Just like an angel
She breathes with infinite grace
But in fallen flames.

I have never had a valentine.
Yes, I had that one guy, that one time
But to him, it was just a
A valenti---- don't really love you kinda love.
A valenti---- wish it wasn't you kinda love.
And to me, it was a
Valenti---- really don't think I'm straight kinda love.
Valenti---- am SO uncomfortable, get me outta here kinda love.

I have never had a valentine,
Yes, I had that one girl, that one time,
But we were miles away from each other.
4,483 to be exact.
With her I felt great
For a while
Like a candle
At the end of its life
You can see the waltzing flame meet the quiet of night
Midnight
Should I stay up kinda night
Skype call kinda night
I love you but... I gotta go... kinda night.

I have never had a Valentine
And it's not because he didn't care enough
Or she wasn't close enough.
I've never had a Valentine because I'm either too much or just not enough
I'm insecure, so insecure of the way I talk, the way I walk, the way these two strands of hair stick out, the way this one tooth just doesn't stay in line, the child inside me made entirely of antidepressants and fries, the truths, the lies, the incessant goodbyes.
I've never had a Valentine and I'm lonely
As hell
I'm so lonely I'll fall in love before you blink,
I'll pick you up when you're standing still,
I'll spin you around like I finally made up my mind to do the laundry
I'll kiss you good morning and I'll kiss you goodnight
Tonight
Tomorrow
Maybe forever.
You see this
is my problem.
This passion
This raging forest fire of emotions
This racing broken heart of haunted suspicions.
You aren't perfection
You're my perfection.
In my dictionary, your name is scrawled into the definition of every positive adjective, every beautiful noun, everything that's not a frown.

You see when I imagine my valentine, I see stars in the sky
As cliché as that sounds, I see stars in the sky and her nose perfectly aligning with the moonlight,
Her eyes slightly unsure whether to meet mine
Her lips lightly quivering with her gaze falling on mine
Her fingers slowly inching up to the tips of mine
Her smile faintly turning into a garden of lullabies
The place I go to mourn my goodbyes and watch the sun rise.
When I think of my Valentine,
I hear her laugh turning into a snort, laughing even louder, her cheeks turning red, tears in her eyes.
And I laugh along, falling in love with every crinkle by her eyes, just hoping she's not dying inside.
Just hoping she's not just pretending to love me tonight. Praying she believes we're more than just alright.

I've never had a Valentine,
But I'm hoping
I'm really ******* hoping
Somewhere in this crowd
I might have changed your mind.

you're gone and the wreckage ensues
you're gone and the heartache continues
you're gone and you're never coming back
i miss you.

because when you're dying,
your body is tired of fighting for
you,
fighting with
you.

the internal monologue is coming
to an end now
it's getting dark now
eyes closing now
mind quiet now.

still
life
no
life

broken whispers,
shivers

i have to go now

i have to go now

i have to go now

Poems are but a
Mixture of words all jumbled
To create pure art.

you ran your tender nails
over all my scars.
but then i looked down
and there was
blood
**e v e r y w h e r e

Physics
Velocity, acceleration and time
The speed, the distance
Travelled by a body,
Inanimate and lifeless.
A body that has to be controlled
A body that has to be in control.

Chemistry
Reactions, balancing and valency
Reaction between chemicals
Again in need
Of external control
In need to be in control.

Biology
Internal systems, senses and movement
The only subject
About life
The only subject
About being alive.

Yet, she feels
She is the physics
And the chemistry
She's lost self control,
She's no more herself,
Without the biology.

Although she's
Living,
She's still dead.
Although she's
Breathing,
She's still breathless.
Although she's
Walking,
She's still falling.

And although
She speaks through her mouth,
Thinks from her brain,
And bleeds from her vessels,
It isn't her behind
The words.
It isn't her behind
The thoughts.
It isn't her behind
The liquid.

If not herself,
Who is it?
If not her own mind,
Whose is it?

Have you heard of demons?
Not the ones
With horns and a tail.
Not the ones
With red skin.
Not the ones
Told in stories.

But the monsters
She feared as a child,
The monsters who lived
Under her bed.

The real monsters,
They dwell in her,
Feeding off her happiness
And drinking up
Her memories.

Scarring memories
Are the only ones they spare,
Leaving unhealed wounds
And taking sadistic pleasure.

She is controlled
By them,
She lost herself
She was forced to surrender,
She was forced to forget.

She had no choice
But to fall
And to stop living
For herself.

She is controlled
But not in control.
She is surviving
But not on her own.
She is alive
But in the grave,
Buried with flowers
And dirt to cover up.

How can everyone
Be so oblivious
To the dead girl
Amongst the living?

I want to love someone
Love someone so deeply,
I can draw their eyes
Plainly from memory.

I want to love someone
Love someone with so much heart,
I can hear their heartbeat
And create a piece of art.

I want to love someone
And gaze at the starry sky,
The rippled moonlit water
No room for another lie.

But I desire not
To love someone alone,
True love is not one-sided
No one ascends the throne.

I need not a perfect soul
I need someone with inner beauty,
I need not a rotten soul
Just one who loves me truly.

Who's to blame
For the fire that started?
Who's to say
They stand corrected?

A July flame-
Undying love
Or apparently the same
Is broken trust.

What is the use
Of a beating heart,
When dead is the fuse
And black are the sparks?

When every time I see his face
I feel like pulling the trigger,
Was it not a sort of race
That was stopped by a liar?

I cried tears of acid
For someone only worth
A stare so placid
To destroy and hurt.

I hold *******
Against my neck,
Pretending to shoot so it no longer lingers-
The memories that broke the deck.

How I wish thoughts
Could be burnt,
Of all the fights fought
And all the lessons learnt.

I know no more
What it feels to love,
With my heart gone cold,
There's no meaning now.

Unseen lies,
Forgone truth;
Bleeding eyes,
Hiding crooks.

Bruised skins,
Broken hearts;
Downing pills,
Tearing in parts.

Skyward bound,
Or bound to flames;
Screaming loud,
But from silence we hail.

Muffled words,
Hand-cuffed wrists;
Suicidal birds,
More names to lists.

We'll be the lost,
We'll be the forgotten;
We'll be the past,
We'll be the unwanted.

Broken hearts, torn souls,
Ripped out and left to bleed dead,
Grey clouds overhead.

In the darkness, everything comes alive.
Words begin to take shapely forms, distortion comes into play and our minds are syncopating to every detail.
Stare long enough into the darkness and you'll see unsightly guises prancing around. Take one step closer, if you dare; close your eyes and at once, G  L  A  R  E  .  Jolts of terror scream through your skin making it crawl. Your thoughts run wild as ever, showing you what you truly fear. You're desperate to escape.
You close your eyes and fall asleep. Gradually you drift away and REM kicks in. You're in the state of dreaming. It's all a make-believe land hereafter. The strangest things in reality suddenly make sense in the darkness. It seems like eternity in your head, with flashes and unsynchronised movements.
It's an unending vortex of warped confusion. Deranged thoughts arise, twisting your world into a mangled mess. It's just an abyss of hollowness now.
**In the dark, nothing is at rest.

Walking through the sand
The wind blowing in her hair
Waves have consumed her.

Where are the pure souls?
Forgotten miserably,
Ashes washed away.

you are electric blue,
charged up,
wreaking havoc like there's no tomorrow.

you are fiery red,
up in flames,
resisting change,
can't keep a straight face.

you are blood orange,
smiling through the pain,
a cheshire cat stare.

and you are sunset yellow,
soft and kind - the warm embrace of a lover.

you are a stroke of violet,
taking life as it comes,
slow, unwavering.

you are the pink of cheeks that blush,
a slow dance in the kitchen at midnight.

you are starry night black,
flawed and beautiful and eternal.

you are green swiveled into white,
serene, calm, still.

you are the full spectrum.

so do your dance and paint every empty canvas with your palette a different pattern every time -
this is why you are alive.