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amber Aug 2018
take away my ability to dream.
so there is one less reality,
in which,
you break my heart.
amber Mar 2020
he is adorable
simply happy
beautifully content
his vibe is
amber Mar 2019
your eyes absorb,
the entirety of my focus.

waiting for a reply,
you stare back at me.
my lips part,
as I realize,
I have no relevant response.

I learn,
to hear what you say,
I must look away.
amber Jul 2018
the first thing i see is headlights.
the beam is so intense,
it startles me.
i hear the rush of wind,
circling around me,
whipping against my warm skin.
the light is approaching rapidly,
piercing my eyesight,
blinding my vision.
the blare of a horn,
sends my ears ringing.
the last thing i see is darkness.
amber Feb 2019
i lay awake,
trying to dream:
perhaps of you,
perhaps of something,
more important.
amber Jan 2018
Feeling extra detached,
My empathy - unlatched.
Surplus time alone,
Odd feeling to the bone.
Never lonely,
But looking for a shift in emotion.
People can sometimes provide,
This motion.
Truly seeking just one person,
For perspective immersion.
A being who I personally find,
To have a lavishly beautiful mind.
amber Nov 2018
the constant droll
of my inner monologue
is exhausting
amber Jun 2019
this is definitely,
not right for me...
even if sometimes,
I want it to be.
it might be true,
that this is what's easy,
but I feel so hollow:
I feel empty.
I can hear your voice,
you sound so giddy.
your elation points out,
my misery.

when i lay down,
i don't think of you,
i think of him:

and i am sorry.
amber Jul 2018
I do not know why,
I feel hollow inside.
It does not make sense.
I am not empty.
My body is stuffed,
With sadness,
And a sick feeling,
Of the past.
amber Nov 2018
I break my own heart
every day
I choose to love you
amber Jul 2018
Sat in the passenger seat,
Gazing out the window,
Coasting along.

As a teen,
I am meant to feel,
The most alive.
So why do I feel,
So dead inside?
amber Jan 2018
Your creator took extra time,
To make you so beautiful.
It is unclear,
As to whether,
Your soul is just as gorgeous.

Seemingly selfish,
Scared to see,
Your true self.

Staying in solitude,
Should sustain my safety,
But keep me from you.

And what if your soul sparkles,
Similar to your eyes.
amber Apr 2018
how would your hands feel
upon my skin:
rough and clumsy,
or soft and determined?
i dont know which i would prefer.
what emotions would your eyes carry,
as you look over my body:
excitement, nervousness?

how would i feel as you explore,
the vastness that is me:
or a sick feeling of the past?

i hope your fingertips would feel tender, and cautious,
rather than greedy and harsh like those, preceding you.
amber Apr 2018
I'm drenched in emotion,
While you remain still,
Seemingly unnerved.

How are you sitting so calmly,
As my face reveals every nuance,
Of agony flooding my head?

Your appearance screams indifference.

In reality,
I have no clue how you feel.
amber Mar 2018
When will the time come,
When I'll feel content?
The walls built around me,
Seem like cement.
My screams might as well be,

If not one heard it;
No one heard the yell,
No one really fell.

Laying down, I look up.
The sky offers no comfort.
I am still as I was,
I still feel alone and hurt.
amber Feb 2018
Fall is so beautiful.
Thick and thin branches,
Are painted with,
Gorgeous shades,
Of orange, red, and yellow,
That my eyes fall upon,
By gazing out,
This broad window.
The contrast of,
Dark brown bark,
And warm shades,
Bring life to the season where,
Everything begins,
To die.
The sky is so crystal blue,
So clean,
Unlike my clouded surroundings.
amber Jan 2020
it's pouring outside.
water is collecting,
aside the sidewalk,
amongst the potholes,
and in drops,
atop my coat.

i wanna yell,
and scream,
but i'm stuck here,
watching the rain.
amber Jun 2019
baby so soft
baby arms
so chub
like a soft chubby pillow
hugged my hands
amber Jun 2019
I hope I cross your mind,
as i sit in this tub,
watching the water,
drain around me.
amber Sep 2019
i am laying
as still as possible
i feel a small spider
gently walking across
my right eyebrow
i refuse to stir
or bat it away
if i do
you will know
i am awake
and i would rather
you did not
amber Jul 2018
i don't know,
anyone else like you.
you feel,
as deeply as i do.
you understand my hurt...
but we are no longer.

only our memories,
will live on.
often times,
i wish they would die.
so you would never be,
on my mind.
i don't know,
anyone like you,
and i think,
that is a good thing.
amber Jul 2018
I don't want to be 19.
That's how old you were,
When we met.
I understand,
Your mind wasn't that,
Of an adult's.
Neither is mine,
But your body was,
And I was 15.
amber Jul 2018
I see my eyes in the mirror,
But they do not seem,
To belong to me.
They are empty,
Of a different essence.

Attempting to find a glimpse,
Of familiarity.
Without success,
My anger boils.
Starting at the bottom of my stomach,
And pouring out my ears and mouth.

A loud bang is followed by clanging.
Glass falls around my feet,
Blood flows from my hand,
Hanging beside me.
The mirror is broken,
And displays me more accurately,
Than ever.
amber May 2018
feed me
your toxicity
bathe me
in your dysfunction
promise me
and deliver nothing
tell me
you want me
and never show it
show me attention
when convenient
and when not
leave me in the shadows
to regret in solitude
amber Jun 2018
the idea of you
weighs me down.
sinking to the bottom of the ocean,
I attempt to quiet the commotion,
of my emotions.
my heart is too frail,
to withstand the hail,
that your being releases upon me.
amber Jan 2019
my eyes are red.

your touch feels meaningless.
your hug is without warmth.
when you speak to me,
it feels like,
you are doing it,
out of obligation.

I would rather not see you,
at all,
than witness you,
pretending to care.

a tear escapes my right eye,
as you leave.
amber Aug 2018
your existence,
pushes me into the ground.

breathing in dirt,
hurts my lungs.
amber Sep 2019
your embrace is warm,
and it puts me to sleep.
my dream,
is laced with you.
I awake,
finding my fantasy,
to be my reality,
as I drift off,
amber Jun 2018
you say you need someone,
but ill never be that person.
even if somewhere deep down,
you still want me.
i will always long for,
the idea of us,
side by side:
and emotionally,
but you have your loyalty,
and i have my pride,
so maybe one day,
these feelings,
will subside.
amber Nov 2019
I wait for a text
I hope for a call

for when have you ever
been prone to

i am so young
so desperate
for someone to love me

is this why
i can't see
you're pretending
so blatantly?
amber Feb 2019
I feel constricted .
My surroundings are unfamiliar;
Fear is consuming me.
Seeking comfort,
I sip a droplet of water.

Suddenly, a foreign hand,
Reaches into my confined space.
I bite a finger belonging,
To the giant, daunting extremity.

Droplets of blood,
Stain the wood chips below me.

The face the hand belongs to,
Has tears running down its cheeks.
I did not realize:
It was trying to caress me.
amber Jul 2018
I rip myself apart,
piece by piece.
I place bits of my heart,
into your hands.

you step on me.
burying my body,
beneath soil.
no mercy,
in your eyes.

you were never aware,
of all that manifested,
beneath my shell,
deep within my heart.
so why would you mind,
tearing it apart?
amber Oct 2018
hunched over
in the shower
cold water
spraying down

you shiver
I trace your exposed spine
my finger
and whisper
"come closer"
amber Jun 2018
i think i lost my mind
the leash i had on it
was too loose
im such a fool
i allowed too much slack
and my mind
took advantage of me
and ran away
amber Feb 2019
talking to you
fits like a glove
you're not the one
I'm dreaming of
amber Jul 2018
and senseless,
your skin somehow felt warm,
under my fingertips.
euphoria ensued,
but was soon replaced,
with an emptiness.
draining me of life,
i had to get out.
amber Nov 2018
the sea of blood
you left behind
sticks to my memory
and stains the view
I had of you
amber Apr 2018
I'm in lust with you.
You have revealed,
Your passion parallels mine.
I refuse to release the string,
That's upholding these fits of,
Physical infatuation.
My bed feels warm.
You are no where near,
But at least i know,
You are thinking of me;
And it warms my bed.
amber Mar 2018
I am a flower blooming,
From a crack in the sidewalk.
You do not discover the beauty,
Until you suddenly glance,
Into that crack.
Your eye doesn’t fall upon it,
Too easily.

Why would anyone purposefully glance,
Into that small, dark imperfection,
In the sidewalk anyway?
They are much too busy,
Worrying about where they are planning to place each foot,

Besides, they would rather gaze ahead,
To the perfectly placed,
Well grown, nurtured flowers.

They glow in the sunlight,
And catch your eye when you pass;
The rays causing their gorgeous colors to dance, and radiate.
The breeze blows a cool wind to pull them closer together.
You see: happiness.

As I sit in the crack,
Waiting, wishing, wondering,
Sometimes I blossom,
Sometimes I wilt.

Once in awhile,
One or two people
May be kind, or perceptive, or understanding,
Enough to give me a chance: an opportunity.

They stare fixedly,
And instead of anger,
They see potential.
Rather than hurt,
They see love.
amber Mar 2020
I know now,
That I was your home.
I'm sorry I kicked you out.
I'm sorry you're freezing;
I didn't know it was so cold outside.
I swear I didn't know it was pouring.

I don't think I can bear to look at you,
Through this window.
I don't know if you can tell,
But I'm sobbing as I draw the curtains.
amber Jun 2019
you have cut out your heart,
and offered up your soul.
placing each in my hands,
my grip falters,
as they hit the floor,
and succumb to the cold and dirt.
amber Aug 2018
I am trying
to keep my head above water...
and avoid looking at you
if i mistakenly do
I will sink so deeply
air will no longer be
a familiarity
not even a privilege
simply nonexistent
i will solely breathe you in
amber Aug 2018
sterilize my mind
are an addictive habit
maybe if i chew gum
with the flavor of you
i can beat this addiction
amber Jun 2018
i scream until my throat hurts
until it feels scratched
by your jagged fingernails

i scream until the pain numbs
and dulls a bit

i scream until i cry

tears uncontrollably streaming down my face
amber Jul 2018
every day i wake up,
i choose to safeguard my heart.
it floats in a smooth jelly,
easily penetrable.
but each day,
i form a glass jar within,
to encase my fragile *****,
that feels love and pain,
so passionately.

if i let you in,
and you shatter the glass,
please pay close attention.
don't let the shards,
pierce my heart.
the bleeding will not be,
the blood will spill out,
amber Jul 2018
i want to throw myself off a bridge
if it means
you will no longer
flood my head
amber Jan 2019
i have gone down a rabbit hole,
and i see no way out.
I do not see anything:
there is no light.

i wish you were here,
but you are far away.
i guess i will sit here,
with my thoughts,
and stare into darkness.
amber Mar 2020
although I know I care too much...
I can't help that I stare too much,
now you are here,
and as I look into blue,
I can truly only see you,
and the color of your eyes.
amber Aug 2018
how can I know,
that we will never be,
but still harbor hope,
in my heart?

the strength of this desire,
is unparalleled,
and emotionally exhausting.
amber Sep 2017
The sound of your voice,
Ignites a fire within me.
Gorgeous, dancing flames,
Replace the darkness inside my body,
With light.

Suddenly, I wince with pain.
The light falters,
As the realization hits:
My innards are being scorched.

At first, the flames displayed such beauty,
And blindingly dazzled.
I took no notice of the slow burning,
Charring my innocence.

Silencing you,
Was the only way to put out the fire,
And slowly begin to heal.

Robbing you of your voice,
Means eliminating your existence,
To me.
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