Dear You,

I've spent a lot of different days and a lot of different nights feeling so many different things about you. There were lots of good things because when you were good, you were wonderful. However, when you were bad, it was traumatizing. It was not my skin that you bruised, it was my heart.

At first, I thought it was unfair that you decided to disappear for three days, leaving me worried and upset, or that when you came back, you left me for reasons that I soon learned were lies when you had a new girl two days later. I thought it was unfair when you stood me up the first time. But when I was sitting by myself in a booth at 12:30 p.m on a Tuesday afternoon because you decided to stand me up for the second time, when I was letting you in to my heart again, that was truly the most unfair moment of my entire life.

The hardest part of everything that happened is that I feel like I lost someone. We were not like this in the beginning...you were not like this. You changed into someone who I could no longer recognize and the truth is that you were probably always the same person just putting on a show for me, telling me all the right things, kissing me all the right ways and making me feel all the right feelings. I stopped being angry at you and I just started missing the boy I thought you were when I first met you at that party, when you put your arm around me and I felt special. You have to be quite the horrible person to treat me how you treated me and I don't understand why I deserved it. Well, I didn't and I hope that one day, you'll wake up or sip your french vanilla coffee or put on your shoes and suddenly realize that I didn't deserve what you did. I hope at in this moment you'll miss me. All I ever did was fall for you which I didn't know was such a crime.

I feel like a fool for giving you more chances than you deserved and it stings remembering how you just threw them away. You purposely set out to hurt me, maybe not in the beginning, but by the end it was intentional. It ***** being on both ends of your tricks, being the girl you ditched for another and being the girl that you ditched someone else for. I never knew what you were doing until it all unraveled in front of me.

Just so you know, you may have broken my heart and shattered my trust and every time I have plans with someone I'm going to be afraid that they are not going to show up but I'm still going to go. You didn't shatter who I am as a person and I'm not going to let you destroy my hope that someone else will treat me better than you did. Someone once told me that if I don't want to get hurt then I  need to put a wall up and be cold to people trying to break it down but I don't believe them anymore. I want to wear my heart on my sleeve and I want to give people chances and second chances and hell, third chances even, because in the end, if I loved, that's all that matters and sometimes that's all you can do. You can't make someone love you. I can make you into poetry, but I cannot make you love me. I cannot make you come back and I don't want to anymore, anyway. I'm letting you go, not for you, for me, because I get it, you don't want me in your life, I just need to stop hoping that one day you will. I'm leaving you behind and I'm not ever coming back. You don't deserve it. You didn't deserve my hand, or my lips, or my heart and you especially didn't deserve all my tears because I shouldn't be crying over someone like you.

Just like you did, I took a small piece of your heart as well and it's always going to be there. You're always going to be a part of me. You're always going to be a little piece of who I am tomorrow. It sounds cliche but you taught me a lot and I'm always going to carry those lessons with me. Your intentions might have been to break me down until there was nothing left but no one can break my happiness and no one, not even you, especially not you, can break my love.

Goodbye.

Sincerely,
Me

He asked me if my heart is tired
I told him it is
But those who are tired eventually wake
My tired heart will be just fine

These raindrops hit the pavement
while brakes screamed
and tires spun
in the stormy weather

In a single fragment of this lifetime
a heart stopped
and the night went silent

In a single moment
all these hearts collapsed
and the floor fell from beneath their feet

As love got stronger,
days got harder
and tears flowed
like the storm on the night
that took the young boy
from our arms

These moments
and fragments
of our existence
have the ability to change everything

Sometimes love is not enough
to hold broken pieces together
and things break,
they shatter,
lives shatter

But everything ends
so it can begin again

By Chloe Elizabeth

I don't know why
you did it
the way that you did

But it tore a small piece
out of the person I was
when I fell for you

And you will always have it
in the darkness of your bedroom
and the loneliness in your voice
when you realize
that no one else,
no one,
will make you feel like I did

And no one else,
no one,
is me

And you're gonna miss me,
I know it,
so have a nice summer

By Chloe Elizabeth

They asked me what happened. They asked me what went wrong. For a long time I wondered the exact same thing. Where did everything go so wrong? Lots of things went wrong in the passing time of our breaking love. But the truth? The very painful truth to our final collapse is this: I could no longer stand by and watch him slowly **** himself while we both pretended that nothing was wrong. Every morning that we woke up, I woke up beside someone who was wishing that they didn't, and it ripped my heart out of my chest and threw it onto the floor while the sun streamed through the windows. Watching him be unhappy was the hardest thing I ever had to do because into my eyes he could admit he wanted to die, and still walk away and refuse to do anything about it. Some people may disagree with my choice to leave him. He certainly did. Abandonment is what he called it. However, I put my everything into trying to mend his broken heart, while in the process I was ruining mine. I would not let us both be broken. God, did I ever love him so much that it almost killed me. You can say that I did a lot of things, but abandoning was not one of those things. I couldn't wake up one more morning holding my breath hoping that he was still breathing.

Chloe Elizabeth

I will stand outside
in the cold
for six hours
if it means I get to see you
when all the minutes have passed

Even if that means kissing you
with my frostbitten lips

By Chloe Elizabeth

What a beautiful gift to have the ability to be happy in the hardest of times

Everything reminded him of her. The pain was like frost bite on the arteries of his heart that beat a little slower ever since that day. He missed the smell of her freshly washed hair in the morning, short and sweet, always tied behind her head. Sometimes, the wind would carry a scent similar to this and it would haunt him the rest of the day. Even hands brought back memories because he could remember every line on her palms like they were his own. “Jenny,” he whispered to himself, “I’m lost.”

By Chloe Elizabeth

I still find pieces of you
in everything I do

By Chloe Elizabeth

My heart was on the floor
and my feet were submerged
in too many tears

It barely felt real

It was so hard to believe,
but the proof was in the pain,
so I had to believe it

The way it hurt was real enough

And the truth is,
I'm not the only one who suffered

I'm not the only one who will suffer

You hunt the weak will powered
and you take advantage of their generous hands,
giving you everything you don't deserve

You said it yourself,
"You can't resist me"
and you were right

I couldn't

So you beat my love with your careless heart
until it was in pieces

But it survived
because things that are broken can be fixed
but you're not broken you're burning

And I'm all out of tears

By Chloe Elizabeth

Most days,
it feels like you never existed at all.

But,
you did.

You just don't exist in my life anymore,
you exist in hers.

By Chloe Elizabeth

The painful truth that I could not bring myself to tell him is that I cannot bear to be with someone who is unhappy. I could no longer look into his eyes and search for happiness that was not there. I could no longer fall asleep in is arms to wake up in the morning knowing that he would rather not wake at all. I could no longer wait for the day to come when he discovers what it means to be happy, because I am already there and I could no longer slow my pace waiting for him to catch up. Life started to stand still as I found myself engulfed in a person that was not capable of giving me what I really wanted from them, and as much as they told me I did, I could not give them what they needed either: happiness. Upon this realization, I had to let go. I had to say goodbye. All I can hope is that one day, one day soon, he will not have to pray for his life to have meaning, he will realize that it already does.

Goodbye J.S.

By Chloe Elizabeth

You cried in my arms, a heart filled with shame
With tears in my eyes, I loved you the same

By Chloe Elizabeth

I went for a run today
and sat in the place where we used to stay
and watch the sun go down
for hours until the water
was too dark to see

And I picked up a stone
and skipped it for you
because you taught me how

And I could see the outline of our bodies
still sitting on that log
where I thought we could stay forever

But they were just ghosts
and I watched
as they slowly faded away
along with our voices
and the promises you made

By Chloe Elizabeth

They say
don't rely on someone's love
to make you feel whole

But maybe
we do need someone's love
to make us whole

Ever thought about that?

By Chloe Elizabeth

Maybe he was right
Maybe we weren't meant to be in love
Every star in the sky and page in all of the books in my collection could never explain us
Maybe we should have fought harder for each other
Fallen to our knees and surrendered when we really had nothing more to give
Bruised and scarred from trying to hold on just a tad longer
Maybe it was our doubts that cut the rope
Perhaps it was all of our maybes that killed us in the end
We didn't believe in the 2 a.m cups of coffee or even the blood in our veins
We didn't have faith in what our future could hold, we didn't even have faith in ourselves
I think he was right when he said we couldn't do it
He was right to turn away and never come back
He saved us from more pain and maybe that's a good thing
Receiving peace in exchange for love

By Chloe Elizabeth

We said forever
And we said we would try
But I felt myself slip from your fingertips
And I watched as my reflection
Became smaller and smaller in your eyes
Until they turned into the sea
And there was no trace of me left behind

By Chloe Elizabeth

You held him 'till your fingers bled
You meant every single word you said

You loved him 'till your heart was sore
But honey, he's not worth it anymore

Let him go

By Chloe Elizabeth

If I have learned anything
in the sixteen years
that I have existed,
it's to:
1. Drink coffee even if it's just because you like the taste
2. Wake up early but sleep in when you want to because the world can wait for you
3. Take chances
4. Give second chances
5. Get piercings, they'll heal
6. So will broken hearts
7. Go for walks because life is moving too fast to run
8. Listen to live music when you can
9. It's not karma if you haven't done anything wrong
10. Don't beat yourself up over the bruises on your heart when someone else put them there
11. People are just people, don't be afraid to say something
12. Read
13. Love
14. Love again
15. It's okay to go somewhere by yourself, enjoy it, drink your tea in peace and watch everyone else around you
16. Growing up is not a trap

By Chloe Elizabeth

She slept in silent madness,
for the only way to reach his heart
was through her dreams

By Chloe Elizabeth

Days go by
and I still feel you
in the walls of my bedroom

I still smell you
in the indent of my pillow
and the cotton of my bed sheets

I still see you
in the cracks of my palms
and the darkness underneath my eyelids

I still love you
in every corner of my heart
and every breath that seeps into my lungs

Days go by
and I still ******* love you
so much

By Chloe Elizabeth

I know I always gave you every benefit of the doubt
I defended you through all the faults
But you should have tried a little harder
Fought a little longer
Loved me a little stronger
Because I never stopped killing myself
Trying to save the small chance we still had
And that wasn't fair
It wasn't right

By Chloe Elizabeth