
But it was your storms that made me remember  my peace

Thank you

It’s just a ring I say
A symbol of something
No beginning or ending
A promise of love and acceptance
It used to mean so much
Seems like it’s just a ring today

Maybe I’m not worth it
What you think about me is wrong

I’m not who I used to be
We aren’t us anymore

You think you know me
You know the memories of someone dead

Forget me and move on

Sadness is the one drug I can’t seem to shake
Its icy claws have pierced into my soul

I like to sit outside
I listen to the wind swirling
Sometimes I close my eyes
And pretend that it carries me away

The funny thing about how hearts work
Is that sometimes they just stop
Not really sure how to fix that part

I hope you enjoy this nightmare you created
These shadowy figures in wide brimmed hats without faces
I hope that you can survive their icy grip

Why did you have to bring us into this horror
This dark macabre of your own design
I’ll hold your hand through this but I don’t know why

I’m a coward
A liar
An adulterer
A fool
No one cares
Why should they
Paint my name in the skies
Turn the world against me
Maybe I’ll just keep surviving
It’s the only thing I’ve ever done well
Even then just barely

The great dragon hides away in her cave
Drunk on the beating hearts of her prey
Surrounded by the gifts of her worshipers

Her eyes burn red from the lack of peace
Her breath is sulfurous and fiery hot
Her tongue whips lashes with no remorse

I once pledged my loyalty to her
Gave her my heart and my soul
She scorched it just like the earth around her

The way this medicine makes me feel
It’s my reminder that my heads not right

I don’t think like you do
My thoughts are too fast and come with flames

My anger is swirling in there as well
Raging thoughts of self harm

My little pills dizzy those anxious thoughts
Slow them to a less frenetic speed

Put me to sleep and make me dream of peace

No one will ever be ok overnight
Healing is a process
Processes take time

Time is irrelevant though
Stop watching the clock
Don’t look at your calendar

Just take a breath
Feel that air in your lungs
Keep doing that
Because somebody loves you... somebody

I hate it when you drink

All the times you punched me or
When you hit me with a rock and
Made my head bleed

I hate it when you drink

Those evil truths you speak
About how you really feel about me
That you just deny when you’re sober

I hate it when you drink

The way you throw yourself at me sexually
And get mad because I’m not interested
So you throw it at any other man that will pay attention

I hate it when you drink

The wedge you’re driving when you say
You’re gonna stop or slow down
And then you’re at it the next night

I hate it when you drink

I had a brother
He fueled himself on drugs and alcohol
Until his organs gave up on him

I had a close friend
He was clean for so long
His relapse left him dead with a needle in his arm

My best friend just wanted a smoke
So he stepped out on a second story ledge
He slipped and died before the ambulance got to him

My friend that I got high with
The **** got to his brain until he killed his parents
Now he only sees the outside through bars

I miss all of you
You’re the reasons I won’t go back

I want him to hurt
Feel my pain you *******

Taste this bitter pill
Choke on it

You deserve my hate
You are my antithesis

You have made me crumble
Into this wretched man

You are me

I have words that I just can’t say
I’m not even sure if they’re true
The thought of them terrifies me

I keep them locked up in my head
Sometimes they get out and roam
Those are the days I’m afraid of the most

What would happen if I stopped and listened?

You fell asleep with your hand on my abdomen
And somewhere while you writhed and contorted with sleep it felt like you reached inside me
I hope you found what you looked for because I hope it’s still there too

I could still smell your perfume hours after you left
It felt like reading someone else’s mail
Some lovesick ***** prose meant for him
Maybe someday you’ll feel like writing me again

What has become of my heart
This constant flow of love and hate
Salt water and fresh spewing forth

I love you deeply but I hate you
I crave you madly but your touch repulses
I need you with me but I have to run away

How long can I pull myself both directions
One side must win but I don’t know how
We have divided me

There’s something about us
Something that shouldn’t have been
And yet something that had its own gravity

It pulled us both more than once
It was relentless and almost tiring
The seduction of it was undeniable

We fought it as best we could
It was like swimming against the current
Instead of just giving in to the passions

Two lost stars shining in the dark
Calling out with our muted voices
And that was how we found each other

When I woke up this morning
They said everything had started over
It was all brand new
But when I looked in the mirror
I saw the same tired eyes looking back
I put my hand to my chest
Just to see what I felt
No... still broken

I feel this ocean between us
The current has kept us apart
It won’t always be this way
We will break from its pull
We will swim together again