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Coleen Mzarriz Aug 2020
There he goes
scraping his last worn-out scars
gripping the tune of
his harsh breathing
could've been if he was
the brave man
he ever showed.

Harmonized with his rusty guitar
sang an unfamiliar lullaby
hummed in different tones,
as he silently uttered a profanity
and there goes him,
let out a clamor
no one will ever heed.

As his visions turned blurry,
the fussing rasps of his voice
can only be grasped
by the mist of death
and there he goes,
sang a weeping lullaby
beside him was the woman
who so abode with eternal chaos.

And then together, a wayfarer
amid the longing dawn,
the sun shall never rise again.
From the tune of the brave man,
he quieted the chattering misery of
the goddess of the night.
The brave Man and the Goddess of the night.

p.s you can also listen to ‘I Promise’ by Radiohead.
610 · Oct 2020
Shadows in the Tree
Coleen Mzarriz Oct 2020
There the moon gliding its light to guide her slipping away — and the shadows in the tree stalked her soulless grumbling footsteps.

Cricket's music calmed her heart. The immense outcry of the branches woke the parallel of the Dead Tree amid the black forest. Even the wilderness turned cold when she steps afoot. Her sight gone and her heart is pretentious to the music of the lonely shadows. “Come here, dear, for you must set yourself free.”

It was from the parallel — the ones whom the living bodies buried and forgotten. The sandcastle was falling away. The shadows almost struck her red knitted dress and begging her to come. But she was finding her way — a princess lost in the deep. To fall away, to be shot by a bullet straight into her heart. To be gone, and to sing her last breath.

She murmurs to the shadows in the tree, even when she could not make out her way, she steps, and steps. Until she fell into the deep hole and woke up, she was in a coffin. The loud cries of the people surrounding her — while she was being buried alive. She sang her last breath, then, the shadows beneath her held her body.

Until they were in the sandcastle. The ones that fall away in endless sorrow and death. Maybe then, she belongs as a soulless spirit to never be content in the living dead.

There the moon gliding its light to guide her slipping away — and the shadows in the tree stalked her soulless grumbling footsteps.
I'm not confident in writing this. But I hope someone will appreciate this piece.

Have a goodnight/good day
Coleen Mzarriz Mar 2020
“Hey, look, the moon's beautiful tonight.” He said to the woman lying beside him.

By the lake, at two in the dawn. He flips the rock, and it docked in the water—creating an enormous sound to crush the ghostly silence, where they rest amid the fallen woods and the hidden lake.

He chuckled and turned to her side and smiled.

“You are such a beauty, Delilah.” He pinches her cheeks and scoured her silky black hair.

The fireflies that prowl around lit up the whole area. They wandered and buzzed into the quietness of the forest. The shadows of the blue lake mirrored the pastel of the moon.

It was such a captivating scene for them both.

But a tear escapes her lips, and he dried it with his palm. “You will be all right in time, Delilah.” He reassured her.

There she was, lying in silence. Eyes are cold and dead. He gazes from where Delilah was so engrossed in to—there he closed his eyelids; hoping the spirit would just drift and fade. She was in her bare feet, with blood splattered across her dress woven in a white long garment; a smile painted—loneliness was caught in a glimpse of her.
Shadowed by the blue lake—the moon's lighting out her face.

“Please, let me go.” She pleaded and disappeared.

He turned to his side and grasped her lifeless body—her bones are digging up the outside—her eyes are swollen and blood dried her lips.

His cracking voice was the only music the black allowed to play in the deafening cacophony of trees wavering—this is where he met Delilah, a beauty in the storm. But her time was short-lived—yet with joy.

He danced with her amid the buzzing fireflies and the lake's clear water, while the sirens beneath were singing for them.

“Now, you have discovered the elegance of the moon. I can now let you go.” He mourned in silence and pecked her on the forehead.

“Goodbye, Delilah. The moon's beautiful tonight.”
I love looking at the beauty of the moon.
I never thought I'd write this.
What do you think?
600 · Jul 2020
Iridescent Eyes
Coleen Mzarriz Jul 2020
The stillness
of your calm mind
as you sit down
in front of me — where the Tower
stand before us.

Silence dealt with us.

Your burning palms
faced the Sunny
time in the afternoon
of August's lively scene.

No curiosities, your suffering remained
without feelings — you were an oppressed piece
made from littered paintings.

Silence remained veiled.

The iridescent eyes
of yours
attracted me to a hall
full of covered specks of dust
like dawn without Light.

I shelved my next destination
for me to stride inside
your brown eyes — its color embraced me to another
painting — from where your field exists.

Scattered blossoms as you lay there.

I listened to you humming
the simple chorus
swung me into the Invisible Station.
The train caught me, then
in Metro — the Tower
sets against us.

No surprises, I did nothing.
The song finished his words.

You stood — left me
but your iridescent eyes
will remain.

“Silence, this is my final fit.”
I accidentally clicked, 'No Surprises' by Radiohead and I wrote this, as someone in the Comment Section saw a guy listening to this song in Metro, Paris.

I wrote this for them.
584 · Apr 2020
Kalinaw (Serenity)
Coleen Mzarriz Apr 2020
Hello again, midnight thoughts — hello to your companion
agony and woe;
hello to you, Kalinaw
my serenity.

The hasty torrent hailed me
of loneliness
of doubt
of uncertainty
yet it wasn't till midnight
it was ten o'clock.

I was glancing at the sky — the conspicuous moon was the only view in the dreary night of
fresh October
and the vapors appearing — I rubbed my breast,
it seemed bare and crushed in spirit
I was scribbling then — inside my head.

Even though
even if — I don't know
I don't even know
where to turn,
where to find —
Kalinaw,
you are the placid,
the Supreme Being.

When all else is a turmoil — a chaos
a between and between
a two term
seized with fear of the unknown.

You are all I could hold on to
Kalinaw — serenity
calm and peaceful.

Hello again midnight thoughts
I was here outside — peering at the sky
it wasn't blue
it wasn't apt
but it was bleak
for the night has occurred.

Shifting figures from ten to eleven
an hour away before you show up, then — why are you so soon?
That is why I called her — “Kalinaw, I need you.”

Here she comes
oasis amid the departed night — where thoughts are thirsty
they strike the place like minds empty;
where no one is serene.

Hello then, for the last time — midnight thoughts
at last,
it drifted from eleven to twelve
now is the moment — to call her again.

“Kalinaw, he was here again.”
Kalinaw is a Filipino word that means, Serenity or Tranquility.
576 · Jun 2020
Windowpane
Coleen Mzarriz Jun 2020
The sky holds its truth — as I stomped my feet
and let my cold eyes burn
into the windowpane
I realized,
they have my mysteries.

Shadows were occurring through,
conscious of my becoming —
demons were shrieking,
“Hail! Laud be to the desert god!”
I couldn't keep up anymore.

Dusts were stirring;
spider's web untangling,
they have my secrets.

Yet they stood hushed.

I did it again, did I?
All my sins showing
like a clog stink
I perceive,
the shadows screamed,
“Laud be to the desert god.”

Her face formed from the wetness of my sins,
showing me
of whom I have:
grow into and to be gone.

Hail you, hail you.

The windowpane
drew me back
to its torture,
begone now,
for I have descended from grace.

I am now a fallen angel.
“Begone now, hail you.”
They cried.

The sky holds its truth — all my secrets been dropped long,
but since then, they howled,
resurfaced from the deep hole.

I am frightened.
Begone now,
begone.
seeking for help, begone now.
573 · Apr 2020
A Lullaby in the Moonlight
Coleen Mzarriz Apr 2020
There she was
Walking in the light
Disguised as an angel
Near the lake
Of shining waters
While her hair
Smells like an old flower
In the moonlight

There she was
Peeking through your dreams
While you close your eyes
In her lullabies

There she was
Singing in the light
Like an ocean's roar
In the night

Close your eyes
She's now leaving
In the quiet sound
Of the night

Close your eyes
She's an angel in disguise.
It was a poem first, before I turned into a song.
545 · Nov 2020
The Blue Oak Tree
Coleen Mzarriz Nov 2020
When time passes and the strings
of her branches
harden from its spot —
life continues to go on.
Even when the music stops playing,
time never quit its soliciting
bids for tragic goodbyes.

The blue oak tree stood tall
while her leaves falling out in Autumn
and a forlorn hymn plays around her —
time is crucial and the world a rhetorical
place of wisdom and grief.

She stood there everyday
in stories and legends —
her body an art of desecration
with letters carved unsent,
she stood there, still.

The blue oak tree
danced on the mist of the sky —
the clouds swished its billowy mass
“life continues to go on”
it passes, with certain reasons
and uncertain excuses;
the blue oak tree
keep dancing in stillness.

The song stopped and
she stood there,
hardened her branches
while her leaves keep falling out
in Autumn,
and the wind in stillness —
there, she stood in years,
without a song, without a trail of dance,
without a life.

The blue oak tree died
while her body is used as an art of unsent letters.
Writing this while I go home from work at 4 a.m.
everythingoes by RM was an inspiration when I wrote this.
527 · Jul 2020
From Where He Falls
Coleen Mzarriz Jul 2020
I.
The Angel becomes fallen
from where he spreads down
there by followed —
with soothing lullabies
in delicate light,
the Fairy appears.

II.
He arouses to the music
of her wings —
the myth
gains to life.
The Boy blinked twice
from where he lingers down,
there the Fairy appears.

III.
The rush of waters
calm the essence of the Boy
when the Fairy extended her grip,
he thus was lured
into enchantment —
the particular illusion
he was keen to understand.

IV.
Chirping birds,
rattling noise
squirrels chattering —
the refrain sounded
in the mind
when the rapidness
of one's way of heart-beat's
tingle from within.

V.
Into one's perceiving
from where he flew all over the place
in the grips of a fairy,
as she bears power,
wreak havoc,
so that the tale alone lies
in books:
to be learned by children.

VI.
Until he who belongs to
melted ashes
of charisma and grace —
again he greets her
the winged melody
buzz in his tastes
a shooting star
hanging upon an idle request
from where he emits
his longing voice,
there the Fairy appears.

VII.
The Angel becomes settled
the Fairy comes,
in the stream where they clash
as the sky bore his pining,
the illusion appeared to life.
I wanted to try this.
519 · Sep 2020
Dead on Arrival
Coleen Mzarriz Sep 2020
I.
When I was born,
I was dead
In her womb I was bloodless.
It was Saturday,
and the moon is full.

II.
Summer nights
became a desert
the child in me
was a gatekeeper.
All that was left,
'til now I was dead.

III.
I grew apart
and my heart has swollen
'tis now I found I was fallen
oh, my heart bleeds for me
when will I not be forsaken?

IV.
Hymn.
It was tingling
the music of a bell
is my time here short?
The child in me grew apart.
All that was left,
gone by a swift of a wind.

V.
Tomorrow might be
the last breath I breathe
'til now I was dead
in the hearse I am alive.

By the striking of the moon, gone of me was the child in her womb.
Writing this makes my heart calm for a bit. Writing is such a healing place for all writers. I hope you write one today.
Coleen Mzarriz Apr 2020
We were lying on the seaside
where shells clank and make music to our ears
and the ocean who calls unto me.

I leaned towards your way,
all I can look at was
stardust in your eyes —
even words couldn't justify.

Love was here beside me
hanging for another rising
the night is luminous
the ocean is whistling.

Waves, the soothing sound
that creates melodies, I hummed
and you strummed your guitar.

“The moon is fascinating,”
You said and  I laughed,
your eyes twinkled
like sparks upon sparks
and I called you,
love.

We were both giggling
the echo of it was lulling.
The pieces I am finding
at last, it was now beside me.

“You know, I will always bring you here,”
You whispered
like you were so certain — it secured my wall
like it will never fall.

So, I was stuck with a smile — it was a fresh March
and our affection was like summer
it never ends until spring.
It was a long poem that I had to make a part 2.
A poem that can make us realize a lot of things.
Coleen Mzarriz Apr 2020
Beyond words
beyond feelings
beyond music
beyond, you.

Soaking into words
seemed sillier than plunging into water
the lake in the twinkling moonlight.

Beyond words
that I could imagine
the artistry in your eyes
to tell you
how wonderful
the flowers
the lush pastures
the wild greenflies
of the forest.

Beyond feelings
the untouchable kisses
of the moonlight
beaming into the pond
How spectacular?
To look at the wet lilies
lying there it found its tranquility.

Beyond music
the harmony of the crickets
the birds' songs moaning
into the midnight
finding some nests
to have rest
beauty isn't the perfect phrase
that drives it sufficiency
to understand its hymns.

Beyond you
peering at the dear sky
the blueness of your existence
makes it heavier
to lose the sight
of the awe-struck
lips that I couldn't pick up
what you were telling.

My heart-beat echoing yours
it was beyond paint
beyond melodies
of how I wish to define the place
the feelings,
the sonnets,
and you.
Never compare yourself to anyone.
You are great yourself—not greater than anyone, not better than everyone.
But better than your lying mind.
481 · May 2020
Finding You in the Desert
Coleen Mzarriz May 2020
Where are you?

I am in the midst. Of nowhere and of mislaid sanity. I am frightened of who I am becoming into, plunged in Iliad.

Where the sequence of misfits and my torments combined, I am crucially breaking my existence. Broken, who am I pursuing? sparkling eyes, igniting palms they were showing tricks on me.

They were here watching me. They outgrow wings like a slipped angel descended from grace. Their eyes glittering into mine. Slowing ticking blasts, so I'd still have time to endure every bleeding and the state of my miserable hovel.

Where are you?

I am in the midst. Of being lost and being formed. I am in the pilgrim of my dreams — a wayfarer in the desert.

“Where the shore clashes and the stallion whimper at the sprinkle's coolness, I will get you there.”

I am a sightseer on the spot — where the faint could not be obtained as I stray and travel, I knew this is who I am developing into.

To discover you in the forsaken as a wayfarer in strange seasons. A tourist ahead of time, a butterfly in the coming age.

A warrior in the cage, a threat to them the shadows in the deceased.

“Where the shore clashes and the stallion whimper at the sprinkle's coolness, I will find you there.”

To meet you is to be lost.
To be created is to be miserable.
Being whole is to be broken.

And there, I found you.
Being lost means being found.
Coleen Mzarriz Apr 2020
The ocean is calling
all we did was paint
another love story untold,
another beginning
that ends with you and me.

Another goodbye.

It was a night of April
where the sea knew every lie
you told and I was sitting by the seashore
alone.
The ocean keeps calling,
should I go with them?

It was the last week of April
where revelations were good
like a broken record
ringing in my ears —
I couldn't sing anymore.

I waited till May
but even shadows of you
couldn't be seen, the moon is brighter
that I reminisce your crooked smile
that I miss having by my side.

I could not calm the waves
I hummed our song
you were the missing piece
the sea is finding, where are you?

It was a fool of me
to stick around and linger
I hope for your presence
I even wish
to the falling star
I couldn't miss wishing you'd be here.

You can tell me everything
all the secrets
all the misery
all the past and the present
I'd still listen
to your melodies
coming from your guitar —
it keeps getting darker.


That I couldn't see the ocean
I couldn't hear its call — where are you?
The summer is almost over.

The ocean is calling me
into the wide and dark
mystery.
I am falling in its trap,
will you not come and save me?

The ocean, the moon, the starry night,
it was all I remember.

May.
I painted this last piece,
I peered around the room and saw you
observing such magnificent art.

I smiled,
it was the last memory of us, I even laugh
for I compared you to every piece
hanging around the room.
You told me,
"I'm different than the rest, even I don't stand out,"
you smiled and there,
the ocean called me to wake up.

To wake up
wake up.
Wake
Up.
Here ya go, pt. 2.
Read first the pt. 1 to understand.
Coleen Mzarriz Jun 2020
I woke up from my stupor
of thoughts
where I bathe from the floods
of my own thinking and logic,
heard his knocking
heart and sang
just the lullaby,
merged with a stroke
of something,

I couldn't avoid
it wears me out
but I can't stand myself
from winding and running
into the land
where I can watch him
and see him
and hold him
and embrace him.

His divine voice
woke me up from my stupor
of thoughts
of my retired song
of my regrets
of my dying requests.

Oh, to discover him
near and down below —
oh, to meet him
and trace his palms
wriggling to get
my face — my eyes,
and feel him in me.

Following me
in another portal of my realm —
were his sole sound
I could tune in
and familiarize;
in the celestial music of his heart,
I can pick up my way back.
I guess, Radiohead got into me so I wrote this piece.
While listening to: Fake Plastic Trees
464 · May 2020
When They Leave a Mark
Coleen Mzarriz May 2020
When they leave a mark,
she grew —
she rose out of grief;
even outgrew some hidden scars,
find some glorious jams — out of scars, she later discovered, a shady gem.

When they leave a mark,
she grew —
she bred out of bare sounds;
she then understood the relevance
of empty promises — its words and its absence
the mere thought that grows with it.

She then leaves a scar;
some strain,
some courses of her daily life — some parts of her,
even when she did not become a part of theirs.

She then rose —
when they leave a mark.
we grow, we develop, we love, we leave traces of marks—some part of us.
460 · Oct 2020
City Lights
Coleen Mzarriz Oct 2020
Stolen stares as she passed by
the city lights and countless hues of
shadows departing by the cars slowing down
and fast — she can recognize and sense their beings.

Though there was some music playing back and forth,
she can still hear the gasp and woes of these
shadows passing by the cars slowing down
and fast — ghosts of the buried.

The road is brisk and dismissive with the vivid pigments
of the city lights and the moon following every pace, even then the shadows keep on following her,
telling her to confess a sin
she hid so well, of buried and of a song
she wants to sing.

These ghosts keep on following her
in the city lights, they show their faces
and hid their remorse,
for she will be one of them soon
if she will not sing
her favorite song now.

She took out her notebook and penned
a note — of a deadly sin she must confess
to an angel and let it fly across his way
for she must live in freedom soon
and sing her favorite song.

In the same city lights,
there sat the man
of whom she loves, once was a ghost of the past
of buried regret and woes.
Maybe then if he
composed his song, ’tis then he will be free.

In the city of lost forbidden lights, there are two ghosts
passing by the cars slowing down and fast —
blind senses and dying requests to angels
for maybe then, they will be free from the burial
of the dead.
This is where lost lovers confess their sins.
447 · Oct 2020
The Little Bookish Girl
Coleen Mzarriz Oct 2020
I feel like if I were to pick out life choices,
it would be me, as the little bookish girl.

Beside me stood a young oak.
Although I'm looking at him,
he swirled his branches
and his body cracked
to encourage me to enjoy the leaves falling
that would drop out —
on the midday of October.

I picked the book,
thoroughly flipping the pages
while I lick my lips
tuck my hair out,
peered on the white sandy sky.
Lit up the spark in my heaving chest
in beneath those pages.

I wonder, though,
is life all inside the book?
While I flip through the portal,
why do I keep on walking
the same road
if an anonymous poet
wrote in his book
that a man shall not follow
one's path?
But their beliefs and energy
that goes beyond
and falls in deep?

Then a dead crow suddenly
rocked its way through me
while its side bitten and decaying,
the distinction I have with its life,
brought me back to these pages —
and words scrambled
alive and beautiful.

I feel like if I were to pick out life choices,
it would be me, as the little bookish girl.

On midday of October, once, there was a girl. Her hair swayed and leaves rushed to get her attention, the little bookish girl was alive again for a while.
We've all been dreaming to feel and live like this. Now, read that book and wander. Wander through those portals and write.
427 · Aug 2020
Garden of Arcady
Coleen Mzarriz Aug 2020
Unknown souls reside
In the most deserted places,
Such as the minds of the Parallel
And the hearts that bear the rebellion,
The agonizing shadows that stalk
Behind the familiar faces.

Where the souls whom we do not know
Find places in the garden-like Arcady,
Its rustic magnificence and endless streams.
The whitest marbles that mirror the true form
Of one's self,
The sculptures of liberty and honor,
Enchanted voices of wood nymphs
That serenade every frightened heart.

The harmonious hands clasping together,
Souls traded their bodies for a one-way ticket;
This is where the last train stops.

The mind seeks for the Parallel
When a desire craves;
It reaches down to the deepest pit
From where the tree reaches down to the lowest ground.
Should its own branches reach the tallest clouds?

Behind the rushing blood
Of spirits being awakened,
Should the deserted soul
Stride its feet in the garden of Arcady?
“In each of us, there is another whom we do not know.” Carl Jung
419 · Sep 2020
The Winter and the Sea
Coleen Mzarriz Sep 2020
My feet wandered into
the serene shoreline
while the strong waves
hushed my cacophonic mind —
I strummed my fingers and gripped
tightly of my conch.
While my lips brushed around
its spiral shell — as I whispered my wishes
and blow through,
suddenly an angel
flew by and swiveled —
his wings burning.

From the heavens, he falls
right through the deserted sea.
My naked feet began to push
its life towards him —
he lies on the sand and his wings burning through.
Silhouettes of him rang on my mind;
gashes of water fell
through my eyes —
and whilst even the silence
grieved for us.
His burning wings calmed the strong winds —
the winter sea began to calm its strident waves
as I let myself lie awake beside him.

I closed my eyes and the replicas
of myself flashed through like a
candescent wind —
and there I saw a woman
lying in the hospital bed.
The sun mirroring the artificial light
through the windowpane;
the man standing beside her
had his wings folded —
and his eyes cold as the winter
and the woman dying in her
tranquil sleep.

The trees had fallen its last leaves,
and the winter is coming at dawn.
The man covered my eyes and I was at the
winter sea again —
“Mona, you will die in winter.”

And I woke up.
It was September.
I hope you can give me feedback about this poem. You can comment!

P.S you can also criticize this!

SONG: Sea Change - Stephan Moccio
Coleen Mzarriz Jun 2020
Darkness.

It was a surly heart
that I received through
the facades of this place
where I could no longer
feel the intensity
or the port thins
in Hummingbird.

The pavement.

From where I reach
the households that were lively
as it is,
now is just a muffled
lullaby, not wanting to be heard.

For once, I knew,
we are the shambles
we let them in
we let them see
until now we follow
I could not find the dimmer.

The light.

Has gone through
the running walls of this world
the pit was so deep
ghosts passing
tireless and ageless
lost for once again.

Ghosts.

From where they are reborn
into the blackness
where the void remains
an imagination
a fantasy where the minds
tackle for the parallel,
from which they waver and perish,
an ambush.

Singularity.

Now I drift and ramble
till I picked up the ticking second
falling from the top
from when it lost me,
'tis now the moment to be created again.
When a soul is fallen,
that is when he is found.

Vigorous colors.

Memories of warmth colors
bringing back the place
of yearning,
back then is only a muffled lullaby,
now is a peeking peekaboo!
If uniqueness as it is
and that later than mortal
is now a vital colors
glowing as it is —
in the pavement of Hummingbird.
My last piece was a wreck and I am quite satisfied from this poem! :)
Coleen Mzarriz May 2020
In just a fleck of dust,
conceived in flesh and blood —
there we are,
breathing in harmony;
even with empty songs
out of noble destruction.

Crickets sang for mate — nature dance with waves — people convey with phrases,
still with their tones,
we create masterpieces.

Singing with those compositions — flowing of patterns; dry our bones,
with just a speckle of dust — it makes us.

In just a particle of grime and clay;

Formed in flesh and blood — in melodies,
thyself is a treasure.
Thyself is a masterpiece.
you are a masterpiece.
I'm not as soft as a swan gliding into the poet's lake. I'm not as graceful as a ballerina waltzing in the arena. I am not as calm as the trees attending to your whimsical needs. I am built on ruins; I am something that has been running for decades, and I still think about the house keys I abandoned near the forest; they open the portal to your house. It was my favorite.

I am full of words,
Rotten poetry,
Full of work,
Empty memory.

"I don't know what to write anymore," I whispered. I was a romantic maniac. In me were growing daisies and burnt coffees, orange juices and promised salvation.

It's a funny little detail; now, it's all mishaps and mishandled poetry.

Through the shallows and the shadows, I screamed in horror, and then I felt the mockery of longing.
as I age, I spend less and less reading books that will keep me at night until dawn. I am slowly forgetting how to form words, and my love for writing is nothing but a fond memory kept inside my favorite box. now, every poem that I write is just as empty as me; it’s lacking. it’s boring and awkward. it’s a dream I keep repeating on and on. it was once my favorite escapade, a heaven; now, it’s all nothing but frugal chaos.
 
it’s cruel, isn’t it? I was once promised a salvation. silly little me. my innocence’s gone.
 
it can never be regained. unless I stupidly long and yearn and long and yearn.

if not for nostalgia, I would not write anymore. but I was just a girl who happens to be a slave, and it hurts to be the one who remembers.
381 · Aug 2020
An Untitled Song
Coleen Mzarriz Aug 2020
If vivid dreams can flee away
in a moment of time,
if the future is unknown
in the dreamer's heart,
and if an untitled song
gets finished —
that must be the calling
of the void's voice.

If a song turns into poetry
if an art turns into a priceless liberty
and if the voice of the void —
finds a dreamer's dream
slipping away,
then mornings
can break away.

If falling means
getting up —
if drowning means
dying —
and if dreaming
means hoping —
then an untitled song
will soon have its name.
This is one of my favorites. My dream was to publish my own book—I don't care if it won't sell. I just want my own physical book.

But hearing my favorite band called BTS to keep dreaming and to keep going, then I will dream again and again.

Until I get tired. Until I fall again.
Until I stand up again.
377 · May 2020
The Curse at Night
Coleen Mzarriz May 2020
She was wobbling and sailing with the strokes—she was just bucking in all the dreads
and uncertainties—she was just staring and letting
the cold flood,
brush her naked feet.

The radiance that persists in her core—yet discovering that missing part;
Where is it?
Where can she meet it?
It was the same twists
that drove her alive
on the cushions
that piles around her feet—
it was meaningless
that she couldn't
wouldn't
understand—the notion of
her harsh sigh—the suffocating uncertainty that remains; that stays—circulating another form of pleasure,
in her spirit.

That is the curse at night—it drifts,
it resounds,
like a futile, annoying clock—she couldn't eradicate.
some thoughts.
367 · Aug 2020
Helena's Song
Coleen Mzarriz Aug 2020
I.

She was there
wearing her favorite sweater
while she was hoping
to get her life —
beaten like a raw egg
then I made this song,
about Helena.

II.

“So long and goodnight,
So long and goodnight.”
I hummed,
gently touching her cold face
when the chrysanthemums
she holds
brought me back to her
and the rain pours.
Her unkempt hair —
her cold swollen hands
her eyes as dead
as the digging hearse
rushes
unto her,
I made this song.

III.

“When the star falls,
I'll be holding on tonight
if I stay, would it make a difference?
Well, carry on don't sleep
hear me and stay.”
I strum in the strings of
yarns weaving
the ropes of life
attached — while she dances
barefoot and reckless.
'Til I come running
and her faint breath, gone.

IV.

This is the last verse of the song.
When slowly the sun
yet to rise again,
piercing through
her damp soul,
I sang the last piece
and wore a vintage smile,
after her last fainting breath —
she heard the song.
Helena sold the pieces of her soul.
I've always been fascinated by the name, Helena. I wrote about her twice. You can check out my short story, "The Aroma of Her Crimson's Blood" here.

P.S Listen to Helena by My Chemical Romance
352 · Apr 2020
When the Night Has Begun
Coleen Mzarriz Apr 2020
The night has begun —
she dashed into the crest
of the woods
where the branches would clank together,
forming an echo of suspiciousness —
silence cannot be suppressed.

Through the drifting moon — the stars tracking her every stride
into the broad peak of the unknown,
somehow she can inhale in the black.

“Hello, which pathway will you pick up?
Can I tour with you?

She cried out.

“I don't want to be alone.”

The trees floated on the flicker of the breeze — granting her the direction
that she desires — somehow,
she realizes she is not alone.
I don't want to be alone.
336 · Apr 2020
Eternal Farewell
Coleen Mzarriz Apr 2020
They said goodbyes
are the hardest but for me,
it was the easiest.

It was a farewell
I crave it arose a long time ago
it was a farewell I hoped
for in the moon
and even in the unseen shooting stars.

Eternal farewell to you
my guilt — I ached to erase
my hands — I yearned to wash
my past — that lingers in every midnight.

Eternal farewell to you.
say good bye to them.
313 · Apr 2020
Ghost Town
Coleen Mzarriz Apr 2020
Memoirs can be abandoned,
her empty heart
is what drives her strong
just like what she covers,
in her face.

Ghosts of their shadows
spelled out in her grip
call upon them like a spirit
that desires to be summoned.

She was standing amid the ghost town,
there she was closing her eyes
stomach churning,
when she recognized him.

They were glaring at each other
who will triumph?
It was that vie
of whom should move first, “I still love you”

He spoke with a smirk —
her thoughts are like the battleground
“Should I trust him?”
She called for her shadow,
only the beeping noise
of the cricket's songs
can be drawn in the area.
She grappled to resist the cracks
frightened, it will shower like raindrops.

He threw that stifle laugh
a natural one she couldn't ignore
he attempts to contain
the rushing vessels
that forced them to be one.

They tried to settle in the present
left the Ghost Town
of their oppressed minds
imprisoned
the aged allure
at the back of their heads.

Maybe this way will work,
and they don't have to fight anymore.
Ghost Town of oppressed memories.
269 · Mar 2020
Memento Mori
Coleen Mzarriz Mar 2020
You must look back,
all the things in this world will last only for a moment
do you not remember me?
My one and only.

Morie, I know how it feels like
to perish with your own hands,
will you endure for me?
Or will you live for your selfish acts?
Morie, you must remember me.

My eyes were glued by the way
you stroll your naked feet
down that hollow path,
I could not penetrate my emotions
I buried beneath the tenders of this black forest,
your face was glowing  like it was sun-kissed.

Your lips curving into a flawless beam,
it was filtered with the hue of a poached tomato
your fists were of terrified by what it discovers
the smell of your honeycomb fragrance
stuck through my nostrils and your soft brown silk hair
sways into your naked back,
oh, what a sweet body I am yearning to taste.

I am dying to be with you
how I long to run away with you
how I craved of you lying beside me
I am reckless to know,
I am in great remorse.

You were searching around,
your emerald eyes pierce into mine
the way it forced me to meet you somewhere
in another realm where I am no Death, and
you are no Prisoner of the dead.

Until your soft voice let out an awful cry,
Morie, do you not want me?

The distant thump of your footsteps
taking you away from me,
brought me back to my reverie.
Why are you doing this?

You ran as swift as you can
go around in an endless loop
you can't escape me, you can't hide forever.

Morie, how does it feel like
to perish with your own hands?

I am here to bring you back
of your lost memories
of your lost soul wandering
yet you rose from the dead — hid under
the rainbow cloud
the clock spending until the last dime,
traveling hands will decide when it's time.

Memento mori
remember your death,
it was destiny that called
you are to be mine.

Morie, remember me
I am Death, I will go after you
the time ticks now
hide before I catch you.
I couldn't let this piece go to waste. Just hiding at the back of my notes.
246 · Aug 2020
The Gift of Chaos
Coleen Mzarriz Aug 2020
My eyes were traipsing all across the room, my irked nose was lined with all its corroded details and the charred, foul smell of blood. Where my hands are firmly cradled and the sky is peeking through the cracked window. Am I hopeless?

"Just call my name on the edge of the night," My ears wobbled to the melancholy raspy voice of a man telling me before he faded away. I remember him grinning and caressing the tip of my nose, yet I couldn't open my pursed lips. "Call me and I'll run to you," His voice erupted throughout the house. It was like his plump lips were meeting my ears' tips."I really can't!" I whispered. You are too far, Sky.

I let my eyes wander through their blurry sight through the starless horizon from which the eclipse was striding into the darkness. The moon is serenading the hurricane, and the gusts of wind whistle and spin, blowing chill bumps through my bones.

Rapidly, a familiar sensation surged through my body—my eyes fixed on a spot where I was in the center of the forest, where the flowers were blooming as I sauntered by. I traced my fingertips and remembered that he pulled the flower and ended up dead on his bare fingers.

"You know that whatever you touch, it dies?" A faint chuckle I let out. He gazes his eyes into mine, penetrating through my soul, allowing me to drown in his mirror-less eyes. giving me a new illusion of myself, securing me in a sacred paradise. The thunder roared like a thirsty lion. He held my hand, and slowly, he vanished and burned into grey ashes.

Where the sky contains a fraction of truth and the heavens have got a hold of time, where the underworld brings chaos and chaos grants powers to mortals. Where he is Sky, eventually named after Death. Where he is mine and there in him lies the future. Where neither gods nor goddesses can intervene. where I could no longer call him "Sky." Only his lingering parts could I hang on to. I closed my eyes and waited for the downpours of the rain. When there is chaos, there is still time. When questions remain unanswered, there is the sky, awaiting your call. When there is existence, there's him, Death. We flew in the sky and he dropped into the lake of lies, and that's when I knew the truth: the gift of chaos is the heavenly realms. And so is the past. And then, there, I locked my eyes with him and, like a phoenix, my soul was greedy for freedom and him, the death of the mirror-less sky.

The present.

The future.

The memories.

The loss.
Been occupied for the last weeks and I could not bring myself to write!

P.S Listen to 'Run to You' by Lea Michele when you read this. :)
219 · Apr 2020
Stars Are Meant to Find Us
Coleen Mzarriz Apr 2020
Stars are meant to find us — it follows our every step
together with the strings attached;
we were meant for more.

Stars are the happiest when it is night,
moon's shadow
makes it more
beautiful than ever.

I shivered when you touched my hair — I drew invisible maps
in your palm,
this is our little secret.

If the seas separated us
and crowd's demeaning noise — these stars were meant to find us,
these maps will draw you near to me.

Stars are the happiest when it is night,
moon's shadow
makes it more
beautiful than ever.

Your hands brushed mine — for the last time
cherishing a few moments — every minute is important.

I kissed your forehead and my eyelids closed — while your body vanishes in front of me — until it left me hugging myself in the crisp night of December.

Alone in this dear night
promising me an empty tomorrow — maybe it will lead me to something hopeful.

Stars are the happiest when it is night,
moon's shadow
makes it more
beautiful than ever.

I turned around — only my footsteps can break the silence — into the last bitter night of December.
These maps will bring you to me.

Until we meet again.
Writing this makes my heart realize my worth as a woman.
We'll keep waiting until, he find us.
216 · Jun 2020
The Infirmity of Life
Coleen Mzarriz Jun 2020
I was glancing sideways when my eyes caught you, I told to myself, “You
have your picks” you were so perfect like a classic portrait displayed in
a museum, a frail mirror revived at its subtlest; thus are driven
ravishing, a portrait lost in the sea.

That's when I found you, just someone I acknowledge. We stroll past each other, thought of
something, typical. Little did I realize, the man so stiff, when he sits wearing some thick eyeglasses; a strange passion, that's when I grasped, I will write you. And when I can't hit any key when I sing, in Minor D I run. You were a brooding light, a faint kiss of sweet melody ringing in my piano keys. When I sing, you sit there in silence and I speak the words and you listen to the tone.

For the first time, a man I know nothing at all, just a civil smile you put on to some pictures, I noticed you were 'something', seen. In nights where no stars appearing, when the moon was sheltering behind the mists, when the midnight so deep appeals bleaker than I expected — isn't it shameful that I figure out of how alluring that grin of yours, while I look at myself, and see,

that we will never cut across the same route, to reach through something remarkable? That I feel this electricity inside, while yours are just functioning?

The Infirmity of Life, I guess.
I guess, I will never forget how that smile of yours, made me feel this way — something colorful inside my stomach.
I woke up to my neighbors belting out an off-key tune. I tried to cover my aching ears with my pillow, but their discordant voices echoed in my head, so I finally got out of bed.

I stared at the unfinished painting I had worked on the night before. In just a few seconds, my stomach dropped. Even in its incomplete state, there was a sense of impending doom looming outside my door—hideous, and that was my first thought this morning.

Shadows ran through the waves of my curls—spiraling endlessly—as my fingers gently brushed away the exhaustion from last night. For the second time, I turned to look at the unfinished painting restlessly sitting at the end of my bed. If it had eyes, it would definitely not meet my somber, dark brown gaze. It would fear me, for I would cut it into pieces. I would let it bleed until it was no longer breathing.

It would forever be cherished as a beast—unfinished, freshly cut like a lemon. When poured into a deep wound, its acidity would seize the skin, leaving nothing but unfortunate agony.

I drank two liters of fresh lemonade, but nothing happened. It didn’t cut me into pieces. I was still unfinished.

And so I avoided its beastly eyes. Even an unfinished canvas resented my sorrowful presence. I sliced another lemon and added a teaspoon of sugar, hoping today would be different.
why is october always the heaviest month of the year? even if it’s already november, I can still taste the unfortunate bitterness of it.

song:
disenchanted - my chemical romance

— The End —