I remember crying waterfalls in my bed,
struggling to get out,
and then Jesus came.
Jesus saved me.
I accepted Jesus's grace,
and i finally understood.

i got hit with the true reality the other day,
and the reality always hurts.
the reality that sometimes things don't go your way,
and sometimes the person you thought God made for you was made for someone else.
and it's hard to understand that,
its hard to understand that you are not ment for them.
it's hard to understand that some things that some things that you wished were ment to be arn't.
and every song you sent to them,
every song they sent to you,
it'll remind you of them.
thats the true reality.
but there will be a time of all of Jesus's healings will finally heal you whole.
there will come a time where you will hear that song on the radio,
and think,
hey thats a good song,
and not start crying to the beat of it.
there will come a time when you won't beat yourself over what you could've done differently that would change the way he feels about you.
Some things arn't ment to be permanent,
thats the true reality.

I think that I know that it was all ment to be.
No,
I believe.
I believe that it was all ment to happen.
That God closed that door because he knew I couldn't,
And that if he was the right one,
Our love would never have failed.
But because it did, I know that it was never love.

I wonder if I have been in anyone else's prayers.
I wonder if someone else has prayed every single day about me.
I wonder if an angel number has ever been about me,
wishing that they could have a chance with me,
just like i wished for a chance with him.

I go to the doctors
just for a checkup,
she puts her hand on my chest to feel my heart.
And at that moment i wonder if she can feel how its broken into a million pieces.
I wonder if she can feel with each thump, another piece breaking off.
I wonder if she can feel all the denial, all the workers in my brain trying to mend those pieces together,
but then it all breaking apart again.

I know that I love you still,
because every time I pray to the Lord,
your somehow in it.
Weaved into my prayers of health, my prayers of love, my prayers of happiness, is your name.
Because your somehow forever in my life, as a memory and as a figure, and I don't know how to accept that.
And even though I hate to admit it, I will pray for your love until the Lord pulls me the other way.

He could be so rich,
he could be so rich in money,
so rich in girls,
so rich in fame,
but I know,
that I will forever be richer.
For I have one thing that he doesn't,
I have Jesus.

Jade is my first love.
he's the one that will always stay in my heart, even after each season passes.
one piece of my heart is always dedicated to him.
I will never forget his birthday, his favorite color, his favorite shirt,
because part of me is him.

Have you noticed how once we start getting happier,
we tend to write less?
atleast I do.
I think its because all we ever do is complain.
and once theres nothing to complain about,
theres really nothing to talk about, nothing to write about.
I guess you could take that as a good thing,
or maybe a bad thing.

Time has passed
I have moved on
but one word still glimmers
Hope.