i see my sock covered feet
that mean so much more than's shown
moving along to the beat
as if they have a mind of their own

fiddling around
or bouncing to the beat
without so much as a sound

when the rest of me is still
my feet give away my restless interior
the small part of me no one can ever ****
my feet are it's portal to the exterior

they say I'm clingy. tell me something I don't already know.
maybe it's because of all the times I've missed out
because I wasn't there at the right moment.
or maybe because if I'm not around them,
I have nowhere to be.
and I hate that.
people are constantly with their friends, yet
they are never called clingy because they're friends
so then how can I achieve this friend status?
it's said that when you're around people a lot,
they're more likely to unconsciously like you.
but where's the line between that and clinginess?
tell me that. it's something I don't know.

as the day comes to an end
and your mind starts to pretend,
remember this
all these dreams are not for real
nor the emotions that you feel,
but
one day your life will become
its own version of this one
although daydreams won't come true
you will have something brand new
your future is a fantasy
in and of itself

I walk into the room,
feel the impending doom.

take a deep breath, swallow the fear,
and make myself appear full of cheer.

'don't let anyone notice me'
becomes a constant inner plea.

but when no one does anything,
I realize that I was lying.

I feel so much frustration
because I also need validation.

i wonder* how many times
i cross the mind of another
they cross mine all the time
the main character of my dreams

i wonder if they ever think of me
or if the care is on a one way road
a road that only leads to one place
to an indescribable feeling
of emptiness and loneliness

and not because i never see them again
but because i will never see them the same way

and when this main character
becomes fundamentally different
the story must change too
it's inevitable

and no matter how hard i try
i would never be able to return
to return to the same dreams
and so although

i wonder about the truth
i also wonder if
i want to know it
and if i can handle it

but
i can only wonder

highlights the remaining sparks of humanity
starts conversation while bringing out insanity
lets us feel free
since the real beauty
is the responsibilities' reduction
and the consequences' destruction

i'm going crazy
this much is true
life's so strange
i don't know what to do

mood swinging
up, down, left, right
everything's so surreal
need help? i think i might

this never-ending roller coaster
called life
is not so thrilling anymore

she woke up at 3 am
the sky was a hazy purple
from today's snow

the snow wasn't the only
thing falling today
she too, was falling

falling in love
snowflake
by snowflake

i walk among the living
but do not quite belong
no, i am not dead
i'm simply hardly alive

i get by every day
going through the motions
not feeling many emotions
without the interactions
that others are so accustomed to

i feel so lost
so alone
missing out on life
and i wonder why

**why can everyone live but me?

you need to
break free
from the constraints
of your mind
and feel peace
upon your entire being

if you just let yourself fly,
the whole world will follow

THEY SAY*
they want to be different, greater
don't they realize to their own words they're a traitor?

THEY SAY
they're a debator, educator, investigator, negotiator
but how?
how can they be so different when they all say the same things?
how can they be so ignorantly hypocritical?

love everyone* they say whist full of hatred
hang out with your friends they say when alone in bed
you never talk to me they say although they've never tried
go outside they say from deep inside
get off your phone they say while on the computer
just be nice they say when they're actually a persecutor

THEY SAY
so much and do so little
want to become more while becoming less
they guess it's a success when they oppress
but it's just a mess

THEY SAY
things they should be saying to themselves to us
but we are all people too, not slaves to command or objects to discuss

THEY SAY
this and that and everything
but I say

N O T H I N G

for it is better to say nothing at all than to participate in the
parade of puppets who profusely preach phony phrases.
I'd rather remain silent than take part in this cacophonous,
hypocritical, ignorant, perfunctory mess that we call
*s o c i e t y.

the world's greatest blessing
and most tremendous curse

never having to worry
about being too loud
or sticking out in a crowd

but it takes effort
for friendships to grow
or to even say hello

you may laugh
you may cry
nobody will know why
just because you're shy

a blessing and a curse
is this state of being
but it's who i am

she says she wants
affection,
kisses,
love.
and I can do that
but I need to know
if she wants it from me

motivation? I have none
yet so much has to be done
I've got my whole life ahead of me
just have to surpass this one moment to be free
free, at least until another day
when I have lots more work and no play

lies
fake words
that
you wish were true

deception
bending the truth
with
ulterior motives

fibbing
small lies you say
to
help your life

truth
said most often
but
never noticed

*the truth is always present
the lies are just more prominent
noticed more widely
cared about more greatly

i wonder what would happen
if i said this one thing now
i'm terrified but also
wondering how it would end

in a burst of energy
i let everything spill out

it feels great

momentarily

until reality hits
i realize what i have said

i'm aware of what they'll say
but now worry what they'll think
and if they'll let it show or
leave me in the dark forever

you dyed the lawn pink
when you spilled your lovely, flowery words.

you filled my home with the color red
with an exciting, loving hue. with you.

you added rainbows to black and white movies
more vibrant than i could ever imagine.

but then, your green lights began to flash yellow and red
causing me to be unsure about my every move.

blue skies turned grey and filled with tears
like a sunny saturday sabotaged with a sudden storm.

you stained my bed orange
eternally drawing attention to where you no longer lie.

and you painted me a royal purple
royally *******, yet, mysteriously still wanting you.

you taught me how to live a life, filled with color
only to wreak black and white havoc in my life.

you left me feeling more color blind than ever
and in a dark, colorless shell of my former self.

the deed is done
the war's lost and won
all is now fine
in this little land of mine

all these teens
thinkin' they're invincible
goin' around
with the world at their disposal

all these ******' teens
doin' whatever they please
always so happy
until it happens

those teens
standin' there
shocked
wait...

'how did that happen?'
'but we're invincible'
'she can't die'
'she's only in high school'

teens, welcome to the world
dyin' isn't only for adults
you can die too, any time
so you'd better be careful

all you ******' teens
don't go around
thinkin' you can't expire yet
you can *******

people live
people hurt
people die
that's just life

you teens'll never know
what's gonna come next
maybe nothing
if you're not careful

you hear the whisper in your ear
the chills run up and down your spine
this simple thing invoking fear
such a feeling you cannot define

when it truly surfaces, the fright
is when some senses are impaired
muffled sounds in the darkness of the night
is when you'll be really, truly scared

soaring like a bird
free from all chains and shackles
she breathes in, happy

shadowsoundsilence
as they walk away,
you still see the shadow
and everything is okay
shadowsoundsilence

shadowsoundsilence
the figure grows darker
but you can still hear their steps
nothing bad could occur
shadowsoundsilence

shadowsoundsilence
in the blink of an eye and an ear
they have transformed into silence
nothing is okay and they disappear
shadowsoundsilence

be careful always
because before you know it
anything could become a
shadow
then
sound
then
silence

insight into the deepest and darkest corners of the mind
necessary to know one's true inner working
people who once seemed all the same now appear one of a kind
discover the hidden parts of yourself that are are always lurking
poetry is the best way to truly know someone you'll ever find

what do you do
when you don't have much of a will to live
but of course
you don't want to die either?

what do you do
when life isn't making any sense
and no one
has discovered the meaning yet?

what do you do
when you can't tell what's real or not
especially when
there's nobody to help you?

what do you do
when you have so many questions
and then
no answers to any of them?

you can say a lot
in three words
i love you
i hate you

in just three words
you can change a life
we should date
we should break up

less is more

so why the hell
do i say so many other words
when there are only three
that i want,
that i need,
to say

just three short words
can make all the difference

"everything people did was so silly,
because they only died in the end"*

why does anyone do anything?
what is there to gain?
besides temporary happiness

it's all just a spur of the moment

because we all lose everything one day
eventual yet inevitable death will strike

what
is
the
point
of
anything
?

i think and see and hear a lot,
but is all that worth a second thought,
when me, myself, and i is all i've got?

as of late, i cannot speak
i have a few things i want to say
but am too terrified to
so i do not speak at all
i do not say what i want
or anything else
nothing else matters

sometimes, i think too much.

i think about this and that,
the past and the future,
about things that could be,
if it weren't for stupid me.

all these thoughts,
constantly tie my mind in knots.
often oh so dismal.

i wish i could think less.

curious, clever, quiet, and perfect

when everyday life gets boring
she will go exploring
and find new ways of soaring

and although it's forbidden
she's smart and can keep it hidden
no one knows whats' going on

nothing seems off at all
past prying ears she can crawl
no one knows what's going though this girl, so small

then, by the time we realize what's going on
her perfection is gone
she has successfully run her con.

and suddenly, in the blink of an eye,
your seemingly perfect girl is high.
'everything is lost,' you realize with a sigh.
you thought she was everything you wanted,
but now her very essence makes you daunted,
and the innocent spirit forever haunted.

curious, clever, quiet, and not so perfect after all