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Amanda Aug 2020
Change me
I don’t like it
Make it go away

Sculpt me better
Tear me apart
And sew a new frame

Pull out my dulled eyes
For ones full of light
I’m sick of theses dying eyes
The ones who couldn’t see the love
Who could only show distrust
So tear out my broken eyes
Please give me something new

Them cut off both my hands
Cause they’ve done nothing to be kept
They bruised my neck
And cut my skin
So why keep them around

And my mouth
My beautiful little mouth
Stayed quiet when I cried
When I wanted to scream
When I needed help
Smiling through pain
Laughing through hardship
Cut it off
Rip it
Shred it until it’s in a million pieces
Give me a new one

Melt my stomach
Burn it
Set it on fire until it’s nothing but ash
It’s endless cries of hunger
Ribs poking holes through the thin skin
I hate it
It’s ugly and disgusting

Chop off my feet
Endlessly walking in a circle
Never quite near freedom
Taking me closer and closer to death
Let them bleed out across the floor
Until all that’s left
Is a husk of skin and bones

Rip out my heart
The thing that made me cry
Tears flowing across the hall
Stab the thing that stopped
When she walked in the room
That stopped when she walked out the door

And my brain
I hate it the most
I wish I could smash it into a million pieces
Burn it to ash
Do a million things I couldn’t name
I would shout at the voices
Stop breaking me
Stop hurting me
Stop controlling me
Stop it before I go mad
Before I go crazy
Before I rip myself apart

Burn the rest of the body
The whole thing was just a mess
Imperfect
Ugly
Beyond repair
No one cares for that thing
Just throw it in the river already
Let sink to the bottom
And lay there for years
Because no want that thing
That ugly little husk
june ivy Jun 2020
"Much better, I'm fine!"
I still cry every night.

"I stopped listening to those sad songs!"
Instead I write sad poems.

"I don't restrict calories anymore!"
My ***** decorates the floor.

"I started an exercising routine!"
I push myself until I can't see.

Every time I think I'm free, another problem holds me in captivity.
I thought I was done, but new issues just begun.
I hate myself.

"How about you?"
june ivy May 2020
Aching, alone in the moonlight
My hurtful thoughts burn just as bright.
I drift numb through waves of sorrow,
The desire to be weightless lures me further below.
It's the calm before the storm of hunger
Yet I continue to starve, my stomach protests like thunder.

Fading in and out, I'm drowning no doubt.
Floating above me are skeleton bones and thin torsos
I idolize them, while my self hatred grows.
My lungs fill with salty tears, making me bloated, accomplishing my fears.

I'm ravenous
I don't care
I say, "I'm not hungry, really, I swear!"

Standing naked and ashamed in front of the mirror.
"You look disgusting!" A nasty voice sneers.
Recovery is far, for I still utterly agree.
I'm a horrifying atrocity, don't let anybody see.

As I drift forlorn to the open abyss
I beg, just wanting self worth and bliss.
The violent waves subside,
Making me realize it's okay now if I die
But I'll say it one more time: "I'm fine."
june ivy May 2020
I try to tell myself everything I do is not for you
My life it revolves
The sun the stars the moon
I stand before the mirror trying to see myself clearer
Tears morph my body’s shape
Blurred like spilled paint
I whisper, “I hate you” as I stare at my face
I can’t breathe, so faster I try
Lightheaded vision, gagging, wanting to die
But the most I do is cry.

I drift lonely, lonely for you
You’re my depression, you’re my muse
Self hatred claims my compass,
So I follow it into the forest
And loathe your loving,
It infects me like fungus
Now I’m lost and scared
Inside my brain, you inject your lethal stain
I follow you on your path of wonder till I collapse
Exhaustion, pain, death, relapse

I idolize you and your flaws
How you seem so free
While around me forms a mist of misery
A clouded conscious with what I made you my life
Now I hate everything that I am,
And nothing’s right
Unmotivated, unsure
I allow you to engulf me; careless for a cure
I know what I’m doing but I don’t know who I am
Still on my knees I pray to you,
The blood slain of my own lamb.
My addiction to your presence has forced me to beg for more
I don’t know why I can’t end this war.
Lulu Dec 2019
oh, the hours I have lost to the mirror

staring into my own eyes
studying every edge
every inch
with scientific rigour

watching
as my face and body
contort themselves
into new and grotesque angles

the longer I look
the tighter I am wrapped
by the suffocating bonds of truth

the flaws mount
on a carefully noted list
graffiti on my brain
each word seeping thick, black ink
pooling at my feet
rising to my neck

self-loathing is bitter and viscid in my mouth
when I tried to swallow
it wedged
a dry lump in my throat

I wish I could take a knife
to cut away every imperfection
to slim the nose
to slice the fat
to carve the cheekbones
to dig out the freckles
and leave myself a beautiful, ****** mess

I wish I could hold a candle to my face
until it dripped
like wax
soft enough to be moulded
into whatever
whoever
they wanted.
Hi, I'm pretty new to this so please don't hold back on your feedback... I would really appreciate some constructive criticism!
Lost Jun 2019
All hip bones and ribcage
Flat stomach wasn’t enough
It had to be concave

Mirrors and lights
Lined up just right
******* in
As hard as I can
Why can’t I
Just be thin?
Another poem from my sketchbook I didn’t initially post.
Tamera Pierce Dec 2018
When I look in the mirror in the morning,
I feel fine.
I brush my hair.
I am fine.
I brush my teeth,
And I am fine.

Then I notice how my teeth aren’t as white as they could be.
But I'm still fine.

Then I put on my clothes and I notice how I spill over the sides.
But I am fine.
Then I notice how my hips jut out
And my jeans are never long enough in the ankles.

Then I spend ten minutes thinking of changing my jeans,
Because this shirt is too tight
But I opt for a hoodie instead.
Then I am lost in the hoodie.
I feel like a blob of fabric.
And then just a blob.

I get in my car and look in the mirror to adjust
And notice how dark under my eyes are.
When I’m pretty sure they weren’t that dark earlier.

As I drive to school, I notice my hands on the steering wheel
And ponder how they can be both fat and scraggly at the same time.

I get to school and notice people staring at me at the red lights
While I begin to cross the road.

I pass windows and with each one,
I notice my thighs grow larger with each step.
I notice how wide I am when I pass other girls
Then I think about my ankles and I swear I can feel them swell.

By the time it is twelve o’clock,
I have convinced myself that I am a
Bulging,
Suffocating,
Beast
Who tramples everyone in the room.
And the Earth is suddenly too small for someone as big as I am.
Isabel Aghahowa Nov 2018
maybe the words i said
couldn't contain themselves
into their strict meanings
and suddenly
i revealed my headspace

Suddenly you are a part of it
my dark twisted struggle for
a body removed
with a body that won't
will not
move from its concrete place

it's a different kind of silence
one only few learn about
Ayanna Fieldleap Sep 2018
Skin
Fingernails, moonlight, low-light
What’s the beast in the mirror I see?
It stares at me, it’s features moaning a sad soliloquy
I find it’s eyes, green, green, the colour of envy
Envy. Envy.
I find myself stretching skin.
Skin, it’s anthropomorphism deeply disturbs me
Why can’t I take it off
Peel it off, rip it off, burn it off, cut it off
Snip, snip
The more I stare the more it crumbles, it crumbles
I paint it’s mask with lacquer but the same pair of green eyes stare at me
What is that, who is that beast
The low-light consoles me but still I see it for what is
Me
when the body dysmorphia hits u ****
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