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amber Jul 2018
I rip myself apart,
piece by piece.
I place bits of my heart,
into your hands.

you step on me.
burying my body,
beneath soil.
no mercy,
in your eyes.

you were never aware,
of all that manifested,
beneath my shell,
deep within my heart.
so why would you mind,
tearing it apart?
3.2k · Jul 2018
all-consuming
amber Jul 2018
the first thing i see is headlights.
the beam is so intense,
it startles me.
i hear the rush of wind,
circling around me,
whipping against my warm skin.
the light is approaching rapidly,
piercing my eyesight,
blinding my vision.
the blare of a horn,
sends my ears ringing.
the last thing i see is darkness.
3.2k · Nov 2018
social media
amber Nov 2018
why do I lurk?
I am so dumb
I sit and scroll
with my right thumb
to see what you post
and what you may like

only to make myself sad
1.9k · Mar 2018
manipulative
amber Mar 2018
You wear a mask,
Perfectly painted,
Seemingly realistic,
But I see the chips:
The flaws in its craftsmanship,
Where your skin peeks through.
And I see you for what you are:
A coward.
1.7k · Jul 2018
bloodshot
amber Jul 2018
I see my eyes in the mirror,
But they do not seem,
To belong to me.
They are empty,
Of a different essence.

Straining,
Attempting to find a glimpse,
Of familiarity.
Without success,
My anger boils.
Starting at the bottom of my stomach,
And pouring out my ears and mouth.

A loud bang is followed by clanging.
Glass falls around my feet,
Blood flows from my hand,
Hanging beside me.
The mirror is broken,
And displays me more accurately,
Than ever.
1.6k · Jul 2018
unaware
amber Jul 2018
a swinging gavel is coming down,
smashing the glass mirror,
that once showcased,
my stupidity.

it is blatantly clear now.

the mirror is no longer a necessity,
or an aiding constant,
that I never utilized,
to my benefit.
1.4k · Oct 2018
melt
amber Oct 2018
As I look at you,
Your face changes.

It falls into the floor.

It has slipped off your skull,
And melted onto the tile,
Beneath our feet.

Trying to pick it up,
Your face keeps slipping,
Between my fingers,
Like hot wax.

It hurts to see you like this.
I turn and leave.
1.1k · Jan 2019
im sorry
amber Jan 2019
I stay away
in my bubble
safe from harm
safe from harming

but today
i had to step out
the pop was so loud
and
you fell to the ground

your tears never stopped
the floor around us
was soaked
your eyes
were red and vulnerable

it broke my heart
to look at you
you turned around
and left my view
almost, somehow
as if you knew

this guilt
is eating me alive
i think it would hurt less
if beetles did instead
874 · Sep 2019
burrowed
amber Sep 2019
your embrace is warm,
and it puts me to sleep.
my dream,
is laced with you.
I awake,
finding my fantasy,
to be my reality,
as I drift off,
again.
819 · Aug 2019
jagged
amber Aug 2019
our broken pieces
are not a match
instead of making me
whole
you scratch
and cut
me
746 · Jun 2018
come back
amber Jun 2018
i think i lost my mind
the leash i had on it
was too loose
im such a fool
i allowed too much slack
and my mind
took advantage of me
and ran away
704 · Nov 2017
ghost
amber Nov 2017
Your voice used to warm my heart.
The sound takes me back,
All the way back to the start.

When my body was brand new,
Freshly developed,
I could not see through,
Others' facades.
I always let them have their way.

I said no,
And you pressed on,
Hearing me,
But not paying much attention,
To my pleas.

Other protests went unheard,
Never escaped my mouth,
The lines were always blurred.

I thought I was loved,
But that was untrue.
I was being shoved,
Into a small dark place.
A place where you could do,
All you desired to.

I let you have me,
Before I knew who I was.
695 · Feb 2019
eyes open
amber Feb 2019
I cannot sleep,
Knowing your heart hurts,
As you doze off.
659 · Apr 2018
leave
amber Apr 2018
i dont want to be a part of this narrative.
my life is meant to be mine;
my will is meant to be free,
but what is surrounding me,
drives me to feel uncomfortably trapped.
can i change the way others choose to act?
no.
what i can alter,
is who i am around,
and how much time i spend with them.
i try to limit the toxic energy some exude,
it tends to dampen and drastically plummet my mood.
i just want to run away & start anew.
641 · Jul 2018
bitter & barely sweet
amber Jul 2018
i don't know,
anyone else like you.
you feel,
as deeply as i do.
you understand my hurt...
but we are no longer.

only our memories,
will live on.
often times,
i wish they would die.
so you would never be,
on my mind.
i don't know,
anyone like you,
and i think,
that is a good thing.
635 · Jul 2018
hidden
amber Jul 2018
despair
sticks to me like glue
invasive thoughts
make themselves at home
within my mind
self-doubt roams freely
about my body
anxiety settles down
in the walls of my heart
solace is no where to be found
625 · Jan 2018
apprehensive
amber Jan 2018
Your creator took extra time,
To make you so beautiful.
It is unclear,
As to whether,
Your soul is just as gorgeous.

Seemingly selfish,
Scared to see,
Your true self.

Staying in solitude,
Should sustain my safety,
But keep me from you.

And what if your soul sparkles,
Similar to your eyes.
614 · Oct 2018
where is your mind
amber Oct 2018
i am reclusive
you are elusive
i step away
you slip away

maybe it is best
that you are so fleeting
you pass by
your shadow lingers
for a moment
and in that instant
i feel my chest collapse
606 · Dec 2018
tender hearted
amber Dec 2018
my fingertips are warm...
like i dipped them
into a hot bath
or ran them under
a heated faucet

like you took them
between your hands
and absorbed their chill

but you are not here
and they are warm
from the tequila
596 · Aug 2018
porcelain
amber Aug 2018
i see it in your eyes
the way they falter
as my gaze
brushes along your face
i hear the crack
in your voice

your forced smile
breaks my heart
529 · Dec 2018
scuffed
amber Dec 2018
I feel like an old shoe:
worn down,
falling apart,

but comfortable.
523 · Mar 2018
crack in the sidewalk
amber Mar 2018
I am a flower blooming,
From a crack in the sidewalk.
You do not discover the beauty,
Until you suddenly glance,
Into that crack.
Your eye doesn’t fall upon it,
Too easily.

Why would anyone purposefully glance,
Into that small, dark imperfection,
In the sidewalk anyway?
They are much too busy,
Worrying about where they are planning to place each foot,
Next.
Left,
Right,
Left,
Right.

Besides, they would rather gaze ahead,
To the perfectly placed,
Well grown, nurtured flowers.

They glow in the sunlight,
And catch your eye when you pass;
The rays causing their gorgeous colors to dance, and radiate.
The breeze blows a cool wind to pull them closer together.
You see: happiness.

As I sit in the crack,
Waiting, wishing, wondering,
Sometimes I blossom,
Sometimes I wilt.

Once in awhile,
One or two people
May be kind, or perceptive, or understanding,
Enough to give me a chance: an opportunity.

They stare fixedly,
And instead of anger,
They see potential.
Rather than hurt,
They see love.
503 · Aug 2018
detoxification
amber Aug 2018
sterilize my mind
you
are an addictive habit
maybe if i chew gum
with the flavor of you
i can beat this addiction
501 · Jan 2019
your eyes were so sad
amber Jan 2019
this guilt,
is eating me alive.
i think it would hurt less,
if beetles did instead.
495 · Jan 2019
brimmed with tears
amber Jan 2019
my eyes are red.

your touch feels meaningless.
your hug is without warmth.
when you speak to me,
it feels like,
you are doing it,
out of obligation.

I would rather not see you,
at all,
than witness you,
pretending to care.

a tear escapes my right eye,
as you leave.
482 · Aug 2018
volcanic
amber Aug 2018
my feelings for you,
are so strong,
yet they remain dormant.
often times,
I wish for them,
to never be awakened.
the love,
is oddly intense,
and all-consuming.

it has to be true,
that you feel it too,
even in the slightest.
474 · May 2018
torn
amber May 2018
casually crying
internally dying
obviously lying
about the pain
coursing through
all my veins
my blood is poisoned
with personal anguish

avoid my feelings
bolt home
distract
to avoid contact
with my emotions
of deep distress
refuse to confess
i cant suppress
the misery
any longer

i admit it
i can't drown
in my agony
anymore
463 · Sep 2019
intertwined
amber Sep 2019
slipping into sleep,
laying my head,
on my pillow,
I imagine it
to be your chest.

the nights drift by.
finally, i find myself,
no longer,
having to pretend.

I don't have my pillow,
but I have you.
your embrace is warm,
and it puts me to sleep.
456 · Jan 2018
Untitled
amber Jan 2018
How is it,
I feel more alone,
Alongside others each day,

Than I did,
Continuously in solitude?

People exhaust my heart.

Alone it idealizes,
Interactions,
Romanticizes,
Human nature.

Reality,
Weighs heavy,
And disappoints.
450 · Mar 3
curtains
amber Mar 3
I know now,
That I was your home.
I'm sorry I kicked you out.
I'm sorry you're freezing;
I didn't know it was so cold outside.
I swear I didn't know it was pouring.

I don't think I can bear to look at you,
Through this window.
I don't know if you can tell,
But I'm sobbing as I draw the curtains.
439 · Jan 2018
alone
amber Jan 2018
Feeling extra detached,
My empathy - unlatched.
Surplus time alone,
Odd feeling to the bone.
Never lonely,
But looking for a shift in emotion.
People can sometimes provide,
This motion.
Truly seeking just one person,
For perspective immersion.
A being who I personally find,
To have a lavishly beautiful mind.
437 · Jun 2019
waste
amber Jun 2019
a waste of paper
of space

she took her time
she lost her mind

she cut her hair
due to the wear

she wished to vanish
to disappear...
maybe today
maybe in a year
410 · Jul 2018
spark
amber Jul 2018
drag a match
along my teeth
i taste the sulfur
on the tip
of my tongue
staring at the small flame
i have the strongest urge
to touch it
and feel the slight burn
then douse myself in gasoline
and be swallowed by it whole
405 · Oct 2019
fading
amber Oct 2019
am I no longer a mystery
because you have been
inside of me
399 · Apr 2018
say cheese
amber Apr 2018
I wish I could have captured,
Your feelings,
The way I snap pictures,
And eternalize moments.
374 · Jun 2019
rearview mirror
amber Jun 2019
he looked back
on their love

he could not
move forward

he lashed out
and inward
371 · Jun 2018
undesirable desire
amber Jun 2018
please stop flooding my head.
the overflow of water has no where to go.
leaking out my ears, mouth, nose and eyes,
I have no senses left to combat you.
365 · Feb 2019
comfort
amber Feb 2019
talking to you
fits like a glove
but
you're not the one
I'm dreaming of
364 · Feb 2019
palm
amber Feb 2019
As I look at you,
Pour your emotions into me,
I gnaw on my thumbnail.
Your eyes,
Scan over everything in the room,
Besides me.

Confessing your fears, desires, confusions,
I stare fixedly at your face.
Suddenly,
I wince in pain.
Blood runs down my finger,
Into my palm.
I did not mean,
To rip my nail off,
With my teeth.
358 · Jul 2018
anatomy
amber Jul 2018
I do not know why,
I feel hollow inside.
It does not make sense.
I am not empty.
My body is stuffed,
With sadness,
And a sick feeling,
Of the past.
336 · Feb 2018
fake
amber Feb 2018
People all have many faces,
Conjuring facades,
Hoping no one catches on.
Tricking even themselves,
Into thinking:
"I love unselfishly,
Without motives."

Living day-to-day,
Afraid to reflect upon yesterday.

To ignore the blatant feelings,
Of those you so-call love,
Is worse,
Than not loving them at all.
325 · Apr 2018
unrealistic
amber Apr 2018
you promise comfort,
but I see nothing but chills,
in your eyes.
310 · May 2019
where are you
amber May 2019
your absence
makes me question
my presence
307 · Apr 2018
vicious cycle
amber Apr 2018
talking to you,
is like smoking a cigarette.
your toxins slowly **** me.
at first it's hard to notice.
you hit my bloodstream,
and I get a bit lightheaded.
but over time,
I grow weaker,
and it gets harder to pick up the lighter.
307 · Jan 2019
set you free
amber Jan 2019
some people will only be there for you,
if convenient.
you feel it,
so you scream "I don't need you at all,"
and they breathe, a sigh of relief.

no more pretending is necessary.
301 · Feb 2018
autumn
amber Feb 2018
Fall is so beautiful.
Thick and thin branches,
Are painted with,
Gorgeous shades,
Of orange, red, and yellow,
That my eyes fall upon,
By gazing out,
This broad window.
The contrast of,
Dark brown bark,
And warm shades,
Bring life to the season where,
Everything begins,
To die.
The sky is so crystal blue,
So clean,
Unlike my clouded surroundings.
294 · Mar 2018
prey
amber Mar 2018
You dug your claws,
Into my pale flesh.
No scream escaped my lips.
My eyes,
Grazed over your talons.
I never saw nails,
So sharp and long.

The blood gushing down my arm,
Was a beautiful scarlet red.
Mesmerized,
I looked up at you.

Over time,
The blood dried;
The initial wonder,
Disappeared.

Day after day,
I stared at your nails,
Buried deep in my arm.
An infection brewed,
It dawned that they,
Must be removed.

I tried ripping one out,
While your back was turned.
You instinctively shoved it deeper.
Wincing in pain,
Frustrated,
Rage boiled inside me.

Extracting them from my flesh,
Sent searing waves of pain,
Throughout my body.
The grip of the very last one,
Seemed insurmountable.

The gouges healed,
Scars remain.
Some days,
A wound reopens,
And I find a piece,
Of your nail,
Thriving beneath my skin.

But when I see one,
I rip it out,
And burn it.
******* flashback weak dependent abusive acceptance anger resentment strength willpower
293 · Jun 2018
burrowed passion
amber Jun 2018
you say you need someone,
but ill never be that person.
even if somewhere deep down,
you still want me.
i will always long for,
the idea of us,
side by side:
physically,
and emotionally,
intertwined.
but you have your loyalty,
and i have my pride,
so maybe one day,
these feelings,
will subside.
291 · Jan 2019
hourglass
amber Jan 2019
this love is slipping away

love turns to sand
here in my hand
282 · Mar 2018
mud
amber Mar 2018
mud
Uncertainty is flowering from every inch of me.

The vines of confusion wrap around my arms and legs,
Constricting me to befuddlement.
Conflict brews from within me, and keeps on stirring slyly.
Being unable to cease it, my emotions are throwing a fit.

Stepping stones keep sinking each time I place a foot upon one.
I never minded mud before,
But now that I'm sinking into it,
I miss walking and feeling the cushion of grass hug my feet.

The end of winter marks the end of a frozen spell.
Spring will enlighten the moods of nature,
And hopefully, mine as well.
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