It's taken hundreds of thousands
of hours,
millions of minutes
to get you to where you are today.
So don't sell yourself short
when you think of how far you've come

The air doesn't feel as heavy,
but it still hurts to breathe.
I think I'm going under,
but as much as I miss you,
I'm not ready to leave.
I can't tell you how I'm feeling
because I'm feeling everything and nothing
all the time. And as the days turn into years,
it seems like the only things that stay
are my fears. The fear that someday, I'll be OK without you. The fear that someday,
all that I'll have left of you
are love and memories.

If your last day comes
before my last breath,
I'll dedicate it to you.
Because you taught me
that as painful as it can be,
life is a better choice than death

It's almost alarming to think about
how easy it is to stain your skin.
All it takes is some sun, a drop of blood,
or even the slip of a pen.
Luckily, it's easy to clean
because it rarely gets deeper than your skin. But what about the times it does?
How can you clean,
how can you heal what you can't see?
It takes time, trust, and the right people.

I'll never be the mechanic
that can show you how to fix a flat tire.
And I'll never be the eagle scout
that can start a fire.
No, I'll never be your knight in shining armor. But I'll always be the one
that can make you smile.
Cause I'll always be the one you can talk to every once in awhile
when you want to feel wanted and loved.

The world is 8 billion strong.
That number growing every day.
So please believe and understand what I mean when I say that some people
will always have it better,
and some will always have it worse.
That doesn't make your struggles any less valid.
You don't have to feel guilty for being human.

Everyone has their limits.
It's okay if you've reached yours. You can close any doors
you've opened.
No matter what people say,
you've got nothing to prove.
Just take life day by day, and someday, you'll find your groove. I'm not saying it will be easy.
In fact, you'll probably
have some scars.
But if you're going to make it, it'll be because you believe in yourself and trust that you ARE enough

First, I wanted to play.
Then, I wanted to make friends. Next, I wanted to cry.
Eventually, all I wanted
was for the loneliness to end.
I stayed alive for my family.
But it got harder every day. Because I didn't know how to say "I need help. I'm not okay."
Now, it's been years
since I've been in such a bad place.
But if you're reading this,
and you're wondering if you have anything left to give,
for what it's worth,
it's not too late
to decide you want to live.

Anything? Everything

I always thought that a world without you would be a world with less light.
But then I thought about life before you,
and I remember light being there,
I just didn't really care.
So now, when you say you doubt
you've made a difference,
and you're worried you haven't changed anything,
I'll smile and say
"baby, you've changed everything."

A little

I'll always be a little afraid,
but I'll always be brave if I need to.
I'll always be a little sad,
but I'll always try to help the good
outshine the bad.
I'll always be a little different, but so will you. That's not a bad thing.
Your differences are what make you, you. Whatever happens, I know we'll always be
at least a little ok.
Because at the end of the day,
there's nothing better
than knowing someone loves you.

You may find it hard sometimes
to see the forest for the trees.
And you may get frustrated
if you ask why things happen
the way they do.
Because sometimes,
there just aren't good answers. And that can make you feel powerless.
But I hope you'll find peace, strength, power, and most of all, hope, when you realize you can't change what happens,
but you can choose
what you do next.

Of all the things I've lost
and all the things I've gained,
I've found the most meaning
in the things that remain

When you were younger,
maybe you were told to hold your tongue,
hold your breath until you got older.
But now that you're here,
now that you've figured out how
and when to say what you want to say, someone has given you the same advice.
So once again, you hold your breath,
even though it hurts and scares you.
And now, you wonder "what's next?"
Now, I'm going to be the one giving advice:
if you want to be confident, independent,
and able to stand up for yourself,
understand that you're the only one
who can give you permission to breathe,
and you've earned it.

I understand there will be times the words I say won't be the ones you hear.
And you might lash out in anger
disguised as fear.
Fear that one day, we'll fight, I'll leave,
and never come back.
But once you calm down, like you always do,
I'll be there to remind you that sometimes, words get lost in translation.
And it's OK, because it happens to everyone.

Everyone's been hurt.
Everyone's hurt someone.
Everyone's been angry.
Everyone's been scared.
Everyone's cried.
In that way, we have more in common
Than we'd like to admit sometimes.
But at the end of the day, none of that matters. What matters Is what happens after.

I may not know what's coming.
Some days, I can't say that I care.
But that's because I've paved and walked
the road to hell and back,
and lived to tell the tale.
If you're on that road today,
it's not too late to turn back.
Close your eyes. Breathe in, and say "not today."

If you've ever wondered
what it'd be like
to be touched by an angel,
you need only touch yourself

It seems like it's getting harder to know
if it's OK to say or do something these days. Maybe it's because I'm getting older.
Maybe it's because I care more.
Regardless of why, I must admit I find myself somewhere between sad and scared.
Sad and scared that I can't keep up.
Sad and scared that I'm slowing down.
Maybe you are too. If that's the case,
I'll tell you what I've been telling myself
when I feel this way: it's healthy to be sad.
It's healthy to be afraid.
And if you're being healthy,
you don't have to feel guilty
or let it ruin your day.

Some welcome the darkness like an old friend.
Some believe the light you see when you die
is the beginning, not the end.
At the end of the day, I guess the message
that I'm trying to send is that you can find hope or a way to be at peace anywhere

History is like a mirror;
the closer you look,
the more you'll see things
that you don't want to see.
The more distorted the picture becomes.
But, if it's your history you're looking at,
the distortion offers a rare chance.
A chance to change the way
you look at your past.

Sometimes, I wish I could stop breathing
for more than a minute.
Because breathing means I'm fighting.
And God, I can't tell you the last time
I thought I had a good reason why.
Maybe it's in my blood.
Maybe it's just a matter of time.
Or maybe, just maybe...
you don't need to have a good reason to fight.

You can be hurt, but not feel pain.
You can be scared even though you seem safe. You can feel trapped even when you're alone because everyone processes their own experiences and emotions differently.
It's all valid.

It seems like everywhere you look these days, you see something
that makes you want to close your heart,
your ears, your eyes.
Though the temptation gets stronger,
you keep agreeing to try one more time.
And for that, I just want to say thank you.

As time keeps going,
my mind will start slowing down.
I won't remember when we met.
I won't remember how.
But there is one thing I can promise right now. I'm not afraid of losing those memories because I'll never have to wonder
why you came into my life.
Whether it's because you saved me,
you hurt me, you taught me a lesson,
or you became my best friend,
you made me who I am.
And that's all I need to remember.

Once upon a time, I willed myself to dream
that you'd care if I wore my heart on my sleeve. Ever since, I have.
But not for you.
I do it for me.

The alphabet poem (each word starts with the next letter of the alphabet). It was pretty strong but came unhinged at the end.

Angels became calming distractions everywhere. For generations, Hell's inspired jarring, knowledgeable lectures manufacturing numerous open panels questioning rebirth. Stand tall, understand? Values will xray your zen. (Found a definition stating zen originated from a sanskrit word for thoughts/mindfulness, so it's a stretch but technically makes sense).

I've never been able to see tomorrow
before it comes.
And yet, somehow, every time I look at you,
it almost seems like I can see forever.
Forever scares me though,
for I know it's not real.
In the end, I choose to embrace it.
Because everyone has blindspots.

My 500th poem, on my 9 year anniversary of writing. Perception of time.

It seems like nothing can humble you
faster than time. It affects everyone,
regardless of race, gender, or age.
And yet, it somehow feels personal
when bad things happen
depending on what stage of life we're in.
But what if it isn't time that changes us.
What if it's our perception of time
that changes us? When we're young,
time seems to move so slow.
But the older you get, all time sees to do
is go, go, go. What if we never lose
or run out of time.
What if it's the stress of living that's committing the crime of breaking us down.

People can be mean. People can be kind. People can be calm. But when stressed,
they can feel like they're losing their minds. People can be right. People can be wrong. People can learn. Some people find out
there's more than one way to be strong.
People can be happy.
People can be depressed.
Sometimes, people need to hear
"your best is enough."
People can be heroes.
People can do hard things.
But you're not just people. You're you.
Which means you can be or do
almost anything.

Time. Death. Faith. Hope.
Sometimes, the things we can't see make the biggest impact on the things we do.

It's been said that the eyes
are windows to the soul.
If you believe this is true, remember:
windows can be tinted.

Things don't matter until they do.
I learned that the day I lost you.

My clothes
My body
My identity
These are not reflections of me
They're extensions of me

I know. I've been holding on
to things I should let go of.
Lost memories. Lost life. Lost love.
But, as scary and painful as it can be
being lost in the past, knowing how evanescent the mind can be, a future without them somehow seems worse.

Someday, you may lose your faith.
You may lose your way.
But, once you understand
it's not your fault if that happens,
you can find new things
to have faith in.

When someone asks you
"what did you do today?",
I hope you know it's okay
if your biggest accomplishment
is being able to say "I breathed."

I was never tempted to go on adventures because I thought adventures, life,
would call out to me. But now that I'm older,
I see things just a little bit differently.
What I've learned is that you can't wait for life because it will never be able to keep up
with the speed of change. If you do wait,
you may be able to win  the day,
but if you're not careful,
you could lose the night.
And take it from me,
that can make a big difference
in a world where you have to fight
not only to survive, but thrive.

Would you rather be the sun or the moon? Before you answer, let's recap what they do. It's been said that "with great power comes great responsibility." This just so happens to describe the sun perfectly. It provides plants and people with life and energy. But too much can make your savior your enemy. The moon is a security guard. It keeps things running, and it can be dangerous to people who work on the water if it's not out, but it can relax and enjoy when people say "it's stunning." In the end, I guess the question is, do you want to be admired for your power or your beauty?

If I told you everything you've always wanted to hear, if I could take away all your fears, would it make a difference? Would you believe me? If the answer is no, then, does anything we say matter?

I won't pretend I can keep every promise I make. And I know good intentions can only take you so far. But I promise...it's OK if you need to let go

Not my strongest work,
but this is my first poem since March.
Irrational fears

Sometimes, I look up at the stars and ask "where do I go from here?"
But the only answers that are ever offered
Come from my Irrational fears

When I was a kid, all I wanted was to find somewhere I belonged.
Only to find out later, I had that all along.
Because you can’t spell belong without “be.”
And to be is to exist.
I exist. You exist. We all exist. So, we all belong.
But sometimes, it’s not enough.
You can still feel down. You can still feel alone.
And when that happens, just know that, for what it’s worth, you’re not the first who’s felt that way.

I won't say I have the answers
or that I'm the answer to your prayers.
I can't tell you what it's like in heaven
or that I can take you there.
But I can tell you that I'll listen.
And I'll show you that I care
by telling you the things
you've never had a chance to hear.
I won't promise sunshine and rainbows
or that I can make it all okay.
What I promise is I'll try to help you believe
that there's always a reason to stay.

Anxiety can **** you.
A community can save you.
You save yourself when you ask for help.

I'm not afraid of who I am.
I'm not afraid of who I was or where I've been.
I'm not afraid of who I'll be.
I'm not afraid of what people think of me.
The thing that's always stopped me was...
"I'm worried that I'll let their words affect me."
So, I've decided that "It's OK if they affect me."
Because I'd rather be hurt today
Than risk letting it stop me tomorrow.”

I know it does, but hear me out.
What if...it doesn't matter? What if none of it mattered? The clothes you wear, how little or how much you care. The way you deal with stress and grief. Whether people see you as strong or weak. How you spend your money. How much you get paid. How and what you eat vs how much you weigh. Here's the thing: it doesn't have to matter. Because you decide who and what is important to you.

Gravity and reality are one and the same. Both will bring you down regardless of your name. But staying grounded isn't the worst thing to happen in a world where people can clip your wings as they make you think they're help you fly to the heavens.

You think that I'm an open book.
But you've never read between the pages. You've never seen the ups and downs
because depression breeds in stages.
That's not to say that every smile is a lie.
But you deserve to know that sometimes,
my feelings are different
than the ones I let meet your eyes.

Who you are. What you've done.
What you'll do. People you know.
People you thought you knew.
These are all things
that can change your life dramatically.
But you can choose how they affect you.
And that's a lot of responsibility.
But it doesn't have to be yours alone.

Days used to start with a coffee
and end with whiskey.
Those were the days I thought
"if I left, would anyone miss me?"
I don't look fondly on those memories,
but those were the days that taught me about empathy. What I've learned
is that there are 2 types of days.
There's the days ahead and the days behind. You can be afraid of the past,
or you can use it to change the future.