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Luvanna Dec 2021
Dear love,

I know it's too much to ask
But please bear with my constant insecurities
My constant what ifs
I will never feel 'enough'
But I'll try my best
I'd get competitive with your past
Forgive me
If I always feel I lose
To the ones you've loved before
For they are everything I'm not
Thank you
Luvanna Jul 2017
"I promise"
He lied to me, again.
6 words bear a thousand untold feelings
Luvanna Jun 2017
I've freed myself from the shackles
that restrained myself from loving my body.
And so your remarks about me will be in valid
Luvanna Jun 2017
So I've been thinking tonight
I put a serious thought on
how come you managed
to fall asleep so easily tonight
knowing you've said something
broke my heart and made me
feel unwanted in my early morning
Luvanna Nov 2021
Me: A series of fifty-five emotions
interchanging every ten minutes
love me, adore me and I shall grant you your deepest wildest dream
upset me, disappoint me, and I shall consider you dead
Luvanna Aug 2014
people should stop romanticising their scars
like jewelries bloom upon their skin and flesh
aren't all of us a little bit addicted
with pain and the bruises, the spectrum they make
with the rain and thunder
the violent lullaby
Luvanna Jun 2019
In my dream last night
I was blunt and brave
I have my own voice
In my dream last night
I wasn't afraid to stand alone
And made my own decisions
In my dream last night
I was a puppet who finally cut free
From the strings controlling my behaviour
And have my own muscles
In my dream last night
I have my own capitalized 'I'
Luvanna Dec 2014
"you laugh too much; or not at all"
to the statement i frown,
and find myself in disgust.
i don't wish for people to see
what I'm trying to hold against;
but i wish they knew I'm struggling
with things they wouldn't win over
"should i laugh at you too?"
Luvanna Aug 2014
I Love You
in present tense
you added colors to my life
but now you've turned black and white
and i run out of red in my color box
so i cut my wrist in a hope you'll be back
with yellow dress and red ribbon on your ponytail
tell me how you fancy black now my dear
and your lips were all white
Luvanna Oct 2014
I wonder if once i died, will i still feel depressed and wanted to die?
probably not because i didn't feel dying enough
Luvanna Jan 2015
people have been naming stars with
their significant other's name
but mine is always you
though we have gone insignificant
and we are slowly falling out of love
I still find my end of the rainbow to you
I still find your eyes are the whole galaxy
with the planets, with meteors and stardust
and though your hug feels less like home
I wanna stay longer until i fall in love again
in our next morning
Luvanna Dec 2014
"eyes never lie", you said
and I can only smile
and I hope my tears won't fall
and my mind starts playing happy memories
"I'm not sad" the guilt inside my stomach
starts to twist and form a cancer
"I can tell"
you said it like you are pointing someone's fatal flaw
and i hope you won't leave because of one sad little girl
Luvanna Nov 2014
"do you want to leave?"
he asked, his eyebrows arch with curiosity

"I will leave if you ask me to"
tears slipped under my left eye, unable to bear the pain

"you're not going anywhere"
his arms caught me and he hugged me tight,
so tight that I assume my broken pieces have sticked back together
i don't want to leave and please don't let me go
Luvanna Jan 2015
when the evening gets drunk in the level of my knees,
when every clouds gather in one room with umbrellas
I begin to question every existence i met today
how a dog is called a dog and why they are animals
why human is not in the same class as them
Luvanna Feb 2022
I'm looking for the time
in between the night hours
when is the best time to fall asleep
without thinking too much of you
the pain feels heavier
every time I lower my head on my bed
and my tears
I would want to say you're the one responsible for this
but I never blame anyone
for how I feel my feelings
Loving someone
should be the most natural thing happening in the world
and I don't get why we put ourselves
through too much hassle
trying to be with someone
we are running out of time
Luvanna Sep 2017
His words full of thorns
But his embrace is still heavenly anyway
I might be bleeding
But he wipes it everytime
Luvanna Sep 2014
the distance is sickening
and I wonder if my breath ever travel
to reach you
I wonder if we kissed
during the dull nights
when you said it will be okay
and everything's going to be alright
and you were here and you stayed
where are you now?
are you still breathing?
do you miss me as much as
the stars glow in my lonely night?
Luvanna Jan 2020
You used to talk to me often
I remember how small you were
And your mom worried
If you were talking by yourself
Little did she know
Our little secret
Luvanna Dec 2018
Musics ringing
Lights dancing
You'll find me on the dancefloor
Probably no
If you're sure you're my fate
And more than just my destiny
Find me in the smoking room
With a glass of orange juice
And 'The Great Gatsby' novel by the other hand
You won't bother to tell the others
Where you met the love of your life
Luvanna Dec 2018
"And I hate it when you overeact, you'll go with your stupid poetry ****"

There, you pushed the red button which send me right off the cliff
Freefalling from my only sanity

How do you expect me to react to your most destroying words, should I shut all my nerves and be your punching bag?

And why do you mind my stupid poetry **** if they speak nothing about you?
Well I guess the shoe fits you perfectly
And you feel attacked
And you don't like being cornered
So you lift up your gun
So that my head will end up below your knees
And if saying sorry means decreasing the air in my lungs
I'd be dead long time ago

Being sorry for not doing things in your prefered way
Being sorry for not saying yes to whatever you request
Being sorry to make you feel bad
Being sorry to ******* FEEL

You won the war,
And I'm the one living with fresh open wounds for years
Luvanna Feb 2022
shouldn't be this complicated
why it feels like all of us
are in a race against each other?
who has the fancier job
who has the more sophisticated house
how far is the finish line?
Luvanna Jun 2019
Lift me up
Place me onto your desk facing the newly rising sun
let the sun kiss our curves and edges unknown to the lights
I'm fresh and clean from the shower
ready to get *****
study me, as if I'm the map you always possess
**** me rough
the neighbours could care less about us
Luvanna Sep 2017
she climbs the mountains as if she slept atop them every night
she drinks the sun from her teacup and bathes with the clouds every afternoon
She picks the stars as if they were fresh ripe apples
And the moon sends her to slumber when she needs rest
She that I long to be
Apart from the crowd
And sleep with the wolves everynight
She that I want to be
Wakes up to the sunrise across my skin
And eagles to accompany my breakfast
Luvanna Sep 2014
we don't have to live based on the novel plot
we own our own stories no one could ever write about
and those memories will always have chapter you mark
some maybe have torn and burnt
but it will be always a book
no matter how crooked the cover is
or no matter how dusty the pages are
there's always someone bother to read
whether it's only page one or twelve
there's always someone who pay attention to your last chapter
and keep you forever in sanity
Luvanna Aug 2014
the crisp of the letters I collect from you
is the new scent I'm gonna bottle up
and feed it with light and wind;
I long for you for years and years
and i wonder do you still remember
my name.
the fluff of your sweater
is still hanging inside my closet
with dried rose you gave me
with blood stain around the collar
and I wonder do you still remember
the color of my eyes
the address seems to not exist
the number was inactive
and I tried to detect you through globe
through places you said you'll go to
and I found you with different eyes
and different smile
and different hand you hold on
and I knew I never stayed in your mind
ever since
Luvanna Apr 2022
Dear feelings,
I'm sorry that we are often being dismissed
I'll stand guard protecting you
from the people who's slowly becoming
someone who they said they won't be
whose mouth full of sweet words
whose real tasks aren't fulfilled
Nevermind them
We'll stay constant
in the midst of fickle hearts
Luvanna Nov 2014
my songs have been too quiet
and my dreams are about to die
Luvanna May 2017
That little moment when I remember of your absence,
is like I'm aware of my breath out of sudden
or being conscious of my eyes blinking
just like that
and you evade away from my mind
Luvanna Dec 2021
As I grace myself into being 26
My idea of happiness has becoming simpler
It could just be a free drink from a colleague
Annoying my partner and see him pout
(No he's not mad)
Or seeing the clouds roll on a Sunday afternoon
It could just be a long walk with him
And you talk and talk until you are out of topic
It could just be an arm around your shoulder
Or a cup of hot cocoa
My philosophy of happiness has been complete
Luvanna Oct 2019
Turn down the lights
It's too bright
I cannot see any faces
Just shadows looking up on me
Take me down the stage
I don't like the feeling
Standing alone on spotlight
I'm lonely
Luvanna Jun 2019
Mom asked me a simple question
'What do you want to be?'
So I answered proudly
'I wanna be an astronaut,
simply because I want to thank every each
of the stars and the galaxy,
for taking care of you and letting me have you
in my humble life'
Luvanna Nov 2021
it was your sweet lips
sugary words drip
your eyes, your gaze, make me twitch
a knot in my stomach
when you flirt
when you touch my sensitives
all the small gestures
and your act of service
suddenly I'm your Queen Bee
I'm in a sugar rush
addicted, obsessed, hooked on
and I just ignore all the nutrition facts
Luvanna Jan 2020
Summer was us
Getting on first name basis
You were new in the neighbourhood
And I delivered an apple pie
Infront of your door
Summer was us
Sharing ice cream and soda
I stole a glance and you watched me
I blushed
Summer was you
Hanging out with the new girl in town
You kissed her
And my tears streamed down my cheeks
Summer was me
Foolishly thinking we were meant to be
Luvanna Jan 2015
for my words have no sense when I begin to transfer it
from my quivering lips
I think it would be the best if I just write
in a paper where all the senses have put aside
where all I am trying to say is
for you to comprehend
to break the puzzles
Luvanna Dec 2014
it has come to the time
when the water tastes salty
and your lips taste heavenly
and i still can't figure out which taste better
Luvanna Sep 2014
and after you left
you said hi
and I told you how everyone left
and how I've used to it
and you asked me
you wondered
why the sky hasn't punished you
maybe they're preparing a thunder
and a storm addressed to your spine
Luvanna Sep 2017
One body
One mind
Feelings stretched as if an old loose rubber band
At night, I would toss and turn
Toss and turn feeling the weight of the universe
In my shoulders
In the morning, I would feel less ******
As if the moonlight has ****** out my feelings completely
Left me only with the aftermath of my own war
An empty feeling
Luvanna Jun 2019
I'm so bad at life
But maybe with you
I'm not afraid of making mistakes
and maybe
just maybe
if you are willing to share your umbrella with me
the rain won't feel so harsh
and the wind won't feel as cold
as when I get through the storm alone
Luvanna Jan 2020
I contemplate
the wonder of why people
only remember us
when they are in need
only to realize
we only need an umbrella
when it rains
Luvanna Oct 2014
the lighting didn't strike me fast enough
before the sound of my heart cracked
followed by the rain you sent me the next day
Luvanna Oct 2019
I hate to remember when
your eyes met mine
when we laughed too hard
I hate to remember when
your hand touched my thigh
and you whispered 'mine' in my ears
I hate it the most when
I tasted a hint of lie
right after your lips touched mine
Luvanna Sep 2014
"turn on the volume baby
I wanna hear your world shatters before me
it's the most painful yet the most beautiful song
cry out and tell me what the world has done to you
who makes you upset I will sentence them to hell
for heaven they never deserve
for making my baby cry her soul out
don't leave baby
you need more sleep
in my arms your home, your sanity"
Luvanna Sep 2014
you give me options
between death or life
between sleeping pills or coffee
and i would like to stay awake for years
just to hear the sound of you snoring
i would choose coffee
sleeping pills take the best of me
of my curiosities
wondering if you still there
fondling me in my sleep
and count the minutes every breath i take
inhale exhale
your love suffocates me
and i forget what oxygen tastes like
because your lips
are both my sleeping pills and my coffee
that i would take both at once
but i took the wrong pills

— The End —