friends
will be quick to show you
just how much they don't care
when you need a hand on your shoulder
or someone to have your back
just watch how they quickly disappear
like a mirage in the desert heat
it's an illusion
they're cardboard cutouts
the truth is
they were never really there in the first place
so you can't blame them for being
fake

I can’t move
my legs are pinned to my body
squeezing against my chest
my arms restrain to my sides
my hands pressing against my flesh
my eyes wide but i see nothing
the four walls of this confined prison
pinches my skin
and pushes my head into my knees
my breath is heavy
Panting i can’t breathe  
I choke on my own thoughts
my own breath
my heart pounds in my eardrums
I long to stretch my legs
and run far, far away
from this hell I have to call home

Why do you like me?
what a stupid thing to say
what you do in a day
no one could do in a year
so sit back my dear
and listen to why I like you this way
I like the way you flip your hair after you get out of the shower
and the way you kiss me a thousand times an hour.
I like the how you put up with me when I try to make you dance
and the way you giggle when I give you a small glance.
I like the way you hold me firm when the car takes a sharp turn
and the way we can just sit and watch incense burn.
I like how you make me curious and wild
and the way you make me feel like a child.
I like the special way you hold my hand when we walk
and how when we’re in public you don’t really like to talk.
I like the way your hands are calloused and rough on my skin
and how the passion in your eyes makes me feel within.
I like how you make me feel like a woman
and how you look at me when I’m cookin.
I like the way you grasp me so lightly as if you were holding a fragile vase
and how you kiss me a hundred times all over my face
So why do I like you ?
Oh love, what a stupid thing to say.

my voice has grown tired
screaming for attention
my cries falling off what
seems like deaf ears.
I know you hear me.
I know you're in there.
I shake my fists at your face,
wanting so badly to hit you,
so that you might notice my display.
I want to grab you by the shoulders
and shake you senseless,
then maybe you'd hear my plea.
and I wouldn't feel so helpless
If you'd stop and look at me.
my voice has grown tired and quite horse
and still you remain quiet
so I wait
and I wait some more
and still; I don't hear a word.
so I curl up on the floor
and grieve everything I have heard.

I'd rather live a lifetime alone,
because being a woman is so vulnerable.
We fragile flowers with beautiful petals
that everyone wants to pluck
it doesn't matter what the flower says
if their mind is already made up.
I could never trust another man
and god knows, I don't want to.
When all they've ever done is take from me
but for some reason, never you.
You took me by the hand
and asked me if it was okay,
you put me in the light
and for the first time I felt safe.
But, I did what I do best,
I went and I pushed you away,
so I'd rather live a lifetime alone.
because I can't trust a predator as prey.

It’s as if everyone knows me
But no one cares to know me
Alone in this crowd

I have touched a thousand times
but I know when I feel your love
you are the only one to ever touch me
in this way I've never felt before.
To be yours
I'll give up who I've been and who I was
for who you are
and who I will become.
You surrender to me your strength
and are as gentle as a dove
I am your fragile flower
and you protect me with all your love.
I will always bring you up
and cherish you for the man you are
and the man that you will become,
I will be the foundation
for what you build
until thy kingdom come.
I will always be yours
and you forever mine.
Together til the end of time.
in this love called: love
my knight and king,
your flower queen
together we'll conquer the world
just you and me.

kiss me sweet lemon drops
down onto the meadow
into the valley below
explore the curves
of her landscape
And what she holds to show
with invitation earnest
feel the breath of lips part
each movement
so precious so deserved
Each beat of her heart
an temporary ecstasy
that envelops every desire
Fantasies unravel thrusts at a time
bodies come close
close coming minds
utterly divine
*** in its prime

Her biggest desire is time
she just wants to feel like a priority again.
like royalty again.
Everyone is busy
it's who you make time for:
It's who you prioritize and make feel important.
a woman like her
is down for you.
sticks by you.
prioritizes you.
She's busy too but she always makes time.
She's out in the big world
doing big things
and regardless
she still always made time for you
whether a knight by her side or not
she will conquer.

You're my sweet addiction, my ******,
a constant pull I can't give in.
I thought I beat you and left you behind
but the scent of you still lingers in my mind.

Last night I dreamt of you and you seeped in
an addiction too strong, I can't begin
To shake the hold you have on me, it's all too real.
I'll give in and lose my will.

For three long years, I fought the urge,
to give in to the addiction, your endless surge.
feeling you again, it's all too clear,
the hold you have is still so near.

I remember the passion, our untouchable love,
our soul tie unbroken, ordained from above.
I see the truth and the cost it demands
to live in your shadow with bound feet and hands.

I'd still risk it all, my heart and soul
To fill this void and feel somewhat whole.
I know it's a lie, a fleeting bliss,
I'd be drowning again, lost in the abyss.

So I'll keep fighting you as long as I can.
I’ll keep you at bay, and push you away.
You're my addiction, my poison, my heroine,
I'll choose life for now, and let you go again.

forgive me
for i am the one you love
for i am one who’s betrayed you
do not forgive me
i deserve it; but I don’t
know
its my fault    
but please
forgive me

his fingers leave chills
trailing down my body
blurry and faded
he knows i'm sedated
his hands are clasps
his arms chains
his pleasure
my pain
strength is a memory.

Wisdom is a rose
beautiful and bountiful
though its spines
cause woe and wounds.

Those who grasp at thee
wicked and wild thorn
will receive a
***** so painful
it will scar your mind
leaving behind,

The tales of the wise.

I feel like I have no other option
Like it’s the end of the world
and I’m not going to have time to find anyone else.

or I get out and realize that you’re better than everyone out there and that means I have to settle with you.

I stay because I can’t afford my home with out you and
I don’t want to be poor and go hungry.

it’s because I’m afraid of being alone and I don’t have any friends to comfort me

these are all very good reasons to stay.

but you’re a slob.
and you don’t listen to anything I say I could tell you a thousand times to put your things away but I will keep finding them in the same places do you just not care about what I say ? you say you are listening but are you even in there ?

you don’t make time for me.
but I make time for you
it seems like all the effort in this relationship comes down to me.

You’re not funny.
you can’t even make me laugh
your humor is childish and dumb
I smile so rarely.

You’re a child who doesn’t communicate.
when there is obviously something wrong and I ask you what’s the matter and you tell me it’s nothing but I know that it’s something so I ask and keep asking until you finally give in to my interrogations
why can’t you just communicate your feelings and thoughts I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall.

you get angry because I won’t have *** with you. I have low libido because you disgust me and deep down inside I know I don’t love you anymore.

I DONT WANT TO SETTLE
I don’t want to marry you
I don’t even like you
but I’m too scared to leave you.

lead me through the darkness
I can't see
All I can do is
trust you have me
But I’m tripped
And i fall
Love isn't blind
But when I love you, I can't see

It was a mistake.
I shouldn't have seen you.
But my heart longs for you
my heart beats for you
the song my heart plays for you
was louder than the thoughts my head
my head Screaming
NO!
my heart singing
YES!
a clash of noise
I wish
would all f
                    a
                       l
                          l
                      silent.

love is my addiction
because: except no.
addiction is my love
because it isn’t
it’s what I hate most
But want more than anything

I remember that hidden smile
you hid from the world
those slightly crooked teeth
that swift turn of your head
hiding them
embarrassed by your own smile

I remember that hidden smile
you hid from the world
but never from me

My mind holds the key to
your heart.
But it's also a weapon.

I can't write like I used to.
I've lost my spark, my fire
and now i’m left with ash.
I've lost my match,
my flare, and muse.
I ignored it for too long
the fire it made was big, passionate, and beautiful
but I let it turn to dust.
And since I lerk for my light
but no match will meet my satisfaction
no fire will ever be the same.

blessed green herb
your sent easily reckoned
haze of grey fill the air
spark me once again
take a ****  
inhale the smoke
infiltrate my ribcage
like a dungeon entrap
the perception of your psyche
become who i am
and what i want
temporarily fill the hole
in my being

I’m confused
I don’t know how to be happy
was I happier fat?
Or am I happier skinny?
I can’t tell the difference
it’s all the same
it doesn’t matter what I look like
the pain will stick to my hip
through thick and thin.
literally.
Is it my body? Is it my clothes?  
or the way I don’t like the rounded curve of my nose?
no.
it’s none of those.

Spines cut, and petals soft
I was your delicate rose
a fruity vanilla scent
thrilling the bone
of my dearest Oliver Mccombs.
Blossomed so pure
I was beautiful, and gentle.
Though damaged
without my spines;
I was defenceless.

A humble bumble bee
By the name of Timothy
Flies friskily through the trees
And sways smoothly with the breeze
For the wisping winds of winter
Are coming in a beat
So he must flee to be free
From the cold or he might freeze
So he flies to someplace warm
To a garden by the sea
Where a humble bumble bee
Can go to be a bee

Be careful little mouse
you are dancing with fire.
I have you under my magnifying glass
I decide weather you burn,
so I’d hold my tongue if I were you
your tricks have a way of making me tick
trick
trick
tock  
though there will be no warning
when your your life catches a flame
I will watch you squeal and squirm
with a grin upon my face.
so please think throughly about your words
and put them up and zip them away
if you’d rather not pay the price for your words upon this day.

in this toxic love
i held so close
i gave you the power
to destroy me
to change everything i am
your anger, a beast wielding in your fists
would come out to play
your words lash at my heart
your fists swing and strike
precisely pounding again and again  
leaving me bruised and branded
leaving you crying and in pieces
blinded by love
comforting the man who had just finished beating me

beyond the eyes lymit
the sun takes its last yawn
dispersing its mild breath on to the foam below
the night inhales,
gusting crisp winds
stirring the leaves of the palm

the sky whispers to the tide
pulling out onto the quiet sands
soft steps sneak along the shore
awaking resting sands with a soft crunch
footsteps trail the sands
but are slowly eaten up by hungry waves

the night’******presents tranquility
to the shivvers of the night air
the winds stand afoot
sending soothing silence as a gift

waves wish wash along the shore line
But the silence still stands
With the breath of the moon
silence still stands.

I take a long drag off my cigarette
and look down at my mug
my coffee now warm
do to the slight breeze
that the fall weather brings  
I have myself a sip
and look at the vacant spot on my bench
“perfect” i sigh
as a salty treat
falls down into my mug

Im addicted.
I'm addicted to the pain
and I don't understand
when the repercussions equal shame.
Why can't I learn
that my actions have consequences?
That brief moment of bliss
that one little kiss
wasn't worth it in the end.
I betrayed you  
more than once should I add.
I gave myself away
when you're all I've ever wanted
all I've ever had

You told me to wait
that you’d be back anew
I know i'm not that important to you
but to me you’re so much more than perfect.
But right now you’re not even worth it.
I'm losing my patients,
if I give you some time
will you work on it?
He's nothing like my family wants him to be.
The earth keeps rotation and still I wait endlessly.
If you find your way I’ll walk it beside you,
I text you: I love you
because I know that someday you’ll be back with me.

You are my fire
my forever flame,
my match, flare, and muse.
I am your picture
and you are my frame,
in the fair blue skies of June.
you are my fall September rain
and my high summer moon
and I am your brightest sun
who sits tall at noon.
Like thunder and lightning
this love stays spun
beyond the old oaks grow,
and when the rivers don't run.
as night needs day
our love will stay
as it's only just begun.

The sound of his words smoothly rumble
like the belly of a car
And roll off his tongue
like the strum of blues
And though they don't always mate
And smoothly flow
I love to hear those, Mastretta tunes
Come and go

Like a cigarette
you sooth my addiction.
the stealthy smooth smoke of you
infiltrates my rib cage
with a subtle burning heat.
But cigarettes don't last long
you will soon burn out

I once wrote a poem titled:
Loving once, and loving once more, is hard.
Though now, I am no longer blind to my own happyness.
Loving once; is hard
Loving once more; is lovely

I watch the time come and go
each tock on the clock
my heart sinks deep
like a rock in the river
I poke at my dinner
like a dead rat on the street
and then I retreat to my room
feeling sappy and sorry
and for this I don’t know
I’m supposed to be peachy
but my heart is greedy
a feeling I wish I could outgrow
my mind is somewhere else
it’s by the creek running around
just feet on the grass, on the dirt, in a tree
but I’m here
not in the somewhere I want to be.

Roses who cloke the ****
Wilt in the morn aglow
They have sprouted spines
in past despair
Now wane inward
Despite the peace of
Those who pluck thee
thorns ***** thy flesh  
With bitter poison
thy bled with sorrow  
only to keep those afar
Roses stand lone  
With thy veil of ****

he feels sick
and often heavy
his mind is full of sand
he's living in a dream
a reality he cant stand
he scares me with his thoughts
and the conversations in his head
telling me he's happy
but wishing he was dead
i don't understand what goes on in his mind
i'm in love with a mad man
and i'm scared to call him mine

I hunt for happiness
I have a hunger that runs deep
I prowl chase and pounce
still nothing

I feel as if i'm being watched
I turn around
I see nothing

I've come to realize
my head is hunting me
a ghost haunts my body
but doesn't take control
it just puts happy memories in my head
I take away sadness instead
I'm hungry for happiness
I'm going to starve
and end up dead

you are my story,
our time a storm
wild like wind and rain
to big to handle
to powerful to escape
it blows around me,
tangles my hair,
splashes water on my face
lets me know
i’m alive
i’m alive
i’m ALIVE
but there are moments of calm
In every storm
and moments which
our words fork lightning for eachother.

Wisdom, a wonder
stupidity, a dread
The perception of both
deeply misread.

Below the pale faced moon
Beyond the daylight
And the sun at noon
in the darkness blacker than night
She lays on the floor
Curled up and drenched with sweat  

He Creeps in the mind of the mad
A ghost he is
Haunting her head

Her skin it tore, nails grow into a claw
Oozing blood from flesh that's raw
Pale gray face and sunken chest
Craving him she cannot rest

the present is a prison
i cant outbreak
my past paints pleasant pictures
upon my windowless walls
leaving me with the world
in my mad mind
bestowing reflections of my future
craving the imminent to dementment
longing for my liberty
fighting for my freedom

Kathryn is fire
she is warm
like a tender campfire
graceful and grand
as mesmerizing as she can be
you may never get to close
because fire is too much to handle
and too much heat
will send you screaming
send you away

I felt it first at fourteen
the hollow in my ribcage
Entrenched nothingness
Empty
Perforated the layers of my navel
From cover to cover  
A window in my chest  
Look through me
Nothing.

I remember a time
where there was an us
not just you and I

Lets runaway
Into the blackness of the night
The darkness does not scare us
For our love is a torch
a never dying light

The bond forged between us
Is not one that can be broken
by absence, distance, or time.
as I would always belong to him,
so he would always be mine.

baby you’re stunning
and you smell like honey
and flowers and good.
Sweetheart you’re kind
and your mind is graceful
and magnificent,
and I don’t doubt
because I know you’re heaven sent.
I know you’ve been blue
and I have too;
I know you’ve felt fire
both inside and out
but your soul is full
there is no more drought
pour into me
and I’ll pour into you
together we’ll sprout
and grow to turnout
pleased and at peace
and live another day.
Treasure you’re joy
you’re charitable and gentle
soft yet strong
you’re perfect despite your imperfections and flaws.
Baby bring the heat
warm my heart, my hand, and soul
and if we shall fall we’ll land on our feet.

I was your domino
you set me up and
watched as I fell
as if I were a game
you had me falling over and over again
you watched as I toppled over myself
disordering my mind
as you reassigned
the order that I should fall in
once again
you stood tall
as I fell at your feet

She was only an child
at peace with her piece of the world.
She was the breeze
savoring sweet songs
tasting freedom.

But the taste soon runs shallow.
Behind it leaves trails in her head
and pleasant paths in her heart.
Packing up keepsakes
she leaves without her piece of the world
alone.

The journey is strong
and she is brittle,
she holds the might of a fly  
her mind an ocean drive
swaying, rocking, and unpredictable.

She waits to find shore
but she is lost at sea.
Her head just above the waves,
her heart deep under the ocean.
Treading water with hope unsteady.

Her mind adrift
wandering down the trails in her head,
trails where she once found bliss in her freedom.
Now empty, dark, and alone
her heart weighs deeper.

Sadness is now replaced with hatred and resentment
towards the goblin who took her piece,
who took her taste.
She waits endlessly.
Hope that once was
is gone.