Although ugly,
Something beautiful happens.
The air suddenly gets thick.
Your hand ***** up and flies
up to your mouth.
Lungs ache, just as we do.
They cling to breath as if
It's the last thing they have.
I cough, and my whole body heaves.
Just like you when I am behind you
My eyes tighten, and after a moment,
It's over.

A wet kiss turned inside out,
Bottled up and forced out.
An act of surrender,
Forced out in urgency.
A noise that signals sickness,
But at the same time
Searches for a fresh breath.
At times, a cough can be sickening,
Sometimes nasty.
But when everything rattles loose,
And that ache is gone.
Sometimes,
That's the best kind of love

Her love was rebellious,
Perfectly Defiant to man made testimony
Testimonies sent fluttering page after page handwritten by scholars without imagination.
Her love was rebellious
A pen waiting to be relived of its ink.
A stamp of emotion
Which leaves uncertain marks
Semi colons and closed parentheses.
The face of man left across
blue lines of paper.
Would she circumvent.
The page left blank lost in thought
Are we certain we are made in God's image
Man made names, submission to rebuttal of faith.
The alpha and omega extended with each reach of our hand.
A form of Religion beginning with each smile of her lips.
Branching from each thought of the red stem,
Three holes
Spouting lines of thought.
Doodles of string like hair.
Strings for arms, legs
Two circles used as breast
The details that make us so silly
Rebellious in the sense of drawing outside of the lines.
These fragile thoughts drawn on paper
With the concept
Nothing is as beautifully drawn as we imagine

She always had a knack
for catching me off guard.
To expect the unexpected.
My heart a doorbell-
Expectation the mat she stood.
Sometimes she'd wait patiently.
Other times she'd constantly press the button.
A sudden nudge of emotion,
The appeal of urgency
Knowing that not many will wait.
Her smile sent special delivery,
Opened on arrival.
She never came when I expected.
Often checking before she rang.
My lips sealed
In suspense of waiting.
Better late than never.
My heart rung last minute.
Pressed again and again.
Again and again.-
Indulged that she came
My lips sealed at the nook of hers.
My heart a doorbell-
Pressed in anticipation.
Met quickly in arrival.
Her finger against my heart a courtesy
The whole time the door unlocked
Waiting for her return

in a downpour of rain.
the world fades away in a flash
of white.
the rain slants and drizzles,
Beginning to fill the gaps of potholes.
And crooked cracks left empty
against the pavement.
the drivers behind
the wheels of their cars
turn their windshield wipers
on high, to no avail.
Their wipers constantly beaded
down, covered white.
Fading away.
the downpour is too heavy.
the rain is too heavy.
It's thuds bead down
against the metal car roofs.
my heart too sways in the wind.
Pinged and drenched,
caught in the downpour of how your
heart's whispers have turned to screams.
rain-soaked tears unveiled to fill the
gaps of all things missing.
including the distance between you and I.
Soon, I too will errupt and overflow.
Fading away in a flash of white

Do you truly know what it's like to dream with your eyes open?
To confess that you don't know why you dream the way you do.
The need to miss as much as you do.
Missing the reality of the things that make most happy.
Catching yourself in the beauty that goes unseen.
Everything that goes unseen.
The light that twinkles in the melanin.
Quiet spheres that guard us from what we fear most.
Legit watching you the way you watch them.
Bowing in your essence while you share in their regal.
The way your shoulders slide into a dress made in their likeness.
The rest of the world goes on

Over by the lake in thought, I sat and I  pondered.
Wondering of a love that would wash my sins away.
To be made a new in such a drenching sensation.
To be bathed in the ways of a beating heart.
With every smile, every word spoken.
I feel that she's near, Over by the lake in thought.
I would give anything to confess such profession.
My body; a nibble of bread in her everlasting thought.
Baptized in the blink of her eye.
Should the wells of her eyes ever dry I'd refill them with whatever tear I can provide.
To what tide do I offer such communion.
To find myself awaken in her eyes.
Every smile that flourishes across her face.
To imagine heaven with every step that she takes. The way the sun caresses her face,
Would this be considered blasphemy,
Becoming one with every breath that escapes her chest, caught by my lips.
This euphoric happening of any time, any place.
This mental elation, elevated with each throb of her heart.
I sit and I ponder,
Would she believe such testimonial.
The fear of an dream ending too soon.
Struggling to go to sleep and place myself where I saw her last.
With words unspoken
The total embodiment of total surender

The last time I dreamed about you
I planted the dream in soil.
When I fell asleep and woke up.
I believed you to have grown,
Like any other flower.
Even if you turned out
to be a rose,
I didn’t mind the ***** of a thorn.
When I wiped my eyes
There was a cactus in the soil.
There are good dreams
And there are bad dreams.
Most bad dreams start off good.
Then become prickly and cold.
I didn’t care.
I lugged you around with me
everywhere.
Pulling out the spines
that stuck me.
No matter where we went
I considered them kisses
From you to me,
And me, I considered my dream
A reality.
Then you got larger.
Then you got heavier.
That happy lug turned to a hard pull.
And those cute little ******
Turned into being stabbed.
there’s a reason why most cactus’
Are found in the desert.
And why some dreams
Are just like a cactus

To be poured like a drink.
The bubbles fizz.
Gathered around, enriched in desire.
To quench the pursuit of pleasure.
Snapping the top proceeding to pour.
Cold to taste.
This was the comfort I felt surrounded
in her arms.
A glass seen half full continuing to pour.
Filling the space around.
Drowning just beneath the rim of glass.
An extension of myself caught in great advantage.
The settlement before the first sip.
Compensating the thrill of being swallowed whole.
In terms of affection.
It was a hug I'd never forget.
A thought that leads into physical manifestation.
The bliss of the moment,
The moment her lips pop at the taste.
Bubbles fizz crackling in the midst of excitement.
Tickling her nose.
The memory of how things were.
Drunk until nothing is left
The reality of how things really are

The only time I
feel remotely above average
Is when I am drunk

A distant voice calls.
Fragile and light it echoes.
Network service *****

It's been so long
Since I've seen you.
So so long
The joy of your company kept in thought.
Seeing you smile your beautiful smile.
A spot of light seen with closed eyes.
It's been so long
Sharing the same space.
The touch of your skin against mine.
To be the shadow of reassurance
That propels the moon to shine it's brightest.
It is in these times I miss you most.
The moon a reminder of your cheeks.
The complications of how scarce  we've made ourselves.
Places to be
Thangs to do.
The night a harsh reminder of how we pass each other.
Your moan more distant,
The stars but flickers of our tongues.
Your body a constellation made in absence.
The absence of your dress between my teeth,
The last time I truly felt with eyes warm,
Sincere.
The ****** of eclipse.
The joining of northern to southern hemisphere.
Your cheeks the fullest they've ever been.
The moon a constant reminder,
How scarce we've made ourselves.
Places to go
Thangs to do,
Mo thangs to occupy the time

Each morning at work it starts.
That unquiet chatter that rattles the calmest of patience.
That one moment of clarity now gone.
The gathered thoughts gone astray.
Scattered about in every direction.
This loud obnoxious sound.
Echoing about , absorbing silence in a matter of minutes.
That one voice that for some reason or another.
Labeled as a menace, a void of emptiness that causes commotion just because.
A simple why only provokes this voice to carry on instead of grasping the hint that if you don't have anything to say, then it's best to keep quiet.
The thought of filling out a transfer just to get away grows more enticing day by day.
To gain a moments peace from the ramble of 8 hours a day.
The constant following and nagging.
The belly aching of a pebble, thrown front side up, falling, crashing into a pool of water.
Creating a constant ripple that spreads in every direction.
This was how he sent my thoughts in disarray each and every morning.
So much so, I began to fantasizing about duct tape

When I saw his name pop up
In your phone.
I felt something in me break
& it hasn’t been right since.
The way you call my name,
The way you touch me.
I knew it was over.
I continued to go about,
Remembering the person I once
Knew.
When you’d kiss me your grip
Only got looser, while mine
Became tighter.
The receiving end of closed eyes
In search of better times,
Reliving a moment perhaps
I’d never live again.
Deep down I felt something in me
Break, something only you had
The power to fix.
The voice in my head told me,
The way you grabbed me the last
Time we met told me.
The way you tried to hide it
The way I pretended not to see
Told me.
Your eyes told a familiar story,
Not everything needs to be said.
To be dumb deaf & blind,
I love you that much

I dwelt in thought.
Reminiscing on the way that she made me feel.
Gradually I moved into her.
Packing light, reassuring that I'd bring the biggest piece of me.
She welcomed me with open arms. Extending a hand, she made room just below her heart.
I left my bag a few inches from her feet. Not wanting to overload her with excess.
She insisted, grabbing my bag with ease.
This was better than any trip I'd ever taken.
Falling in love at first sight. Staring out of the window in my room.
I kissed her once to ensure that what I felt wasn't a dream.
I kissed her again for ever doubting.
My whole inside blushed red.
I hesitated often, not wanting to become a burden in a place that felt like home.
In regards to table manner, we took our plates from one room to the next.
Emptying ourselves on empty plates.
The flutter of racing hearts, the comfort of vibrant linen.
Warm colors layered across one another.
Totally aware that I could be myself. Sleep was nowhere to be found.
Spending the rest of our time up, she gave me a key to ensure that I'd always have a place in her heart.
I gave it back, reassuring that I'd never leave

Through perfect imperfections
Are we able to find evolution.
The flaws we face on a everyday basis
Seen through our own eyes as love.
A ballast on which we see each other.
Without fear, without hesitation.
I see you, not just what you display
But the eternal way that you see yourself.
Finding my reflection through yours.
Ingesting you with each and every stare.
Born again in perspective.
Yours and yours alone.
Open hearted in an open end expression through perfect imperfection.
Only then can both of our worlds change.
Only then can we truly find ourselves.
The reflection of each others eyes

Eccentric Love

It's a little different but the potential is more than there.
Falling in love like they do in movies..falling face first into the red linings of your heart.
A billion butterflies flutting about without a thing to do.
Soon tamed by a simple touch.
A simple call of your name.
The occurrence of your name flowing from my lips.
The water essential for growth.
Inspired to flow again.
Thinking your name out loud.
The after thought of silent echos, splashing about.
Falling into your heart face first

I deliberately stained my lips with the edible arrangement of her heart,
Savoring the hint of love

Not once have I ever questioned
Why Humpty Dumpty sat on
A wall.
Not once did I ever question
The size of his hat.
Time is just one of those things
Easily hard working,
No matter how many times you
Yell out wait,
It just walks on.
No matter how much you care,
No matter how much you crave
It’s touch.
If you’re not careful, it’ll pass you by.
Not once have I thought about
The answers to any of these questions.
It’s quite painful,
To love someone risking the chance
They might not love you back.
It’s quite painful,
To teeter totter on a wall.
Even more fearful knowing
That you might fall.
But anything is better than
Walking on eggshells

To what do I owe this childlike obsession
If chosen to be called that.
Am I exaggerating this whole thing, putting too much thought into something so simple.
The characteristic that gives chase day in and day out.
I dream and I chase.
I chase and I awake.
Am I humanly incapable in presuming that this is all I need.
Before the first day, I truly lived life without purpose.
Stuck in endless boredom,
An endless contemplation debating which dining room set looked better
Without a dining room to occupy the full set.
Whom is the turtle, whom is the hare.
Whom provokes who. Which one is you.
Which one is me.
Antagonizing this urge, a simple conversation turns to more.
To taste, to smell this infatuation each time your around.
Realizing the hunger that persisted to move my feet in a forward motion.
Driving me to the brink of insanity. The earliest appearance, the first time you 
ran from me.
The second time you ran, I thought maybe it was me.
Something I said. Maybe you were busy.
The third time, I saw it as the gateway to my time no longer being mine.
The silly things you do.
The teeth gritting. Fist clinching, I can't believe you just did that fall out into laughter. Do it again, I can't believe we almost tried to **** each other kind of silly.
Through it all I do care about you.
Despite the sound of buckshots you always find a way to outwit me

I found a new house
It has wooden floors throughout.
Still it's too empty

Your voice is the perfect song to listen to on a road trip.
To view all the things that remind me of you.
Miles away from the stress of work.
Your voice, the open road.
Someone I can love, no traffic jam in sight.
The goosebumps from the air on full blast.
To feel love when no love is felt.
A broken down car with someone to help when something is wrong.
The air tastes different, miles away from the city.
A euphoric high.
Your voice a beautiful path.
My phone thrown somewhere in the backseat traveling a scenic road I've never been.
No track of time.
The thing about disease is that you never know until its too late.
It spreads. Becoming infectious.
You've become my relief, my cure.
Your voice like the breeze flowing through my hand.
Your voice the only other sound that could be heard outside of the car and the road.
I've kissed the air a thousand times over.
Driving pass my destination.
Listening to the sound of your voice.
I don't want to move from behind the steering wheel.
What's a couple hundred more miles.
You guiding me pass every exit sign.
Enjoying the ride

I got a call from an angel
Floating on a cloud.

I made her laugh with the last message I sent her.

Misinterpreted messages lost in the light of the sun.

With ears at attention there was a brief silence.

Walking through the hall of infatuation.

She made me smile.

My hearts done none stop jumping jacks since the first time I saw her smile.

I told her about a dream I had.

Changing into something a bit more subtle.

We back peddled to the day we first met.

Just before the first date, but right after the third date.

The first moment that felt like we ascended.

The way time always seems to fly when were together.

The songs that describe exactly what it feels like to deeply understand.

The breaks between the bass where our hearts completely zoned out in a full day dream.

Knowing the words to every song that played.

Selectively introverted to the world around.

A mixed bag in the variables of comfort.

An audience of denim in a world filled with leggings.

Even in silence I send my prayers.

To an angel whom answers, as well as makes calls of her own

Every couple of days.
She comes around.
She claims to not like me.
She looks the other way.
When she needs me
She knows where to find me.
Reaching with open arms.
When no one is around she professes her love.
There is no other.
She breaks my heart.
The start of another week.
She claims to not like me.
She calls late night.
Apologizing for what she's done.
I never felt so bad.
It's coming to an end.
In another couple of days.
Things'll be back the same.
The same old same old.
Both our selfish ways.
She knows where to find me.
I have no clue where she is

My pillow misses you
more than I do.
The way you taste, the way you feel
Your kiss echoes goodnight.
A sheep lost it's way to the moon
tonight.
We both lie awake waiting for you
The last thought before
falling asleep.
If it seemed I never missed you
you're sadly mistaken &
everything in between

I've always seen you
When I look up at the stars.
This is the beginning of life
To love you, to dream in massive
Sound.
The infinity of new beginnings.
To feel so close
Knowing that I am so far.
Asleep in your presence.
Knowing that I am completely comfortable soon as I see you.
Searching the sky until I find you.
The very reason I look up.
The galaxy colliding in the pupil
Of my eyes.
Night after night
Everytime I look at you

I've lived in your heart for three years.
My payments were always before time.
If I made too much noise I assure you I didn't know.
My foot steps are often loud, the neighbor beside me keeps his music up.
I never filed a complaint.
Accepting things as they are.
Outside of that nothing seemed to be wrong.
The conditions weren't bad at first.
Everything worked.
The sink clogged a bit.The locks need to be replaced.
The things of which I done myself.
I felt home here in my one bedroom.
Not too much company so no need for much furniture.
There were nights I couldn't feed myself,
making sure your demands were met.
Differences between needs and wants.
Still I received note after note about noise among other things.
Things accused of though disputed.
You smiled in my face and told me all was forgiven.
To receive a note of eviction.
The neighbors music still loud.
My landlord unable to be found.
Someone new moving into my place

It's relatively a slow process.
A thought builds upon anticipation.
Thanks to the nostalgia ingrained by Disney.
Musically the songs are different.
Granted the press of a thumb.
Spotify, Pandora.
An assortment of different streams all profoundly deep.
Separately, the adaptation is the same.
Boy meets girl.
Eyes go on vacation.
Suddenly we're dressed in leisure.
Beautiful sights ingested by the brochures of a hotel lobby.
Just yesterday none of this seemed possible.
Everything crowed into the bends of a folded booklet.
Lost in the sensation of influential taste.
This was my outlook.
A yesterday morning spent in the hotel lobby of my own interest.
I am in sense booking my own fear.
This slow process that begins it's advance.
A millennium that begins a couple seconds past twelve.
She was the art visually spread across the brochure.
With arms wide open I fell in.
Speeding up this process ever slightly.
I still a consumer at best.
Her being the best vacation I ever been.
I am in sense booking my own fear.
Her love.
Further more exploring the secret of her parenthesis

And endure all it does, but how profound would it be. Realizing that  the whole time we are solving for X deep down knowing all the long what X really is. These repressed feelings thought as dangerous
As it comes in the most unexpected form.
The answers that we seek,
Broken down algorithms that never quite feed ourselves of need, quickly becoming an sensation of want.
Quickly moving on to the next problem.
When in reality, we fail to embrace what we've wanted the entire time.
Truly depending on the difficulty of the problem

You know, it's funny how some things manifest themselves from a thought or a sudden feeling.
Like a collection of thoughts that have always known themselves but in a strange twist by invention manifest themself as that same thought or emotion.
For the last 15 minutes your picture has been the best snow globe ever invented!
Actually it's been longer than 15 minutes but the number 15 correlates to the first conversation we ever had.
Taking 15 minutes to realize somethings don't actually need a response.
It's the happening that makes it oh so special.
With every shake I see the snow fall and it sprinkles across your face just like I always pictured it would

And like a clown
I painted my face
Bringing about a smile without use of speech or gesture.
The power of love was present
Opening a catalog of different pages.
To the external, nothing changed
But psychologically
I highlighted a certain passage.
Licking behind my bottom teeth in an unseen smile.
Of course my eyes couldn't hide such sensation
Based on observation I remained still
Not knowing how to express sudden emotion.
It was impossible to imitate
Not knowing which way was up
Deciding to open myself further
I smiled
Forgetting the smile I previously painted.
I was seen as a hypocrite in a world outside of my own
Was I truly to blame.

She was a traveling soul.
The galaxy resting above her nose.
I'd sit & stare.
Wondering where the stars would go next.
Both young & in love I let go.
Tracing together swirls of color.
The planets all together aligned.
Definitely in love with no where to fall.
It hurt when she'd look away.
I'd lie to myself everytime.
A traveling soul with crescent eyes.
Where will she go next.
Would she bother looking back.
I'd genuinely gaze to fail in love.
I could feel her forget.
Traveling one place to the next.
At one time I saw the universe whole.
Myself reaching for the telescope.
She's nowhere in sight

Tell me, how do you speak so intimately.
The murmur of your voice caught in my ear.
I've enjoyed talking to you, almost as if you knew that I've waited to hear your voice.
Your thought pressed against my chest
for almost the entire day listening and laughing, interchanging in conversation.
Hoping to enter your thought world just as you've entered mine.
I miss this, having someone to relate to.
The stimulus of flight, tucked in the sound of your voice.
I am not labeling my flaws as just being a man but I am as myself, though every day cannot be as sunny as the next. I implore that a simple sorry would not do justice as it will take a lifetime to erase the amount of hurt of both ends from you to I.
I take full responsibility for the moments I've pushed you away, meaning only to pull you closer. I've repinted to the clouds that hang above my head to please bring my halo back.
My angel whom guides me through the storm.

I lose myself in these thoughts of you. Vividly as they appear.
Not wanting to appear weak in any shape or form in your eyes.
I've told you in full but at the same time I don't think you know the empathises of being missed as much as I've missed you. Though silent and the situation of trying to function normally while dying on the inside is hard to maintain.
Waiting for that one moment, fantasizing about your voice.
Wanting to hug you, to give my hands the sense of comfort of having someone to care about.
A sense of capturing each breath exhaled through your lips.
Feeling your heart beat close to mine.
I think about that often.
In brutal honesty I've never stopped.
The moments grown silent in thought,
Wondering by chance if that is one of the things you keep from me.
I understand that God makes no mistakes and that everything happens for a reason.
But one thing that makes my day,
Is finding his answer in the absolute joy of hearing your voice.
Whether in thought, through text.
Or actually hearing your voice.
I enjoy the intimacy of it all.
Emptying the thoughts of your mind into open palms.
I find myself closer to each and every thought. Hoping not to ever go without the essence of you again. If ever,
I'll hold myself ransom, threatening to jump off the bridge.
Deep into the Mississippi. Sinking in an current without return. Tenfold of each layer of  pain that I've caused you, may I face God's wrath for every tear that you've cried.
Each night before I go to sleep, I pray
For someone that could teach me more about myself.
That in the reflection of her eyes that all would be revealed.
I say that prayer nightly with you in mind
Faith that every touch will equal exstacy

I was walking down the steps and before I knew it I fell.
I closed my eyes bracing myself to feel the clang of my face against steel steps.
The thing about anticipation, it seems that it takes longer to happen before it actually does.
Freeing myself in thought I anticipated a hard fall only to open my eyes and
see that I fell right into the palm of your hand

Within you is a great harvest.
One filled with wheat grain and honey.
Within you there is no pain or sickness.
This is where the greatest gift of all can be found. Planted, along with root free of toxin.
Protect yourself from those whom take just to take.
Be wise in the time of famine.
For every hand that reaches hastily isn't in true need.
They seek to abuse and leave you robbed of everything you hold dear.
Leaving behind disease, infection.
This harvest of great proportion.
Selfishly taking to leave you with nothing but emptiness.
Alone in a stretch of clear field.
Your grain and wheat scattered, littered to dry in spilled honey.
In enough time wounds heal.
In time this bountiful harvest will grow back.
But never will the land rid of the memory of everything once pure and wholesome.
Be weary of those whom seek only to trespass.
They too come with pretentious smile and promise to never leave

There sat a biscuit.
Watching everyone pass by as it sat behind the glass.
Baked fresh, it wondered whose life it would come into.
Spreading much delight.
A divine purpose.
Sat on a plate covered with other food.
Covered in syrup.
Meeting where reason becomes purpose.
If it had legs, it would walk outside and advertise it's warm goodness.
Covered in gravy, perhaps cheese.
The world we live in.
Fast food

We laughed
Scrolling through the new arrivals.
Bird Box, The Little Hours.
The last movie gone off.
Your head against my shoulder.
My head sunk in the curve of your hair.
The couch beneath us,
Critically acclaimed movies seen through one eye.
Peeking through spaces of hair.
To be honest.
None of the movies mattered.
Agreeing to disagree.
Our binge put on hold.
The attention put on you.
Being in your presence.
The way you say my name,
The way you stop and stare.
Our connection to movies
Old & new.
Easing into comfort,
Readjusting my body to see you better.
My head in your lap.
Conversation progressing.
All the favorite parts to my favorite movie in view

With lips soft, tender.
I imagine the stars come down and kiss them nightly.
Leaving their home to visit an angel whom found her home here.
With tired wings her sighs paint the clouds, falling in love with the view of horizon.
Her eyes are much prettier in person.
Just as the sun rises, it hates to say goodbye.
Changing its position in the sky.
When I am with her the sun doesn't shine as bright.
Eyes close,  hidden in laughter.
Illuminated in the grace of how remarkable she really is.
And it is that same look that I see in her eyes spread across the horizon.
Just sitting here waiting for the stars to disappear to their favorite place

At times I can be very indecisive.
One minute I can know exactly what I am doing.
Or know exactly what I want.
Then the next have no idea.
Especially having
All of my favorite things presented to me at once.
I admit.
It gets troublesome.
One decision seeming to be better than the next.
Venturing from one height to the next.
Each of my favorite things jumbled into one
big idea that seems to good to be true.
Eventually I make a decision
If by some chance I am dreaming don't pinch me.
Let me enjoy all of my favorite things in complete chaos.
While I pause for moments longer.
Taking in the sight of all my favorite things.
Stare back at me in contemplation.
While any and everything sounds good.
Long as I am with you everything gets that much better.
Knowing that all of my favorite things consist of you

In the midst of conversation A question rose out of the blue,
What would I do if such opportunity were to arise.
In a conversation about long term goals without hesitation or notion
Without any specifics given to her question I asked what opportunity.
She laughed slightly and repeated the question.
This time reaching inside of her chest and pulling her heart into a closer view.
She waited for reply.
I wandered around the look in her eye glancing back down at a now throbbing heart.
She said well, In a topic of long term ambition show me that I am not wrong about you.
I trust you well enough to do exactly what I know your about to do.
She stated nothing further.
With that being said I'd like to think that I made the right decision.
The openness of conversing about any and everything, the hint that actions speak louder than words.
I did what I suppose any sane man would do.
I flung myself into her chest and landed dead in the center of her heart without fear of missing.

To be honest
You've always felt like home to me.
All of the familiar feelings that
rush when I am around you.
I can relax and be me
Without fear of judgement.
To look over at you and see you smile
I know that everything is ok.
There aren't too many places in the universe that
give me this feeling.
The want you, need you.
Can't be away from you.
A feeling of peace,
Being wrapped in your arms.
A place that's safe, warm.
The acceptance of everything that stands
outside of yourself.
Something out of the ordinary.
To look over at you and know.
Home is not that far away

When I am with you I don't feel so alone.
Every part of me that feels empty is filled.
You smile and all of a sudden I feel that I can do anything.
It's not that I don't believe in grand gestures or believe
that they shouldn't be done every so often.
It's simply that these small moments truly define
what you mean to me.
Discovering what makes every moment that much better.
The smaller dimples that help arrange your smile.
It doesn't matter what mood I am in or how I am feeling.
You know just what to say to put my mind at ease.
Assuring that every thing is going to be ok.


When I am with you I poke fun at you because I don't know how else
to express how I feel.
So I include everything in my power to make you smile whilst telling you
How special you are to me.
Even if that requires embarrassing myself in the process.


Exposing my vulnerabilities and insecurities knowing that they are safe with you.
Through action only do these moments come to life.
Holding you every moment that I can.
At times I know it isn't easy.
Often making yourself do things you don't want to do.
Finding the time and or energy to stay up a while longer to make sure that I am alright.
knowing that you have to wake right back up and go to work.
I recognize a lot of my selfishness and realize that I am not perfect.
Through you am I able to recognize this difference and correct what is wrong,
All the while admitting that your head really isn't that big.
It's your heart and I am glad to be apart of it

She invited me into her home
apologizing for the lack of things there.
I could tell that she had renovated recently,
getting rid of the things that no longer
served purpose.
I thought of her as timely,
a perfect harmony of sage & mint candles
burning on a black glass coffee table.
about halfway through,
I realized how much I loved her home.
while she apologized in the beginning
less is more & it showed by way of her smile.
I enjoyed how everything was laid out,
from the brochures of comfort to the cushion
of where I sat.
the greatest intimacy between us two.
laughing at everything yet nothing at the same time.
but still I thought, how much she inspired me to do
the same when I got home.
everything that I thought was beautiful before
no longer had that same appeal.
when i extended the same invitation,
I too found myself apologizing for things
that needed no explanation.
my biggest source of inspiration,
I was glad to see her growth
& in turn stopped chasing the wrong things,
I learned from her
That everything is going to be alright

And there I was.
Another American lost on the road.
The traffic slowed to the bare minimum.
Slim to none at the barricade of an orange and black detour sign.
Upon turning I lost signal to my phone.
The social climb of bars dropping to a small X.
It's crazy how something so convenient could be detoured so easily.
The distractions that occur along the way.
A straight path with a few twists and turns.
Without the beam of flashing lights and signs.
I wouldn't have found a new way home.
Unless I knew someone that stayed down this street I would never have turned.
A more scenic, peace devoted route without the distractions of answering the phone or adjusting the radio.
The temporary fix of building home else where, in someone elses arms.
The corridor of ears.
Relying on the siding of someone's voice to house what is thought to roof all of me.
Switching lanes, finding the right material

It's been so many nights
I've scrolled down my contact list
& Highlighted your name.
So many nights you've crossed
My mind and never left.
Wherever you call home
Wherever I call home.
Places I thought we'd never go
Desperate finding our way back.
You're name a direct reflection
Of the sun,
My finger an eclipse.
Unknown to the philosophers
And professors who study science.
It's been so many nights
I've scrolled down my contact list
& Your name has shone bright
Like some shooting star
Searching for something it's lost.
Knowing our history
You'd have to be there to have
Seen it.
Without first contact,
I miss you every time

You are the land which soaks
The crumbs I've longed to eat.
My mouth can only open so wide,
Though nothing truly keeps us apart.
To know you means to die
And I've known you for years.
Where the water stops
We'll always be.
I've tasted your moistened crumbs
& here is where we'll always be.
Whose to say that you cannot
Swim where I've learned to walk
Whose to say that I cannot
Walk where you've learned to swim
Soon I'll be part of the crumbs
I've watched you eat
Soon, where the water stops
We'll always be

I dream of love
As two fish in a pond;
I drown only when I am away from you.
I exist only when I am inside
of you

Nothing fits right anymore,
like trying to walk in shoes three sizes too small.
I feel each step, my toes crumbled up,
crunched in the toe,
I walk crooked, trying to find any bit of relief.
But it’s never enough.
Tight in the places that matter most,
pinched and cramped, like the space you left behind.
The more I try to follow,
the more I feel like I'm in the wrong.

When I take them off,
I feel the ache of crooked blisters.
Red and bruised heels,
But I cannot walk around without shoes.
I understand that you can’t make everything in life work,
but that doesn’t stop me from trying.
These shoes drag the weight of good intentions,
and I trip over everything.

I’ve been to different stores,
but the shoes they offer fit too loose.
I try to walk, but the shoes don’t bend.
A normal five minute walk
expands into hours.
Too wide to make a complete trip
Without pain,
nothing fits right anymore
outgrown, worn, too tight.
Everyone points and laughs at a man
With shoes three sizes too small.
Who am I to chase

The weight of who I am without you sets in.
I am lost in a world without you.
All I have are these shoes that I cannot fill
without you

I come to life when you touch me
Fluent & continuous.
You've unzipped my lips and tossed
them to the side.
I've never fallen &
been caught so freely.
I've never paid attention to how
flat the world really was.
A jagged peninsula
Eloped in oceans embrace
Curved in explosion.
Sometimes it feels like I am
Drowning.
I've never paid attention to how
flat the world really is
Chipped off, covered by you
falling deeper into you

You've always been able to do
That,
Fill my head with all these
Beautiful thoughts.
To the point that I feel
Like I am floating
Up in the sky where every
Cloud reminds me of you.
Sometimes I think it's funny.
Picturing myself as a balloon.
Swollen head.
Little body dangling below.
No matter how high I get,
Floating inside this love of yours.
I promise not to float too
Far away.
Knowing the sky is filled with
You

Yesterday I found a seed and theres no better place to plant it
Than in your heart.
I acknowledge that you've heard promise after promise.
And as time steadfast, these empty promises have become the reason it never rains.
The soil around your heart has turned cold and has become hard.
With more doubt comes unease.
And with more unease comes a reason to lash out and suffocate all the beauty
that surrounds within.
This at all is not the case.
For the neglect of a beautiful flower should never be in vain.
For the true crime committed is those who walk by afraid to be who they really are.
Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees.
You my beautiful queen are more elegant.
More beautiful than you can imagine.
For the thorns that grow along your stem are only a means to protect.
Not to be taken as a defect that takes away from how special you truly are.
A neglected rose can only continue to wither without everything needed to grow.
But until you can look and see the beauty within, everything around you will continue to be dark.
All I ask, is for you not to believe everything you see.
That in time, among the crowd.
Someone will stop and admire all the beauty you possess.
But until you yourself can see all the beauty you have.
You will continue to live in self doubt and suffocate everything around you.
Let yourself grow