I miss you,
even though you're still around
we're not how we were before
I sleep on the couch now but that's alright
from here I can watch the door
on this couch I make no sound
but I'd rather sleep on our floor
to hear you breathe and roll about
and wonder of what you dream
I've buried my cries deep down for now
something that's harder than it seems

It's strange,
even now we share this roof
it shelters us from storms
but what can shelter us from truth?
that true love can surely die
this house was a home some weeks ago
the proof always catches my eye
a sign above the stairs I hung
it reads;
"This is our happy place"

I'd like to take this moment
to appreciate my flaws.
Feeling good about myself
laying on the bathroom floor.
Sipping on cough syrup
god knows I'm feeling ill
but I ain't got a cough.
Emotions feeling real as ****
then maybe I'm just soft.

Loneliness is a terrible feeling
surrounded by people
but it's comfort you're seeking.
My dad's a plumber;
"Hey dad my eyes are leaking
could you fix me up quick?"
Thinking about holding her
in the ocean makes me sick.
Not because it happened
because it won't happen again.

It's been seven days since you left.
The music keeps getting louder.
Dreams of getting locked up for theft.
Now I'm sniffing powders.
Is this the sign of a problem?
'*** usually I just dodge them.
**** feel sick.
Heaven sent you down to me
Hell picked you up quick.

It's 7:27am
and I still haven't slept
it's probably for the best
even when I sleep I get no rest
I wake up in sweat and out of breath
if sleep was really the cousin of death
I'd be inclined to get more of it
wakefulness is stress but sleep
sleep is something else
sleep is torture for the depressed
sleep is something you tell yourself you need
when your world comes crashing down
when you see no need to get dressed
sleep is what you fall in to
when there's no more stimulation
no more coffee, no more elation
something you do post ******
usually from *******
if you could see my dreams
you'd think of Stephen King's
The Shawshank Redemption
except without redemption
just the seeping hateful retention

To date,
We've felt so much hate
So before it's too late
Let's awake,
From our slumber of ignorance
I'll make you happy even at my expense
Because what I feel,
If you could feel it too

Then you'd be born anew

I've got a lot on my mind so can I say my piece?
then I can just kiss my teeth
now I've made my peace
I've got a job, I'm the police;
self righteous justice
If killing time ain't good enough
then well, just **** this

I'm ******* now,
I cook a hand grenade
throw it to a crowd, explosive;
that's my sound
my life is darkness;
like in a shroud
am I too loud for your ears to handle?
Well then lets take a gamble
get the ******* my cloud
I'm shoutin' proud from here to Blackpool

Let's have a party
yeah that's cool, so where's the pedestal?
I'm like a statue frozen in motion
action shot, I'm not posin'
but I'm proposin' if we cut the ****
and get them flows in
and everyone is bouncin'
then we can turn this house in
Inside out,
it's about,
the beat,
the love,
the flow,
that steals,
the show,
if you don't know what I've been told
then I suggest you let it go

"Where is my invite? I think i missed it"
well despite the fright
you may have given yourself
I didn't send one girl, just look at yourself
In this life it's all about perfection
****** protection
affection and nation wide elections

I like to fly so high
in the sky and I do it with pride
I'm not a drugs kind of guy but
happiness is synthesized and if that's a crime
then I guess I'm crooked!
but I'm always lookin' for a way out
so if you won't let me in then I stay out
I feel I'm down and I'm definitely out,
so I guess I should pray now

Then god tells me
life is predicaments and resolutions
promoting solutions and twisting
the truth in constitutions
changing pace in relations
and pretending we never took welfare
out of the equation

Starving soul, hungry for communication
Parched heart, thirsty for a connection
Saturate me with your love
Fill me with your happiness
Remind me that I'm not alone
Tell me the glass was never half empty
As I know you want me full
I see you as I see you, not as you want me to
Wrapped in skin so velvet soft
Kissed with a dark red bow placed on top
Of your dark wavy hair
Perfect in contrast to
Your porcelain complexion

I see you every day
In the corners of my eyes
In the forefront of my mind
In my wildest dreams and
My darkest nights
Strange scenarios where I die
Only to be resurrected by you
Because losing me was a pain
So profound and world shattering
The tears you cried became the elixir of life

Be my friend
Be my lover
I can be whatever you need
Or whatever you want me to be
Provided that, me being that
Is always just me being me

I am your soon to be
ex-con
so maybe we should get this
*** on
I'm mentally ill,
I think
but I'll ******* good!
I will sink
into your flesh
like a starved dog
since you will arrive
a saucy little minx,
a feisty platter,
a sultry dish
but surely leave
an unsatisfied,
unfortunate
and inconsolable mess
I suppose my fate
will upset you

unprepared
for what's to come
I will run
straight in to the arms
of the law
after all,
this world isn't mine anymore
and
it would be unseemly
to stay
when I'm looking at
a whole world of hurt
and a hefty price to pay
besides,
modern-day freedom
is an illusion
and
I'm bored of *** anyway

Waking up without you hurts like a hole in the head
and I don't know where you are
or what you've been up to, last night
I only remember letting you down, again
I did something bad, I know what I did
but you wouldn't believe that, I did it for you
and why should you?
I'm Finley, the **** of this earth
apparently

I'm a ******* mess, as you would say
I need help, night and ******* day
can't be without you babe
wouldn't have you any other way
but no one would believe me
when I said I did what I did, for you
I don't wake up without you, for me
for nothing

You tell me,
"if my mother knew about me, about you
she wouldn't want me to be with you, Finley"
and I cry and my heart aches
because it's true
I'm a monster, I hurt all the time
your loving mother would probably think
I've done everything, under the sun
but I'm not that bad
you know me

The police won't even take me in
they bring me home
where the monster in me, starts again
I'd peel the skin off of my body if I could
just to shed this feeling, to be free
to be free of the things that surface
the things I don't want people to see
yet so desperately need to understand
and I've said it before, life is truly
a lustrous haze

I know you don't understand
even though the skin I wear
could speak volumes
whilst the cries of my heart are inaudible
shrieking intense screams
confined and encased
in this feeble cage I call my body
and all the music in the world
can not soothe me
seems like nothing in this world
can put me at ease
except you

You are the arms that carry me away
the hands that wipe away
the tears on my face
and they burn like acid
like tear duct bleach
not strong enough to cleanse me of shame
but as you unknowingly wipe them away
I feel whole again, in some strange way
you make my life
you make me something else
when I can't even better myself

I've never been fond of change
this one is a particular pain
the same words only smaller
I guess size really does matter
in every sense and every way
the impact just isn't the same
I miss being able to see faces
why do things get complicated
in the search for simplicity.

So you're happy now
with another man
at home with our son
I will always be his dad
you told me
and I thank you

Just so you know
I never stopped loving you
I never stopped being ****
but I never stopped loving you
when your skin is liquid
and your teeth rattle in your skull
I will still love you

When the earthworms
use your eye sockets as tunnels
and when all men have either forgotten
or are too scared to speak your name
I will still love you
you deserve to be happy
and you are right to move on
if you feel as though your dreams with me
are truly dead and gone
just know that I still love you
love the father of your son

She looks at me
Squints in one eye
Runs her tongue around her lips
From one corner to the other
My heart races, head flutters
I'm just so hot inside
Burning up in fact
Beads of sweat pour from my forehead
Drip down my nose and I realise
She has what I so very badly want
She pulls her hand away from her mouth
"What the **** are you looking at?"
I choke on my words before they come out
I'm so embarrassed
"I'm sorry love, that cornetto looks amazing right now"

For it is a British heatwave
We're strange enough in our usual
Cold and wet weather
We're freaks in the sun

Oh joy to me,
I have awakened
It seems the night has left my skin dry,
And my beautiful dreams lost to
The methadone sky
My chin stubbled, lips cracked
I try to remember,
Reach for my dream
It disappears into nothingness
The mangled battlefields of mine
How I need to remember
That methadone sky

Oh joy to me,
She has awakened
It seems the night has left her skin moist,
And her beautiful dreams lost to
The methadone sky
Her cheeks cut, lips scabbed
I try to make her,
Reach for our dreams
They disappear into nothingness
The mangled battlefields of time
Oh how she needs to remember
That methadone sky

She has a place for me in her heart
I've heard the others say the same
Yet I still
May rest my head
Where she would stay
Whilst all the others are long gone
Heart is a heavy word
Reminiscent of stranger times
Comforting to say the least

A shackle and a briefcase
Share her room with me
One wonders if an invitation is real
When not in writing
Enticement is real
As real as flesh and blood
As real as her
Laced ******* with frills
Bluey green
A colour best described as teal
Or was it turquoise?
Though that never mattered
Not important to me
Not a single detail

I told her not to be afraid of living
She said fearlessness is for the dead
I enquired about the living dead
She laughed
We are the only monsters
That feed off of life
We are the only demons
That go bump in the night

She is a goddess
A truly **** mess
I would like to pay homage
To the warmth between her legs
But there are many a pilgrim
And it is well documented that
I hold nothing sacred
Though I do have her favor
For now
Yet my invitation remains unanswered
I never knew a briefcase
Could be so ominous

Though she'll never be my queen
She still ***** me like I'm king

The nightmares of late
Are the worst I've had
Sweating, screaming
Puking, bleeding
Begging and pleading
Trying to tell me something
I haven't slept well since
She decided she doesn't
Want me anymore
Strange, only a few weeks
Ago we wanted to spend
The rest of our time together

I can honestly say
I have never felt so unloved
I have never felt so unwanted
Never would I have ever
Imagined that she'd be the one
To make me feel this way
I still wear the ring she bought
I've never received such
A beautiful and meaningful gift
Now it serves me as a reminder
I just don't quite know
What it is a reminder for

So profound,
So full of love and sadness
Happiness and heartbreak
Peacefulness and stress
I don't want to go home
Feeling like I've lost it
So much regret there
Feel like there's nothing
Since she was my home

I sincerely hope
You never felt like
Your love me for was
Not reciprocated

I wish I gave you
Everything that
You gave me but
I saw life distorted

My own I plans thwarted
I wonder if when love dies
Can you restore it?
When love runs it's course
Can you ignore it?

The feelings weren't mutal
Seems like in the end
You felt differently about me
No longer could you pretend
Remember what you said?

You broke my heart once
But never again?
You got me back in August
A month later you're finished
And I recall that I saw this

My dreams wake me early
Every single morning now
Heartbreak breaking a cycle
But I'm in mourning now
Feeling empty as my bedside

Wondering if of any of the drinks
And shots you've had since
If you've dedicated one to us
And all of the little things
That we shared together

Never been ashamed to admit
That losing you was
Losing more than love
I lost the one that knows me best
I lost one of my closest friends

Losing you feels like I lost my place
I still keep the pictures of us up
Just so I can see your face
And maybe I'm strange but
No one sees them anyway

I was me before we wrote our chapter
It hurts that you think I've changed
But I'm still me the page right after
If you still don't believe that
Or just can't see it right now

Remember that the Finley you met
The one you fell in love with then
Still loves you just as much
And misses you so very dearly
But don't worry about me, I'll be ok

Reading this poem I hope
That you can hear me
Because I speak sincerely
I always felt your love
I hope you felt it back

Love can be cold
Without reciprocation
That's why I carry guilt
My certain lack of dedication
You tried in everything

I just lost my patience
Got sick, went numb
Or gave in to  
Depressions deprivation
Like I said, don't worry

The thoughts that haunt me,
creep up at night
Visions of fly overs,
passing headlights
The deepest oceans,
filling my lungs
Every soul,
I've ever done wrong
My health anxieties,
white pustules and red gums
Eternal suffering,
even after relief
These are the things
that **** me in my sleep

I'm sad and lonely
but I'm not alone
My family they love me,
my sweetheart and friends
Though I have a mind
they cannot mend
I'm shallow sometimes,
even self obsessed
These confessions of mine,
hurt me and cut deep
With depression in mind,
I can find no relief
One thing I know
If I can't get to sleep
The road I will go,
The road I will go,
The road I will go,
the road oh-so-bleak

Oxygen is precious
and I continue to waste it
contemplating life
and the decisions I make in it
but I can't decide if it's
sadness or anger I'm filled with
I clench my jaw constantly
and I cry in my sleep
don't know what I'm worth
every day I'm reminded I'm weak
decisions decisions, a lack of ambition
or rather the strength to acquire
what I desire and I know
life is truly a lustrous haze

My soul wants to dance
whilst my heart wants to fight
inflicting pain on others
only to lessen my strife
my mind is a complex maze of thought
thinking we were gifted with intelligence
but now I get it, it's a curse to see
understand, realise and go on knowingly
that life is hard and the world is not fair
well I realised it young
so I can admit that I'm scared
the people that comforted me,
stood by my side, seem unaware

I hope people see something in me
because I don't
I see pain filled eyes when I wash my face
I connect with a reflection
that has felt my pain
I doubt everyone else is different
we're all ashamed
the circumstances differ but
the pain is the same

It's the eyes,
they always tell a story
Even in the darkest times,
the eyes hold pride and glory
When they're empty
there are plenty
As the lonely
seem to stick around

I do see smiles,
I can hear laughs
Yet it's the eyes
that always cry
They carry a weight
in bags, a trait
I always say
is not evidence that
I'm tired

If I'm not wrong,
eyes don't belong
on your head
forever exposed

Forever exposed
to all of those
who seek to
figure you out

Although I'm glad,
they are my weakness
Many I've seen
could have been
less than signs of kindness
Understanding why
we lose that light in our eye
was never an ambition of mine

Are you happy?
I wish I had
the distractions at
my disposal
that you have
at yours.

That's all everything is now.
Distractions and reminders.
I guess I should have known.
You were young when we met.
You've just grown I bet.

Distract, attract, post-regret.
Crying for my desires,
lighting a cigarette.
Jack Daniel's tears and
countless hours reading texts.

In my heart I know
you'll always love me.
I feel guilty at times
hoping it kills you slowly.
I'm dying inside and you're
not even lonely.

Going through your facebook
pictures became an issue.
Never thought I'd grieve
only thought I'd miss you.
Tonight a piece of me is missing.
I just want to hold you.

This sting,
this grief of love lost.
Penetrates my bones,
It sets my balance off.
And I told you I care!
I always cared.
I should have been there.

Read this and beware,
I can't hold on forever.
I'll be gone and living
better than ever, wishing
I gave you back your
******* sweater.

I guess you were wrong then.
Habitual comfort space
That's my bed,
That's my head,
That was our space.
Been feeling lazy for days.
Been feeling lost and babe,
Our last moments together
Seem to be just a haze.

Every song you listened to
Haunts me '*** now I listen too.
You said it babe,
I guess I must be torturing myself.
Seems like everytime you leave
Is a time I really get to feel myself.
Try to focus on me without you
Except we've been growing
For two years so
I don't really see much else.

You said I've never really been alone.
Maybe it's just high time
I took some time to focus on a life
That's mine and no one else's.
You made me feel selfish by
Telling me that I was selfless.
That's the power that your words
Have over me and I'd say
That I hope you're feeling helpless
But I'd be lying.

The world doesn't owe me anything!
Not a single thing.
I've experienced almost all the joys
That love could bring.
That's down to you and
I'm forever grateful.
Your love is the love I'll be thinking
About when I'm fourty and regretful.
A lot of things I did were distasteful,
Outright outrageous and despicable.
I said on the phone I had few regrets.

Well I lied because there's plenty.
The way I treated you when
I was feeling nothing but empty.
Numbness is a terrible thing
I know you've felt it.
I told you I loved you and I know,
You know I meant it.
When you were in the hospital
I should have been there and
I'm ashamed of myself for that.
If I could change the past perhaps
We'd still be on track.

In hindsight I saw this coming.
The fact that I needed reassuring
And promising that you wouldn't
Just up and leave was a sign.
I made you make me promises
That you couldn't keep and
I wonder if I kept all of mine.
I'm trying not to take the blame here.
Hell,  you never placed it on me.

I'm the poet that writes you letters.
When you need a rock I'm the man
That can only give you feathers.
I'm your one true love, I'm gone.
I'm a contradiction, I'm here forever.
The strangest book you ever read.
I'm feeding off of you even now.
Always feeding when I'm feeling dead.
Your love is my only comfort food.
Firmly believe you deserve better.
Wishing the facts made it easier.

You think
I've never really been alone?
Oh darling,
I was always alone until I met you.
I've been searching for you
Since I was sixteen.
Made my mind up the minute we met.
Continued to lie to myself
Just one more small regret.
Thought I wasn't done with my ex
The ***** was killing me but
Somehow I felt I wasn't ready yet.
Just friends yeah?
Oh, **** me now.
What a fool I was.

My father told me
"poetry is timeless,
a poem written today
will have as much meaning
as it it does right now
in a hundred years time"
I think he's right
I will look back on my poems
in years to come
and feel everything I did
all over again

On the ground of this
Forever changing world
I plant my feet firmly
Watching life pass me by
With a heart of bark and
Thick sap tears, I wither
This acid rain can't sustain me

I don't want in poetry
Rather,
I have a need for words
To understand how I feel
To help you understand
My inner workings
I reflect on myself
Learn and better myself
Heart wrenching stories
From my past
Can't creep up on me
Or take me by surprise
When I review them daily
Weekly,
Monthly,
Yearly,
To better ourselves
We write
To share our angst
We write
To show that we love
We write
To feel someone else
Intimately
To touch the very soul
Of someone we have never met
To cry on their shoulders
To rejoice in happiness
Together

We read

Another day starts
another night gone
where did the time go?
where did I go wrong?
missing my former self
like a long lost friend
but I wish him good health
can only reach him by pen
I haven't slept yet
there's one letter I gotta send
can't look in the mirror
too tired, when is it gonna end

a thousand questions no answers
why the **** am I like this?
a life is built on little chances
maybe it's genetic, fantastic
if I had kids and they got this
if I had a mind then I've lost it
if I can't bare the pain myself
how can I share this sadness?
but I already do
because it's madness for two

to my mother, I love ya
to my father, I love ya
to my sisters, I love ya
to my girlfriend, I love ya
to my friends, I love ya
to the meds, I love ya
to my docs, I love ya
to my former self, I love ya

to the thing I am
to the man I was
the pressure is pressure
and I'm a hairpin trigger
something hard yet soft
like my wasted brain
when will I go off?
every suicidal thought
has got me caught off guard
nobody said it would be easy
never said it would be this hard
feel like I'm watching my life
end from afar, everyday is
an outer body experience
restlessness got me delirious
and I just thought about death
again so this could be serious

Can't see a way out today
chemical imbalances are not okay
stopped taking my meds
want to lose the fight my way
**** what the doctors say
it's all well and good to say
it helps to talk to someone
but I can't find the words today

to my mother, I love ya
to my father, I love ya
to my sisters, I love ya
to my girlfriend, I love ya
to my friends, I love ya
to my meds, I love ya
to my docs, I love ya
to my former self, I miss ya

I wanted to write a poem
about the incessant discomfort
I always feel in my left eye
whenever my contact lenses
become old and dry
I thought about how it tickles
but scratches at the same time
and starts off alright
just a minor annoyance
but quickly, overtime
becomes almost unbearable
like my pre-school bully himself
is folding down one of my eyelashes
just enough for it to poke me
at the slightest movement
then I thought about how
I'd sooner write a poem about my life
and how it started out equally alright
and quickly, overtime became almost unbearable
as if my pre-school bully didn't do it right

so I found him in his adult life many years later
wife, two kids and a mortgage
yappy staffy-cross, two cars
and an alright job as a graphic designer
his garden full of gorgeous flowerbeds,
a full head of hair and a fading right hook
"MAKE ME FEEL **** LIKE YOU DID THEN."
a puzzled look on his face,
garden hose flooding his drive and the yappy
staffy-cross still yapping away
at the living room window
"I'M DEAD SERIOUS ANDREW,
NOTHING HURTS LIKE IT USED TO."
so he called the police
and I never got to feel young again
unless you count scurrying away from
a council estate under the threat of
a poor meal at Parkside police station
the rekindling of my youth

so this is my infomercial poem
about how not to confront someone
always be fully clothed
that's very important
avoid being drunk
any mind altering substance
is best avoided in my opinion
remember just because you care
just because you remember
does not mean anyone else does
oh and
don't eyeball craft beer when
you still have your contacts in
you know what?
-just don't eyeball craft beer

Alone at day and night
Comforted by his madness
Bewitched by his own fright
Disturbed and distracted
Addicted to chemicals mixed
A breath of fresh air
A rush, a sudden fix

The boy is sick, can't you see?
It's obvious to me and blatant
I can't understand why he's alone
Surrounded by his friends
Helpless and silent, yet screaming
A consistent lack of feeling and
I'm thinking somebody throw him a rope

We're all here thinking it
Behind closed doors
The boy is sick
I mean really, sick
We watch in horror as he spirals
Furiously out of control

For the love of all things
Neither holy, nor good or evil
For the love of the unbiased
For the understanding of sanity
For the boy that cries to us all
And receives no help

In the name of the thoughtful
Let us not reject a patient
We can't ignore the subject
Illness is illness
Poor health is body and mind
And soul....
Addiction is addiction
Physical dependence and mentality
Are real as cancer, as defiant as gravity

When it takes him
That pain that lasts a thousand years
And his mother cries a million tears
It will be too young, too soon
Too awful...

Scorched spoons,
moldy prunes,
***** needles,
miserable people.

Shadows shimmer,
street lights flicker,
hits come quicker
getting bigger

-and bigger still.
My speed diminishes
in shallow water
slower but taller.

Like a tsunami
of misery
and addiction's
a mystery.

To those content
on life alone.
Forever alone
and I grow, I grow.

Throw a stone,
don't skim,
just throw.
Plunge in to the depths.

Recycled ambition
cries over and over
at the little things
it has never even met.

Regret me now.
Purchase an old
prune looking
far from its best.

A mood swing,
a swing mood,
something sweet
and fun.

Like childhood memories,
the joy they bring
forever growing older
and I sing, I sing.

Should probably be revising
or spending time with her
bettering myself or something
along those lines
and maybe just rehearse
the same old story
albeit a little bit boring
the truth
feeling a shy sense of lonely
I should better my bank account
do some overtime
and sometimes
I think I should be closing blinds
crawling back in to my mind space
laying in bed thinking;
why am I such a **** waste
a lack of feeling
a lack of fun
a lack of taste
forever feeling misplaced
forever missing the old days
forever failing to take shape
it's like life is picking up the pace
and I'm forever stuck in the same place
searching for the will to live
but there's none spare
a lack of preparation always
leads to being unprepared
but I never learn my lesson
always finding another distraction
my attention span just a fraction
of what it used to be
and if I ever had faith I'm losing it
as far as I can see
and yes it's that same old story
I should probably be bettering myself
but I just keep writing sorry poetry

My life is a pinprick rhythm
Of did he or didn'ts
A tumbling fimble you're unable to fathom
A fumbling fiddle unable to riddle
A monstrous predicament you can never straddle
A boy in a boat that thinks himself a man with no paddle
Razor sharp teeth with cavities in deep
A petite pair of feet carrying overweight meat
My story is backwards confusing and daft
I say this not to undermine your own
Merely to promote the melancholy undertones
To describe the bright light as darkness and woe
To share with you my heavy weightless raging hormones
A girl with beautiful long brown hair that pulls her eyelashes out when the world is not fair
I see sense when there isn't any there
You might see me and I might not care
Enjoy my despair
Understanding me is like understanding wind with no air
Understanding you is like understanding
peaches or pears
Probably better served with cream
Single not thick a dairy self esteem
Single not thick...

*what does this poem mean?

I am nothingness
everything and anything
indifference and numbness too
I am a struggle
sometimes lovable and I care, I do
I am the pain
pure happiness and ecstasy
through and through

I remember a time
seemingly so very long ago
when I was filled with life
and had abundant love to give
I remember the nights
they seemed to never end
when I couldn't help but smile
didn't need to pretend then

Incomprehensibly inebriated, I stood up
Whether I walked, stumbled, fumbled or
Even crawled; I need not know or care
I struck you my friend, my best one too
Never did I deserve such company anyway
Pity, six of the best and hardest years spent
Mostly with you by my side and I by yours
Knowing what's best for someone is hard
A two way curse I say, whilst it may be best
It mightn't be what is wanted or needed
For arguments sake, we'd squabble
In the name of fun and youth we'd dabble
To be cast aside and know you deserve it
Friend, it hurts but the damage is done

Incomprehensibly inebriated, I threw
Six of the best, hardest years away
They say boys don't cry but we did,
When they said we couldn't attend our
High school prom because we didn't
Behave or act in a way that proved we
Wanted and deserved to go, although it
Wasn't for lack of trying, I remember
Those phone calls, Those late nights
I remember the successful appeal we made
How we both attended the prom, delightful
How your date was drop dead gorgeous
How mine kind of, wasn't?
You laughed Because she wanted to sleep with me and
You could tell I wasn't keen, funny times

Now we're 20 and we don't really speak
I know it's only been three to four weeks
Since I irreversibly ****** up, it's just
It feels like a long time now, I think a lot
About how I'm not friend material because
I hurt people, emotionally and physically
I'm a lousy drunk and cynical too
I've been this way a long time, nothing new
I have problems buried down deep
Even demons too, but I fought them
With others, I fought them with you

What a load of ****.
He said it best
Describing the world as if
He wore a heart shaped vest
Oh lord,
So vast, this plane of minerals
Alas!
Existence.
Rejoice
Rejoice
Rejoice

When I'm happy, I'm extremely so
I forget my pains and feel as though
The world is not the same
The clouds part and the sun shines
Forgetting my worries my life's good
I want to be this way all the time

When I'm sad, I'm abysmally so
My mind cracks with bright light
A pain so deep it takes my sight
The world darkens and reality loses
A battle of good and evil in my head
It's times like this I wish I was better

Happy or sad I'll own my thoughts
They are mine and life's too short
Happy or sad I'll pen my thoughts
They are mine and they are heavy
I hope to understand them someday
Perhaps someday when I am ready

I want to be remembered
not for my love
or for my nature
not for my criticism
or for my grievances

I want to be remembered
when I am but a memory
not as a headstone  
or ashes settled in an urn
not as a relic in the mind
of someone who loved me
or loves me still

I want to be remembered
for my poetry
even though it is not the best
nothing else seems noteworthy
unless I am to be remembered
as a friend, son and brother
everything else lacks significance

I am young blood,
I am weak too
You never knew that did you?
I guess it got away,
All of the things,
You know...
The flood gates have opened,
Releasing all of the things,
You know...
The things that fill me

I can't see myself in anyone
I can't find you in me
Let me be honest
I think I could find more in stone
Why am I here?
Surrounded by people,
I've never felt more alone

Why did you leave?
Contagious lies they never leave,
I think they love me
You know...
The revenants of hope you buried,
The memories that I can't forget
You know...
The ones you still sleep with

I am young blood,
I am weak too
But you never knew that,
Did you?

I'd never do you wrong
But I can't do you right
I struggle to understand things
And I might, be better off alone
Who knows?
Perhaps we're great together

As if I'm the whiskey and
You're a fine cigar
Individually enjoyable
Together we're great
But we're both cancerous and
One of us ruins lives