I've been told that a catapiller wrapped snuggly in it's cacoon like the bed-time burrito of my youth feels very simular to the feeling i give when i hug. I've been told that i squeez just right, with the warmth of a summer night. I've been told I hug like a lover seeing her soldier for the first time in years. The few people i hug ask me how i hug so well.
I don't.
I hug with the pain of yesterday.
I hug with the scars on my wrists and the blood on my legs.
I hug with the overdoses, the addictions, the emptyness, the abondonment.
When i hug, i send a message.

I loved pain
Pain loved me
I let pain in
He did too
Pain loved him more
Pain left me
Pain consumed him
But pain soon left him -
When pain got bored
Now me and him hate pain
Because pain loved everyone -
Too much
Pain play'd games -
Too much
We loved pain -
Too much

A common enemy makes unification
Me and him have unified
Bestfriends are so much better then pain
Because that's all you are -
Pain

I die everytime i see you.
And i see you every day.
I have a panick attack from the thought that you don't love me like you used to.
Im a drunk.
Im a ******* drunk.
Not a drop of alchohal in my blood but im always ******* drunk.
Im not what you think i am.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
Please. Im ******* begging.
Please.
That wasn't me.
You know that wasn't ******* me.
I know i did it.
But it wasn't ******* me.
I have night mares.
Please.
Please.
I dont want you back.
I ******* hate you.
Why do i ******* love you?
***** dont ******* touch me!
All i ever wanted was that touch!
Please forgive me..

When im with you a beauty occurs that burns brighter then a sun rise colliding with the morning tide. I can not euphemise the excruciating cry from when my insides die and the pistol lets fly a single beautiful try to illuminate the sky with cries held high. Trophies to a suicidal guy. The flame burns low as you tell me to let go, as i remember that ride through the pure white snow. The beautiful glow of your cold breathes blow. The hole without you continues to grow.
This pistol brings the bullet but pain pulls the trigger. I was just another boy to add to your figures. Im sorry that I can not heal quicker but I am  running low on liqour. My friends have started to snicker and say all i do is bicker but they dont understand that all i can feal is bitter. I love you. Thanks for showing me its okay to be a quitter.

The love i gave you was every ounce of my bleeding soal. The love i gave you was pure passion. Sorry I terrified you with my messed up side. Sorry I brought our twin tours down.

She touched me
and it felt

as if

the stars
were dancing
across

my skin.

Wake up.
Think of you.
Remember you've changed.
Video games.
Avoid texting you.
Video games.
Spend money.
Feel terrible.
Video games.
Spend more money.
Text you.
Video games.
Forget to eat.
Video games.
Ponder suicide.
Day dream about death.
Video games.
Feel ******.
You don't help.
Check fridge.
Drink.
Video games.
Think of you.
Drink.
Video games.
Drink.
Find my knife.
Drink.
Consider.
Drink.
Text you.
*******.
**** me.
Drink.
Just one cut.
Think of you.
Drink.
Drink.
Drink.

Wake up.
Think of you.
Ouch.
"Just one cut."
Woops.
Text you.
You still don't care.
Drink.
Nap.

Rinse.
Repeate.

Love is but a word
Four letters on a page
Said a loud or written down
To me it's all the same

Love is but a feeling
The flutter in the gut
Hold my hand let's walk the sand
Till this feeling's all but none

Love is but a lie
A hope a dream a wish
An uttered word a feeling assured
Till worn and flavourless

True love is but an action
Something that makes no sense
Giving your all expecting nothing at all
In return for your loving gift

The freak show is here
Grab your camera
Point and laugh
Join The Crowd

Don't try to help
Don't pretend you care
You'll just join me here
Entertaining The Crowd

Free to watch
But the price is high
You wouldn't care
It's just my life

Let lies cover your pain as you say you cared
You've seen the freak show but you've never been there
If your opinion is minority but your neighbours is gold,
who's life are you ******* living?
"Freak"- more like "Free"

When i first saw you, i saw your soal in your eyes.
A soal that took my breath away.
When i first held your hand, i held safety.
The touch that takes away all thoughts.
When i first heard you say "i love you", i was afraid.
True love is petrifying.

As i lay here in my own self hate, remeniscing on what we used to have, i feel empty.

I wish you would scare me.
I wish i wasn't fearless.

Hey there ******* get the **** up out the chair because i know that you're not perfect but i don't really ****** care. Today you gon be perfect - quit cha *******, get to smurkin. Get to lurkin ******* you're about to do some hurtin. The meanest ******* looks him right into his eyes when he takes him of his soul and then destroys him of his pride, cause the meanest ******* aint a ***** - he won't go hide, he won't go cry, he'll stick it through, yeah, he'll fight until he's blue. Because the meanest ******* got the ***** of ******* steel he doesn't talk he uses fists and thats what shows that he's for real.

Let actions form from emotions
Let emotions form from actions
Let actions speak louder then words
Let words be your only weapon
Let words never seem enough
Let not enough become too much
Let too much settle with no home
Until one day when
we Let emotions form not only from actions
But from words
we Let words express our actions
And actions take their places
we Let emotion form those actions
And create all the words
we Let ourselves stand up
As words alone never could

Do you feel that?
The feverish split second you decide the night is when you feel most alive and creep quickly, quietly, your heart hastening with every faulty step creating a domino effect of blood pumping mistakes that only you notice because only you are looking for them.
Of course you don't.
You grew up.

Lier.
You said you loved me.
Im only playing ninja.
But you are too grown up to play.
I hate it.
2 hours on a bike in snow higher then my thigh with an ice coverd road and nothing but regret.
You told me to do this.
Why did you lie?
I hate liers.
I know you still want to play.
You show it when i kiss you.
Growing up seperated us.
You are just as ****** up as me.
Don't lie.

Upon a shooting star i ask -
Send me under the graveyard's grass.
Yet though my wish has been granted -
It was my heart that whent while
My brain stay'd planted.

It's the first love's last kiss
The last love's first kiss
The unanticipated memory

It's the happy moments turned into tear stains on my favorite shirt i wore just because i new i was seeing you

It's the first love's last cry
The last love's first cry
The moments we can't forget

It's reminiscing to a time you found out you were depressed because you had never felt true happyness until you met her

I'm stuck chasing ghosts of people i used to know

I write about you alot.
Shh.
Don't tell anyone.
I don't want them looking for my words.

There is a reason i don't where shorts.
I have to hide the words.
If people see the words,
I can't be a poet any more.

My poems are words.
Unspoken words.
Everything i wanted to say.
Everything i never said.

Don't ask to read them.
You won't understand.
The only person who can read them are me.
For they are my memories.

I am a poet.
I write things people don't understand.
Nobody reads my storys.
Because there are no words.

Just soal.
Just pain.
Just scars.
Just love.

I am a poet.
A silent screamer.
My words are powerless without sound.
I will scream with my life.

Wilting petals of my plants,
Show me how you do.
Barely hanging on to life,
I exist just as you.

I'd never seen the sky
Cause i'd never looked up
'Till a pretty little bird
Called to me and
Opend my eyes to the blue
The clouds and the breeze
She showed me the sky
And let me love
Then flew away
To a place i could never touch

im no jesus but i can turn water into koolaid. take a hit of this blunt then i'll forgive you of your sins. show me how to swim on land and i'll show you how to walk on water. im no god, but luke i am your father. just go a little farther down the road so i can pretend we look related. i just masterbated. it feels pretty good to be athiest.

Fake people in a fake town, wearing fake smiles, hiding real frowns. Plastic toys in a garbage bin like people in a school (where  education ends.) Drill the facts and **** creativity, paint the plastic and bull doze the nativity. Humans in a system like monkeys in a cage. Yet this is how we are expected to behave.

Snow fall in a desert would be a new type of nice. Yet i just keep raining on my own paradise. Let the winds guide me to my cubicle downtown, where fake people smiles turn into real people frowns. Yet "life is good!" wrings high from the voices, just who's in who vile screaming senseless rejoices. The sun will die, and with it our lives. What is the point when we all end in time? Why do we sing when the christmas tree burns? When little suzzy was ***** and thing three killed before born?

The world is dark like the back of the moon. The dawn is coming though not to be soon. I work to bring light, but what about you?
Let the fake fade when you decide what to do.

There was a man with massive plans - he was going to change the world. He laid it all out, started his route, then remember he never began. His great great grandfather was shot and became martyr to the racism that's still alive.

I watched a show with a ninja who killed for gold and i didn't care. I watched a show where a movie theater was shot and i got real scared. But just like the ninja i didn't believe - that could never happen to me.

I whent to walmart to pick up some milk and saw a man with a gun to a head. They gave him the cash and whatever he wanted in hopes to not end up dead. I've lived in this town for nearly 18 years - born, raised, and lived.

This is Belmont, the town i grew up.
I could be on cnn.

I love you for who you are.

I love the way you fight for what you believe is right.
I love the way you can't hide your emotions.
I love the way you bounce on your toes when you get excited.
I love the twinkle in your eyes when you get happy.

Why do you love me?

"Look at all you've done for me."
"You treat me like a queen."
"You've changed so much just for me."
"You helped me in my bad times."

I did things for you. You love me for what i did. You changed who i was. You didn't love me for who i was. You loved me for who i could be. For who i am.

What have you done? You don't help in my dark times. You made me quit talking to everyone who did. You made me loose all my friends. You made me feel useless.

You love me because you can use me.

Why do i love you?

The seed of passion is a delicate creature. Water it with to much love, and it will drown. Plant it in the roots of hate, and it will shrivle. The soils of time are the perfect location, yet too much soil, and the plant becomes smotherd. Give a good man all your love, but don't become dependant on him. I believe in you, young flower. Soon enough, you will be a giant bean stalk. All you need is right in front of you; if only you' be smart about how you use it.

I finally achieved the woman so many ****** nights and ****** poems were wasted on. I thought this would bring utopia. The hardships have left a taste of malignity in my mouth. I don't want to be in "heaven" any longer.

Depression has me longing for the day that you walk out of my life again because atleast then i'll know why i'm hurting. Life drains me of my soul; you are pumping a desert, demanding water. I love you with everything i have. I hate the way you abuse it.

So gentle, so innocent. Young butterfly, i love your soul. Carry that nector, and carry it careful. Without you, life lacks beauty.

Imagine that randomly through out the day, your legs quit working. No matter how well you explain the science of it all, nobody really understands. "Why don't you just.. idk, stand up?"

Imagine that randomly through out the day, your nervous system shuts down. No matter what you say, explaining time and time again the science of it all, nobody really understands. "So you're telling me that you can't feel? That's stupid. Just start feeling. You're fine"

Imagine that randomly through out the day, you feel like killing yourself. No matter how many times you try to get help, nobody really understands. "Nobody just feels like killing themselves. You have a good life, you're happy. Just cheer up a bit."

If my disability was physical instead of mental, everyone one care alot more.

As if i wasn't good enough at baseball
I threw one through your window
Last month i hit mine
Nothing killed me more than
Planning to smash through yours
And with these holes in our houses
All i want is to go camping with you
Tell you how much i want to rent a condo
And you can help me pay for it
We'd only need one bed
How i long to dream together

Yet i threw away
I shatterd us
First my heart
Then yours
Because we don't work together
Love and life don't always match
Our highs were space ships
Our lows were mermaids
Our hearts were perfect matches
Our minds were mortal enemies

You kept me captivated
You kept me intrigued
You were my intellectual opposite
You were my curiosity

Yet

We couldn't understand each other
We couldn't co-operate
When i said left you looked right
When you said up i looked down

Heart over mind
Mind over matter

To my greastest challenge,
My best accomplishment,
My favorite memories,
And my hero.

You made me,
You broke me,
You loved me,
And you healed me.

I miss you.
I love you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Heart over mind
Mind over matter
You broke me
You made me break my own rules

I am a caged beast of rejected soals.
I sit in a forest of death as i watch a beautiful bird land.
Then i watch as the bird sits.
Stares.
Right into the eyes of a lion.
I scream.
I yell.
I ******* beg.
Please.. I cant loose another..
But the bird still sits.
Right before the death of the bird, a feeling i lust for so deeply, the bird turns.
It looks at me,
As if to say, "i shant not fly nor run away, for this beast i face is of pure hate. The malignity of extinction I can not fear, for i am the speacies of the lost and weird. I am beasts of prey turned into prey of beasts, the hungry lions who will not feast. I am the prey of beasts witch turn beasts of prey, beasts to beasts who are beasts to prey. For when the world will come to end, when time ceases and begins to bend, a beast is a beast, defined by life, we are all the same in destinys fight. Beasts are beasts in this jungle of hate, so let love replace the beasts today."
Within a second, seeming forever slowed, the bird flys right under the lions nose.

We are all beasts.
Weather you are a beast to beasts, a beast to prey, or a beast in a cage,
We are all beasts.
The bullies are attacked by those who want to help the hopeless, when the biggest bully of the hopeless are the hopeless themselves.
I don't want to be a beast.

With the words i never said, i let you go.

"Doing nothing's never nothing when it's something with you."

She once told me that i should write about what makes me happy instead of what brings me down. I could write 3 works a day for my entire life and still not completely describe her to the paper. What a flawed system; setting unreachable goals.

I dream of a day where days fade away into nothing but obscurity. The time flies faster than a bullet shot on a train heading south bound to florida.

I dream of a moment. Not a second long or a minute long but weeks long. Years long. The entirety of a life span.

I dream of a cloud. My empire in the sky. Where she and I can ride and fly and nothing matters but the love in her eyes.

I thought the pill would bring me happyness but all it did was occasionally remove depression.
She was all i knew; there's nothing left to feel.

As i watch her walk away, i wish i could cry.

Her thoughts have seem to lost their ways,
A beautiful kind of strange
Reminds me alot of myself,
Like minds dervied from dark times
Eccentric little craze of mine,
Your love is unreplaceable

Quick little jolts of thought,
Undeniably we assertain
Inseperable are our wants and wishes
Not an angel or a devil
Namely, you are my Harely Quinn

I was born with a glass cup.
My brothers and sisters,
They had plastic ones.

My older sister dropped her cup once.
She picked it up, washed it off, and filled it back up with water.

I too eventually dropped my cup.
I picked it up, washed it off, and cut my finger on the chipped rim.
I didn't understand why;
My sisters glass was fine -
     What happend?

One day I met a girl.
She had a glass like mine.
She showed me how to make it look like new - just hide the broken spots.

One day we were playing and i dropped my glass.
She picked it up, and cut her hand.
She left to get a bandaid.
I stay'd to run and play.

It's been 7 years.
Almost half my life.
The doctors filled my glass with cement -
So no more water would spill out.

She found a way to take her cup,
And dip it into plastic.
When she did she caught wind -
Glass is only for the problematic.

I hope someday she'll look at her hand -
That scar i gave to her.
Hopefully she'll not just remember me -
But forgive me for what i've done.
I never ment for this to happen.

They drugged me to remove depression
Now i'm a druggy just to feel it again
I'll get down just to have direction
I don't know how to deal with being empty

I left her because i didnt feel a thing
When i left i didnt feel a thing
I ****** around and never missed a beat
My heart pounds on like it wasn't ment to be

Nobody understands when i tell the truth
Nobody knows when i tell a lie
I dance with the devil because i don't value life
When people question they don't get why

These thoughts in my mind make it hard to think
So i try to laugh to take away the pain
People always left red in the face
Comedy comes from the darkest place

I don't want to be alive
I don't care if i'm dead
But i find it very hard to die
Without a gun to my head

Even though it’s not true, it helps to believe some where, someone is going to look at my life, and get inspired.

Don’t nobody look at the **** i write. Not here, not in notebooks, not on poetry pages. Nobody looking, nobody judgeing, so why not?

I had a dream last night
My mother put me in the pool
There were anchors on my feet
I struggled for air
Because that's what was expected
Eventually I drank
It felt good to be a fish
I don't have to hurt
If nobody wants me to struggle

Mustang from the past.
Let me ride until the moon falls down.
The sun is a loathsom beast.
I want to drive all night.
I want to love you.

Earth must be so lonely
Forever circled by it's only friend
Never able to visit
Only ever loving in thought

I understand you, Earth
Isn't she so **** beautiful
If only she'd go away
Forever drifting in my thoughts

They said "the world is yours to take"
Then put me in a school
And told me every move to make
Show'd me all the rules to break

Be like a normal kid
Do as he just did
I'd like to be myself for once
"Growing up" - keeping creativity hid

It's dark, even though all the lights are on.
I never thought i would end up in this room again.
Trapped, by my own **** self.

I was told to quit drinking, quit the robo.
So they gave me differant, "okay" drugs.
I'd rather be high or wasted.

Why wander aimlessly through this maze?
Whats the point of drawing inside the lines?
Nothing matters when it's over.

Just an other puzzle takes it's place.

On top of the world, without no recognition.
Lonely on top when your there's only one position.
You must recognize that I am not in best condition.
The toll to stay the strongest has took a vast commision.

If you don't understand me then you must be standing under me.
A life of isolation is bringing out the beasts in me.
A rebellious cast out kid will take these trophies home.
Life is bottoms up so i live up on a throne.

The stars never shined so bright
Until you were on their other side
Now here I sit on lonely nights
Winding back the clock to a time
When stars didn't shine so bright

She smelled like memories
 Her eyes a shade of trust
Those lips lathered in poison
 Her taste is more than enough

The song she sings at closing
 Is a tune well carried on
Originating in wallows
 She sings the song of sirens

Alas the day break ends the stretch
 She receeds for the world's awake
Her love is gone - replaced by pain
 Yet she will return again by night

Down a dark alley,
Your lies have taken my soul.
Life has become grey.

i can feel you -
everytime i put a hand on my chest.
i feel your breath -
everytime i can't breathe.

we made a dynamic duo, me and you.
you where the batman to my robin.
you where the harley quinn to my joker.
now you're the rachel to my harvey dent..

we where the best of friends.
you caught me when i fell.
you stopped me when i jumped.
you showed me the beauty of being loved.

we where so close..
it breaks my heart to think of the miles.
i miss you buddy.
thanks for being my hero.