'promise'
Such a strong word

But only before
It breaks

Now that you're here
We'ld like you to stay

In the church of wicked
Surrender, as you may

You can't feel the bliss
If you haven't had it in grey

Can't be a content worshiper
If you haven't ever disobeyed

Offering blood and words
Blaming it all on 'fate'

We gather here every night
In our own realm, outside Heaven's gate

I have this whole world within me
Speak to me
Take me as I am
Set me free

You say I exaggerate things
But what if
What if my emotion
Is itself exaggerated?

Have you ever
For even once, thought that
Maybe I were a speck
Coming close, flying away

Why won't you ever
Pull me close
Make me sway

Keep your eyes off me
Strange how you seem to find reasons
To stay close when you shouldn't
And you could stay here forever but you wouldn't

I don't really need you
I don't even crave you
Except some days

Yet if you ask me, will I be here?
I'll whisper
Always
Always
Always

Let me breathe
In the smoke of betrayal
One last time
Let me taste
The sweetness of your lies
Savoured, divine
I am not good at goodbyes
Neither letting go
You can’t say I haven’t tried
Lover —turning into a foe

Every day is just the same
Every night starts with tears
Who’s to blame
For all the wasted years?

You painted the picture
Put flowers in empty vase
Just to let it sink
Cursed with your evil sage

I'm not looking for love,
Not even one fanatic idea,
But somebody I could talk to,
About things most consider a trivia,

I want to celebrate small things,
Share the moon in the sky,
Find happiness in our old habits,
Silly ranting, overeating, being shy,

A place far away from this town,
Where the clouds are clear and white,
Weekends under the lights –in the city,
Laughing away the fuss everytime we fight,

Nights discussing the dark theories there have been,
And many more yet to come,
Cold feet –the sound of burning fire,
Face glowing with smiles until it goes numb

I sat down to write a poem today,
I have got too much to write yet nothing to say,

The adrenaline has got my heart beating this fast,
My thoughts speak of something but hands can't do the task,

There was a time when all I needed was a pen to write,
Now I can't pick one thing until my emotions end up in a fight,

You see, there's not one side of my world I want you to see,
There's a lot to give but only if you're willing to creep,

So take your time, maybe today is not the day,
This evening, we can just have some tea and pray,

And when tomorrow comes we'll bring our weapons,
We'll scribble down the words and wait until destruction finally happens

It's really okay
If you don't plan to stay

I could go back
Lie down in my bed today

Have you ever starred at the midnight sky
Feeling as if it's pulling you out of a grave?

Why do we even expect?
For anyone to stick around anyway?

Maybe a month is enough
To say all that we want to say

Then we could go on with our lives,
Apart –no regrets, nothing to pay

After all, goodbyes should mean something
Only about joy —no tears, no hate

She was torn apart
Unchasteness surrounding her
But her God could see
Her virtuous soul underneath ~
So He bestowed her
With forgiveness ~
And she became a separatist
Isolating from critics
Making her way through
And accepting the mistakes
She grew stronger
Each day

Why is it that when you say you love me,
Your eyes tell me you don't?

Every time you say all these things you would do,
But you won't

Things keep coming between us,
Sometimes ego, friends or the loan

Why after all this time I've known you,
I feel like I'm stuck in a different zone?

I can't help but loathe the way I feel,
A book on the dusty shelf,

I try so hard for someone to know the real me,
But do I even know myself?

If you care –I know we're strangers
But would you escape this town with me?

We could learn new things –compassion, tenderness,
Hunger for the ultimate, how to be carefree?

Come closer, see what you want to see
Tonight we could just pretend
You can look at what a mess I am
For a while, you could be more than just a friend

You once said it takes courage to be who you are
And now I want to know what heaven feels like
You make me want to live more
Who cares what's wrong, what's right?


Give me your hand, feel my heart, will you?
I have been so broken and ugly
You realise that he tore my heart
Threw it away, but you want me out of my misery

You see underneath the fake game I play
From the ordinary girl to a self destructive soul
I am cold now –so cold and indifferent
And you say you want to be my home

He called me a flower
A torn, dried flower
Ripped off from its roots
All the petals almost falling —not yet have fallen
I called him home
A home so empty, all the curtains down
Polished walls, ravishing roof, crushed floor
No light –all silent, no sound

Under the midnight sky,
There’s a fading vision of a picture,
Negating your sacred scripture,

It’s a story with no beginning but an end,
A broken puzzle,
Of a tragedy and no pretend,

Consumed by the terror of falling asleep,
Or is it the fear of what I see?
Night after night,
Dream after dream,

Is it the way I watch myself die?
Or waking up in a scare?
Gasping for air,
Til’ morning, crying in despair,

It’s the same cruel dream every hopeless night,
A sight I cannot unsee in my own mind,
Feels like being ****** out of life,
Worn out, drained —all the time

Look at us
Together again..

And as you're burning me down in ashes
For the last time you speak to me
Yet there is no more of "we"

This might be just a co-incidence
But while ending my existence, you smile
And I feel happy that I am still on your mind

This evening, it's romance in its rawest form
But the people out there think we're fighting a war,
You know they can't see -now we've come so far

When you walk away from my concluding lifetime
I ask you to walk like a hero
I know you broke me, but it takes courage to do so

Your morning face is so pretty
That puffiness in your eyes
That little naive smile

And when you look at me
You make it seem so gentle
So wild but tender

It's not just obsession
It's not love
It's a taste –from heaven above

This is one love song
And I can write a million more for you
Because you're here to hear my truth

Champagne, pretty ugly laughter
I put on my dress you've never seen
Love how you're always too keen

You let me cry
I pour all my emotions in your hand
You sieve them –so easy —just like sand

Let me lie down here with you
When I’m feeling down and blue
Glorious, ruthless love
Such a fool, you have no clue

Make a promise you can keep
Sow a seed I could reap
Don’t fade away
In this dark, empty street

Close the windows, my holy man
I come here with no wicked plan
Don’t you forget this night
The fire –right from where we began

It’s 3 in the morning
Wearing your blue shirt, I’m smiling
Everywhere I go, I see you
In every person, I look for you

Been months since I have been pretending
“I don’t love you”, good lying!
But it strucks me every day
I don’t like things this way

Thought you were all mine
In this, I found my pride
You and me, up against them all
How could you let me fall?

You knew how strong I seem,
As much as fragile I am underneath
The sheets are cold, so is my heart
Now I don’t know where to start

It’s selfish to ask them to be ”you”
Oh but I can’t love somebody new
So I build a fortress around me
Put up some bricks, lay down the concrete

I won’t let you walk through my fence
Found my weapon of defence
If you’re here, please stay
We’ll talk about love some other day

When I was younger
My mother told me
"Some get it hard
Some get it easy."

My father would say
"Do not back off
Try until you must
And never stop."

As I grew older
I realised my mother was right
I was the one who got it hard
The one who was conflicted despite

My God, my Dear God
How many times do I have to fall
Lose my faith a billion times
And come back yet feeling so small?

Each day I fought a battle
Sometimes with my mind
Sometimes with my heart

Why do I, the most vulnerable
Feel like the whole weight
Is always on my feeble shoulder?

My brain is a wreck
My soul is an empty apartment
I must tell you
It does not feel good to be on this side of the door

You see -on this side of the door
I am never okay
But how must you see me as the weakest –
When you can't see what happens here

When I close the doors
I can finally be myself
The one with that heavy burden on a weak heart
Calming it down, I play my part
"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay."


#But it's not okay..#

its funny
how u think i care
doesn't mean i like you
only because i stare

fallen angel
too broken to heal
i am flying
but the devil's holding my feet

you will never know who i am
because neither do i
you're here, im glad
you sit beside me and so i smile

you're insanity
i'm the madness
call me crazy
but i could not care less

you're the black hole
and im falling
deep inside
because i hear you calling

i don't feel a thing
you say love's in the air
you want the poison
but that's not why im here

I gave burnt flyers to this town
Ran so fast –could not be found
Left behind, only betrayal
I can't hear you criticise from here
Your lips are surely moving
But my strength has gotten so loud

Everything's the same, but everything's changing now
The sun, the moon, the stars
Shine brighter somehow

Anyone hardly knows who I really am
And for the first time it feels great
Outstanding —even when I fake
They said, "You'll yearn love."
Oh but love's a cage,
No feelings, no strings attached,
No worries about my heart being snatched

That strong woman
Hiding a broken girl inside

She had dreams once
But they fainted away with time

She married a man of means
Who desired her every day and night

So she knew that she was still wanted
Even when demons left her behind

I’m drifting away
Like sunshine on a bay
Every day
Every day

You see me
But you’re still standing afar
How could you
Let me fall

The city’s cold
And silent
Yet you’re gone
And I’m lost

Do you ever
Think of unknown
Uncreated
Nonexistent?

Lust is a shame
But so is love
And so is everything else
Untamed

Sailing all alone
To another dimension
I’ll rescue
The woman I drowned

Whisper
Something sweet
In my ear tonight
I'll have my nightmares anyway

Embrace
My imperfections
I hide within me
I'll have my insecurities anyway

Crazy to see
How many wish to die
Just to know
How many will miss them or cry

I do not need death
To show me if I'm needed
I disappear for a night
And my conscience is defeated

Funny what time can do
Bury us down
Pull us up
To make us feel lost and found

Been told I'm weak
Left after coming too close
Once or twice
Or maybe a hundred times

How is it that I'm still standing here?
All naked so you would see
The scars that won't heal
Someone that's just not me..

There’s a highway to happiness
Beyond my sorrow
I have found a path to heaven

I fill my veins with drugs
Every night
A different sort of narcotic
A subtle smile

For a while it gets better
For a while I look pretty
And the world seems beautiful

Until it passes, leaving me drained
Gushing out of my body
Pulling me back into cruel reality

A dangerous place where
I am not who I am
I walk a different path
I say nothing I feel
Real, yet so unreal

So I tell you I am doing alright
Doing drugs all night
Washing away my scars
1 a.m showers, sounds bizarre
But
Isn’t, if you’re me
If you could, only see

They all deceased
The savage station master was deaf enough not to hear the screams
He couldn't worry to see the way it bleeds

And oh their ghosts
Still haunting the place
Looking for a little help
But don't look at their face

An untold story
An unresolved mystery
Of the underground rail track
And the heart-less Station Master

Along came Mr.Gordy
With his heavenly glory
Revealing the 'enigma'
He waved a goodbye

The little girl cries as she watch her father walk away,
All the hopes dying inside ,she's got nothing to say,

All the traumatic situations that she's been through,
And as she looks back ,she realize there's nothing she can do,

The mother cuddles her and tells her to stop crying,
She says, "Mother nothing is so important ,but he was worth dying."

Tears rolling down the eyes,
Broken heart beats inside,

Silence echoing the four walls,
Her father was expert at lying

I haven’t spoken for a long time -or at least the truth? I believe that unless you’re not speaking of how you actually feel, you’re not really speaking at all. I had a lot in me. A lot of things to say. Too many stories to tell. I felt pride in knowing that nobody knows my whole story. And to this day, nobody does. But I have changed. I feel, sometimes, as if I am living in a totally different realm now. I do not even remember who I was last year. I have done things, felt things, I shouldn’t speak of. Things buried deep inside my soul, eating me alive everyday. I wonder if hiding your truth is just like lying? But I didn’t choose to hide. It’s just that nobody chose to know. What is the truth really? It is how one feels? Or is it what the others perceive?

Too cold to feel
Too hot to touch
Stay with me
But don't love me so much

I fear the fear
Of breaking you down
Making it rain
Smothering your howl

If it were simple
I wouldn't let you go
But I destroy everything
Burn it all slow

It might seem usual
But tell me -is it, really?
I guess we're only delusional
The way I see myself, is that how you see me?

This distance is your blessing
I'm the disguise
You wouldn't want to have me
If only you were wise

If not anything else, I'll give you memories to keep
No touch, but a bucket full of flowers before I leave

One day, when the petals dry out, and your skin wears time
You'll recall the joy you've had, the echo of laughter and I'll be on your mind

Just like a sharp, wrenching arrow –you once crossed my heart
They saw you staring subtly, but I knew it was best to stay apart

I'll have this picture of you in my mind –white shirt, blue jeans
Running across the flawed fences, smiling, young and carefree

When you're weary, old hands reach out for a cup of tea
Maybe you'll realise how I reached out for you but you didn't see me

I love the word "forever"
I don't really know why
Maybe because it foretells a new beginning
Or a sad goodbye

And once again ,he left
This time with a 'goodbye'

He said he won't come back
This time for the sake of the 'goodbye'

I have no surprises ,not at all
This time it was a profound 'goodbye'

The intensity was felt by the wind,
This time we bade our last 'goodbye'

shallow heart and a heavy head
the echoes of words we never said

one last time you look at me  —then you look away
feels like i am pushed into a night from a sunny day

i can see through you –you're crystal clear
too many emotions to deal with, but there's no fear

you're easy to adore, not easy to hate
too ugly to love, too pretty to disobey

you're the tower i need to climb
i know -you know
but you keep asking me if im fine
obliviously —

you're the one building up the dynamics
a force we dont need
you keep adding up the bricks
the gaze and your subtle tricks
you know -i know

This night has suddenly became quieter
What's happening -I thought I was getting better?

Am I that messed up in my head?
Thinking about things you did -instead of what you said

I guess it's true
Nothing good happens at night after 2

One moment, I feel so empowered, happy
The next, I find my heart too shabby

It's as if I've shut a girl deep inside
Screaming so loud.. God, I'm tired

When I tell you it hurts —it does
On a physical level, it creates the fuss

After you, it was hard to let somebody in
I had to move on –but it seemed like a sin