Where I come from only a ferry stands between me and paradise.
And paradise is separated by oceans of water too fast to swim across.
Water too deep to thread and the air,  fresher and I am accustomed to.
There are more corbeaus than humming birds where I come from.
The stench of decay rises from houses made from bones.
Ashes mix to paint clouds and,
Mourning ushers mornings making melancholy known to sunlight .

Sunlight however is mostly appreciated by excavators,
Happy to exhume new corpses.
Rain falls from firearms instead of the sky and tears pour from open wounds instead of tear ducts.
And night is every horror movie given existence.
And night is every nightmare given existence.
And Paradise is somewhere behind the line where the sky kisses sea.
And sunsets are swallowed whole.

Deneka Thomas 2015

Glass hearts can only break after falling...
And they know that, but they fall anyway,
Counting the time between gravity and the earth so that they could make every second of their wholeness count.
They've lived lifetimes in that space,
Not succumbing to the laws of physics because science didn't teach you how to love when all hope was lost.
It was instinct.
It was soul.
It was whatever existed beyond shape..
Beyond form,
Beyond glass shells that could undoubtedly be put back together.
Changing shape forever.
Missing pieces forever.
Imperfect forever and ever.

Dancing rainbows heckle the sun.
Jealous that everything orbits the star.
Grateful that the Sól of the universe contributes to their existence but they curse in silence...
Appearing unannounced and bringing smiles on rainy days by ironically displaying multicoloured frowns.
Holding grudges over sunsets.
Plotting against sunrise,
Conspiring with the night.
Unsatisfied with it's mere moments of glory.
Still whispering silent thank you's
Bipolar rainbows.

First it was a tornado,
Then it became a lion,
And one day it'll become a memory,
Floating...
Somewhere...
Burning paper tips at the end of clouds like ember,
And sunsets dipping below horizons,
To conclude that life...
Moves on...
Isn't it beautiful though?
Ripples like an angel's vibrato across waves.
Singing in harmony with perfection.
Silhouettes and dancing shadows,
Stretching beyond vision,
Disappearing under currents,
And making itself known in another hemisphere.
Peaking and rising and sharing its beauty with someone else.
While its absence is mourned.
Until it returns in the morning again.
Bring new hope.

A thousand love poems yoking to pages you will never read.
Though some have slipped from my reach,
Seeking refuge from the muse, responsible for their existence.
L is for lion.
And is what you are.

Nuclear bombs still explode in my chest.
Miniature mushroom clouds rise from my insides,
Because heart palpitations,
Isn't enough to explain the way I feel about you.

Eagles still flutter in my stomach.
Their wings still cut me from the insides,
Because tiny little butterflies,
Doesn't even begin to explain how nervous you make me.

Roses crawl up from my mouth.
Thorns, wrap around my tongue,
Because being at a lost of words...
Is only half of the story..

My legs are amputated with diamond blades.
I have had enough phantom limbs to last a lifetime.
Because getting, weak in the knees for you
Is a terrible understatement.

This is emotional genocide
And you are on the winning side.

My soul is in surgery.
Tattered pieces are currently being sewn together.
Needles, of diamonds.
Stitched, with Ivory.
Repainted. With shades of ichor.
None but the gods have the power to save what little of it remains.
Their hands, claw deep into my being and it pains,
Once they are through,
It will be as good as new.

My soul needs beautifying.
Lavished with Koi ponds,
To replace the craters.
Polished with Orchids,
To replace the dead roses.
I somehow trust that someday
It will regain its glory.
And that the world will see it smile again.
It no longer wants to be in ruins.

This is the highway of fallen kings.
The place where pharaohs go to rest.
The dungeon where crowns are thrown,
Because they no longer have value.
They mean nothing.
Everything you touch becomes nothing and,
Even the strongest fall under your scrutiny.

This is the wasteland of dreams.
The place where hopes go to rest.
For nothing conquers your unconquered heart.
Nothing will florish under your glory.
Every territory is under your dominance.
playing with my heart
toying with my mind and
Evidently pulling hard,
Ripping at my heart strings
I guess the mighty *****,
Isn't so mighty.

This is the epiphany of heartbreak.
The sudden realization that...
Pharaohs will fall.
Crowns will also fall.
Dreams are sometimes nightmares.
One can only hope.
Superiors remain supreme.

And of course...

The weak is forever at your disposal..

Heaven knows of the wishes you make in the dark.
In fact, the light is a bit jealous.
Glimpses of tiny paradoxes,
Peaking through pin like openings.
Ones the naked eye may mistake for mirages.
The darkness is so vast,
it is almost as if you are visually impaired and...
Better days unimaginable.
Every twinge or hope promises solar flares,
But instead, it presents sparks,
Quickly extinguished by,
Ominous woes and epic eruptions in the balance.
It is absence,
Humming,
Surfing on the air,
So you only manage to overhear scraps of,
The only means of your redemption
But cannot actually grab onto to it.
How are you making it through the day,
When you hate every bit of it?
Shadows laugh at your despair but I beg you,
Stop feeding the darkness because it will only grow thicker.

Heaven knows the wishes you make in the dark,
But it begs you to stop searching..
Stop searching for the light.
You will never find it in front of you.
Because it is inside of you.
But you are too preoccupied in your own misfortunes
To see just how equipped you are to handle the silence.
Because you have refused to listen to anything but sorrow.
Too blind to see that your own heart,
Radiates like a lantern.
To worried to see that you don't need fire,
You are the flame.
Darkness is carved like caverns to make you lose your mind.
Don't rob yourself the opportunity to be freed of night.
Force yourself to see beauty and Beauty will cling to you,
Overshadowing all else,
And light will illuminate.
no matter what you do.....
Know that,
Sunrise is only a breath away.
Breathe will you?
Let it fill every nook,
Let it  occupy every space of every cranny..
Let enlighten you..
Let it lift you up.
Let it set you free.
Let it keep you calm.
Let it motivate you to smile.
Smile your troubles away,
..... Will you?

Because it will be the most beautiful ...
You are beautiful.

Innocence,
Is...
Cocoons.
Keeping, caterpillars captured.
Keeping, fragility concealed.
Keeping instability confined.
Telling ambiguity it is necessary.
Telling in-culpability it is beautiful,
Until the day you gain consciousness.
Transcending into a butterfly,
Because when you learn how to fly,
You will never stop spreading your wings..
Your cocoon will seem, like it was just a fragment of your imagination.
Your mind will flutter, like a humming birds wings.
You will thirst for knowledge, like a bee for the sweetest nectar.
Your heart will love, like your natural instinct to sore above pinnacles.
Your lows will be depressing, you will stear clear of polluted capital cities.

Metamorphosis unravels your full potential.
Dancing rainbows...
The world is vast place,
And you will explore every inch of it..

If I..
Told you that maybe,
Just maybe I will forget that I ever loved you
That maybe there is a chance I can move on.
I would have lied.
You will exit my life,
But your essence will remain forever.
You will sustain my existence forever.
You will always matter... forever.

We were A romance,
Born out of innocence.
Formed from tectonic plates,
That eventually,
Tear us apart like,
Earthquakes can pull continents apart.

We may drift far but
Our hearts will always beat in time.
You will always be mine,
Even when you belong to someone else.
I will find beauty even in the ugliest situations.

The universe is a harsh place.
We cannot hear our broken metronome,
Above all the noise.

We are strangers.
We barely speak but
Every rare opportunity,
Awakes the dusty cocoons within me.
I felt their wings flutter,
Causing ripples and aftershocks in the dept of my being.

We have never met but,
Each time we speak,
It feels like roses,
Sprout from my mouth.
Thorns..
Tear my insides,
Vines..
Wrap around my tonsils,
Yanking every spoken word
That wants to crawl out of me
Out of existences
Creating,
Its own resistance..

I want Nothing more than,
To be the sunlight you were waiting on.
I want to lay my troubled head on your chest,
Listen to the unsure beat of your heart.
To, hear the words that you have
Never shared with another soul.
I want to make you whole.

A naked heart is singing in my chest,
Now show me yours.

I'm not quite sure when it happened..
But it woke the demons inside me and I felt them,
Hook chains from my soul,
Latching them onto wonders that evidently,
I wasn't quite ready revel in.

I stare from a distance.
Watching, As if coming alive for the first time,
How can this one person can have such an affect on me.

I always thought I'd love a man.
And it is as compelling as it is attainable.

Ive hated myself for feeling this way.
Ive hated myself for wanting it so bad.
Ive hated my imagination,
For persuading my logic into believing that it could work,
Because I dont even know how itworks.

All I know is that it is alive.
And its presence makes me feel my own regret push forth beyond my barriers.
It was supposed to remain buried.
I was supposed to remain sane.
It was never supposed to exist.

But it does and I am not sure how I feel about that.
The inner turmoil is loud.

My demons mock my demise.

How can I survive it?

Even though we are broken.
You deserve more than mere pieces of peace.
You deserve more than only fractions of paradise.
And glimpses of sunlight in the middle of opaque skies
Your deserve much more than samples of happiness,
Fluffy memories in the middle your pain,
To remind you of just how miserable you are.
Your heart is heavy with the burden you carry.
I want your broken fractions to complete me..
I want my broken fragments to complete you.
We can pick each other up
put each other together like puzzle pieces
puzzle pieces of peace that was lost.
Sing me your cries and
I will sing you a melody of hope
Lose yourself in sighs
So I can sweeten the air with love..
Shake your demons awake
So i can comfort your soul..
and fill them with roses,
Engulf me with thorns,
So I will never forget you.
I will shelter you till the storm is over
So you wont forget me.

I was supposed to for-get you.
You were supposed to be dead to me.
But piece of you remained
And when it rained
Vines crawled out of my soul to yours
Your name, found its way back to my heart.
The spiral, began all over again.
Give me a break you selfish *****.

For, the wars that we fought,
Its a shame no one ever really died,
Though most times I got injured.
Each gunshot came from our lips.
Every bomb exploded from my finger tips,
Poetry, fell to pages like grenades,
As I figure skated above landmines for days.
Tip toeing over these trip wires,
Loving you is a dangerous thing.
But I don't think I can survive without the affliction
It is, kind of becoming our little tradition
Where I,
Love you,
You love me
Then build me
And break me
And leave me
But I still Love you.
As if my soul,
Beckons at the mercy of your beauty.

You once stood,
With an arm full of lightening rods,
Dared me to stand still, and I did.
I trusted you.
You fired every last one at me.
I never healed.
I will never heal,
Because I will always feel.

I miss the notes that,
Completed the symphonies that followed your love.
How the earth shifted beneath my feet,
As if the its plates,
Also felt the tremors of your kisses.

The orchestra of the universe,
Beckoned at the curl of your lips.
The stars motivated into melodic choreography,
To celebrate your happiness.

That was once upon a time.
That was when our love was alive.
When that love died,
Ominous echoes followed.
My heart bellowed.
Living became as labored as breathing.
Dissonance grew with thunder
Air gathering weight.
Every part of me felt absence,
As if your love suddenly became extinct,
And mines an endangered species,
On the brink of a similar faith.

I remember the glory days.
I remember how beautiful skies were
before you tainted them with,
Splinters of your shattered promises.
Promises to love me forever,
When you gave your love to someone else.

How the fallen petals once fresh,
Wilted, scowling,
They will know beauty no more.

How angry jagged peaks,
Loom over gentle rolling hills.
Can you feel it?
Because I can feel.
I can't feel every sensation,
Every impression,
Cutting amorphously into
Every dream I've ever dreamt
Erasing every inch of hope I've ever felt.
How cruel love dismembers its victims?

The damask surface of my heart,
flickers threats of gossamer hints,
as song birds chant their heavenly hims.
Memories of our sins.

I want to forget you.
But how can I forget you,
When you've left such an impression on me.
Euphonious melodies,
Imprinted into my my being.
Taking so much of me when you left,
You left me no choice but to move on,
To the sound of my doom.

What could I do?

There was a time when of our love,
I used to boast,
How can I now,
With these missing notes?

No one knows how it happens..

One day you'll love.
Fragments of you will,
Fall like hail storms,
Fall like meteor showers,
Fall like asteroids to the earth.

In that moment,
You will let it destroy you.
Instead of seeking asylum,
You will embrace its torture,
Because you know that,
You are helpless.
Nothing you do will,
Change the way,
You feel about that person.

You will let it take you.
You will let it damage you.
You will let it bore holes in your chest
Because you know,
There is nothing you can do.

But when that person you love
Does not love you back.
Does not have the slightest idea as to,
How hard you've actually fallen.
How easily their smile weakens,
How dark your world becomes without them
Fault lines shift under the pressure
Each heartbeat is its own earthquake
Every tear drop is its own aftershock
Threatening tsunamis.
And they don't even know,
How much they hurt you.

They tear your world apart,
And your heart transforms like origami,
Into something dark and vicious.
Pain elevates resembling,
Category 5 hurricanes.
All hopes of happiness,
Falls down like thin three trunks
In the ferocious winds of rejection.

You love sweetly,
But break easily.
The torment of a broken heart
Cannot be calculated.

When that person does not love you,
As much as you love them.
The blood under your skin,
Flows like river rapids.

You can't sleep
Because the exchange is
Loud in your ears
You are reminded of your failure,
Every time you look around and
That person is no where near..
But you will never wish the love away.
It keeps you going day by day
What will living be without the lament?

You are afraid of going outside.
Even when its sunny out.
Even when the worst of the storms have passed.
Not because your scared of drowning,
But because you are scared,
Of being burned by warmth of the sun.
Scared that your scars will be seen by everyone.
Scared that your tears,
Will one day wake your happiness,
from hibernation.

Eventually,
Even though it takes forever.
Because forever is all you need.
You will scream,
Hard enough to cause,
An avalanche in your chest,
Shake the dust from your vocal chords.
Someone will,
Love the way,
Your battered voice sounds.
You'll hate the idea of someone new,
Until someone new comes along.

Love is..
Unpredictable.
Unsalvageable ..
Undeniably unbearable without you..
Fear of being rejected,
Doesn't allow me to have you.
It is like being,
Trapped in an eternal,
Thunderstorm of disdain.
Rusting,
Like drowning metal.
Bleeding liquid pain,
As I watch you,
Not see me
Not know me,
Never need me
And it kills me...

This depression,
Runs in my blood stream.
Blood curls,
And I scream.
Sometimes,
Tears are the best sedative
And sleep the best liquor.
Because I can,
Only have you in my dreams.

Its seems
Every dying minute I spend awake,
The reality is much harder to take.
Your absence is absence.

It makes me so cold that,
Breathing threatens to,
Shatter my lungs.
So I hold my breath...
Hoping,
Praying,
Wishing
That someday,
You would finally see me.
Or else I would suffer for eternity,
Willingly..
Hemorrhaging internally.

Life is lonely.
Love is merciless.
And I am a victim
Of this ruthless,
Torturous,
Chaotic emotion.

Be my life raft.
I am in dire need of saving.
I am drowning in the absence,
The absence of your love.
A choppy sea of misery.

These waters...
Break me in two,
Splits my rib cage open,
And cover every page of my heart
With poems of love and of heartbreak.

Save me..
May your love,
Burn sonnets into my skin,
As if your hands were made of volcanoes.

Save me...
May your hellos,
Stick to me irrevocably
And may your goodbyes
Feel like explosives.

Save me....
Be my life line , will you?
When you're wit me,
Its like being in a burning building,
Without fire escapes.

Lovely..
Like the sun,
Peaking out of the warm summer sky,
Originating from so much softness,
When nightfall ushers you away,
The horizon mourns your absence,
As I mourn.

Without your mercy,
I will be,
Nothing but a drifting piece of ply wood,
Losing its vigor as it floats,
Directionless on the vast sea,
All because you wont,
Save me.

Sun stripped bare and left to flicker,
Till it blows out like a transfusion box,
You blew out my transfusion box,
I feel nothing.

Gather the coal,
To build your fire,
That protects you from the cold,
And bleed the universe dry
As you bleed me dry.

As you robbed me of life,
Rob the stars of their glory.
Pick every last one of them from the sky ,
Place them gently in the bowl,
Feed them to the wild dogs,
As you also did with my heart.

Sew my broken fragments,
Into the sole of your shoe,
Weave every eon of love,
I've ever harbored for you
And walk on it,
Crushing every whispered dream,
Like it meant nothing.

Breathe me in,
With your vacuum like gasps,
And **** the last breath out of me,
Till you rob me of life..

Let my essences be lost,
In you wintry kisses...
like cosmic dust
floating through the heavens
like dandelions in the wind.

Do not end there...
Do not let me off so easily,
Watch my pieces,
Rejuvenate and deteriorate,
Under your spell
Over and over again.
My love is immortal.

You ******* me..
Nerves explode like nebula,
For thinking of touching you..
Solar flares singe my fingers.
Supernovas gather at your mercy,
You are powerful.

I still want you.
And it is stupid of me..
Though our love,
Exists only in my thoughts
I paint its likeness,
On this tainted canvas.
This is what happens when you break me.

My fascination of words come from a deep place…
Shards of broken hopelessness,
Discarded in pieces, through metaphors
Seeking life within the lines of poetry.
Wanting to creep out of my soul,
From my veins through my fingertips…

I write for me.
My words are not for humanity…
There won’t be any prophesies scrawled across cave walls
Only fragments of my being,
Refracted in the images I paint on paper,
Printed in blood ink.

My words are release.
There are no pictographs or,
Phenomenon discoveries,
Veiled in my assortment of letters,
Etched in my broken rib cage of fragility…
Printed only out of desperation.

My fascination with words is contingent...
I put in bulks of fleshy bits of insanity,
And I secrete emotions,
Ravaged by war,
Because for some reason,
Pain is equivalent to beauty.

Sometime my words become selfish.
They bombard my mental cavity,
Asking so much of me,
I have to stop in the middle of the street
And write thoughts down
before I lose them.

My words consume me.
I think differently,
I feel differently.
Every sense is heightened in this state.
I lose myself in the worlds I create.
My words are my only escape.

My composure is just illusion.
A mastery to hide the confusion of,
Having to explain my babbling..'
Or why my heart is pounding..
Hands shaking...
Head spinning..
Palms sweating..
Panic attack brimming..
Because.. publicly speaking wasn't meant for me
I suffer from social anxiety,
And it is awkward and agoraphobic.

Call it paranoia
Or insanity.
Or both.
Because it is..

I will never be able to open up like,
"Normal" people do.
Even though I..
Want to..
Tell you,
I love you..
And need you..
And thank you..
But instead I..
Silently write my woes,
Things I wish i could say to,
Family, friends, and foes.

I use to see you in the sunlight.
Until the sun died,
Growing so dim,
The earth was forced to dwell,
In eternal night.

The sky blazed with angry stars.
Glittering and glinting with,
Malice and envy because they will never rest again.
Men would expect to much of them.
Making wishes on their fallen,
Leaving gaps in the sky open,
Hating the sun for being so selfish.

The earth becomes,
Cold and Ice blue.
Frozen.
Desolate.
A wasteland of hate.
And Plants wither and die,
Loathing the moon.

Chaos expels,
Gushing from the wounds.
Hurricanes, Oozes from gashes,
Tipped and ripped from its roots,
Because of the imbalance in the universe.

The sun went out like candle light,
From the winds that came from your lips
As you blew it out with a smile.
Leaving the world to die slowly.

Setting off wars,
Threatening extinction,
Causing epidemics,
Brewing disasters,
And Hunger...
Existence relies on your power.
But you are to ignorant to see it.
Everything revolves around you.
Everything suffers because of it too.

Miracles escapes your lips in the form of poetry,
And though kisses would also be pretty,
Nothing captivates me more,
Than when your soul,
Pours out of you like liquid misery.
A river of soul and history,
Do me the honor and quench my thirst.
Allow me to see you at your internal worst,
Because Externally and Internally,
All I see is beauty.

There is nothing more captivating than,
Blood ink and calligraphy.
As your words seeps into my skin
Imprinting on my mental cavity like tattoos from within,
A brand of paper that never gets old,
Sometimes its so intense, truth be told,
I hear you,
Even when your thoughts berate you into stunned silence.

Sometimes I just want to reach out and,
Grab onto the illusions that I store in that
Pandora's box in my mind,
Saving every bit of your broken perfection.
Your voice attack my emotions like an infection,
I become more battled-scared than I already am,
But I will endure your blood wars as much as I can,
Only a poet will know.
I exist only because of prose,
And pain, love and foes.

I am not a writer.
I am not good with words,
I cannot speak up for myself,
It is my pen that bleed words.
No amount of convincing can give me conviction.
No amount of clarification can make that distinction.
Please refrain from using titles.

I am not a writer.
I am just a dreamer,
Dreaming dreams of inverted galaxies
Where complexities are reduced to simplicity,
And maybe love wouldn't be so complicated.
I dream of a world where I'll be unchained and liberated,
Because currently freedom is hard to go by.

I am not a writer.
I am just another over thinker,
I stay up all night disassembling the world,
So I can put it back together.
Adding new features that I think will make it better
I get lost in thoughts, and day-mares, fantasies and others,
I obsess and I always suffer.

I am not a writer.
Though sometimes I am photographer,
Snapping,
Close ups and selfies of my terrible mind.
Giving glints of places you won't usually find,
All because I write sometimes.

I want to runaway,
Far into the oceans.
Into the abyss of waters,
The unexplored depts of
Undiscovered species of fish
And devouring monsters.

I want to runaway,
Maybe to Africa in the forests.
Where wolves, dogs and dragons roam.
Make a tent out of straw and mud,
And all it my home.
Spend the rest of my life alone.

I want to runaway.
Maybe to the snow clad- region of
The Himalayan mountains,
Or to the frozen poles of the earth.
Stand to the highest peaks,
Without any clothes
So my limbs can freeze ,
Till they look like plastic manikins.

I want to run away,
Take up permanent residence on mars,
Or the moon,
Or maybe on the sun.
Far away from earth as possible,
Because If I stay here,
You'll just be a village away,
A city away...
A country away...
Maybe a continent and it wont be enough,
I'll still spend each night thinking of you.

I want to runaway.
Maybe to another galaxy,
Maybe here exists parallel universe
Where I can escape.
One where there are actually super heros
That wear spandex and capes.
One where happily ever after's are real,
And you know exactly how I feel.

I want to runaway.
Escape this reality to wear stars align.
I would bend and twist,
Or manipulating time.
Abuse any available strength I can find,
Just to get you out of my mind.

Do you hear it?
Do you hear it whistling in the wind,
Calling your name faintly,
And then building until its too loud to ignore.

Do you feel it?
Do you feel it prickling your skin,
Touching your softly,
And then burning until you cant take it no more.

Do you see it?
It is every where and nowhere,
Boundless like the wind,
Making rules as it goes so you can never win.

Do you taste that?
Do you taste its bitter remnants on your tongue,
It fills your veins stream and mixes with blood,
You know it better than you think.

Can you?
Can you decode that which is beyond you?
Can you outsmart that which is always ahead of you?
Can you accept it and let it control you?
Sorry the real question here is,
Will you?

Black oil,
Tarnished the white sands of a paradise that is,
No longer a paradise,
Because no matter how much you try to clean it up,
It will always be a shade darker than it used to be.
Not fully regaining its color.
The thick molasses no longer holds it together,
Africa, seems broken beyond repair.

Diamonds don't shine as bright as Rihanna suggested.
Instead they glow red,
With the blood stains of the innocents,
Slaughtered for wedding rings.

Bullets...
Cutting into the flesh of my ancestors,
Like those very diamond cutting into glass,
Because what is life compared to,
A piece of rock?

There is a pseudo-melodramatic darkness that,
Echoes off of every piece of light they reflect.
Sitting only on the fingers and necks
Of the people who can afford them,
As fingers and necks were chopped and severed for them.
I am unable to identify with the cries that still manage to,
Resonate within the wind,
Apparently...
I am the only one that can hear it.

Will you say it?
Will you enunciate each letter,
Light my senses on fire ,
Play Russian roulette with my desire, to finally have you..

Will you say it?
Let it flow out of your lips like milk
Let it orbit my heart like tiny planets made of silk
And complete me.

Will you say it?
Will you usher into my world sensations that are new.
Tears will fall backwards when you do
Heart spasms and dementia will follow too.

Will you say it?
Will you let your voice command its brave?
3 words, 8 letters to save.
A euphoric tidal wave.

My morphine.
You numb my pain,
Then stick your talons in my chest,
Ripping through the stitches that you sew,
Proving again that its all about you,
It is, always about you.

You feed my addiction.
Adding more ***** to my prescription.
Psychologically dependent on having you in my system.
When I cant have you, I suffer euphoric depression.
I still haven't gotten used to the transition.

I am helplessly dependent of your love.
You heal me of my pain,
But you are my pain.
You hurt me
But you soothe me.
You break me,
Then you put me back together.
If this is your definition of forever.
I
will
take
it.

I will hold onto those thick chemical bonds,
Let it take me above and beyond,
Then suffer disambiguation as you tear me down..
Those slashes to my chest will feel like hugs,
Love and other drugs.

Heartbreak, isn't as easy as it looks.
You took my heart,
Put it on hooks,
And butchered
Whatever remained.
Now it will never work the same.

Yet still I see your name
And that heart ache becomes,
A mobile destructive vortex
Of violently rotating winds
A funnel-shaped cloud
Attached to a large storm system.

Yes, heartbreak is like a tornado,
That spirals within me,
Each time I think of you,
Tearing and ripping,
And pulling me through.
Nothing could prepare me for this weather.
Yet I can't imagine anything better,
I prefer to face this tornado everyday,
It will,
Remind me,
Of you,
Forever.

You are the awe that fills my soul,
Every time I see the sun rise.
Just as it has,
5267 other times of my temporary existence.
You are the small beauties that make life magnificent.
And like a telescope your image is amplified.
When I see you, every doubt I've ever had is denied.
The threshold of every nerve impulse is intensified,
I feel you.
My only wish,
Is that one day you'd would feel me too.

21 guns salutes this army heart of mine.
A soldier, fighting to stay alive.
Penetrating at all angles with hope to survive.
Why won't you love me and let this heart thrive?

21 guns salute this army heart of mine.
Succumbing to a love it will never know,
Jumping in front of bullets because it seems right,
Being a martyr seems better than being alone.

21 guns salute this army heart of mine.
Made from titanium woven in steel.
Strong enough to face any threat that comes near.
But weak for the way that you make me feel.

21 guns salute this army heart of mine.
21 shots for you and me.
21 reasons I love you more.
Even if it results in the death of me.

I literally just had a panic attack.
It was scary.
My heart began malfunctioning in my chest
It was doing 150 beats per minute at best
And all I did was thought of the possibility, that we'll never be.
This is what you do to me.

I spent, half and hour under the shower,
Trying to get my breathing under control.
In... out... in, out and hold..
Holding my breath in hope it would lower my heart rate,
Before it was too late.

I watch my chest flutter like humming bird wings,
My chest, tensed violin strings,
A melody I know too well.
Symphonies and notes that tell,
You are my heaven and my hell.

Will someone please call the doctor?

I want to see you,
But they say love is blind
So I'll have to rely on my other senses.
Heightened because of your absence.

I want to read you
But my only option is braille
So I'll, use my finger tips to trace every detail,
Of your embossed paper mind where your essence is printed.

I want to hold you,
Clutch, onto your heart like a white cane ,
Show you that nothing will ever be the same,
Once you're leading me.

I want to you to know that I need you,
Why can you see that without you,
I'll be lost and blind,
Still searching for a love I'll never find.

© Deneka Thomas . All rights reserved

What If I said that you're my universe?
That even though you don't know me,
The thought of you ignites solar flares in my mind.
What If I told you you're my universe?
That even though you've never met me,
Every dream I have of you, volcanoes erupt in my soul,
What if I showed you my universe?
Where every particle of my being revolves around you.
Where the though of losing you proves cataclysmic
Though I, never had you to begin with.
What if I asked you to build a new constellation with me?
Let your name be stained across starry skies,
So I can, sleep through the day
And stay up late each night just to look at you.
My universe,
Mercy me please.
I am begging on my knees.

© Deneka Thomas . All rights reserved

I'm not supposed to like you.
I'm not supposed to fall for you.
It is forbidden like picking the fruit
From the tree of good and evil from the garden of Eden.
Yet here I stand,
The modern representation of eve.
The moral of the story is that,
Despite knowing the consequences,
I'll pick the apple any way.
We all do.

© Deneka Thomas . All rights reserved

Collages drip unto the new canvas making art.
Where passion and desire become one within perfection.
Strokes of paint that cannot be undone.
Watch the sun fall off of my page.

Do move a inch, stay in place for  while.
I need to blend your colors well.
The ocean likes your color too
Your reflection ripples on her waves.

Light and dark and in-between.
The blood of the sun mixed with the fading blue.
Clouds mop up the residue,
All I can think of is fire and hell.

Low you are going now.
Disappear under the night.
My canvas awaits your return.
My canvas awaits your return.

Love, is knowing every one of your facebook posts as if they were my own,
Or is that called stalking?
Love, is all the places we've gone my mind,
Or is that called dementia?

Every picture, is fuel for the emotional time bomb,
Ticking in my chest, threatening catastrophic effusion.
And how can you save me?
If you don't know that you're killing me?

I visit your profile, I flirt with the risk.
The temptation is too hard to resist.


© Deneka Thomas . All rights reserved

Your touch, supernovas to my skin,
Your palms, assassins trained to ****.
Finger tips, leaving tattoos in their wake
Loving you, a risk I am willing to take...
Mercy me.


© Deneka Thomas . All rights reserved