You're the love of my life, my good luck charm, my one and only, hopefully my future husband.
You can never understand how I feel about you, about us.
I never want us to end. You hold a very special place in my heart.

                            Forever and always, my lover

What if one day
  I get so numb that
    I try to slowly cross a busy road?

Would you watch me slowly walk towards
the cars?
Would you watch as I continue to walk,
  ignoring the horns and people yelling?
   Would you watch as my body flies
    before hitting the ground?
     Would you watch as my blood stains
      the now red road?
       Would you watch as people scream
        in horror?
         Would you watch as my soul
          leaves my body?
           Would you watch as the
            ambulance rushes over to
             save me?
              Would you watch as
               sadness and horror
                takes over your
                 body?

Or would you have
tried to save me?

Her wraps, her tears, her health, Oh dear
She's fading, she's gone, once it's past dawn
She's smiling, she's laughing, like she's truly happy
She's suffering, she's dying, she finally stopped trying

I told her that I was tired of faking it
Faking a smile and a laugh
Tired of trying to be 'Okay'
when i'm not

She told me "Then stop pretending"
It took me awhile before I did that

Now I don't pretend as much
At times I fake a smile and a laugh
Just so they won't feel awkward

People are asking me if i'm
okay
..
Even her

Why tell me to do something
if you're going to
Question it?

Here I am,
lying to her constantly

Deep inside where nothing's fine
I think I finally lost my mind
.....
The deeper I think
The deeper I seem to sink
.....
I don't want to be me
I don't want to be someone else
I just want to disappear
.....
And then the last thread snapped,
leaving her without a reason ..
A reason to breathe
.....
Flavored bullet shots
Deadly love
Stolen screams
And broken cries

They tell me to be happy
They say they want me to be happy

How can I find happiness in something
that doesn't make me happy?
How can I be happy in a world
full of pain and suffering?

I have to find it myself, right?
What if I don't find it worthy?
What if I successfully commit suicide?

You can't help a dead girl
You can't save a dead girl

All you can do is sit there
wondering what went wrong
wondering how did you miss it all
wondering why couldn't you save me

But i'll be gone by then
There's nothing you could do about it
The pain will always be there
..
Scarring you forever

No one is here

It's empty, she said
It's cold, she whispered
It's dark, she thought

"Forever alone" they laughed
"Forever alone" she cried

She's a viral joke yet to be said
She's a mystery yet to be solved
She's a safe yet to be discoverd

She is Jane Doe

The feeling of loneliness takes over once again. This is a bit different, I admit. Day and night I sit and cry, I've finally stopped asking why. I feel like I lost all my friends, I lost all my family. it's a mess, the thoughts in my head. I know they love me, I know they care. Otherwise I wouldn't be here. By here I mean home, the home that they own. No one else is around, in the cold dark water I forever drown. All I have left is my lover. No brothers, no sisters, no father, no mother. I blind them with a smile, the smile that they trust. Soon it'll bust. The secrets, the lies, they're gonna ask "why?". Why didn't I say, why didn't I tell, why didn't I go out looking for help. But I did mother, I did father, I did brothers and sisters and oh my lover, I tried, I tried with all my might. I fought, I cried, I just need to find out why.

1 cut
2 cuts
3 cuts
4
As much as it takes, I must do more
5 cuts
6cuts
7cuts
8
Oh my, it'll be too late
9 cuts
10 cuts
11 cuts
12
It's an addiction now, oh well