I can't remember how many times,
I took a photo and look at those eyes.
Eyes that can't seem to see beyond books,
Those eyes that also see beyond the looks.

It felt so funny to be writing again,
Not because of love or anything vain,
But because I am grateful,
To be a friend of someone cool.

Gosh, I'm playing with words,
Smiling as I create worlds,
Of letters bringing fiction to life,
Waiting for my feelings to ripe.

I guess I just found you amazing,
In the world of stupid normal thinking.
I'm not asking you to want me too,
But I wish that you see me as true.

Through those ****** eyes of yours,
Not with the books you read for hours.
See me as a girl who found you lovely,
Not a girl who wants you badly.

First it was fright,
Then there was courage.
I took a step then there was I,
Pretty...
Confident...
Unsure...
Scared?
Then the music came so loud,
It made me deaf of myself
It was a loud as the silence in my room,
The only difference is I'm not alone.

In a room full of people,
I saw you.
You and your ignorance.
You and the memories you left me with.

You're the faintest memory,
But the strongest one.
Ended without a sorry,
Also ended with none.

You're the prologue,
That broke me so bad,
You're the epilogue,
Of the days we had.

You're a short chapter,
But the most memorable one.
What sorrow more sweeter?
When to you I never won.

I used to run freely,
To paths familiar and new,
When I was the best I could be,
But then I saw a different view.

I used to be fearless,
For I was brave and courageous,
I’ve been so careless,
Then everything was dangerous.

I used to be noisy,
Not minding what others say,
But it always felt happy,
And I refused to stay.

I used to be me,
The best I could be.

I miss you.
I really miss you.
I tried uttering words but,
I just really miss you.

I miss every inch of you,
The sparkles in your eyes,
The ever unforgettable scent of you,
And most of all,
Your breath unto my skin.
Bringing shivers down to my spine.

I miss those amazing moments,
When your touch has magic,
Heating the cold out of me.
When your stare pulls me closer,
Close enough that our lips meet.

I miss the night,
I wrapped my arms around your neck,
And pulled you closer.
I breathed sharply and thought.
Wished unto the stars that the night won't pass.

I hate your voice so gentle,
And how your eyes look at me.
It's just so awkward,
Seeing you face to face,
Listening to your sweet lyrical voice.
I hate how you smile,
With your most awesome lips.

Now I'm just saying this,
For you to understand,
What I really felt with you.
I'm just really nervous seeing you,
Or it's just my heart, beating so fast,
A sign of being in love with you.

I may not be sending to one person,
But trust me, right now, it's you.
I was inspired by you to create this,
For the special one I ever dreamed of.

My love may come too soon,
Or later than I expected,
But how I wish he's you.

I will start by saying this,
3 words and 8 letters,
I love you.

The night's so quiet.
Why be a deafening silence?
So quiet my head just blew.
I took my pen.
I tore some paper.
Then I was lost.

The night's so quiet.
Guilt rang in my ears,
As my heart beats,
the breeze whispers,
"Why?"

The night's so quiet.
I want to shout.
I am scared.
I am alone.
*I need your noise.

If I look into your eyes,
Would you look at mine?
If I smiled at you,
Would you smile at me too?

For when I look into your eyes,
I get to feel.
I melt as your brown eyes,
Your **** eyes swims deep into mine.

But I know you do not want to,
You do not want my trenches,
And as beautiful your eyes can be in sunlight,
Like you, I’ll just stare.

For I will smile at you,
As sweet as a girl who’s never been in love,
Who has no clue of what it takes to love,
For I adore you so much that I hate you.

But I don’t like your smiles,
I love your laughs.
So please, always laugh.
For I am infatuated by you.

In a room full of people,
It’s you I look for.
For an unspoken thing,
Keeps me waiting.

And I look at you,
And smile,
But feel afraid,
For I was frozen.

I was broken,
And you made me feel.
Again, it flutters,
I won’t let it.

But If my heart wasn’t taken,
Will you have it?
If your heart wasn’t taken,
Can I have it?

I tried and now I'm tired.
I explained my reasons,
I swallowed my pride,
I cried my heart and now,
It's broken.

I tried to be what you wanted,
I changed, I altered, I revised.
I became better you said.
But then I still wasn't.

You always said,
"Trust is not enough."
With much jealousy,
I know you never trusted me at all.

This is the truth.
I love you.
It's been 2 years,
I tried and now,
I'm just tired.

If I will be fooled why not by you?
If it brings despair why not with you?
If I will be ****** why not by you?
If it brings me harm why not with you?

To kiss you is a dream,
To see you smile and gleam.
Maybe lies or whatever it seem,
Maybe we'll just follow this stream.

With your eyes and deadly glare,
I always lose and that's unfair,
For those not only show care,
But I see myself lost in your stare.

Loving you is forbidden,
A rule you have been broken,
Not with me for I do not forsaken,
The law so strong and heavily spoken.

Still I dream of you and sometimes cry.
Still I wish for a never goodbye.
Although very wrong in every eye,
I will still be glad for there was you and I.

I used to write proses unbothered by rules,
Poems with no assurance of being read,
Words just written to be free.

Now am I one of fools?
Fearing what comes out of my head?
Afraid of what others see?

Is this the curse of technicality?
Of knowing more about reality?
Bluff is that age comes with clarity.

Here is my **** to hell I send,
Existing is tiring year by year,
Is there anything more to feel?

I am far from the end.
But I wish I am near.
I have nothing time can steal.

I think of you,
While in the streets.
Where the cold air blew,
Where sun and moon meets.

I think of you,
While in the jeep.
When people are few,
When I fall asleep.

I think of you,
While on the stairs.
Where we talked onto,
Where we gave cares.

I think of you,
While in the corridors,
When the sky is blue,
When all are happy colors.

I think of you,
Are you happy?
Do you think of me too?
Is this we are to be?

Thinking about you,
Ruins me.
Thinking about you,
Kills me.

When love was tired and yourself was free,
The guilt is gone,
The heaviness is gone,
The lies are gone.

When love was tired and yourself was free,
The spark was lost,
The eyes are not dilated,
The heart was exhausted.

When love was tired and yourself was free,
How will you say it was?
How will you say it with less pain?
How will you say the most painful words?
The most painful words,  a lover can hear.
How will you say sorry?
Can you ever forgive me?
How will I say goodbye?
If there is no good in saying those?

When love was tired,
Say goodbye.
Free yourself.
Accept changes.
Then that's the only time,
Yourself was free.

That time when love was none.
That time when we met.

That time when we're the best of friends,
When you used to smile at me,
When you talked to me ti'll midnight,
When you listened to my problems,
When I realized that I fell for you.

That time when you fell in love with me,
When Valentine's Day was happy,
When New Year was always new,
When we exchanged gifts on Christmas,
When we realized how happy we are,
To be together.

That time when I get jealous,
When I cried and you carried me,
When you made me understand,
How was I unique with other girls.

That time when you get jealous,
When you doubted everything I do,
When your trust was gone,
When you killed my freedom,
When I forgot about personal space,
When I swallowed my pride,
When I cried because of you,
Because I'm scared to lose you.

This time, it was over.
When I am explaining my thoughts,
When I am defending for what is true,
When I am telling the truth,
When I am deeply in love with you.

Now, as I cried,
I have read,
"What kills love more than an unfaithful lover,
is a heart that doubts,"
I gained your full loyalty,
But you never saw me trust worthy.

That time, I found the good,
In goodbye.

You killed me,
With wounding words,
Deeply pressed on my chest,
Piercing the treasure,
That treasure we used to share.
That treasure that you stole,
You, heartless murderer!

You left me with open wounds,
With poignant scars of you.
Just staring at me,
With much hatred,
You left me dead.

Alone.
Hopeless.
Sad.
Gloomy.
Dark.
Dead.

Curse you my murderer!
My ever loving murderer...

I entered a world,
Full of strangers,
Nobody knew me,
Never met anyone yet.

But it's a world,
I belong to,
Everyone understand,
And share the same love.

I'm in the world,
Of wonder,
Of beauty,
Of literature.

I'm in the world of,
Nostalgic, weird,
And intelligently amazing,
Poets.

It's a Thursday and I'm ready for tonight,
Let's lie that I am 18.

As Taft Avenue welcomes me like a friend,
Understanding of my needs,
Appreciative of my beauty,
And blind of my secrets.

All I see are stares,
All I hear are loud,
All I smell are smoke and alcohol,
All I feel is uncertainty?

How about getting drunk,
Dancing through the deafening EDM?
Singing a trendy song?
And maybe, just maybe, have fun?

How about making friends,
A friend of a friend of your friend?
A cool guy who sat beside you?
Or probably someone who likes you.

How about a 5 second kiss,
From a good looking stranger?
From a familiar face?
Who cares, we won't meet again.

How about a 10 second kiss,
WHY?
DOES IT MATTER?
IT'S JUST A KISS.

Oh dear.
That was fun.

I stared blankly on my ceiling,
Wondering of the things we used to do,
Moments of happiness,
Glimpse of our dreams,
Believing in forever,
Dreaming about us,
Dreaming about our love.

Everything seems fun,
Even staring at our sparkling eyes,
Seemed to be a wonderful experience.
We even talked how we feel,
When we held hands,
Very tightly sealed,
Like our love.

Then I remembered bitterness,
The pain that all of these are just,
What we used to do.
When we loved the way we used to,
When our love,
Is what its used to.

After all the years,
You see the same sky,
You shed the same tears,
You never tire to try.

You memorized your living,
Keeping your track by the stream,
Staying at the road you’re following,
Then you’re burned-out of the mainstream.

You yonder away,
Away from your flow,
From home to astray,
Not to hurt but to grow.

You made yourself anew,
I am very proud of you.

How lovely it is to smile,
After a sad and lonely exile.
How wonderful it is to laugh,
After challenges so tough.

I saw you before,
When I didn't want more,
I saw you again,
And it wasn't like then.

I thought you were gay,
But never trust what others say.
You brought a new color,
Something new to fall for.

A love with a new taste,
An experience with no much haste,
I'd like to savor every moment,
While nothing else is not yet bent.

I hope to wish for the best,
So my heart may have peace and rest.
For you made me much happier,
Please just stay longer.

You're the dreamed horizon,
Now I'll chase the dawn.
I'll see the morning,
With you, I'll be smiling.

I tried to say my honest reflection,
But the words are still not bare.
I tried to change my peripheral,
But still in blinding sunshine,
And never has been discerned.
The feeling is unbearable
Though I never hollered.
But shared much weariness.

Everyday I see you more,
Let's say I need you more.
You brought smile once
Then now, I just can't.
Now I wished more,
More than the talk we talked,
More than your perception.
More than reality.

I wished to be older,
Then I'd be appropriate for you,
Then we'll be in same generation,
When that Sir is more than gone.

You’re so wonderful,
So far, yet I can see
I come to you so bashful,
But with a big glee.

Trying not to show,
The shyness inside me,
Though it’s making me throw,
A pillow and a party.

Seeing you feels nice,
So nice, my tongue won’t lie,
Feeling eerie in your eyes,
As I see you pass by.

When things doesn't matter anymore,
I forget that I'm a daughter.
A daughter who dreams to be like her mom,
Fearless, cunning and wise.

When things doesn't matter anymore,
I forget that I'm a student.
A student that works hard to learn,
To make the dream she dreamed.

When things doesn't matter anymore,
I forget about myself.
A girl who never broke the rule,
Who followed commands and obeyed.

Things doesn't matter anymore.
I have you.

I am afraid,
Afraid of what will tomorrow bring.
I am afraid,
Afraid of wrong decisions.
I am afraid,
Very afraid, of losing you.

You define me,
You gave me a meaning,
You complete me,
You make me real.

Dreamy but true,
Ancient but new,
Tradition but modern,
It's me loving you.

What do I do?
If there's nothing I can do?
And I am just best in loving you?

Keep me in your arms,
Hold me as I fall,
Reach me when we part,
Love me.
I am afraid.

I'm the one who walks alone
One street to the other
Then loudly I would groan
"Can anything be sadder?"

I walked...
Faced down.
I talked...
With no sound.

I am alone.
Then I was bumped,
Then I was lone,
Then I sobbed.

I cried my pain
Longing for consort
Cutting a vein
With tear back and forth.

But I met a stranger
This man at my back
He touched my shoulder,
Then all went black.

He talked to me,
With assuring words,
"You we're with me,"
Then I cried my wounds.

He was there...

When I walked...

When I talked...

I am not alone.

*I am a loner.

I had a dream on a sleepless night
Wandering on the storm of luminary spheres,
I counted them all as they wink.
I reached for the bedazzling sea,
To the lustrous and splendid heaven,
But then I was bleary.

I went back in my disconsolate bed.
I glanced finally to the lucid ocean,
Then I perceived the quotidian,
A discernibly sheeny spot.
I felt it with the slightest touch.
Then I was back to my senses.

I sighed deeply and questioned,
Was that a dream on a sleepless night?

Let me believe in this.
That I've known you for so long,
Because of the laugh I solely miss,
And in time we don't belong.

Let me foolishly believe.
Seconds are longer than minutes.
I wonder how time can deceive,
With moments broken down in bits.

I will keep writing,
Though time is never unlimited.
Clocks will keep on ticking,
But still you in my head.

Let me waste time and never set.
Let it run ahead of us.
Let me forget we just met.
Let it go and pass.

Fairytales begin in love at first sight,
But it was before, long before today,
When princesses wore dresses,
When all you can get is a smile.

Then he’ll ask her name,
How beautiful she is,
Then ask her to dance,
And when they shall meet again.

But I tell you it was before today.
When there are only ladies and gentlemen.
When romance is graceful,
When attraction eventually grows to love.

Now, fairytales begin at the first kiss,
And love is not necessary.
She’s drunk and he as well,
And they get what they wanted.

Both are strangers to each other,
But did you see how their eyes talked?
By how slowly the night deepens as they go closer?
But then they shall never meet again.

Before today it was love that was sealed,
By a kiss treasured till forever.
But what’s tonight ends tomorrow,
What’s tomorrow will be oblivious of tonight.

Why do people come,
To make me laugh?
To know me?
To befriend me?
To love me?

Why do people come and go?

To make me laugh,
Then make me cry?

To know me,
Then criticize me?

To befriend me,
Then never trust me?

To love me,
Then I'll love you,
Then we'll be happy,
Then leave me,
Then forget me?

As spirits whisper in my ears,
Saying words with the breeze,
I was thinking of you,
You and your charismatic stare.

My memories from you,
From the sweetest days,
To the weariness of losing you,
Why are they not forgotten?

Those cozy days,
Warm nights,
Blue arguments,
Why be a recognizable absence?

But then,
Thanks for being away,
I've learn things,
And you in my memory.

My lungs do breath,
But I forgot to.
My heart still beats,
But inlove no more.

Pain runs within my veins,
Clogging the joy and happiness and glee.
Sadness floods my mind,
A pessimistic evil dementor.

But then I fought.
With all my strength,
With all my hope,
With all my love.

But then I failed.
I wasted my strength,
I wasted my hope,
I wasted my love.

Very tiring.
Very sad.
I just lost,
And I'm exhausted.

Speak to me,
In your loudest voices,
Speak to me,
In your wisest words

To be understood,
Is to elucidate,
To impart,
Is to communicate

Be a linguist,
Use your tongues,
Spill your thoughts,
Speak.

Keep it closed,
Keep it locked.
Don't let them enter,
Don't let them.

But it was foolish.
You need the bee.
You need to bloom,
So let it enter.

Let it enjoy your sweetness,
Your beauty and your grace.
Enjoy it as well,
For once you had him.

But when he's done,
It is done.
He'll go.
Hell comes.

You'll remember him upon your petals,
Among the soft drizzle of the afternoon,
But you'll live.
Until you see him with another rose.

It'll **** you.
But you'll live.
Painful than death,
Is living with pain.

But you're still sweet,
Still has beauty and grace.
Another bee shall come.
He'll take the pain away.

But accept he'll go again.
He'll choose others over you.
But again enjoy it.
For once you had him.

My lips shudder from the fear of speaking my heart,
Defeated by the frightening disappointment.
I hid under the blinds of the windows of my soul,
Forbidding everyone not to glance.
Darkness took me to the deepest trench.
It drowned the dreams I dream't,
The hopes I kept.

Do it for the love of thee,
The fatigue and wisdom of teaching,
Vest it to them and let their minds be free.

Hand it through pedagogy,
Though exhausted of standing and talking,
Do it for the love of thee.

Pass the values forgotten by society,
The pearls and artifacts impossible of seeing,
Vest it to them and let their minds be free.

Praise them for practicing courtesy,
But scold until they are breaking,
Do it for the love of thee,

For they should learn that life is tricky,
The truth that people are forever coming and going,
Vest it to them and let their minds be free.

Teach to continue the legacy,
For the future needs more heavy crafting,
Do it for the love of thee,
Vest it to them and let their minds be free.

I am finite.
I get tired and exhausted.

I can be pillars,
Strong as marble and steel.
But may be stars,
Living a life to be dead.

I can be a friend,
Who'll lend you a hand.
But may be listened,
When the wheels turn.

You may use me.
You may not.

But this I plea.
My head aches.
I do cry.
I do get weak.
I do get tired.
And I do get exhausted.

But be unfazed.
I am finite.

I should have told you but I didn't do.
I kept my senses closed and unseen,
Though I see with clearest glasses,
But I just said ambiguous thoughts.
The thoughts I treasured in these four corners.
The choice of listening than talking,
The choice that taught me a lot.
All the disguise and secrets of life,
All from others' perspective.
Though numerous I learned,
Owns thoughts were forbidden.
Nothing for the world to know,
Nothing for one to realize.

I should have told you but I didn't do
From the stentorian shouts of my ego,
To the clamorous whispers of my heart.
The tectonic regret of my whole being.

I hollered silence as I said to my self,
*I should have told you but I didn't do.

My dearest sky,
The cradle of the unwanted star,
The darkness you always beautify,
And revealed not a single scar.

Please love me though unwanted,
See me as perfect,
Accept me for I was rejected
Be my home and never neglect.

I am hungry of a touch,
As if my eyes wants you back,
As if your arms invites me,
As if my lips wants yours.

Instinctly I want you,
But I also need reason.
However, a woman has needs too,
And she craves for you.

She longs for your broad shoulders,
For your lengthy arms and legs,
For your caressing fingers,
For your untamed desire.

Take me back to the night,
You stole a kiss,
I kissed you back,
And I was yours.

Friend or foe?
A traitor you don't know
True colors that never show
Is he a friend or foe?

I thought he was different,
Like a new discovered scent.
Believing I really can't,
I really thought he was different.

Who to believe,
Who to trust?
Shouldn't deceive,
But what is must?

I was so weary,
So sad that I can't talk.
I won't talk.
I will just let this fall,
And wet then dried.

I will let them pour,
Instead of keeping another liter.
Wait, am I alone?
They must pour but,
Only if I'm alone.

If one saw them pour,
That one is worthy.
One won't see it if they're not.
Or maybe the dam was full,
And the operator let go.

I was so weary,
That my eyes blurried.
I won't talk,
Then I would walk,
Together with them.

Why a blank stare?
Why just a blank stare?
Why be the hardest blank to fill?
What does it supposed to mean?
I guess I'll just stare at you,
Blankly.

To the guy who saw the best in me
Who saw the sparks in my smile
Who saw the smirks in my lonely nights
Who saw the rainbow in my gloom..

To the guy who treated me well
Who shed my tears away,
Who made me smile and laugh
Who pursues me to live

To the guy who loved me most
Who cared in my carelessness
Who stood when I was down
Who loved me when I can't love myself

To the best guy I knew
Im so happy I had you
Im sorry I lost you
But this is the last poem I'll write for you...

I am living with Nobody.
I talk to him,
I eat dinner with him,
I share thoughts with him,
I sleep with him.
But tonight was different,
I slept with Pillows.

The undesirably lonesome feeling,
That haunted me since then.
It stayed with me in agony,
Mourning for consort.
I slept with tears drying,
And my beloved Pillows,
All drenched.

I am filmy glad,
To be in love with Nobody.

He is the music,
She wants to hear.
He is the story,
She likes to read
He is the color,
She loves to see.

"How beautiful you are,
My dearest lover!
Forever, will be mine,
The he in my art.

He was a man of flaws,
A sinner behind a saintly face,
A liar and a bad man without cause,
But I saw what's behind that sinful grace.

He was a broken man,
Worn out by people around him,
He is a son,
Unappreciated but has a dream.

He was a friend to some,
A friend of mine who never mattered.
Never knew a time would come,
When we stared and our hearts wandered.

We were lost in the ocean of feelings,
Sunken in the middle of the unwanted sea.
The first time I never thought of things,
The first time I felt truly free.

He showed me that life's unfair,
Play it right then lose the fun,
Enjoy your youth and lay it bare,
Learn to walk then carefully run.

I felt myself be me,
With a stranger so familiar,
Selfish and unworthy,
A man broken and with a scar.

I shared my secrets,
The treasures of my mind.
I shared my vents,
The shouts to those who are always blind.

But then this man,
Suddenly left my side.
Very far away from me he ran,
Left me alone for a lonely ride.

Everything was fiction I just thought,
The angel behind his demon,
The fight we togetherly fought,
That our page number was common.

But still I love this man,
Though he broke me with his kisses,
Our days were fun,
And I feel it's just unfinished business.

If time will permit,
Let us meet and love again,
With a glad heart I will greet,
This man I loved who left me broken.

I felt myself awaken,
I opened my eyes,
I looked at the ceiling,
I planned my day.

"GET OUT AND SHUT UP,
YOU FILTHY LITTLE RATS,
LIFT YOUR *** AND RUN,
WE'LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN"

I ran down,
With sobs and tears,
Who are strangers?
Why take my wealth?

Without a home,
Where am I?
Without a home,
Who am I?

So sudden and fast,
I was banished and rust,
Where will I go?
In exile of I don't know.

The strength of every relation.
The hardest thing to earn,
Yet the easiest to lose.

Have you ever loved someone's presence,
Which made you feel sick when he's not there.

Have you ever loved someone's eyes,
Which you looked for every person you looked at.

Have you ever loved someone,
Which haunted you for quite some time.

Have you ever loved,
But not be loved in return?

Unrequited it was.
But do you even remember,
How it felt like,
To be once again,
Loved.

The heavens cry,
The stars fall,
The seasons change,
The time leaves,
And trees die.

Same as,
We cry,
We fall,
We change,
We leave,
And we die.

Nature is us.