A comfort settles deep inside, with the sound of thunder.

I no longer dread winter's hand.

The cold now seems to ward off the darkness,

that tends to seep into my mind, like sand.

It preserves my youthful soul.

I miss the clarity of my mind I had when I was a child..fog now inhabits..

For just a little while, let time stand still
Let me enjoy the beauty,
allowing me to take in this life,
A deep inhale and appreciation sinks in.
More aware now then I have ever been.
This busy life will consume you, if you let it,
But I ask of you, for a little more simplicity
in the busy, god forsaken city.
For once, just let it be, filled with tranquility.

©A. Harris 2015

It was all yours,
my attention, my affection,
there was never any deflection.

I'll admit, it took me a while to open up,
but something did hold me back,
which now holds true,
that maybe you did not feel the way that I felt about you.

Your actions spoke louder than words, which led me to believe,
but all of a sudden we parted, and left me to grieve.


What's even worse is that if we were to cross paths and you wanted to walk in mine, I'd gladly take your hand, once again, but then I would wake up.

Deep from slumber, I would wake up in regret, to think my mind would allow  me to reduce myself to such chance, but no, not ever again, not this brunette.

My affection and attention is no longer yours but all mine, someone more deserving, and will never be overlooked.

©A. Harris 2015

These eyes
An aspiration to see my way through life, objectively
These lips
A hope for clear and concise communication,
These hands
A desire to create, work and play,
These hips
A reminder of the feminine soul that encompasses,
These legs
A means of keeping me as a mover and shaker,
These Feet
A balance that helps me to remain grounded, even when foundations shift.

It was those days amidst the teenage angst, that were taken for granted.
Where worries and the plight of humanity, were not quite apparent.
A freedom that carried naivety and innocence; fading as time passed by.
In the present, I briefly relive these moments, holding on to them with reverence.

Another time, I'll call you mine,
I will embrace that there is no past between us,
that creates a disconnect between most people.
There was yet an innocence that only we would know,
but at bad-timing none-the-less.
Our different lives created barricades that would inevitably drive us apart.
There is a picture of another time, in which everything falls into place, as it should have been. The love, the comfort and time spent in our own world, how beautiful it began.
I part from him, hoping that maybe, someday we will be together.
AHarris2015

I can’t help wanting to be away from everyone and everything, at this moment.
Routine seems to eat away at this free spirit of mine,
that cries out for something different; something meaningful.
Any other day, I am content with the mundane tasks of life, and being spread thin
Any other day, I wouldn’t mind the turmoil that resides within.

Two steps into the green and
I kneel over to pull from the earth,
closing my eyes to make a wish
from the dandelions I have made
thousands of wishes from before.
It’s my way of sharing my secrets to the universe, whispering to the divine.

Face with no definition,
A shadow, beyond recognition
Once was of you…

A void filled temporarily;
By my mind creating what I thought you should have been.
In and out of my thoughts; threads engrained.

Something that was never mine
It comes to intrude my heart when it wants, till this day
Patiently waiting, for the moment that my mind has deconstructed the idea of you.

A hand on your face
Lips wet to the touch
Smudging you with kisses
I love you so much..

Dragging around an unmotivated version of myself...

The glow follows the horizon between sleep and the morning light.
Here we also see the starry night.
What ponders in the minds of those looking off in the distance?
There is an air of togetherness that weaves its way through.
Shall they make a wish with me too?

D
No, I do not  know the next time I’ll be out,
Especially, not with you
Things never said, so much doubt
Don’t ask me.
Such superficial encounters are no longer of interest
Lay it to rest
I am not your “go to” when things  go west
Z
No,I do not miss you
You took for granted how I placed you on a pedestal back in the day
Just to see your insecurities bleed through, you pushed me away
And now you want to pull me in to Your loneliness
Don’t ask me
K
No, I am not free,
Just because you drove from Chicago to entertain yourself here
I’m sure there are plenty of other girls for you to endear
Don’t ask me

Wondered today, if my children know how much love I have for them.
I look forward to hearing all of their hopes, dreams and ideas, from each one.
I hope who they run to with their fears, sorrows, and insecurities is I, so that I may comfort them.
I want to be there for every part of them, as much as they will allow.
Do they know they are my world, with nothing I adorn more than them?
My breath, my heart, my soul.
Do they know?

I stand before the sky,
for which it has yet to speak to the sun.
Silence encases me, giving me comfort in the still.

For a brief moment I just care to be present, nothing more,
nothing less.

What are we but a sweet daydream?
So full of creativity, and
Our hearts out in the open left to vulnerability.

What are we but the endless ideas of love and romance?
We should be compelled to love ourselves foremost,
we must give this a chance.

-We need sophrosyne-

What are we that we truly don't appreciate the beauty
in being a woman?

-We need effeminacy-

©A. Harris 2015

Brief conversation ignited here and there.
but little did I know, you had so much to share.
Shy from possible rejection, and fear of words leaving your mouth
all jumbled.
The fear was evident in the way you carried yourself,
guarded from what may have hurt you before,
leaving you crumbled.
You forced yourself to open up and write me a letter.
The paper was your release, and in choosing me to write to, I won't ever really know the reason, but all for the better.
I see a friendship in the making, you have drawn yourself closer.
I'll admit, I needed this friendship too, more than you will ever know.
Someone who deep down wants to be happy and at peace with life.
While everyone is lost the chaos, we are still, appreciating the present.
Looking forward to the next time we meet, for it is your company that I truly enjoy.

Sometimes it seems I think so hard,
that you could possibly hear
You turn to look at me but say nothing to adhere.
That calmness in your face worried me that day,
and still I think about what you would have to say.

This picture in my head of you, telling me," its not real,"
"that all these dreams I  had left my heart like steel."
"Someone left a mark, that you won't let go away."
It's because you are so careless and why you go astray."
"Because you cannot change anything, is why you are so sad",
and whispered softly, "If it were meant to be, wouldn't it be had"?

I stop to think that maybe you just sitting still and having not said anything, is what cured me like a pill.

Closing my eyes, I now realize, that it really was a dream, something I had made up, something I had schemed.
It wasn't what I wanted, just something left unfinished, and I know on good terms would soon diminish.
I wanted to have an ending, a good one for that matter.
Something to give me peace, so these thoughts would finally scatter.

You hold my hand as I step back to reality, and now putting this so far behind me.
A strength only you could have given me, only a soul mate could do.
I hope he hears me thinking, when I say " I love you".
You took me out of a world that I didn't want to be in, one with a price for me to pay, a world that once left me unglued and seemingly gray.

©A. Harris

Is the first sip of coffee in the morning
The silence that comes after mourning
Children’s laughter
Beautiful sunsets
Coming to terms with things
Goals accomplished
Affection with no return expected
Living with integrity
Helping humanity
Agreeing to disagree
Breezes on a hot day
Grace is all around us…many blind to it..

Darkness and regret-filled air encumbered the scene,
Always working towards my dream,
Serving endless amounts of spirits,
Providing delusions and exchanges for all to enjoy.
You sat at this table hesitant to introduce yourself,
But kindly smiled at me, and let your friends take care of the rest.
You had a bouquet of home grown roses, waiting for me, why?, I’ll never know.
Again your friend suggested we dance, and in agreement I went.
You were a quiet soul in a bar, you did not fit in.
Yet here you were to see me, and when we danced close, the world seemed to fade around you it seemed,
but at the time, I was consumed by an illusion, ******* in tangles with someone else I thought meant so much, I discounted you from the start.
Funny how the universe plays with our fate,
Giving us all of these chances for us to mistake.*
05/24/2016

How sweet it is,
The idea of uncertainty,
The mere thoughts that lead me back and forth,
to the future, from the past,

One thing is certain, it is the brush of warmth,
on my face, on  my lips from the spring wind
that carries me even further into thought,

As I sit still, the calm comes to rise and my love for life seeps through.
Grateful to even have this moment, all of these moments.

AHarris2015

It isn’t fair, this time not promised,
this limited time we’re given;
but rest assured I’m using it to really be living.
Such beautiful things brought before me,
only to be taken away
I guess never belonged to me anyway.
Soak it all in,
breath by breath;
embedding the moments I don’t want to forget.
How is it that time won’t slow and be kind,
But it sure likes to remind me of days gone by?

When feelings overload,
and my mind is left a mess,
I look to writing, easing the distress.
My lips are sealed and my heart lies heavy,
that is until, I have released the levee.

©A. Harris 2015

It shines so bright,like it has a story to tell.

6/2/2016

*2:00 A.M and I awaken by a phone call, knowing my father’s end was near,
No more suffering, no more fear.
Cancer had broken him down, into someone unrecognizable.
My dad had taken his last breathe, passing through this life.
It never really occurred to my mom that he would leave this way.
Always a lonely soul in this world, mind cluttered, and distracted with worry, in  every passing day.
Her sorrow could be heard in the message they left for me, creating disarray.
I came to realize everything would change for us.
So much left undone.
Many things left to finish and piece together.
A man of mystery that has left us to
wonder about whom this man was.
I pray that he finds peace and comfort, which he could not seem to find here.
May his next life be filled with grace,
Remains endeared.

The chase leads me past the people, shadows and noise
Glancing Up at the sky;
Anywhere, trying to find
Something, anything to fill me up
(It should not be so hard)
Waiting for nothing and everything
It’s the standstill that eats at me, so I go on seeking what is supposed to be seeking me
Longing for what I don’t know
Feeling a stranger to myself
Wandering aimlessly
but until then,
I’ll keep looking

Tenacity is called for in fighting the ominous battle with
melancholia.
Time goes by and I am well of aware of the imminent;
there is nothing to do but accept our destiny.
I feel like a stranger to myself, idling about waiting for nothing,
all the while busy in the day to day happenings.
I am patient for the day when the clouds lift and I am pulled from the depths and into the light.
Even so there is always that low level of despair that lingers...
©A. Harris 2017

Countdown, somewhere in the back of my mind,
telling me there isn't much time.
Not enough hours in the day, for all I want to do or say.
So many hopes, dreams and wishes to fulfill,
leaves me many times, at a standstill.
To sit and wonder the purpose for it all,
in such a brief experience, leaves me in awe.
I resume to my busyness  after these encounters, to carry on as I may,
thankful for each day.

Legs extended just standing here on my mat,
with my hands together, just ready to surrender.

In this position, there is the foundation in which I find solitude in my mind.
For a little while, it is silenced, and leaves room for my soul to play.
At this point I am fine tuned to how my body is feeling.

Personal growth emerges, all while my soul is close to becoming one with me.

My Mantra- I am here, I am free.

©A. Harris 2015

Certainly surprised to make your acquaintance,
Brown eyes that make me feel, like I've met you before.
That smile (with all the light you cause to shine within) that makes the Marigolds sway and bloom, in this cavern of my mind.
A radiant individual, I look forward to getting to know.
I have yet to find your purpose, of a brief or long encounter, but appreciate it none the less.

The stars demanded my attention,
Filling the sky with their flare.
I quickly gathered our family together,
to run over the hill to marvel.
My dad was more reluctant to see what
All the excitement was about.
Having stayed behind,  maybe he knew
Something I didn’t at the time.
Perhaps the worlds end, but I didn’t want
to let this moment pass by, and miss the awe.
We kept running and running towards the light.

I stand along the brick wall, eyes closed, feeling the sun and the cool breeze against my cheeks and think of how sweet and grateful I am for this life.
In such a short instance, time has stopped for me to appreciate it.

Seconds and Minutes,
it's all such a blur,
That is until I am able to return,
back to where I live, in my mind,
leaving me with nothing but pieces to put together.
A small recollection of the others taking over,
because I cannot deal with life on my own.  

That is until, I met this man;
He tries, he really does, to help me.
Where were you before this world was so cruel to me?
Are you here to set me free?
I declare that I am far too broken, and I don't want to drag him down with  the horror, the evil, the tales that haunt me.
There is so much pain, and tragedy,
Surely he is able to see that in the story lines of my face.

Yet his soul is not feeble, but strong enough for the both of us,
as I see in each encounter.

Strong enough to help me escape.

©A. Harris 2015

It’s only thing that brings me back to my truest self,
the self that only the wild air , trees and inhabitants know
Its spirit meshes with mine and I am whole.

What I want to say to you, leaves me with no where to start,
so many words and trapped in my mind,
you captivated my heart.
I never told you this, these feelings came so fast,
but I will never be the same.
Such a beautiful person that came into life,
and I failed to tell them of my love.
I hope he felt what I could not tell him, by actions instead of words.

AHarris2015

Glimpses of hope bud among the trees and green,
give us much to look forward to.
It is the breeze that blows us in the direction towards life that we seek to continue, and dream about.
Warmth from the sun provides an unrealistic comfort, yet somehow
it is enough.
Spring of course, that subdues our winter blues.

This winter wonderland puts me in a trance;
Imagining a life not yet lived; a little glance.
But slumber keeps calling my name.
Snowflakes kiss the air, and glitters all around.
But slumber keeps calling my name.
Seeking the comfort of all things warm; you will find me under blankets and with coffee for days...
But slumber keeps calling my name.
And soaking in the moments I have with those, whom I adore,
I look to brush time away once more,
But slumber keeps calling my name.
As the evening creeps in,
I am pensive as the bustle slows down, and the silence inhabits the cold,
Slumber inhabits me too...

On the news,
in the papers,
lack of goodwill,
no real charity,
real world problems smudged
with distraction.
Will it ever change?

No more need to fill this void,
my soul once insatiable, now redeemed;
far from destroyed.
To think that I was searching, mostly lost and hazy,
Had I only sat still and became comfortable with myself,
time could have been saved,
Although they say there is a time and place for everything..
So, here I am, someone freed, this person with no more need.
©A. Harris 2016

It was where you'd always sit, in unrest, with a forced smile, yet comfortable in your dwelling.
Seemingly broken but with a little hope stored away somewhere.
I saw an image that day, so surreal.
I could not help but let the tears flow, for I have missed you, more and more, since you let go.
Little instances when I feel you around, keep me curious and looking forward to life.
I momentarily feel the comfort and security you provided, and like the wind it sweeps away to find me on another day.
©A. Harris 2016

Leaves of colors, follow their new journey with the wind, remind me of all the memories and moments held in this dwelling of my heart.
Memories that I was hoping would die off like the season. Instead its people and places that come to haunt. I wish away the perceptions and illusions of love and companionship, for reality.  It seems like I will always have a longing to know about these things that take over my mind, in the autumn.
I want to be content and accept things as they are, how else am I supposed to grow?
Like the new plants that bud in the spring, and to rise to their fullest potential, getting to start anew.
I want that chance too.

©A. Harris 2015

A mind reborn,
Reflecting  and attempting to change my course of action,
contemplation of mistakes and dreams,
only to realize the significance of time not promised.
A need to recognize my hearts' sanctions.

The universe is begging for a listen, with its stars and moon that glisten
and yet I push away her words,
But she demands them to be heard.
I acknowledge the attempt but
I’m not ready to hear what I already know, because that would put an end to this show; pushing me to build a new chapter in my life.
Not ready
Not ready
Until then I’ll just go with the flow,
Maybe tomorrow...

They come in unannounced,
united, and uninvited,
demanding my attention
my hands and body are in pose with contention
at the fault of being self aware
I let these thoughts linger,
letting them leave their mark
streaks, smudges and smears
leaving when they please, only to soon return
Tears down my face,
Lord where is the grace?
A curse at times of the mindful

I'm am sure that there have been so many other beautiful days;
but this one had set itself apart.

It was as if the universe conspired at its best to give me this break.

The river glistened and nature was ever so inviting;
and I was intrigued.

Early afternoon gave me rise to the blood in my veins;
full of life.

The wind casted calm in my soul and all around
was the wild that encompassed my heart;
reality and a daydream, hard to tell apart.

Other sun seekers accompanied  just down the river,
giving the occasional glance to each other;
so close but so far away.
Fishing and laying about for hours

The weather seasoned me with summer lust.

I will run until my heart no longer aches.

Ending to the day,
with a hot and calming shower,
I look to rest my soul in the evening hour.
I'm brushing through my hair amid the vanity,
and I am taken back to seeing what is possibly a nine-year old identity.
Of course I smile, and become nostalgic of the time where cares and worries were not apparent, just a child, loving life.
And back to reality I went, just as quickly as it came,
longing to be her once again,
but time waits for no one.

In a far and distant galaxy
Inside my telescope I see
A pair of eyes look back at me
He walks and talks and looks like me
Sits around inside his house
From room to room he moves about
Fills his life with pointless things
And wonders how it all turns out

Do do do do do
Do do do do do
Safe to say that

I don't think you understand!
There's nowhere left to turn
Walls keep breaking

Time is like a leaf in the wind
Either it's time worth spent
Or time I've wasted
Don't waste it

Afraid of what the truth might bring
He locks his doors and never leaves
Desperately searching for signs
To terrify, to find a thing
He battens all the hatches down
And wonders why he hears no sound
Frantically searching his dreams
He wonders what it's all about

Do do do do do
Do do do do do
Safe to say that

I don't think you understand!
There's nowhere left to turn
Walls keep breaking

Time is like a leaf in the wind
Either it's time worth spent
Or time I've wasted...

Clearing my mind
Losing my friends
Follow my fears
Do it again
You say how, do, you do
Man, how 'bout you?
Man, how 'bout you?
To be free
To be son
To be killed
To be saved
In my head, I'm alone
I'm un-dead, I'm ashamed
Just like you, I've been tryin'
To be scared
In my bones, I feel cold
I give this to the lord in the sea
In this street
Let me go
Let me be, I don't need
To be here, I'm alone
Can't you see? Can't you see?

I don't think you understand!
There's nowhere left to turn
Walls keep breaking

Time is like a leaf in the wind
Either it's time worth spent
Or time I've wasted...
Don't waste it