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amber Feb 2019
I cannot sleep,
Knowing your heart hurts,
As you doze off.
amber Oct 2019
am I no longer a mystery
because you have been
inside of me
amber Feb 2018
People all have many faces,
Conjuring facades,
Hoping no one catches on.
Tricking even themselves,
Into thinking:
"I love unselfishly,
Without motives."

Living day-to-day,
Afraid to reflect upon yesterday.

To ignore the blatant feelings,
Of those you so-call love,
Is worse,
Than not loving them at all.
amber Oct 2019
it would be easier
to not care at all
to not seek you out
for desire to dissipate
and blow in the wind
that way
I could fall right asleep
with no thought
of you
amber May 2019
i see you sitting
in a sea of people
somehow
you still appear
alone

let me
approach you
keep you
company
so you don't feel
or appear
so alone

maybe you would
let me
but
i am having trouble
letting myself
amber Dec 2018
i sit alone
in my room
and think of you

old emotions resurface
feeling the graze of wings
from the ghosts of butterflies
that once flew about
in my stomach

why am i allowing you
to consume me daily
when i haven't
seen your face
in years
amber Mar 2018
I am so cold,
Inside and out,
I suppose.
Like Jack Frost:
My heart as cold as my nose.
These holes in my jeans,
Do not help.
2015 I think
amber Jan 2019
will i ever stop running?

when will I no longer,
feel the need to escape?

where are you?
are you happy there?
do you wish,
you could run too?

my life is terrifying me.
I often feel,
I have nowhere to go,

and so I run,
hoping to find something.
amber Nov 2017
Your voice used to warm my heart.
The sound takes me back,
All the way back to the start.

When my body was brand new,
Freshly developed,
I could not see through,
Others' facades.
I always let them have their way.

I said no,
And you pressed on,
Hearing me,
But not paying much attention,
To my pleas.

Other protests went unheard,
Never escaped my mouth,
The lines were always blurred.

I thought I was loved,
But that was untrue.
I was being shoved,
Into a small dark place.
A place where you could do,
All you desired to.

I let you have me,
Before I knew who I was.
amber Mar 2020
I wish I never let you in,
but I did,
I let you win.
amber Jul 2018
a shiver moves,
throughout my body.

I hear,
your coaxing words,
in my ear.
I see,
your cold lifeless eyes,
in the dark.
I feel,
your steady bony hands,
grappling at my body.

you haunt me,
yet you are not dead.
amber Jul 2018
you have me,
in the palm,
of your hand.
there is no grip,
yet I cannot flee.

I want to be,
entirely my own,
without thought of another.

yet I sit in your palm.
you have no idea,
and perhaps,
could not care less.
amber Oct 2018
you crush him
beneath your feet
you turn him
into nothing more
than broken glass
I see your toes
gushing blood
amber Jul 2018
disappointed and embarrassed,
my heart is heavy.

you make me sad...
not because of who you are,
but because of who i imagined you to be.
amber Aug 2019
my eyes feel heavy,
my head is tired.
if i let some tears fall,
will I feel lighter?
amber Jul 2018
despair
sticks to me like glue
invasive thoughts
make themselves at home
within my mind
self-doubt roams freely
about my body
anxiety settles down
in the walls of my heart
solace is no where to be found
amber Jan 2019
this love is slipping away

love turns to sand
here in my hand
amber Jun 2018
my bed is swallowing me whole
my negative thoughts are
consuming my being
i feel so heavy
i understand why my bed
can no longer support me
and has decided
to eat me instead

i feel full of lead
amber Mar 2018
you move away,
I think of me.
I hear your voice,
I think of me.
your laugh pierces the air,
I try to think of me.
I see your smile,
I *******.
I am so hurt;
you don't mind.
I am so dumb,
to think you kind.
I'm sensitive:
you are too.
please forgive me;
I wish I could forgive you,
but,
do you even want me to?
amber Oct 2018
the moon
barely casted a light on your face
but I'm glad it did
amber Jan 2019
I stay away
in my bubble
safe from harm
safe from harming

but today
i had to step out
the pop was so loud
and
you fell to the ground

your tears never stopped
the floor around us
was soaked
your eyes
were red and vulnerable

it broke my heart
to look at you
you turned around
and left my view
almost, somehow
as if you knew

this guilt
is eating me alive
i think it would hurt less
if beetles did instead
amber Sep 2018
my house resides
next to a busy road
the sound of traffic
is muffled
by its soundproof windows
and so are my screams
amber Nov 2018
how are you
so unapologetically...
you?
how did you
get that way?
i wanna be
fearlessly me
but sometimes
I'm unsure
how to be.
amber Oct 2019
somberly standing
slowly sulking
stoic and sad
steadily swaying
sadly saturated
in sobriety
amber Jun 2018
alone but never lonely
or
lonely but never alone

which
are
you?
inspired by bexey... does being alone fulfill you and make you happy?...
amber Apr 2018
The day brings hope;
The night taunts with flashbacks and horrors.

Pleas for blissful ignorance,
Go unheard.
Time for that has passed.
Winter cocoons me in frost,
That summer attempts to thaw.

You remind me of all of this.
Once my thoughts gather themselves,
I realize I still feel the same:
Splattered across the four walls,
Within the room,
You murdered me in.
amber Sep 2019
slipping into sleep,
laying my head,
on my pillow,
I imagine it
to be your chest.

the nights drift by.
finally, i find myself,
no longer,
having to pretend.

I don't have my pillow,
but I have you.
your embrace is warm,
and it puts me to sleep.
amber Jan 2020
hello?
are you there?
you never answer,
when I call out your name.
maybe your mind,
is somewhere else.
i hope,
your heart isn't too.
amber Mar 2020
everything you had said was so honest and sweet... but what I really wanted to hear was the thoughts you kept inside.
amber Dec 2018
it is too late
for wishy washy wants
amber Aug 2019
our broken pieces
are not a match
instead of making me
whole
you scratch
and cut
me
amber Jul 2018
Collecting dust,
I will sit here on this shelf,
Never to be taken down.
amber Oct 2018
I can hear the leaky faucet drip,
lying here in my bedroom.
I forgot to drain the bath.
the steady ping of water,
meeting water,
unsettles me.

but I feel myself sinking into my bed,
and the idea of that walk,
seems endless.
amber Apr 2018
i dont want to be a part of this narrative.
my life is meant to be mine;
my will is meant to be free,
but what is surrounding me,
drives me to feel uncomfortably trapped.
can i change the way others choose to act?
no.
what i can alter,
is who i am around,
and how much time i spend with them.
i try to limit the toxic energy some exude,
it tends to dampen and drastically plummet my mood.
i just want to run away & start anew.
amber Jan 2020
you are lit up
and so far way
you cannot see
my light
is burnt out
amber May 2019
i sip water
as you sip
on your beer

your cheeks are rosy
and warm to the touch
my hand is ice cold
you flinch and pull away

your eyes are wide
my lip is cracked
a small bead of blood
forms atop
and slips down
my bottom lip

as you sip
on your beer
amber Apr 2018
There is a tornado wreaking havoc,
Within the walls of my skull,
Shattering my psyche.

There is a small voice,
Imbedded in the lining of my stomach,
Speaking of hope and potential.
The noise is so faint,
I dare call it a whisper.
amber Aug 2018
i wonder
if you will ever see
how gorgeous you look
as tears slip down your cheeks
amber Jun 2018
the demon in my dream
was friendly
he was much nicer to me
than you ever were
amber Mar 2018
my head is pounding.
is it the presence,
of nicotine,
in my bloodstream?
or is it,
that too many thoughts are swirling about?
bashing into one another,
knocking each other out,
creating chaos in the walls of my skull.
amber Mar 2018
You wear a mask,
Perfectly painted,
Seemingly realistic,
But I see the chips:
The flaws in its craftsmanship,
Where your skin peeks through.
And I see you for what you are:
A coward.
amber Oct 2018
As I look at you,
Your face changes.

It falls into the floor.

It has slipped off your skull,
And melted onto the tile,
Beneath our feet.

Trying to pick it up,
Your face keeps slipping,
Between my fingers,
Like hot wax.

It hurts to see you like this.
I turn and leave.
amber Jul 2018
there is nothing poetic about you,
rather, something pathetic surrounds you.
mud
amber Mar 2018
mud
Uncertainty is flowering from every inch of me.

The vines of confusion wrap around my arms and legs,
Constricting me to befuddlement.
Conflict brews from within me, and keeps on stirring slyly.
Being unable to cease it, my emotions are throwing a fit.

Stepping stones keep sinking each time I place a foot upon one.
I never minded mud before,
But now that I'm sinking into it,
I miss walking and feeling the cushion of grass hug my feet.

The end of winter marks the end of a frozen spell.
Spring will enlighten the moods of nature,
And hopefully, mine as well.
amber Jun 2018
but then you are taken back to the same four, blank, white walls
that stare you in the face and speak: you are nothing at all
amber Feb 2018
a sentient being
hyperaware of his emotions
with flawless discernment

a heart so strikingly alluring
seemingly comprised of
gorgeous sleek sparkling ice

...but once melted
underneath, it is revealed:
a gorgeous fire blazes
radiating such warmth
and pure intentions
you would be a fool to think him cold

his exterior:
so breathtaking
seemingly unreal

rare stylistically
unapolegetically
himself

basically
bexey.
amber Feb 2019
Neither of us,
Are on this planet.
I believe it is why,
I gravitate toward you.

With thought,
You seem to be,
Burning passionately,
On Mercury.
While I am slowly freezing,
On Neptune.

I need to fly away.
With all this distance,
I still think of you.
Maybe if I take refuge,
In another universe,
I will think of me.
amber Jul 2018
slowly crackling inside,
shattering little by little,
while I'm sitting.
feeling,
but not really paying attention:
noticing but not focusing.
amber Feb 2018
My stomach is filled with poison.
Eating away at the lining,
I want nothing more,
Than to throw it all up:
The discomfort,
Resentment,
Agony.

Instead,
It steadily brews,
Driving me insane,
Without reprieve,
Putting me,
In tormenting pain.
amber Jul 2018
a skeleton
tried to **** me
in my sleep
i wonder
if he was so violent
in his past life
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