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May 2019 · 428
A good morning
josh wilbanks May 2019
I've seen alot of sunsets
Since the last one I saw with you

I've thought alot of crazy thoughts
Without you to get me through

I've quit making so many inside jokes
Because nobody else was laughing

Today I woke up all alone
For the first time
I was okay with that
May 2019 · 426
josh wilbanks May 2019
all around me I find friends
in the city, in work, in bed
still I feel I do pretend
no one knows what's inside my head

all around me I find fun
in the city, the house, the club
still I feel so undercut
something's missing I don't know what

all around me I find love
in the city, in drugs, from my mum
still I feel so all alone
misunderstood by everyone

I have everything I need
I should be okay I think
I'm missing that final piece
the person that completed me
May 2019 · 460
Dull Stars
josh wilbanks May 2019
The stars never shined so bright
Until you were on their other side
Now here I sit on lonely nights
Winding back the clock to a time
When stars didn't shine so bright
Apr 2019 · 407
josh wilbanks Apr 2019
please don't you go
please please don't you go
fall in love with me
fall in love with me

don't you do it
don't you ever go an do it
im okay today
don't you go an ***** it
I can't stay away
and girl I know you knew it
you abusin how I'm
head over heals for you
head over heals for you
head over heals
every time you leave you know I real
pick the pieces up
one by one
put the puzzle back together
then when I think I'm doin better
you walk back In to the picture
you know I wish I could forget you
I wish I wish I wish
where my shootin star
clouds out tonight
and I cant run that far
ain't no gas up in my car so
come a little closer
let me hold you
let me fall apart
you my casanova
you a feelin poker
you a wall of art
I'm a dog without a collar
I'm a fallen soldier
I'm a hallow heart
I can't I can't I can't
I can't let you go
I can't take it anymore
please don't please don't
please don't you go
Mar 2019 · 364
My Favorite Movie
josh wilbanks Mar 2019
My favorite movie can't been seen
By anyone except for her and me
This tape it tells a tale of dreams
Of two best friends who met as teens
Who'd stuck together through everything
The thick, the thin, the in between
Who taught each other what love means
The memories I play on repeat
I'm in a writing mood tonight
Mar 2019 · 314
josh wilbanks Mar 2019
I still smell the roses
Left wilting in the window
I still taste the diner
Left cold out on the counter
I still see the paintings
Left leaning on the wall

Though the house has hallowed
Though the residence no longer reside
I still feel the regret
Left buried deep inside
Mar 2019 · 402
josh wilbanks Mar 2019
And as she spoke
His heart ticked away
Shooting fire through his veins
As if the embers she once ignited in him
Had never gone cold
As if everything in his life
Was leading up to this moment
Her soft spoken words
Echoed for years to come
Those three words he'd heard before
This time he knew it was the last
In a single breath
She built and destroyed his world
Then disappeared into his memories
Feb 2019 · 232
Another Summer Night
josh wilbanks Feb 2019
something bout the night and the sky
the stars and how they shine
a place without no lights
your face and them eyes
how they get me everytime
leave me lost inside your mind
seem to seep inside my soul like
this summer warmth and your glow
hold me close never let me go cause
where the heart is where the home
and mine is held inside your palms
I'll keep throwing rocks at your window
like that we the kings song
cause without juilet,
there'd be no romeo
even if you left I'd be blessed
for the memories inside my head
telling me this life we live
as bitter as it gets
can have a better ending to it
of the stars you're a shooting
and of course I'll be using
all my wishes on you mistress
cause this mission I've envisioned's
the begining of a long winded
trip into the end of time
as long as I'm alive you'll be my dime
forever on my mind
one of a kind
sincerely signed, cloudii
Feb 2019 · 364
That First Night
josh wilbanks Feb 2019
There was a certain magic in the warmth of the air that night. In the glow of her skin, her endless gaze, her cool touch. The smell of summer and cigarettes. The feel of her cool fingers laced in mine, with her head on my shoulder. That flannel I never did get back. The taste of her lips and her neck. Those goosebumps that never whent away nor lasted long enough. There was a certain magic in the warmth that night I found out what love was.
Feb 2019 · 260
The beauty of now
josh wilbanks Feb 2019
I wanna write a letter to you
but I thought it better if I used
my metaphores and told a story for ya
this one starts when I was young
before all that numb stuff
back before love was a cup
full of drugs
back where I grew up
there wasn't much but
a couple of us kids
livin life like we wished
the sunshined all the time
you could catch us out side
from noon till night
ridin bikes, playin play fight
on the same side, bein knights
slaying dragons with our swords
or soldiers out at war
always packing action with
whatever we imagined happend
I remember vividly
impatiently waitin for the gamin
on the end the week
on the ps 1,2,3,
360, pc, or wii, just
livin the dream with my brother
somewhere in the suburbs
in the pool gettin sun burnt
little fools with each other
gettin noodles after supper
time seemed to fly so slow
waitin on the cold
so we could go play in the snow
till we're red in the nose
knowin Christmas coming close
it was simple livin those days
when we were children
at times I miss it kinda wish it
didn't ever end though us back then
wanted to grow up so bad an
reminscin it's the same ****, it's
wishin we were somehwere different
missin out on the beauty of livin
minute to minute that's livin in now
so stuck up in the clouds
come down an look around
what you'll find is pretty awesome
opportunity begins to blossom
everything stops looking so rotten
so often lost in those Glory days
never stop to entertain that hey
maybe today's the golden age
sun still shinin an I'm feelin great

slow down bud there's
so much to do
growin up it'll
come so soon
the futures bright and
the past was great but
for a while let's
live in today
Dec 2018 · 257
I'm fucking dying
josh wilbanks Dec 2018
My oldest friend
In those few moments
We share the same breath
Everything is suddenly okay

Your touch is enough
To make everything else numb
Your love is a drug
And I'm still addicted
There's no going back. I'm going to die soon. **** I miss her.
Nov 2018 · 468
Stuck Cold
josh wilbanks Nov 2018
There's glue in my pen
This paper's getting sticky
Beautiful in memory
But these words,
They aren't so pretty

There's glaciers in my veins
It's lonely in this igloo
Stranded on my desolate iceburge
She sailed away,
On my ship built for two
Nov 2018 · 404
Lonesome walks
josh wilbanks Nov 2018
I was walking down a broken sidewalk
Heading no where in particular
Always alone, never lonely
When suddenly I stumbled upon a rose
A singular rose
Grown between the cracks
In my broken sidewalk
I stopped to gaze
Afraid of her beauty
She smelled of poison
I plucked her stem
Together we walked
For about a block
Before suddenly,
She wilted.

I see her on the other side of the street.
Growing strong, bold, beautiful.
She's in a meadow, with her kind.
This side walk has never been so lonely.
I was okay being alone until she showed me how lonely it was
Nov 2018 · 209
To Cassie; I miss cas.
josh wilbanks Nov 2018
I've changed
I'm still the same
Just did a little growing up
Still my core remains
We can not relate
When you changed
Nothing remained
Except for your name

This pain I feel
You used to heal
These days I'm blue
5 years and I barely know you
Sep 2018 · 354
I'm not okay
josh wilbanks Sep 2018
Time is but a myth
A thought begins to drift
The past I do miss
Though it won't exist again
It still gets under my skin
Reminding me of
The taste of your lips
Aug 2018 · 379
Willing Deception
josh wilbanks Aug 2018
I see you kiss
Upon her lips
Still i sip
Upon my myth
Still i live
Off broken hyms
I live off bliss
And ignorance
Aug 2018 · 376
Under the weather
josh wilbanks Aug 2018
Blue sky's and rainy grey's
New lie's and changing ways
Bright shines and dark shadows
Thin lines and hard half-hopes
The sun protects my lonely soul
In the night I lose control
A new sun a new breath
Today it seemed to rain instead
Aug 2018 · 352
Bitter (10w)
josh wilbanks Aug 2018
Viniger in my mouth leaves the taste of your name
Jul 2018 · 358
1 year 6 months
josh wilbanks Jul 2018
There's no more water
The wells all dried
I'm still ******* thirsty
But there's no tears left to cry
She still hurts, but im almost used to it
Jun 2018 · 1.2k
Why do people change (10w)
josh wilbanks Jun 2018
I'm stuck chasing ghosts of people i used to know
I miss my old friends. I miss her. Nobody's who they used to be and it stings because i'm still right here.
May 2018 · 344
josh wilbanks May 2018
Demons attacking,
can't quite un pack it -
This package, i'm strapped in
Focus on the racket just ta
make it though with my baggage
i been slackin, stackin massive
but she don't want that action
sadly no one wants your sappy
so if you aint makin happy
if she aint stayin laughing
she'll find another baddy
and move on rather gladly
and i know it hurts deep down
she was the one to turn your life around
tears, keep em hid, clown
don't lose your happy
what's lost aint always found
Apr 2018 · 407
josh wilbanks Apr 2018
Love is not a game
And i'm certainly not winning
I chase your piece around our board
In this game you're not even playing

She touched my lips
With her nostalgic kiss
Then blamed the alcohol
When morning hit

Don't tease me
Don't play me
I'm dying inside

Don't please me
Don't save me
There's not enough time

Whenever you come around
My life turns upside down
I'm tired of loving you
Please let me down
Apr 2018 · 308
josh wilbanks Apr 2018
I want to find a day
where memories don't fade away
where this moment lasts forever
and the sun rise becomes a never
drunken dancing playing pool
moon shining and you're lookin cool
with your 90's jacket open showin
Skin is glowin toastin' boastin
bout being forever young
broke and dumb tired of
feeling so numb you
******* alive
the way you kiss me
makes me miss the
days of witch we
never knew we'd be rememiscing
back when after school naps
was our favorite thing to do
it's hard when i'm depressed
but a little less when
I'm depressed with you
said you love me
And i know it's true
cause what you don't show
in your eyes it shines right through
and i got that rock, it took
all the change in my pocket, look
i don't mean to take it back to there
back to that day with the teddy bear
and all of our pets that i took care
not because i wanted to
but because they made you happy
in a time when you were scared
but now i'm sitting all alone
writing letters in my phone
looking back and taking notes
i'm not to sure what helps
but i know this ain't the antidote

Still i lay, thinking, hoping,
wishing that you would stay
but unfortunatly tomarrow comes
and i'll get lost in the day
then in our bed, all alone, i lay
And think back to a time
where everything felt so safe
Apr 2018 · 406
Dandelion Guitar
josh wilbanks Apr 2018
Pluck the strings on my dandelion guitar
Like fingers don't get sore
And petals don't run out
Sing solemn songs of my lightning in a bottle
I pretend forever never ends
Somehow you found the finish
I will race until I die
Never escaping my runner's high
Feb 2018 · 182
josh wilbanks Feb 2018
I'm going mad again
It's getting bad again
It's the past again.
Feelin trapped in my own skin.
Feb 2018 · 295
A letter to my brother
josh wilbanks Feb 2018
Little brother if you're listenin
i don't want to talk about it
i don't want to mention
i wish i could go back to when
we were kids again and
if i could change the future
lord knows that i would do it
cause i'm tired of dumb and stupid
so many mistakes im feelin useless
i'm suppossed to be the bigger man
i'm suppossed to lead the way
i'm suppossed to have the plan
but there's things i can't explain
deep inside of me there's a pain
and it's not an excuse i'm just sayin
i really hope you understand
cause it's consumin me
so caught up on who i used to be
drownin all my demons
that plan was straight stupidity
and i know it took a toll,
i know i playd a roll
in your choices, your decision, and as i'm gettin old
i love you more than anything
I really hope you know
i'd give the world to clear those memories
take em right out of your skull
cause we got the same mother
but i don't feel like im your brother
i never did got to know just
how our parents told ya
that i'm movin out the house,
cause rehabilitation kicked me out
and they didn't know quite what to do
but i can't keep on lettin loose
they can't let me **** up my life,
not while i'm under their roof
and i can no longer make excuse'
startin to understand the truth
one thing i never thought about
was how i was affectin you
See i can take the liver damage
my brain can take the abuse
my stomach can throw up but
i only got one chance with you
and in a classic ****** fashion
that one chance i know i blew
i know that you forgive me
but that's not what i'm askin
a part of me wants to believe
that this is actually happenin
and i can turn the clock back
restart and make it not sad
and teach you how to be a man
cause our father never can
and i know it's not his fault,
he aint had a father himself,
there's just so much time lost
that's why everyone calls me josh
back then i had a longer name
and thats all i think about when they say
joshua, or joshie, or mention abbey place
where we grew up together
shared a room
and i taught myself to shave
those were the good years,
with blue pool,
at the blue house,
at a small school,
back before i was a fool,
back before i knew what love was,
but lord knows i loved you
lord knows i still do
i'm sorry
Jan 2018 · 312
josh wilbanks Jan 2018
I aint slept sober in a couple days
no wonder why, we split our seperate ways
and that ****'s still on my mind
like will you pick up if i hit your line?
Was it really cause you're gay or was it just our time?
I don't think i can handle nights like this
thinking bout the bottle as an alternative
cause i know i wont sleep but atleast it's not as ****
i know i told you that i quit
and swear to god i was so proud of it
but the sweet release of not feeling a thing
is really tempting me to take a sip
or take a swig maybe chug a bit
maybe two, just for kicks
now im feelin fly
right in my sheets
but i still kinda wanna die
cause my two brain cells left
thinkin bout that feelin i would get
when you were layin on my chest
half brain cells dead
and im still ****** depressed
gave you back my wring and my only picture left
i don't want those memories,
Stuck, trapped in my head
runnin circles like was it all pretend?
Whose to blame?
I know i aint the best
but bonnie i swear, clyde's still right here
we can run away and chase the sunset
or go on down to the board walk, where we last met
get on that ferris wheel, cause i know it wasn't open yet
just don't say goodbye
cause i dont have a next
all i have is an ex's texts that left a mess in my chest still i check and red the dead roses in our envolopes i screen shotted just to choke back tears on later
maybe it's for worse, but maybe it's for better
is the past a curse, or is it a tether
to the ones that ment the most
so we know who we are, how we got there, and all the scars

You told me we were a mistake
an accident that casually happend and
we were nothing but lonely friends
that fooled around time again
but that look in your eyes
from all those lovely times
makes me want to believe
that it wasn't just a waste of life
it wasn't just a wasted drive
down to florida to see my grandparents
out by the ocean side
you make me feel alive

I never knew what it ment to really have a family
but *******, you were my everything
i could make you happy
if you'd only let me in
We would make each other smile
through all the thick and thin
and the closest i get to that these days
Is with a sedatitive
but that won't hold me tight
and tell me everything'll be alright
Just rambling to a beat to vent
(Joji - medicine)
Jan 2018 · 410
josh wilbanks Jan 2018
Like a baby walking,
Or a child biking,
I fell in love with you.
You always remember your first.
Jan 2018 · 492
The last page
josh wilbanks Jan 2018
It was our last memory together.
I never knew the beach got cold,
Or that in the shower you glow gold.
You told me you'd be waiting for me.
I wish you meant what I was thinking.
"I'm in love with you."
"I guess this is goodbye."
And just like that, she was gone.
Nov 2017 · 603
Molly - LD
josh wilbanks Nov 2017
"Doing nothing's never nothing when it's something with you."
Nov 2017 · 1.5k
Porcelain Skin
josh wilbanks Nov 2017
She touched me
and it felt

as if

the stars
were dancing

my skin.
Nov 2017 · 202
Chasing dreams
josh wilbanks Nov 2017
I feel like im running in a circle chasing dreams
Nov 2017 · 495
I'm sorry
josh wilbanks Nov 2017
The city sleep but
im still awake
runnin through my mind
not a canidate
you're the president
i don't want you there
But you resinate
Remember when
You were cryin on my bed
cause i caused you pain
The fact that you still loved me
Is so insane
one too many times you
felt this way
even after all this time i'm
still ashamed
wish i could explain
you were layin on my chest
it was pourin rain
you told me that you loved me
got me shivering
Years flew by still
i felt your butterflies
so down on one knee
swear to god i almost cried
Swear to god i almost died
Swear you're still my pride
swear you're still my bride
swear i always loved you
Bed's colder on your side
swear if i could change the past
get back to better times
i would leave before it started
cause our future is a crime

our future is a crime
our future is a crime
the way that you once loved me
still playing in my mind
this mental penitentary
stuck me in a bind
Struggle every day just to
keep myself in line
Or keep myself in check
checkin out a bottle boutta
stuff it down my neck
checkin out a model
just like all of my regrets
can't see what's right in front of me
looking at what's next
Greener on the other side
learn to be content
livin in regret
livin aint the best
Dont be mistaken
i aint suicidal yet
just miss my baby girl
Still better than the rest

Live in the day boy
don't live for tomarrow
Love what you have
don't forget it's all borrowed
The past is the past
and the future's tomarrow
All you have is today
won't you put down your sorrow
Oct 2017 · 169
josh wilbanks Oct 2017
You've stepped out of my life
But you'll never leave my mind
My heart bleeds tonight
Goodbye my love
Oct 2017 · 297
I need you
josh wilbanks Oct 2017
Memeories haunting
I'm already dead
Half of a year yet
You're still in my head
I just want you gone
But my heart's full of lead
You have moved on
Found a replacement
Four ******* years
You moved on in a tenth
I'm lost without you
I need my Cas
This is barely even poetry i know. I needed to get it out. Alot more of this depressing **** coming up so
Oct 2017 · 354
josh wilbanks Oct 2017
Depression is a hidden demon
I laugh, I smile, I love, I have a good time.
The differance is,
When there's nothing happening,
People feel bored -
I feel empty.
There's no reason for it,
So i attatch myself to pain
Because then when i get hurt,
Atleast i know why.
Or i'll try to explain it
"It's because of the girl"
"It's because im home sick"
At the end of the day,
It's all just chemicals in my brain.
Doing anything drains me -
Being normal is a full time job.
It doesn't matter what I do,
I will never be satisfied in life.
So why even get out of bed?
Why work harder for less?
Maybe some of us wheren't ment for happiness.
Maybe some of us missed out on natural selection.
Maybe Chester had a point.
R.I.P. Chester Bennington, I still think about you all the time.
josh wilbanks Oct 2017
It's been a while.
All the flowers in our garden are dead.
Our children have moved out.
We barely talk.

It's been a while.
The sky is still damp.
I have to many hoodies.
My fingers are cold.

It's been a while.
I'm still the same.
I saw you the other day.
Everything has changed.

It's been a while.
Not long enough.
I fell in an instant.
It's hard getting up.
Two objects cannot both be on top. I guess i'm stuck, because you're already over me.
Sep 2017 · 460
No wonder
josh wilbanks Sep 2017
Centerd around golden seeds
Velvetine pedals from my ivory stem
Beautiful on the outside but
Lifeless deep within
Maybe im not okay going it alone
Sep 2017 · 237
Birth Defect
josh wilbanks Sep 2017
A birth defect gone un-noticed has unbearable results. I would much ratather be incapable but not knowing there is more than capable but unmotivated.
Sep 2017 · 203
josh wilbanks Sep 2017
If a flower had the choice to grow, do you think it would?

I wouldn't.
Sep 2017 · 7.7k
josh wilbanks Sep 2017
Being suicidal doesn't mean i'm going to **** myself

Being suicidal is having this unexplicable ache while you're living

It's waiting for your life to end, and wishing you didn't have to carry on

Having this ache, an incapability to feel happy living, doesn't mean that I am going to **** myself -

It just means I wouldn't mind dying.
Sep 2017 · 284
josh wilbanks Sep 2017
Im being evicted
My heart has already left
The alchoholic's conundrum
Love unreciprocated
josh wilbanks Aug 2017
You were the light of my life
If only sunburns where amnesia
I'm gulping down these memories
Like i'm not in a desert
Like you're still here.
Jul 2017 · 410
josh wilbanks Jul 2017
Like the sun in the window
That i've gotten so used to
I expected you to be there
Every morning when i woke

Like the moon between the palms
Of a squinting kid
I just want to hold you
If only for tonight

Like the dog without a collar
Wandering in the alley
I have the whole world
Yet i all i want is to find you

Like the simile on the paper
Containing all my insides
You knew me like no one else
I miss my other half
Jul 2017 · 373
Flower, flower
josh wilbanks Jul 2017
Flower, flower
Petals picked and trashed
You gave me all you had to give
I left you in the grass

Spring, spring
Winters come and passed
Flowers grow again but
My wilted lovely didnt last

Horror, horror
What have i become
Destroying all her beauty
Just for sporting fun

Tape, tape
Put her petals back
I picked up all the peices
Yet my lovely seems to lack

Time, time
Still she falls apart
I cant undo the damage
That i've done upon her heart
Jul 2017 · 421
Even giants fall.
josh wilbanks Jul 2017
A poet's job is to describe the indescribable
Today, I fail to be a poet
Of the strings on my heart,
One has snapped
Rest in peace, Chester
We should have heard your cries
Jul 2017 · 290
Rip Tide
josh wilbanks Jul 2017
How she sweeps me away
Left gasping for breath
Caught in a tidal of emotion

So reluctantly beached
Surrounded by nothing but her
If only I could return home

I've lost myself at sea again
Here I sit to scribble in the sand
If only I knew how to swim
Maybe then I could go home again
Sorry I've been gone. Whent out looking for myseld and came back with less than I left with.
Jul 2017 · 547
Orbital Thoughts
josh wilbanks Jul 2017
Earth must be so lonely
Forever circled by it's only friend
Never able to visit
Only ever loving in thought

I understand you, Earth
Isn't she so **** beautiful
If only she'd go away
Forever drifting in my thoughts
josh wilbanks Jul 2017
I never thought i'd miss you like this
We were just kids
That's the thing about the present
You only appreciate it when it's your past
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