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Geanna Mar 25
F earing what's on the other side          
E veryone turns around and takes the longer route
E ven those who we see as hero's          
L ying is all they do and what we hear
I nventing new ways to go on with life
N umbing the pain is what we try to    
  do  
G oing too far just because of what we fear
Geanna Sep 2018
I'm losing them, i'm losing them all. One by one, as they drop
I was getting better. Things were fine. but then this darkness desides to pass by. Here I am, now a bit over a month clean, sadly still feeling depressed, with no defeat. I was smiling today, I was even laughing, then they ask "how are you?" I answered with a smile "I'm depressed". they laughed and smiled and tried to relate. little did they know it was all fake and almost too late. Earlier today I swear I was gonna do it. I was right there standing at that line. The line of life and death. I went for a walk and sat there. I sat where what could've been a death scene and pondered. I pondered about my future, my friends, my family, my lover. I had the note ready for them in my back pocket. Eventually I decided I should wait one more day. Maybe by then something will change.
Geanna Jul 2018
Deep inside where nothing's fine
I think I finally lost my mind
.....
The deeper I think
The deeper I seem to sink
.....
I don't want to be me
I don't want to be someone else
I just want to disappear
.....
And then the last thread snapped,
leaving her without a reason ..
A reason to breathe
.....
Flavored bullet shots
Deadly love
Stolen screams
And broken cries
Geanna Jul 2018
No one will truly know how badly messed up
my mind and thoughts are

I want to commit suicide
yet I don't

I want to slice my wrist but I
have to do it some place else

I want to push everyone away
yet I don't want to be lonely

What the **** is wrong with me?
~ G.P.O
Geanna Jun 2018
I didn't do it last night
I couldn't do it last night
It's driving me crazy
I feel as if I need to do it
The urge is making me
want to do it deeper and deeper

I feel like a smoker who hasn't had a cigarette within hours
They need the nicotine, They need their new drug

A rubber band is not as good as a blade
It never has been
It never will be

A rubber band stings
it doesn't scar
it doesn't permanently leave a mark
it doesn't make you bleed like a blade would

What does a blade do?
A blade is something that you can really control
You control how deep you want it
You control where it'll strike next
You control how long it'll last

It's like a power
A ****** power that's very addictive
I feel as if i'll explode without it
As if i'll go mad without it
As if i'll die without it

I need it
I want it
I have to have it
~ G.P.O

I made this on June 19, 2017
I am happy to say that I no longer feel this way and I have improved
Geanna Jun 2018
I feel like nobody cares
Nobody wants to talk or
to hang out with me

As if i'm alone in everything that happens
I'm alone in everything I do

Sometimes I feel so alone I get scared
I start to feel vulnerable
weak
pathetic
worthless
...

Sometimes it gets so bad I feel like crying
And at time, I actually do

During times like this
I just want someone to hug me close
and tell me "It's going to be okay"

I know it's a lie
I know it won't be okay
But I just want someone to comfort me
I just wanna believe it

At that very moment i'll start to
feel a bit better
safe
warm
comforting

I'll start to feel like maybe someone cares
I won't feel so alone
..
I might even feel a bit worthy
~ G.P.O
Geanna Jun 2018
What if one day
  I get so numb that
    I try to slowly cross a busy road?

Would you watch me slowly walk towards
the cars?
Would you watch as I continue to walk,
  ignoring the horns and people yelling?
   Would you watch as my body flies
    before hitting the ground?
     Would you watch as my blood stains
      the now red road?
       Would you watch as people scream
        in horror?
         Would you watch as my soul
          leaves my body?
           Would you watch as the
            ambulance rushes over to
             save me?
              Would you watch as
               sadness and horror
                takes over your
                 body?

Or would you have
tried to save me?
~ G.P.O
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