my voice has grown tired
screaming for attention
my cries falling off what
seems like deaf ears.
I know you hear me.
I know you're in there.
I shake my fists at your face,
wanting so badly to hit you,
so that you might notice my display.
I want to grab you by the shoulders
and shake you senseless,
then maybe you'd hear my plea.
and I wouldn't feel so helpless
If you'd stop and look at me.
my voice has grown tired and quite horse
and still you remain quiet
so I wait
and I wait some more
and still; I don't hear a word.
so I curl up on the floor
and grieve everything I have heard.

It’s as if everyone knows me
But no one cares to know me
Alone in this crowd

I'd rather live a lifetime alone,
because being a woman is so vulnerable.
We fragile flowers with beautiful petals
that everyone wants to pluck
it doesn't matter what the flower says
if their mind is already made up.
I could never trust another man
and god knows, I don't want to.
When all they've ever done is take from me
but for some reason, never you.
You took me by the hand
and asked me if it was okay,
you put me in the light
and for the first time I felt safe.
But, I did what I do best,
I went and I pushed you away,
so I'd rather live a lifetime alone.
because I can't trust a predator as prey.

I can't write like I used to.
I've lost my spark, my fire
and now i’m left with ash.
I've lost my match,
my flare, and muse.
I ignored it for too long
the fire it made was big, passionate, and beautiful
but I let it turn to dust.
And since I lerk for my light
but no match will meet my satisfaction
no fire will ever be the same.

in this toxic love
i held so close
i gave you the power
to destroy me
to change everything i am
your anger, a beast wielding in your fists
would come out to play
your words lash at my heart
your fists swing and strike
precisely pounding again and again  
leaving me bruised and branded
leaving you crying and in pieces
blinded by love
comforting the man who had just finished beating me

lead me through the darkness
I can't see
All I can do is
trust you have me
But I’m tripped
And i fall
Love isn't blind
But when I love you, I can't see

Oh world you’re a crook.
A mean mean soul
life’s so short; there’s no time to get old.
Life goes in a blink
and then you die.
That’s just how it goes,
and I’m okay with that.

but,

I have to work my life away
for a dollar and a dime
wasting seconds, minutes, and hours of my short and precious time
all to have “a good life”
just to make it, and to be okay
why can’t I live
without wasting my entire life away
on pieces of paper
an object only meaningful by man
why must I live
in this reality I can’t stand.

It was a mistake.
I shouldn't have seen you.
But my heart longs for you
my heart beats for you
the song my heart plays for you
was louder than the thoughts my head
my head Screaming
NO!
my heart singing
YES!
a clash of noise
I wish
would all f
                    a
                       l
                          l
                      silent.

keep it there,
keep it rare,
stay square,
don’t you dare.
I am aware I must beware.
in this love affair with a debonair
who is light and flare

I felt a tear
in past despair
but I can’t compare to then and there
only here and now.
do I care?
I do declare.
my mind is everywhere.
I wish I could just be unaware
in my underwear with out a care.

Im addicted.
I'm addicted to the pain
and I don't understand
when the repercussions equal shame.
Why can't I learn
that my actions have consequences?
That brief moment of bliss
that one little kiss
wasn't worth it in the end.
I betrayed you  
more than once should I add.
I gave myself away
when you're all I've ever wanted
all I've ever had

I was your domino
you set me up and
watched as I fell
as if I were a game
you had me falling over and over again
you watched as I toppled over myself
disordering my mind
as you reassigned
the order that I should fall in
once again
you stood tall
as I fell at your feet

forgive me
for i am the one you love
for i am one who’s betrayed you
do not forgive me
i deserve it; but I don’t
know
its my fault    
but please
forgive me

Doubt. You're a monster,
That I have to overcome.
you lie in bed and pillow talk with my loved ones,
your soft screams in their ears
I can hear you from across the room
you could be my motivation
or you could be my doom.
Doubt you're my Tinnitus
the constant ringing in my ears
no matter what I do you never disappear.
I could give you diamonds and gold
or the silk off my back
I could give to the poor
or win myself a plaque,
but even then,
I'm still not enough..
Doubt you are forever hungry
you are my crying child that I can not touch.

You told me to wait
that you’d be back anew
I know i'm not that important to you
but to me you’re so much more than perfect.
But right now you’re not even worth it.
I'm losing my patients,
if I give you some time
will you work on it?
He's nothing like my family wants him to be.
The earth keeps rotation and still I wait endlessly.
If you find your way I’ll walk it beside you,
I text you: I love you
because I know that someday you’ll be back with me.

friends
will be quick to show you
just how much they don't care
when you need a hand on your shoulder
or someone to have your back
just watch how they quickly disappear
like a mirage in the desert heat
it's an illusion
they're cardboard cutouts
the truth is
they were never really there in the first place
so you can't blame them for being
fake

My mind holds the key to
your heart.
But it's also a weapon.

I watch the time come and go
each tock on the clock
my heart sinks deep
like a rock in the river
I poke at my dinner
like a dead rat on the street
and then I retreat to my room
feeling sappy and sorry
and for this I don’t know
I’m supposed to be peachy
but my heart is greedy
a feeling I wish I could outgrow
my mind is somewhere else
it’s by the creek running around
just feet on the grass, on the dirt, in a tree
but I’m here
not in the somewhere I want to be.

I hunt for happiness
I have a hunger that runs deep
I prowl chase and pounce
still nothing

I feel as if i'm being watched
I turn around
I see nothing

I've come to realize
my head is hunting me
a ghost haunts my body
but doesn't take control
it just puts happy memories in my head
I take away sadness instead
I'm hungry for happiness
I'm going to starve
and end up dead

Wisdom, a wonder
stupidity, a dread
The perception of both
deeply misread.

he feels sick
and often heavy
his mind is full of sand
he's living in a dream
a reality he cant stand
he scares me with his thoughts
and the conversations in his head
telling me he's happy
but wishing he was dead
i don't understand what goes on in his mind
i'm in love with a mad man
and i'm scared to call him mine

Roses who cloke the ****
Wilt in the morn aglow
They have sprouted spines
in past despair
Now wane inward
Despite the peace of
Those who pluck thee
thorns ***** thy flesh  
With bitter poison
thy bled with sorrow  
only to keep those afar
Roses stand lone  
With thy veil of ****

his fingers leave chills
trailing down my body
blurry and faded
he knows i'm sedated
his hands are clasps
his arms chains
his pleasure
my pain
strength is a memory.

I used to dream about all things that we could be
I used to dream about you and I by the sea
I know it’s been awhile but you’re still nice to see
I hope this makes you smile even though you hide it from me

The sound of passion
ones that spark,
the ones who light fires In your heart
the heat of bodies
together as one
those burning orbs that stare and dispise
The fire eyes that sink deep,
seep tears, and cry.

Kathryn is fire
she is warm
like a tender campfire
graceful and grand
as mesmerizing as she can be
you may never get to close
because fire is too much to handle
and too much heat
will send you screaming
send you away

kiss me sweet lemon drops
down onto the meadow
into the valley below
explore the curves
of her landscape
And what she holds to show
with invitation earnest
feel the breath of lips part
each movement
so precious so deserved
Each beat of her heart
an temporary ecstasy
that envelops every desire
Fantasies unravel thrusts at a time
bodies come close
close coming minds
utterly divine
*** in its prime

The sound of his words smoothly rumble
like the belly of a car
And roll off his tongue
like the strum of blues
And though they don't always mate
And smoothly flow
I love to hear those, Mastretta tunes
Come and go

Be careful little mouse
you are dancing with fire.
I have you under my magnifying glass
I decide weather you burn,
so I’d hold my tongue if I were you
your tricks have a way of making me tick
trick
trick
tock  
though there will be no warning
when your your life catches a flame
I will watch you squeal and squirm
with a grin upon my face.
so please think throughly about your words
and put them up and zip them away
if you’d rather not pay the price for your words upon this day.

I wish I could yell at you
And tell you, you are making a mistake
I could hold you and tell you its okay
I know you are scared and so lonely
you don't care about the decisions you make
you are to wrapped up in your own emptiness
and your hollow heart aches.
You don’t know a lot of things
but you know you are alone
But you are just so **** stupid,
I wish you could've known.
But you didn't and you don't.
Do you even care ?
about me; your own flesh and bone?
And what will happen because of these failures and flaws?
Was it worth it ?
The boys? The drugs? or The reputation you gnaw?
But the worst of them all
is The disappointment your parents had for you,
The sadness and suffering that you put them through.
I know that it hurts. But it just didn't matter.
There was just too much going on in your little mind,
you pushed all those feelings deep down inside.
Leaving me to deal with this dilemma,
but I can't run and hide.
I want to grab you by the shoulders and scream in your face But it's a one sided mirror and you can't see you’re replaced.

love is my addiction
because: except no.
addiction is my love
because it isn’t
it’s what I hate most
But want more than anything

I have touched a thousand times
but I know when I feel your love
you are the only one to ever touch me
in this way I've never felt before.
To be yours
I'll give up who I've been and who I was
for who you are
and who I will become.
You surrender to me your strength
and are as gentle as a dove
I am your fragile flower
and you protect me with all your love.
I will always bring you up
and cherish you for the man you are
and the man that you will become,
I will be the foundation
for what you build
until thy kingdom come.
I will always be yours
and you forever mine.
Together til the end of time.
in this love called: love
my knight and king,
your flower queen
together we'll conquer the world
just you and me.

I felt it first at fourteen
the hollow in my ribcage
Entrenched nothingness
Empty
Perforated the layers of my navel
From cover to cover  
A window in my chest  
Look through me
Nothing.

She was only an child
at peace with her piece of the world.
She was the breeze
savoring sweet songs
tasting freedom.

But the taste soon runs shallow.
Behind it leaves trails in her head
and pleasant paths in her heart.
Packing up keepsakes
she leaves without her piece of the world
alone.

The journey is strong
and she is brittle,
she holds the might of a fly  
her mind an ocean drive
swaying, rocking, and unpredictable.

She waits to find shore
but she is lost at sea.
Her head just above the waves,
her heart deep under the ocean.
Treading water with hope unsteady.

Her mind adrift
wandering down the trails in her head,
trails where she once found bliss in her freedom.
Now empty, dark, and alone
her heart weighs deeper.

Sadness is now replaced with hatred and resentment
towards the goblin who took her piece,
who took her taste.
She waits endlessly.
Hope that once was
is gone.

Spines cut, and petals soft
I was your delicate rose
a fruity vanilla scent
thrilling the bone
of my dearest Oliver Mccombs.
Blossomed so pure
I was beautiful, and gentle.
Though damaged
without my spines;
I was defenceless.

I once wrote a poem titled:
Loving once, and loving once more, is hard.
Though now, I am no longer blind to my own happyness.
Loving once; is hard
Loving once more; is lovely

Wisdom is a rose
beautiful and bountiful
though its spines
cause woe and wounds.

Those who grasp at thee
wicked and wild thorn
will receive a
***** so painful
it will scar your mind
leaving behind,

The tales of the wise.

blessed green herb
your sent easily reckoned
haze of grey fill the air
spark me once again
take a ****  
inhale the smoke
infiltrate my ribcage
like a dungeon entrap
the perception of your psyche
become who i am
and what i want
temporarily fill the hole
in my being

Lets runaway
Into the blackness of the night
The darkness does not scare us
For our love is a torch
a never dying light

I take a long drag off my cigarette
and look down at my mug
my coffee now warm
do to the slight breeze
that the fall weather brings  
I have myself a sip
and look at the vacant spot on my bench
“perfect” i sigh
as a salty treat
falls down into my mug

beyond the eyes lymit
the sun takes its last yawn
dispersing its mild breath on to the foam below
the night inhales,
gusting crisp winds
stirring the leaves of the palm

the sky whispers to the tide
pulling out onto the quiet sands
soft steps sneak along the shore
awaking resting sands with a soft crunch
footsteps trail the sands
but are slowly eaten up by hungry waves

the night’******presents tranquility
to the shivvers of the night air
the winds stand afoot
sending soothing silence as a gift

waves wish wash along the shore line
But the silence still stands
With the breath of the moon
silence still stands.

I feel like I have no other option
Like it’s the end of the world
and I’m not going to have time to find anyone else.

or I get out and realize that you’re better than everyone out there and that means I have to settle with you.

I stay because I can’t afford my home with out you and
I don’t want to be poor and go hungry.

it’s because I’m afraid of being alone and I don’t have any friends to comfort me

these are all very good reasons to stay.

but you’re a slob.
and you don’t listen to anything I say I could tell you a thousand times to put your things away but I will keep finding them in the same places do you just not care about what I say ? you say you are listening but are you even in there ?

you don’t make time for me.
but I make time for you
it seems like all the effort in this relationship comes down to me.

You’re not funny.
you can’t even make me laugh
your humor is childish and dumb
I smile so rarely.

You’re a child who doesn’t communicate.
when there is obviously something wrong and I ask you what’s the matter and you tell me it’s nothing but I know that it’s something so I ask and keep asking until you finally give in to my interrogations
why can’t you just communicate your feelings and thoughts I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall.

you get angry because I won’t have *** with you. I have low libido because you disgust me and deep down inside I know I don’t love you anymore.

I DONT WANT TO SETTLE
I don’t want to marry you
I don’t even like you
but I’m too scared to leave you.

Below the pale faced moon
Beyond the daylight
And the sun at noon
in the darkness blacker than night
She lays on the floor
Curled up and drenched with sweat  

He Creeps in the mind of the mad
A ghost he is
Haunting her head

Her skin it tore, nails grow into a claw
Oozing blood from flesh that's raw
Pale gray face and sunken chest
Craving him she cannot rest

You trap me in your gaze
my rosy pink lips and blush cheeks.
You stop time in a summer haze,
your soul snatching up mine
as it lies all faint and weak.
His voice it plays
a strange and lovely song
the finest tones I did hear.
He’s a quiet soul
but his affections are not those of meek.
His eyes are burning, set in a blaze
whenever he looks upon I.
His eyes betray, the things he can’t say,
a love called love, thus this we can’t speak.
An intense echo drums the halls
and sends shivers to down to your feet.
Like a red rose in summer
that blooms in the day,
a majestical symphony performed
in silence.
warming the hearts of we;
we hearts of wind to flame changing,
night to day.

You're my sweet addiction, my ******,
a constant pull I can't give in.
I thought I beat you and left you behind
but the scent of you still lingers in my mind.

Last night I dreamt of you and you seeped in
an addiction too strong, I can't begin
To shake the hold you have on me, it's all too real.
I'll give in and lose my will.

For three long years, I fought the urge,
to give in to the addiction, your endless surge.
feeling you again, it's all too clear,
the hold you have is still so near.

I remember the passion, our untouchable love,
our soul tie unbroken, ordained from above.
I see the truth and the cost it demands
to live in your shadow with bound feet and hands.

I'd still risk it all, my heart and soul
To fill this void and feel somewhat whole.
I know it's a lie, a fleeting bliss,
I'd be drowning again, lost in the abyss.

So I'll keep fighting you as long as I can.
I’ll keep you at bay, and push you away.
You're my addiction, my poison, my heroine,
I'll choose life for now, and let you go again.

You are my fire
my forever flame,
my match, flare, and muse.
I am your picture
and you are my frame,
in the fair blue skies of June.
you are my fall September rain
and my high summer moon
and I am your brightest sun
who sits tall at noon.
Like thunder and lightning
this love stays spun
beyond the old oaks grow,
and when the rivers don't run.
as night needs day
our love will stay
as it's only just begun.

Tell me what you require
so I can give you what you desire
just ask and you will receive
whatever you may need
and whatever you wish
I will pull from my dish
so just tell me what you please
so I can fulfill your needs.
But please don’t mislead me
tell me exactly what you long
And what my duty shall be
so I can sing it loud and strong
without mistakes in your song.
Tell me what to think
so my heart shall not sink
so my mind shall not wander
on things that will never be.
so tell me what you want
so I can be what you need

Like a cigarette
you sooth my addiction.
the stealthy smooth smoke of you
infiltrates my rib cage
with a subtle burning heat.
But cigarettes don't last long
you will soon burn out

you are my story,
our time a storm
wild like wind and rain
to big to handle
to powerful to escape
it blows around me,
tangles my hair,
splashes water on my face
lets me know
i’m alive
i’m alive
i’m ALIVE
but there are moments of calm
In every storm
and moments which
our words fork lightning for eachother.

Her biggest desire is time
she just wants to feel like a priority again.
like royalty again.
Everyone is busy
it's who you make time for:
It's who you prioritize and make feel important.
a woman like her
is down for you.
sticks by you.
prioritizes you.
She's busy too but she always makes time.
She's out in the big world
doing big things
and regardless
she still always made time for you
whether a knight by her side or not
she will conquer.

I dip my toe in the water
Of this ******* merky sea
the unknown.
I flick the surface with my foot
watching the surface ripple and rock
it’s dark and I can’t see the bottom
but I jump and don’t think;
a head first dive into the unknown
and deeper and deeper I sink
will I ever reach the bottom ?
and if I open my eyes,
would I even be able to see?
I can’t go back
and I can’t foresee
I have to find a way
to find my feet
to learn how to swim
in this blacker than black;
the unexplored ink
of the world


I’m on my own now.