I'm losing them, i'm losing them all. One by one, as they drop I was getting better. Things were fine. but then this darkness desides to pass by. Here I am, now a bit over a month clean, sadly still feeling depressed, with no defeat. I was smiling today, I was even laughing, then they ask "how are you?" I answered with a smile "I'm depressed". they laughed and smiled and tried to relate. little did they know it was all fake and almost too late. Earlier today I swear I was gonna do it. I was right there standing at that line. The line of life and death. I went for a walk and sat there. I sat where what could've been a death scene and pondered. I pondered about my future, my friends, my family, my lover. I had the note ready for them in my back pocket. Eventually I decided I should wait one more day. Maybe by then something will change.