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silvervi Jun 2020
No, I don't know
What love is
At all.

I am wondering
And my soul
Is about to fall

What is love
Why is love
And why are we all?

Are these simply questions of a depressed mind?
Maybe.
But also of one that is trying to find

Reasons
To live and to feel and to love.
Again.
More
And more honestly than ever.

Searching is my current state.
It's rather stuck, but does vibrate
Uncomfortably under my ribs
Where the deepest of feelings should be

Instead I am mostly inhibiting my head
But I want to learn to change that
My body needs more of my attention
I need to connect
To reconnect I guess.

I noticed there is a big gap
Between my soul, my head, my body..
It is as if I am existing in parts.

Maybe it's true cause energy is divided
Maybe.

I don't really know much
My focus recently has been very shallow
I guess I lost other people's touch
The human connections with fellows

They matter. Society matters.
This is where love meets me
But rarely.

I did experience hate though
In groups.
No body came to save me

But that's over, isn't it?
Or do I still have to learn to trust?

Am I still so influenced by it?
That I'd rather deny myself
Than to accept
That someone might not like
Sth about me instead.

Why is it so bad?
How to get rid of this weird energy.
How to find a way to be finally free.
I am not even begging for materialistic freedom.
I just want to be able to decide
How my life is gonna be
Where I am gonna be
And in each and every moment
What is actually right for me?

I know I overstepped some boundaries
And I will overstep even more
There are boundaries I overstep unwillingly
And there's others that I knowingly ignore.
A human mind reflects...
362 · Dec 2023
It's ok #3
silvervi Dec 2023
It's ok to sometimes fall out of balance.
Out of flow like a leaf that gets stuck somewhere between branches or stones.
A minute ago this leaf was flying graciously like a butterfly but it lost its balance and got stuck. Squeezed between some objects.
Now it has to stop worrying. To look around and to breath. "Where am I?" it says. "A minute ago I was flying carelessly like a beautiful butterfly 🦋 and now...?" it thinks.
"It's ok to lose your balance sometimes" it hears an unfamiliar voice. "It happens so that you can stop and look around for a moment. It happens so that you can appreciate what is here now. Breath, relax. Soon enough you will fly again."

🙏

Or maybe... the balance gets restored when I lose my fast pace for a minute?
359 · Sep 2024
Wann erwachen wir endlich?
silvervi Sep 2024
Wir schreiten vor
Der Winter steht bevor
Und keine Ahnung
Ob der Sommer
Und der Herbst
Das war, was es sich wünschte,
Unser Herz.

Zwischen dem Blick
Zurück und dem nach vorne,
Entreißen wir uns immer wieder
Dem Moment.
In all den Wünschen, Träumen, Illusionen,
uns zu verlieren ist unser Talent.

Vertrauen zu entschlüsseln,
Zu uns und zu den anderen,
Verliert sich in den Tausenden
Scherben des Misstrauens,
Zweifel und Unsicherheit,
Verfolgen uns wie ein Pfeil.
Und eh wir uns versehen,
Hat die Angst uns in den Krallen.

Wir dürfen bluten.
Oft ist's uns fast egal,
Wir wollen nicht vor Schmerzen schreien,
Hauptsache niemand weiß,
Wie's um uns steht.
Und niemand weiß,
Wie es uns wirklich geht.

Verhält ein Held sich so?
So Selbstvernichtungs-froh?
Wir opfern uns dem Überlebensmechanismus,
Denn lieber rennen wir das ganze Leben,
Als zu uns selbst zu stehen,
Uns selbst zu sehen,
Verdammt, wir sind nicht hier,
Nur um zu überleben!
09/2024
Und eigentlich sind wir immer in Sicherheit. Oder?
358 · Sep 2024
Song: It's alright baby
silvervi Sep 2024
It's alright, baby,
Just the way it is,
No need to change a thing.

It's alright, baby,
Just the way it is,
No need to fall apart.
A spontaneous song I sang. Probably to soothe myself.
358 · Apr 7
Insight #9
silvervi Apr 7
Now I understand how relationships oftentimes made me stop progressing and growing. I tried to stay the same deliberately because I was afraid they would stop loving me if I changed.
Basically staying attached to what I thought the person loved about me...
...At the same time through relationships we learn and progress anyway.
silvervi Sep 2024
Even if it won't help anybody but me
It has to be worth it anyway.
Writing down how I feel within me,
How my mind is leading me astray.

I once thought that I found the way
That I knew where I'm going and why.
I thought, I understand and can say
What is wrong and what is right.

Turns out I again was wrong
Things are different, more complex.
After all I feel broken, alone,
And it has become hard to relax.

I am wondering when it is time
For myself to just fall and let go,
To be able to let my thoughts be
And to breath, deeply breath, on my own.

Instead I am feeling estranged
From this world and my thoughts
Alienated.
I am trying to grasp what it means
And I don't understand,
Feeling frustrated.

This is where this poem leads us
Needless to say into the unknown
And repeatedly one may have asked,
Is there really nowhere she can go?
Writing for relief and self-understanding in difficult times, back in 11/2023.
354 · Feb 2017
It is time
silvervi Feb 2017
It is time
To let go soon
But I am not ready

It is time
To forget
But I won't

It is time
Time flows by
Now it's running
Out

It is time
But for me
There's no doubt

It is time
Fact's a feeling
Emotions

It is time
So revealing
But tense

It is time
Never jumped
Into the ocean

It is time
You became
My best friend

It is time
To finish
All the plans

It is time
And for us
There's no chance

It is time
And the future
Will bring more

It is time
I can't tell you
What for

It is time
I am wondering
How strong

It is time
The emotions
Have been

It is time
It is beautiful
Though

It is time
I won't forget
About it

It is time
And I have
To say goodbye

It is time
And it's difficult
Sometimes

IT IS TIME
But I don't wanna
Let go

It is time
I just wanted to
Let you know
silvervi Mar 23
Let us infuse this day
With gratitude awareness, hey
Let us infuse this day
With gratitude awareness, hey...
A spontaneous song I sang recently in the morning 🌻☀️
silvervi Apr 2020
How likes sometimes dicatate me my self worth...
But I'm a rebel and I had enough.
From now on what I like - that counts for me.
That way I'll hopefully learn to be free.
345 · Dec 2024
A piece of advice
silvervi Dec 2024
Accept that future is unknown and trust in your ability to handle anything that comes your way.
May we all experience the bliss of self-trust. 🙏✨
343 · Sep 2024
Affirmation # 3
silvervi Sep 2024
I let go of control.
Noticed that I've been trying to control myself in various ways even when I am alone. This is daunting and prevents relaxation from happening. Breath deeply, relax and let go of control.
silvervi Jan 24
My heart is crying loudly
I am ignoring it unknowingly
It has one million of words to say and scream

Why is this so hard
I am so disappointed.
Looking for light
And still not knowing what the point is.
Everyone is going to die in the end.
We all try to reach something special, my friend.

And till we die there is no correct measurement
To our life and it's success or our regret.
2nd October 2024, a search for meaning
338 · Dec 2018
Losing a friend
silvervi Dec 2018
I am not gonna write how it is
to lose. A friend. Again
It's the physical closeness
That we miss
I miss to hold your hand.

I am not gonna write how sad
I felt, when I said goodbye.
Because these thoughts and feelings are able
to make me emotional and cry.

I am not gonna describe
How I lost something together with you
As if I was separated in two
And you took one part of myself with you.



... and still I do.
Had to say goodbye to a friend who moved into another country.
336 · Mar 2017
How I would love him
silvervi Mar 2017
How I would love him:
I'd appreciate every word he says
Every preposition, verb or noun
I'd enjoy his voice in all different ways
Because I'd just love its sound
334 · Sep 2024
Soothing words to myself
silvervi Sep 2024
I am here.
It's ok, breath.
I love you.
I know, it's difficult sometimes.
We fall into patterns of wanting to make everyone around us happy. But ourselves.
We sometimes need time to see and realize this.
To recognize what is happening.
We are learning.
It's good you show yourself as you are.
I have your back.
You don't need to control anything or anyone.
Just be and relax.
Just be yourself.
You are safe here.
I am always here for you.
What would happen if we always talked this way to ourselves?
333 · May 6
Reminder #21
silvervi May 6
We never know how what we are experiencing now might help us in the future. Every experience is valid and may be useful. Let's embrace everything and trust.
Trust in life. Looking back I realize how much I have learned even though I labelled certain experiences a failure or a waste of time in the past.
330 · Sep 2024
Dancing at the equilibrium
silvervi Sep 2024
Dancing at the equilibrium
Trying to fulfill the balance
Of the night
Of the night
Of the night....
A spontaneous song I sang. Trying to process internal conflicts.
329 · Jan 15
Insight #3
silvervi Jan 15
People have a very sensitive nature. The seemingly insensitive people are actually very hurt people.
People can get hurt very easily. I can feel their insecurity because I know my own. It is human to be sensitive.
326 · Mar 2017
It's not you
silvervi Mar 2017
I thought
I got over it
But you are still here
I thought I forgot
But I didn't
I thought
I was through with you
But you simply stayed
I thought I asked you
To leave my heart
More than once till today

I thought
But obviously
I was wrong
I didn't know
That I still longed
For the smile
And the touch
That you gave
Someone
But me
I asked for something
That was far too much
And never meant to be

I like to think of it
This way:
You're not the one,
I like to say,
Because the one
The real, the true
He's meant to stay

And that's not you.
Noticed feelings waking up from a sleep again, trying to survive.
322 · Oct 2024
Song: Maybe later
silvervi Oct 2024
Maybe later it's going to get better
Maybe later it's going to be fi-ine

Maybe later it's going to get better
Maybe later it's going to be fine...
A spontaneous song I sang today.
silvervi Jan 18
Standing and meditating at the crossroads, looking at a tree and the sky for five minutes.
Some norms of society are funny and unnecessary. I am a rebel because I want to slow down and look at a tree.
322 · Sep 2024
Affirmation # 5
silvervi Sep 2024
I am open to receive love, kindness and compassion.
My heart is a fertile ground for the seeds of love, kindness and compassion. ❤️
322 · Sep 2024
Unterwegs
silvervi Sep 2024
Unterwegs seh ich
bekümmerte Gesichter
Viele schon älter,
Gekleidet schlichter.

Wartend auf den nächsten Bus,
Augen verdrehen wegen Verdruss.
Graue Stadt, grau *******der Nebel
Alles umhüllt, vom Nieseln umspült.

Allein unter vielen, die Wärme vermisst,
In Kälte gehüllt.
In meiner grauen Stadt letzten Dezember 2023.
321 · Jan 30
Intoxication
silvervi Jan 30
One simple thought
Igniting a wildfire
One match that turns
A whole world upside down
We can pretend that it's not there
It will burn deeper
Cause it doesn't care
A domino effect
That's hard to stop
It's a blind spot
No way to grasp it,
Change it,
Make it disappear...
The more we fight,
The stronger it'll persevere,
The more alive it is,
Contagious pain
And identification
Will keep on breaking trust
And sending us
Into a black hole
Of intoxication.
A thought that burns down everything. About triggers in our minds, about getting lost in those thought circles.
319 · May 2019
Our bodies
silvervi May 2019
Trust the process. They say.
But what if I am the process?
Anyway, my mind is directing my actions,
My body's the one to obey.
But shouldn't it be in a vice versa way?

To listen to the body, for a change.
I can imagine that, but can I manage that?
The body knows the healthy way,
Why should my mind lead instead?

Back to the roots, they say.
I weren't there, I state.
I cannot know for sure,
The origin of human way.

Does the body ever speak to me though?
Oh, I'm sure it at least sometimes whispers.
Don't eat that sugarfilled product, you,
I need simply more oxytocin.

This one weak voice, you can realize,
If you pay attention very closely,
Our bodies miss the human touch,
But we feed it with chocolate, almost chocking.

Our bodies miss sports, exercise,
Do you feel, how your muscles get weaker?
Get out there, for a fresh morning run,
Your body will be happier much quicker.

Let your health be the leader of your day,
Listen to your inner body's voice,
It has every minute-hour, much to say,
It's about life, for what it's worth.

Our bodies miss love,
Our mind's blown away,
Shouldn't we listen up,
And give our bodies a say?
317 · Sep 2024
Wondering
silvervi Sep 2024
Sometimes wondering
where I’m going
Missing people
who believed in me

Feeling empty, guilty, angry
Loneliness and more within me

Losing sight of hope
But a spark stays here.
11/2023
Feeling much better because many things changed after trauma therapy for me. But I barely remember how I went through the last months of the last year. If you're still in this dark place, please keep looking for solution and help. You are not alone and isolation isn't the answer. As much as it costs you to ask for help, reach out to a center or doctor, friend or family member. Please do it. Talk about your problems. Your problems aren't your fault. It is a heavy burden to carry and you deserve all the support you need to overcome it. I believe in you.
316 · Mar 2017
How the world is with you
silvervi Mar 2017
I just love how the world is with you
It's like candy and it's smooth
Sweet and easy all in one
New perspectives, new perceptions

I just love how the world is with you
It is real, it's the happy truth
Grooving, bouncing all around
Every moment new and round

I just love how the world is with you
Nothing is boring, everything moves
And we move with it, ready to laugh
You can't imagine how much all this I love

I just love how the world is with you
The atmosphere that cuts the fear
The real and crazy all in one
Perfection is made for the imperfect ones

I just love how the world is with you
Hanging out from sunrise till the moon
I embrace these feelings we have and share
All these moments about which I care

I just love how the world is with you
Holding hands in a sweet romance
Everything we need is me and you
Because we change this world into

Something beautiful and true
Something positive and real
I would not know how to feel
In this world without you
silvervi Jan 4
Don't give those thoughts any attention
But if I won't, they will turn into action!
I am done, my patterns drain me out.
I will let everything happen just the way it does.
Just the way it wants, it needs,
It's happening. Here, now.

Turning on and off myself
Daily
Losing hope, gaining hope,
Dreams illusions
On repeat.
Self-blame and shame.
And pain.

I am here now,
How dare I not be grateful for everything I have?
I go too fast, my body says.
I am alone.
But I am truly grateful to my bone.
I am forever free.
Indeed I always have been.

Now,
Here,
This connection is everything
I ever wanted.
My relaxation
Because of the beginning cold,
And the connection with my body
That it brought ❤️
My dancing is the same as healing.
I am grateful for persevering.
:)
Talking to myself, looking for solutions, keeping positive mindset, building awareness.
314 · Feb 2017
A statement
silvervi Feb 2017
I don't have time for self-analysis and overthinking. I live in the moment and here time doesn't exist.
313 · Apr 22
Reminder #19
309 · Feb 9
Let's #1
silvervi Feb 9
Let's take a mindful walk and reset our mindset.
That's what I'm gonna do now. ;)
307 · Mar 28
It's ok #6
silvervi Mar 28
It's ok to feel discomfort in the body.
It's ok. Observe it, sensations are ever-changing. Nothing wrong with it.
silvervi Jan 14
Feelings of loneliness coming to tears
I disappear, you disappear

Feelings of loneliness coming to tears
I disappear, you disappear

Feelings of loneliness coming to tears
I disappear, you disappear...
A song I sang suddenly today.
303 · Mar 15
Insight #8
silvervi Mar 15
Experiences can be beautiful, fun, uncomfortable, awkward and embarrassing at the same time.
It's not black or white and that's what life is - it's a mix of many colours.
299 · Mar 24
Reminder #14
silvervi Mar 24
The uncomfortable can be real icky at times. Don't forget that it's just a feeling.

It's just a feeling.

It won't stay forever.
Oftentimes this feeling is needed for us to move forward, to evolve.
297 · Jan 17
Song: Do my best
silvervi Jan 17
I'm just gonna-gonna do my best
**** the rest
I'm just gonna-gonna do my best
**** the rest
I'm just gonna-gonna do my best
**** the rest
I'm just gonna-gonna do my best
**** the rest...
A little song that came to my mind spontaneously today. It has a funny and quick melody. Encouraging and motivating ;)
297 · Jan 2017
How to make you understand
silvervi Jan 2017
How to make you understand
That you mean a lot to me
How to show it to you
I don't know

Come on give me your hand
Don't be afraid of me
Warmly, let me hold you
Let me show my love to you

One smile, one glance
It's happiness
No need for many words
No need for rewards

I never met someone like you before
I never thought I would
I never planned to feel like that
I never Imagined, what happened

Maybe there is someone else
Who makes you feel in the same way
Maybe I am one out of many for you
But it is obvious that we're close
Anyway

I don't wanna speculate
Did it already too much
It was a good lesson
Never interpret more in a touch

Sometimes I feel you are trying to say
That you also like me
But I bet I misunderstand
Anyway, give me your hand
silvervi Feb 14
I take my time.
I trust myself.
I trust my intuition.
All of me is welcome.
Happy Valentine's Day, self-love affirmations ❤️
292 · Feb 2017
Art
silvervi Feb 2017
Art
Art is mystery
Art is ***
Art is disarray
Art is fact
Art is a slumber
Art is a storm

Art is not comparable at all

Art is for you
Art is for me
Art is for everyone
To touch and see
Art is aggressive
Art is kind
Art are you
And Art am I
290 · Jan 8
Insight #2
silvervi Jan 8
I can think many different and contrary things. But I choose what I believe.
...and what I further turn into actions.
288 · Jan 2
Wearing songdance
silvervi Jan 2
Wearing songdance
Long time ago
Weaving a picture
Motion-slow

Grasping the nature
Of the unknown
Stumbling, falling
On the hard floor

Words, what are they?
Abstract objects in mind?
Fears? Seem so heavy,
But are rarely right.

Strange debates
One perceives
But it depends
On what one believes

Once projection
Takes over one's mind,
Chains reaction
Makes one real blind

And disconnected
In the abyss
May one still be able
To call life a bliss

Beauty may differ
In stranger's view
Mountains may move

If love is true.
After overcoming a difficult situation, processing in a poem
silvervi Mar 5
The symphony of empty spaces
Is filled with heaviness
It's happening
That often my heart races
Isn't it obvious?

My shoulders are shrugged-frozen
I'm feeling vulnerably-naked
My body's saturated by
Insecurity, it's shaking
Constantly
Making me believe
I was not enough
To truly live and love

Yesterday rediscovered
Where these feelings come from
Their roots were uncovered
In my childhood home

In those early years
Reoccurring fears
To lose a loved one..

Now, what happened back then
Is obviously over,
But my body still plays pretend,
As if those times would never end...

It seems as though I was stuck in those feelings forever,
Trying to fit in the modern world feels like a futile marathon,
Never quite reaching any destination,
My path can only lead me to obliteration...

The only question left is - can I handle this?
If I do have enough determination..
Cause to escape the abyss,
I will have to learn to fly,
This question is not one of a lifetime,
The action happens in the present moment by decision...
I shall embrace every feelings-collision.
Open end in this process. My path can hopefully lead me to an obliteration of old patterns. Growing new ones daily, every tiny step counts. I trust my intuition to guide me.
283 · Mar 2017
For myself
silvervi Mar 2017
How to be free
How to be me
I need to find
Myself

How to pursue
What's made for you
Still not forgetting
Health

Hell what is this
I am nowhere
Can't find it
Have to fight

This promise
I gave to myself
I need to stick to it

For my own soul
On my true own
Find myself in the deep
283 · Jan 8
Reminder #4
silvervi Jan 8
A thought is just a thought.
A dream is just a dream.

Because at nighttime dreams are thoughts in action.
I believe that and it helps me not to interpret too much into dreams. What do you think about dreams?
278 · Mar 7
Insight #7: Energy
silvervi Mar 7
I've been wasting energy in various ways.
Especially in certain thought patterns and internal fights in my mind.
Very important insight to make a better use of the energy we have. What we focus on matters.
277 · Mar 2
A remedy
silvervi Mar 2
Don't really know what I'm feeling
I'm probably feeling too much
Don't know why I feel so lonely
When every day I get your touch
Don't know why I feel numb
Numbing is a strategy
Thoughts these day get so tough
Having a heavy melody

Destiny of our souls?
Where is it written, show me,
My mind is desperate to know,
Where all this is gonna lead me
I am not ready yet
To give up on every dream
I know I keep steady
In times like these
I'm moving slowly

But with connected hearts
Art is not a real choice
It's a remedy
The only place that restores
My inner voice and my integrity

Does that mean I lack authenticity?
Maybe, out of necessity?
Maybe it's my conditioned brain,
Always wired to simply be afraid.
I've let confusion lead the way
In many of my decisions,
I've let anxiety lead me astray,
Make me lose goals and precision.

Now I am here and typing
Words in my phone from
The heart.
And I rejuvenate my core,
Feeling it's warmth,
Health being restored,
Every tiny step counts...

There's no way this depression
Will feed itself off of me.
277 · Mar 2017
The reason
silvervi Mar 2017
You're a thief
You're stealing all my thoughts
You're a butcher
Tearing me apart
You're my muse
For you're my inspiration
You're my alarm
I wake up to your vibration
You're like space
So huge but not to see
You're the sun
You're blinding me
You're my favorite song
It's your voice I hear
This flowering fragrance
When you appear
You're the one for a dance
And to give a kiss
You're the one to love
You're the one to miss

You're my reason why
And I'd have to lie
If I said that it's over
For me
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