A stranger she was
Was it fate or
Was it destiny
That made us meet?
Although never face to face
I see in her amazing grace.
Swiftly she moves
To the rhythm of life.
People trying to bring her down
But she won't bow
To the undeserving.
She is strong
She is beautiful.
Ready to fight the world,
In she will come
Like a whirl.
Assurance is what she needs
And assurance I will give.
"Love, don't be sorry"
Said I to her,
And poured my heart out
Through these words.
I hope she realizes
The strength within,
The power to face the world
And not beat herself up.
Cruelty never dies
It's omnipresent.
But she can conquer the galaxies
If she wants.
I believe in her with all my heart,
Nothing comes above
I will forever be with her
*She is my love
She is my soul sister.

I find peace
I find solace
I find comfort
In the arms
Of a cold, icy night.
My face unfolding the crease
That it wears all day long
But cringing underneath
At the thought of sticks and stones
Ringing like a disturbing song.
I find love
In the whispers of the wind.
I find desire
In the darkness of the sky.
The eerie silence
It brings me hope.
I day dream
In the darkest hours
Right before dawn,
Because I know not
What deep sleep means anymore.
I see colours
I see red I see blue
I see black I see truth.
When the moon comes out
And stars, they flicker
Being surrounded by fallen angels
Sending out dreamy gazes
Giving me more might
Than the brightest summer day will ever.
Within myself I shout
I let out my unrest inside, alone.
I don't just love the night,
I connect with it.
I have no inhibitions
The night makes life worth living.

She’s touched
By the burning fingers
Of a man
She doesn’t know.

Her hopes crushed
By the feeling that lingers
Of a night
She will always know.

Her clothes ripped
Her unheard cries,
Her body stripped
To fight she tries.

Her face is kissed
By a stranger
The man, he hissed
She’s in danger.

She is left rotten
As he walks past
Disappearing into the night
Time drags.

She thought she’d die
She believed she would
No one to hear her cry
No one understood.

With shaky fingers
And sweating chest
She wraps her skin
In clothes of strength.

She stumbled across
On to the street
She’s suffered a loss
A tragedy.

She thought she’d die
But now she wouldn’t
She didn’t cry
She knew she shouldn’t.

A girl is strong
A girl can fight
Right or wrong
A bird’s flight.

She walked home
In clothes of pride
Although scars showed
She didn’t hide.

Justice to her
Must be given
A promise to her
Must be written.

A girl is not
A piece of meat
A girl is worth
More than this feat.

A kiss from a stranger
A touch from a finger
A scream that’ll linger
For years to remember.

A girl is much more
She isn’t to blame,
Fire at the core
A burning flame.

All it takes
Is a scarring explosion
From girls sick
Of ruthless exploitation.

**She fights like a girl
She runs like a girl
She hits like a girl
She is a girl.

She's got the strength
And the power
To rule the world
And to conquer.

sitting down drawing circles on sand
by the ocean for 16 years without disturbances,
save a few hefty feet trampling down sand castles
but then one day something happened
and an overwhelming wave comes hurling itself at you,
and you have no escape plan despite living on the sand all your life
the wave comes bearing galaxies from atlantis,
blinding starlight, and a myriad perfect seashells.
it feels like an eternity,
being consumed by the wave as you're given
a tour of every attraction there is,
receiving free samples every now and then.
you succumb to the star dust,
enthralling you like a child at disneyland,
or tumblr teens on the fourth of july.
it feels like you're the only one lucky enough
to witness this spectacle, and you're marvelling
marvelling
marvelling
marvelling
marvel-
.
.
.
.
.
no air
you're gasping
muddy
sand in your eyes
and through the excruciating discomfort,
you see a hundred other silhouettes looking back at you.
---;
this is how it was, loving him briefly.
and this will stare him in the face,
but perhaps his eyes, too, full of sand
will stare right back at me
“silhouettes” he'll say
“silhouettes are what make my day”

Your every word,
Every comma,
Every full stop,
Every quotation,
And every other punctuation-
They destroy my demons.

"There was never silence. Always was an endless buzzing of nonsense in my ear.

But you, as I realize now, were not talking about the absence of sound.

You were talking about the soul.
The silence of the soul.
The absence of peace.

Pain.

I've come to think that humans, as a race, cannot write about the subjects that bring them joy."

- Alyssa Rose©

Just a little excerpt
From a little collection of sentences,
Yet the impact knows no bounds.

Every poem that you write (at least the ones I've read),
They hold so much truth.
As dainty as your name,
Yet so much power they brew.

"People we will never meet,
Faces we will never see.
Unbeknownst to us,
Wandering aimlessly."

-Alyssa Rose©

The -words- above
And the l e t t e r s-
My exact thoughts last night,
8 days to December.

Once I get a hold of what you convey,
I find myself unable to let go;
Because the meaning that I discover,
Is not just what I portray.

When I read your work,
I feel at peace;
Like all the chaos within me
Has finally been eased,
Because you, Alyssa-
Are one of my only escapes.

And as I write this piece,
You don't even know
That someone like ME-
An average teenage girl,
Takes so much inspiration
From YOU❤️

Sitting by myself
In a room
Illuminated by
Fairy lights.
Sipping on some
Green tea
And treating myself
To chocolate therapy.
Thinking back to the days
When you were my first thought,
The last, and
Every thought in between.
My eyes wander into a haze
As my mind watches glimpses
Of happy days
Where we hovered inches
From each other
Breathing nervously
Before our lips touched.
The spark that ignited
Something called love,
A distant memory now
But please, take a bow.
Take a bow for the amazing feat
That shattered all my dreams,
My belief in love ruined
I hid my screams
I didn't want you to come back.
Giving out chances
Is a weakness long gone.
Playing games is your high
Shutting you out is mine.

Dear God,
If you exist,
Show me light.
If you exist,
Tell me what's right.
If you're real,
Guide me out
Of this vortex
Of false dreams and hopes.

Dear God,
If you are in me,
Cleanse my demons.
If you live within,
Eradicate the monsters.
If you dwell inside,
Overwhelm me with happiness.

Dear God,
If you are substantial,
Help me reach the stars.
If you are existential,
Let me break out
Of my sealed shell.

Dear God,
If you are worth believing in,
Show me why.
If I must be loyal,
Tell me why.
If I must pray to you,
Give me reason.

But, dear God,
If you cease to exist,
And fail to show me
The mysteries
And wonders
Of the world beyond
My fears and obstacles,
I will not
And cannot
Believe in anything more
Than the demons
Inside me,
The monsters
Eating me.
I will be left
With no option,
But to be faithful
To the devils
And cry my troubles
On to their deaf ears,
Only to see
That my worries-
They just double.

Dear God,
I want to believe
That you exist.
I want to be able
To see the truth.
I want to believe
That you are the truth.
I want to be able
To notice your deeds
And be a loyal being
To your blessing.

But, dear God,
I just need you
To show me you are here
And to guide me
Away from my fears.

I know not
Why I'm choked back
By tears in my throat
And my eyes
Travelling into a haze.

But God,
If you hear me,
Tell me what
I want to hear.
Tell me you're there
Tell me you love me
Tell me you'll bless me
Tell me you care.

Please,
Dear God,
Don't let me
Slip into the demon's lair.

Brushing through mindless white specks.
Soaring between jagged decks.

Pudgy trembling little pillows.
We've left the lithosphere down below.
Wishing I could run my hands through these marshmallows
Like I ran my fingers through his deep brown hair.

Swiveling, shriveling, ascending
I breathe the sharp cabin air in.

Layers and layers of cottony mounds
Can I just spoon them on to my lips now
The way his caressed my pout?
I'm so unaware.

As the messy streaks became distant,
The déjà vu in pattern had me stunned.

Illegible madness at the very bottom,
Transforming into something more figurative going above.
Like I was lost and consumed to begin with
But graduated to understanding love.

I smile wide from ear to ear; we may have lost chemistry,
But in every walk of life, our sparks will remain an untold story.

Pounding in my head were the gunshots,
And in my heart were the bullet wounds.
Yet I survived, and now I'm happy.
Courage does soothe.

I have one wish and one wish only,
To hug him tight, even if it lasts a second slowly.

He was my world, my universe.
But I've let him go and I've realized
That the universe is out there
And he's only a pair of bright eyes.

Yes we had plans, yes we had dreams.
But dreams can be ruined and plans- unaccomplished.

New plans can be figured
New dreams can be birthed.
A journey can be restarted
And a heart can be returned.

A little turbulence does come along,
A little silence can do wrong.

Much like this journey I'm on,
An expedition to learn the wonders unknown,
To hear the beat drop
And feel my heart throb.

And now I see a seamless sheet of white
Soft, silken, yet unevenly bright.

Distant cities- visible from high above,
Blocking out the push and shove.
Though I'm 20000 feet in the air,
I can still feel the love.

I feel the energy that lies underneath,
I feel the smile of a little child standing beneath.

And suddenly the unevenness disappears,
The sunlight blazes in here.
Should I pull down the blind?
Or should I let the light blind?

(And there goes my pattern of rhyme)

Funny how the same word can mean two different things.
Comical how most of us don't make any sense.

We don't fight a mystery,
We are the mystery.
We don't feel alive,
We are alive.

And the pilot makes a sharp turn
For a moment I'm uncertain.

It's like when you're so involved in something,
And you lose control, slipping and crashing,
But you get up, dust yourself,
And carry on walking.

I feel like I could go on forever with this poem,
But life won't go on anywhere close to forever.

You live everyday, even when you feel broken.
You breathe in the air, even when you feel suffocated.
You try to understand the patterns,
But you won't have all the time, because death comes once- and it's permanent.

Face it with courage,
Face it with pride.
Feel the moment,
Watch the wonders of the sky.

Too tired to fall asleep,
I stared at a vivid flickering screen
And forced myself to eat.

1:15 a.m to 4:45 a.m
The hours- I didn't notice them,
But asleep I almost fell.

I dragged myself into slumber
And into a trance I clambered,
The blinding darkness I remember.

I awoke moments later
Under my demons' satire,
Stuck in a crater.

Everything was a blur
Four walls were six saboteurs,
And colours astir.

All attempts to cry for help
And get away from a faint death knell,
Just shoved me deeper into my shell.

Uselessly trying to move around,
My gasps were so profound
And I could hear the deafening sound.

I tasted my own fear
And flung it with tears,
The end must have been near.

The agitation was intense
Sweat ran down by head
And negativity within me spread.

I was trapped inside myself,
To a gust of wind against my chest
I almost succumbed to be at rest.

And then I ran as fast as I could,
Although blind, I said I would
Escape this maddening noose.

Silenced screams were now heard
And out loud I said "cursed"
I was finally free from paralysis unheard.

Apparently we belong to
The "minority"
Some kind of "riotry".
Because we love someone of the same gender
Or perhaps we're not cisgender.
Suddenly loving is a crime
Harmless expression of what's within- is the biggest blunder there ever could be.
Heart's content is criticised.

They brand us names,
FREAKS! DISGRACE! OUTLAWS!
Make mockery out of innocence
Demean our mere existence.
They want "normal"?
Then maybe it's themselves who are the problem.
They want us to hide and blend in,
Go back into this "closet" we "came out" of?
(Ha, good luck with that)

They think we're alone
But we are not.
There's one love 
In all our hearts,
Beating together
Creating art.
We show the world
Consented love needs no apology
Expression needs no **** apology!

So much cruelty
So much hate.
But, you know what?
We can't back down
And be another statistical figure.

Take pride in loving each other
Take pride in being true to yourself.
Pay no heed to those who say otherwise,
Take a stand, you glorious beast.
All in all, we come in peace.

Facing the horizon
She walks barefoot
On the golden sand
Into the blue.
A clear sky reflecting
Upon the glass surface.
Using pain
To suppress pain,
She wades into the shards.
Piercing through her
Agony takes over,
Yet she feels alive.
Icy waters of the ocean
She's neck deep in,
She can't feel the ground anymore.
Her head just above the water
She takes one final breath,
And heads toward heaven or hell.
A moment of panic,
As she breathes in, but
They are now one.
Her pain washed away
Sorrow drowned.
One soul, born from
*A poisoned mind
Of the girl who felt alive
Breathing her last breath.
She lived awaiting death.

I love her so ardently
I take pride in holding her hand
And taking her in a tender embrace,
Feeling the warmth of her strong, fragile body
Full of broken pieces and bandaged scars,
An emptiness that fills my heart with compassion
And rids it of guilt because I know
She isn't going anywhere and neither am I.

Even after death tries to do us apart,
We will be buried side by side or
Have our ashes scattered in close proximity because,
Oh lord, I cannot dream of ever being apart,
Alive or lifeless.

She resides in a special garden
With shattered walls;
She smiles through the cracks
And giggles with her little mouth,
Tossing her hair perfectly as she does,
Making me fall harder and deeper
For her, with her...

Never will I let a tear of sorrow trickle down her face,
Never will I let her try to end this life full of strength.
I will forever be there when she calls,
And when she doesn't,
Just to communicate in silence
Letting the rhythm of our simultaneous hearts do the talking.

If we are war criminals, so be it,
For we shall wear our battle scars with pride,
Allowing no one to diminish what we have-
This reaction called L-O-V-E.

I shall live to make her smile,
And die holding her hands, yet smiling.
I will search for the queen of my dreams
For however long.*
*And I will love her ever so deeply,
The deepest love she will ever know.

Inside her live the demons
Blood-******* demons.
Forcing life out of her
Sending agony throughout.
She lies awake at night
As the occupants devour
Her glory and gore.
But soon they will be gone
When there's nothing left to feed on.
The beauty perished by the beast
Will be the scavenger's feast.

​when you wish an earthquake would pave way for rubble to make you a cradle until the gravestone can be placed,

when you wish an airplane would crash into your window and pin your heart and heaviness away,

when youre breathing to hang on to life, yet want to give it away

when you can hear your lungs fill and deflate, making you feel like youre going to cave in

when you feel the noise around you is slowly going to pluck every braincell out of your head and not let them regenerate

when the music next to your bed is the only thing keeping you sane when footsteps make your heart race when clawing at your legs keeps the screams at bay when making another mark of metal seems too far away

when youre just yelling for the sun to go away because the sun makes people stay awake with noise grenades flying here and there it’s chaotic and a vortex of despair

am i being selfish

because noise grenades are borne by people trying to live another day while im here in my bed under blankets  

cursing them away

Walking through a busy street
The sound of hurried feet
Nearly drowned out
By fast cars and their rush.
Walking for a while,
The zipping slows down
Hurried footsteps calm.
Reaching a dark alley
With piles of rubble high
Leftovers of the incomplete
And youngsters so angry.
A place that reeks of hunger,
The hunger of freedom
The hunger of love.
Lungs exhausted
Of the blackness
That dwells within.
Eyes red from the false ecstasy
That lurks inside the unhappy.
They play with lightning
Giving no care
As they risk their lives.
Only light can destroy darkness,
They have a soul
But hiding in their shells
Illumination is captured within.
Consumed by demons
They don't fight back
Surrendering themselves
Trapped in the devil's lair.
Content with faux joy,
Or at least they exhibit
All they need
Is to believe in
Lost trust and lost love.
Their lungs may be black
Eyes red,
But their soul is always pure
Ready for a new life
Accepting of cure.
Momentary pleasure
Is the head's high, but
"Love and freedom" says the heart
"is mine."

I don't feel a darkness creeping on to me,
I don't feel my demons.
I don't feel tears on my face,
I don't want to leave.

I don't feel numb,
I don't feel like screaming.
I don't feel like bleeding,
I don't want to succumb.

When there's no negativity in me anymore,
The paper and pen lie alone.
When I've begun seeing good colours,
There's no more of me forlorn.

I used to write five or six poems a day,
Now I write one in five or six weeks.
In the night, I don't lie awake
To craft ink and silently weep.

I wish I could pen down happiness,
The way I could with emptiness.
I've tried to do so a number of times
But that's just not me, no vibes.

Everything is quiet
Except a faint whisper.
The subtlety violent
Naivety starts to wither.

Everything is calm
Except a growing laughter.
They mean trip and fall
But say, "Live long and prosper."

Hypocrisy stinging every corner
My voice is aching to scream.
I think, "Don't bother"
But I'm already far too deep.

if life is like a box of chocolates
and i will never know what i’ll get,
how long do i have to await
the poisoned one?

or is every piece filled
with a little bit of poison
that takes eighty years to ****
or seventy five
or tomorrow
or today.

you ever wake up at 6 am on a holiday
and try to force yourself back to sleep?
bur your body just refuses and insists
to slouch into the arms of your mind
the arms of your mind that keep you
in shackles of an uncertain next second
what if a bomb goes off
what if an earthquake happens
what if that plane in the sky i hear crashes into my window
what if my neighbours die
what if someone is murdered in front of my eyes
what if what if what if
this uncertain next second is certain
to be the cradle i lay in as i take my last breath
will you say goodbye?
or will you walk by like you’ve always done?

will you fulfill the hunger at the pit of my stomach?
will you play my favourite songs at my funeral?
(will there even be a funeral?
do you know my favourite songs?)

this uncertain next second will sing me to slumber
and shake me awake at 6 am on a holiday
remind me of my 2 am poetry
and put my body in your hands to carry.

Each day she begins by hoping not to be stabbed again. The worry gets worse as time rips past her. She hopes not to feel the air between him and her. But everyday, hoping deems no good. Everyday she feels the wind piercing through her skin and chilling her bones. Everyday she digs her red nails into her palms to calm the sweat. Everyday she falls to her knees, but invisible to the human eye. She feels the shaking of her joints. She feels every blood cell rushing through her. She hears her heart beat with a deadened sound. Her head gets heavy and her eyes close with a whimper. She's reached the blackness of the sea. She's caught in the tsunami. She wishes for the hurt to stop but then again she enjoys the pain.

He will be gone soon.  She thinks that the hurt will disappear too, but little does she know that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

He was once her entire universe with all the fireballs in between, but now he IS the fireball. She crumbles under the heat and pain. She's almost in ruins. She's going away to a new universe in a while. She hopes to find peace there.

She hopes to stop hurting, but will a ******* ever be free of pain?

No!* They screamed
As they saw them plummet.
A tale to tell.
Us on the summit
She told her that day.
As they watched the trees sway,
Hand in hand they fell in love
Together they faced the push and shove.
Day and night they fought the fight
There was no hope of seeing light.
Society tried hard to rip them apart,
But they wouldn't let go of each other's hearts
Because they used to beat together
Resounding within them the love they had
Echoing in their heads the words people said
Freaks  Disgrace  Outlaws
As they held hands and looked
At each other's tear-streaked face,
Standing up on the bridge,
Those people with dropped jaws
I love you* they said together
And vanished into the water
A few bubbles here and there
Those people just stare
A few walk away
A few wonder why
Why did they leave us?
They ask without emotion
They couldn't stop this vicious cycle
Because they knew the question
But chose to push away the solution.
The answer lay in front of their ignorant eyes
They watched blankly as they witnessed the sky turn grey
And grey to black
*Oh how we long for them to come back.

Dark, moonless nights,
No stars, no light.
Sleepless for a fortnight,
Constantly losing the fight.
Only shadows in sight,
Nothing shines bright.

"It will go away soon"
That's what they always say too.
But tell me do they ever lay strewn,
Out of Gods to pray to?
Do they ever feel consumed
By demons that chase doom?

Tired lungs and broken ribs,
Breathing all the past right in.
The devil holding on so grim,
Regurgitating memories within.
Detached heart strings,
Too used to the sting.

Crevasses and milestones,
Every crater- an achieved goal.
Lonely and alone,
Another youngster torn.
Placing the headstone,
Uncared for, forlorn.

Sprinkled in the sky
Like sugar on the pie,
They twinkle right at me
What a sight to see.
In awe and enchantment
I stand amidst the stars
I am now part of the insanity.
A rush of amusement
A sudden indulgence
Upon me it heaves.
Shooting through the galaxies,
A time warp, so it seems.
No time to weep
Like the darker days
I feel upon me a golden ray.
A touch divine
I've crossed the line.
Turbulence ensues
What is this I'm going through?
A world of surprise
Seen through my eyes
Amazement within.
I've caught a glimpse
That will recur,
The land I call *Isther.

i love you so much
today
tomorrow
and the uncertain next second.
through our anxiety and my tendencies
through your nausea and guilt.

my love,
i will love you today
i will love you tomorrow
but what if there's no tomorrow.
what if i turn to ash
what if i'm six feet below the ground
will you know?
will you realise?
4483 miles away?
will your hands reach my burning body?
will your lips touch my lips that are fading?
will your tears stain my face that now serves as a garden for new life?
will i feel your knees making a burrow in the ground
as you crouch over and tell me all the things you never could?

tell me will you promise me not to make it rain too much?
give me your word, you'll find another someone to love
say you'll get off the mud and make your way back home
because i have the privilege today
of easing you out of your misery, even by just a budge
but tomorrow you may be the one
trying to open my eyes, giving me a nudge
wake up
don't go just yet
we never got to dawn or dusk.

my love,
we never got to dawn or dusk
but you will
you will, right?
let go before you hit the bone
let go before you can't feel a thing anymore
let go
remember me
but let go.

for the last time,
i'm sleepy
goodnight
i love you.

I'll step across that blinding light.
I'll build upon the life that's mine.
I'll yell my dreams aloud at night.
I won't let the colours go out of sight.
I'll try my best to get shut eye.
I'll try to stand up for my rights.
I won't give up the fight so kind.
But forgive me if I falter along the line;
Maybe get drunk or a little high.
Maybe fall in love and cover my cries.
Maybe I'll even laugh some lies.
I'll put on a well-masked smile.
I'll pretend that I'm completely fine.
I'll show the world my pearly whites.
But promise me you'll be by my side
When I finally lose my mind.

no god to save us,
no angel to descend from above.
no hymn or prayer,
no superior to call Greater.
humanity is the only faith I believe in,
no heaven or hell to decide sin.

Crazy in this city I tell ya
Wild girls and hungry fellas
Insanity in the non binary.

From sunrise to sunrise
Living half truths and full lies
Breaking through the mahogany.

Laughter and rants
Dresses and pants
No one makes a fuss.

Born and raised in the urban
Soaking now in bourbon
Love is blind.

No labels
Except on bottles
Driving through the dark.

The rebels are glitter
We don't contest to be prettier
The world is not black and white.

Escaping into hills and highways
We've got days
Life is brilliant.

Love*- a new word it was,
Unaware of the misery it draws.
It seemed in love we were
My toes in excitement
Would curl.
"You're my princess" said he
"Apart we will never be."
I chose heart over head
Not knowing the darkness
To which I was led.
Perfection was what I called us
Pushing away was not an option.
The more I fell
The more I felt
Like you were falling too.
Little did I know the misery
That would lead to.
It appeared as a smooth road
But then a pit unseen.
It was an emotion overload
Trying hard not to scream.
I fell in deep
But over the pit you leaped.
Slyly smiling as you saw me struggle
With my feelings you had juggled.
Oh that pit was deep
But I finally touched the ground.
A few broken bones
And a torn, tattered heart.
I struggled to find my way out
Finally feeling light,
Winning my own fight.
Only to see
That you had really fallen for me,
After pushing me so deep in
And my heart almost breaking.
I laughed the way you did,
Smiled at you and said
*"You need me,
But I don't need you."

you traced over my skin
and i was so caught up
in trying to understand
the patterns you made
that i didn't realize
the gashes you left.

you called me a flower
and i thought you were a liar.
but now i'm bleeding
from the pores.
the truth is what you told.

How did we fall apart?
Why did the flame die out?
Whose fault was it?
When did we fall into the pit?
Who got out first?
Which twisted theory hurt?

How did our bond break?
Why did our hearts disconnect?
Whose touch destroyed what we had?
When did it go so bad?
Who planned the event?
Which ****** wanted revenge?

So many questions which will remain unanswered for eternity.
But so many questions for the future which won't make us dizzy.
We won't try and dig up the answers,
Instead let the solutions come to us.

And I shiver as I light my cigarette,
The tip turns flaming red.
Taking a breath of death,
My mind is a mess.

There's no one to shake hands with,
No one to share the filth.
I'm a flower that wilts
With no one to notice.

My throat burns,
But it suffocates the hurt.
For what it's worth,
This plight works.

I need to go someplace,
A run-down alley; if safe.
In my home I feel away,
I'm asleep, I want to be awake.

So much interruption,
A lost connection.
Endless noise, I can't function
A frustrated concoction.

The cigarette has burned out,
A bitter taste in my mouth.
This is a silent shout,
My head is distraught.

I hate this place that I live in,
It's so confusing.
I'm breathing, my heart's beating,
But there's simply no meaning.

I try so hard,
Yet the shards
They force right
Through me
Why can't you see?
Day and night
Of sweat and blood,
Wrong or right
My tears they flood.
Mortal as ever
**** me now or never
If peace is what you want
Then peace is what I grant.

he sings about a family photograph
in a language i understand no better
than a mathematical equation
and i grasp the strength and weakness in his voice
and the vibrations they send through my wooden table and all its contents
my eyelids flutter open and shut like a dying moth,
trying to be in sync with the music but unable to
i stretch and fold my legs as i hit the replay button,
crack some knuckles and glance around in double vision
as i'm being slowly oxidized to death
i have pictures of a smiling childhood idol
pasted on the wardrobes,
a  series of little pale yellow lights
taped apologetically to the textured, pastel blue wall.
i have writings on my wall in colours i cant find within myself,
and i suddenly pray this poem won't disappear
with the glitches of technology.
i pray to nobody, no god, no spirit.
being the atheist i am, i feel strange closing my eyes,
“please let it be okay” echoing in my head every time.
but these are not my thoughts.
these are not your thoughts.
they simply are.
he continues belting out notes
and i breathe without rhythm.
my lungs are tone deaf.
i get goosebumps on my hairless limbs for a second.
applause resounds, it's a live recording of the song.
short pause, next.
piano picks up pace
and the mellow voice of a different man
of the same tongue fills the room.
a little more lively.
i realize it's not the words you need
to understand what he means.