We all have some darkness,
But we all still have some light.
In the midst of trying to find ourselves,
We lost the endeavoring plight.
The day is too dull,
So we live in the night.
Fading the colors of this
White, bright life.

Don’t speak.
I was a freak to bleed in the sheets.
You keep going once our eyes meet.
Never knew this was you all along.
It has been the longest of weeks-
The thought of you makes me weak
With nausea.
I only weep.
Took and crumbled a woman so strong.
You leap from maternal figure
To paternal stickler-
You have Daddy issues because he’s rich
But won’t share.
How dare he not fund your white entitlement.
You curse when he tells you to brush your teeth
At night, because you can’t stand
The thought of someone caring for you
On a non-financial level,
And I’m the devil,
Because I won’t accept the monetary gifts.
You slip me this and that,
Skip the emotional derivative.
And gasp at the fact that
I’ve stopped putting in initiative.
Silly boy, I don’t need you.
A toy made to tease you.
Keep me on this collar,
But I’m the one who leads you.

You're the sin of me,
A claustrophobic situation
And I can't breathe.
I'm an epidermal hot mess,
With a side of downers
To suppress.
A hypodermic allergy.
Charge me with my felony.
Caused by this anorexic magazine.
I'm starving.
Brothers; Our own flesh.
Nail me to this cross
And watch me burn.
They want us to be self reliant,
And give us controlling rule.
Impossible standards
In a
Hypocritical disease head.
They give us psychotheism
But take away our earth.
We're supposed to be coexisting,
So give us equality in worth.
I am my own
Anarchist Antichrist
Feed me
To
The broken system.

ANGER.
The tears in my eyes burn
As much as the lump in my throat.
The scream has been cooking
For years. It swelled. It can bubble over.
SEE IF I CARE.

EMPTINESS.
The zero.
The hole.
There is a constant lack of space
Looming inside of me.
I don't see what I'm missing.
It's already gone.
SEE IF I CARE.

BROKEN.
I used to work.
I don't anymore.
Due to the way my former
Abused me.
Pieces of myself.
Gone. I gave them to you, and you walked out.
You can keep the old me.
SEE IF I CARE.

I can’t breathe-
But I can wear long sleeves.
I can’t look
To the tumbling leaves
Without being reminded
Of my cracking psychiatric state
That his name leaves me in.
I can’t smile,
But I can blame it on
Being “under the weather”
Like it’s some sort of
Dizzy spell that disintegrates
My fake smiles and
Social interactions.
Another year I watch the leaves lose their hair,
Being stripped completely vulnerable
In public,
Just the way he left me.
Another year I spend my birthday alone.
Another year I don’t have a date to the fair.
It’s unfair…
Another year I will be purposely outcast
At friendly functions.
Another year I’ll be questioned
As to why I stay at home all of the time.
Another year I’ll spend alone in my own mind.
Another year;
Closer to death.
Happy ******* birthday.

Scampering, Scurrying
Everyone a Worrying.
From behind the lines
Of time,
It’s hard to find a passion.
Haggling, Hurrying
Society in a flurry.
Fury of consumer
Wrapped pretty for distraction.
This mutual attraction towards
Things instead of people,
Is done at the satisfaction of
Big corporations
Instilling evil.
From behind the lies of lime
It’s hard to hide reaction.
No grip to prevent slip-
No citric acid traction.

Heathen cat,
Atop my Mac.
You’re feral
And losing teeth.
A fever from your scratch,
A heap of furry black.
Flicks his tail and tongue to greet me.
Meet me
In the chatroom.
A real cat-fish
I presume,
The squawk box amuses me.
Yellow eyes and painted ears,
He types away at all his fears.
I fell in love with a stranger;
A true online catfish he’d been
For years.

A mother's love is forever,
Though her baby's life may not be.
The heavy death weights
Sitting upright on her tight
Chest.
Making it harder to breathe.
Quietly, softly, he did not make a sound.
Though she searched frantically
In the heat of the night
Under pressure and cracking
Leaning over the caged bed and hearing
Silence.
No still beating heart was found.
The heaving sobs in the night.
The sweltering chest pains of the next day,
They would linger over her constantly,
If she insisted to visit that grave.

She had turned him into a life,
And now forever separated.
Her love as strong as rock,
Now crumbling and faded.
If her baby's eyes were green,
The world made them super jaded.
And now he wastes away.
A life that was prematurely complicated.

Sunshine, Birdsong;
Early morning breeze.
Quiet.
The comedown off of loud sound
that was the night before.
Psychedelic fizzles that sizzle the mind-
This I've begun to adore.
George,
offering me a warm smile & friendly breakfast-
The beginning of sound.
Midday found,
the hippies begun to emerge.
A surge of smoke sent up into the sky.
Oh my,
So merry that I could
Party with the Pranksters.
The Danksters,
the dabbers,
the peace lovin' blissful blabbers.
A family of freaks
that speaks to me
And this love that I've been after.

I’m Longing and Learning.
Constantly, I’m yearning
For a man who isn’t mine.
A divine being- I find
The time is turning.
I’m older,
I’m bolder,
Unsure if you’ve grown colder.
Too frisky to care-
I dare to find someone
Completely new.
Tired of feeling blue for you.

Blue eyes
Tinder,
Caution-filled,
Catch my gaze.
Across the way.
From my stare
Back.
Strangers,
Being familiarized.
His pale skin.
His unshaven
Whiskers.
I smile.
He shoots
A beam of heaven
My way
And I bathe
In its angelic
Warming glow.
The rain
Humid and patting.
Lightly
Outside
Of my brain.
And pumping
Along with the
Rain,
My heart beats
Harder
As the special
One
Approaches .
His lips part.
The air
Escapes.
Leaps off of his
Tongue.
He speaks.

Old dinosaur man go sniff
Spit on three fingers so that I can have a kiss.
No, doctorosaurus- this isn't a hit
It's been a miss since long ago.
Slow; she's waiting on you.
Reptilian creature, fixer of blue
Imagines my groove to soothe himself.
There is no sedating the truth-
You want to use this.
**** little temptress
In a skintight sundress.
I'm a hot mess
And you want me.
Epidermal- under your skin
So easily.

Unheard-                                                                
They poke and ****.
Absurd-
I don’t fit you description of a ******-
So doctor, jump me.
I didn’t ask for the
Endless sob-
The rejection of fleshing
My health and anxieties
Into human form again.
You’re not a friend,
You’re a judgmental man
In a lab coat
Who denotes his time to
Giving patients unanswered answers
And more pills.
I’m never going to be sorry
I do not fit into this
Patriotic Addiction
That has taken so many from me-
How dare you…

Portable Carnival.
You pack it up and roll it away two weeks to the day that it arrives. The lives of these carnies have never mattered. They exist only as a part of the traveling freakshow. Something we pay money to stare at, to laugh at, to mock. It’s degrading, but it’s how the freaks have to earn their living. It’s how Two Toe Toby affords his next meal. But he doesn’t have a favorite sit down restaurant, because they keep putting him back on a bus and sending him to a different city to manage the tilt-a-whirl; And all the hurling ***** from children's’ stomachs that are full of corn dogs and cotton candy.
Portable Portajohn.
A traveling **** storm. Citizens come and give us their paychecks in return for cheap thrills on rinky **** rides that spin their minds into oblivion. Just so they can say they’ve tasted the clouds and all of the pollution that surrounds them.
And just like that, we leave again. Vanishing into our next city, for a scheduled two week period.

Pretty pink princess with wetness
Dripping down her thigh.
Puddle humpin’ *****
Pumps the water
While she cries.
Take it down the throat and hope
He doesn’t make you ride.
You’re haunted-
But memories taunted.
Hope the feelings subside.
And hope you don’t choke
Playing ******* with a hard rock.
Stop, you slithering snake.
I provoke the stalking of the body,
The watching of the skin.
Pretty pink princess
Soaking in the sin.
Satin curtain, forced open.
Moisture beaded on the fabric.
Crushed velvet on your tongue-
Here is where he wreaks his havoc.
A blank canvas for him to abuse
With bruises of all different colors.
Of course I let him have it.
He got into my mind.
Used his knowledge that I was the
Only princess of this kind.

For everyday, she cakes her face
With a coated mask.
She does it to hide the pain.
Otherwise, she feels attacked.

She feels that pressure everyday.
She has to laugh.
Even if the joke is mundane.

And everyday, she hides behind a fake, withering smile.
But by night, it turns into her twisted insides; vile

She's not herself.
But she is her.
Her personalities fuze
And merge.

She's done.
She's relieved.
She draws in her final breath.
As she drowns herself
In a liquid ruby red.

Her lips whispering softly.
Her pain waves coming deep.
Her wrists shouting violent blood.
Soaking through, and
Now seeped.

She let's go, as she feels the little girl she used to be die.
She slips away.
Unaware and induce.
And off of her tongue
Escapes a goodbye.

Falling out of flight,
Falling into night;
These wings were never meant to save me…
They’re just a faulty accessory.
It’s surreal,
How much the stars remind me
Of your skin.
Pale and porcelain.
Out of your lips, called ugly.
Seen by my eyes, beauty.
You shine against black canvas.
But the stars, they’re burning…
And yet,
You’ve always stayed so frore…
So completely alone.
You are such a magnificent specimen.
It’s viceral- I want you.
I want your stupid opinions,
That nonchalant, aloof and lackadaisical attitude you host,
Your soft, sweet lips,
Fleshed out into reality,
And pressed against mine.
But it’s too dangerous.
A love like this is far too dangerous.
And your eyes have yet to meet mine.
I’ve yet to exist.
I’m not here.

He took something so precious
That it stunned me into silence.
Took a pretty princess
And treated her with rabid violence.
So tense in nature,
So aggressive in being.
The only way to win
A game of torture is by fleeing.
Running to the hills,
Never looking back
Sopping up soot on my foot
Of this lost, infinite black.
Whole body in half form,
This has become the accepted norm.
I’m hurting because of what
He did to me-
Just like the last.
These girls from is past?
He’s used us all.
Run away while he stalls.
Be sure not to fall
And crumble in his grasp.
This is not my final form.
But evil man,
You’ve finally seen the
Last of me.

I awoke.
Adewake, state your mind.
Upon mine.
I'm just fine.

The gwaymish way.
A day, I'll stay.
Atop her bays.
They all glistened.

The sea-dappled air.
It blows thickly on shore.
Adorn. Horns blow
In forlorn.
I'm torn.

I'm rampulsing through.
Those midnight blues.
Highlight beshrew.
Formal. From my
Mind unto
You.

The jubiscents of time.
Quote yours against
Mine.
I'm grime.
So scrub me.

Tell no one about this cape.
It could be a way to escape.
All you have to do
Is cover yourself.
Lay down in silence-
And pretend that
Everything outside
Of our door, this violence
Has been nothing more
Than a dream.
Just breathe,
And take your mind
Somewhere else.

I’d cut off my own ear and mail it to you,
To be your very own personal listener-
But I’d rather gouge out an eye of mine
And mail it overnight via amazon prime.
For it has seen many tragedies,
As opposed to just hearing them.

This town is too dark for picnics,
But it’s just perfect for skinny dipping.
Just dark enough to accept
Your body image.
Your bumps, blemishes, rolls and curves.
The intestines swerved,
Our skin merged,
And you can only
Find your love for me in the darkest of towns.
I miss the bright lights that used to greet me-
But now I like it better when the moon meets me.

Amalgamate your love to mine.
There's no more faith.
There's no more time.
Gorge our brethren,
Our sisters true.
There's no more hope
For saving you.
Demented? Maybe.
But love tastes so sweet.
Love is simply remorsed.
My love is antiquated.
My felonious crime
To steal your heart
Seems to be outdated.
The caricature of a heart so nice.
It tastes much better when ordered off ice.
I try not to beleaguer you.
Its not my intensions at all.
But sometimes,
Humans have this problem of over picking a scab until it falls off.
And darling,
If I pick at you,
The pain only hones.
Its worse to the pain that now
My pain is drone.
Used to the pain of a flesh eating heart.
'O Romeo, Tis only a start.
Of vast suffering
Of a flesh eating wound.
Save me, 'O blood stained Romeo,
Or meet your destined doom.
Dally if you must,
But please keep in mind.
The ****** of yours is the only I can find.
Your love being relief for my pain.
Darling.
Please let me hear you speak my name.

Because… you could look me in the eyes and tell me you loved me,
When I could still smell her on you.
You could lie, straight to my face..
Which torments a humans’ sanity.
You could hold me and feel absolutely nothing for me, and to me,
That’s completely spineless.
I did nothing to deserve the empty lies you filled me with.
A forever meant nothing more than a day to you, did it?

Styrofoam Soul,
You fit the mold.
You’re light,
And hollow,
And fragile.
My fingertips
Hardly graze
The surface of your
Skin,
And yet you still
Crumble
Under pressure.
You are close
To broken.
I am closer
To putting you
Back in the box,
And shipping back
The mentally defective,
Thick-skulled,
Sulking, narcissistic,
Woe-as-me *******
To the “non-profit”
“Go fund my happiness”
*** kissing
Organization
That brought the two of us
Together in the first place.

Endless Highway,
Molded Hideaway.
Folded Golden Bay,
Baking in the Sun.
Friendless- my way.
Hold it; Warm Rays
Sold it- For a Rainy Day.
Faking all the Fun.

Never trust a Florida boy,
In that muggy, humid heat.
I'm telling you, little girl,
Your heart will soon taste defeat.
Them deep fried southern marshes,
Raising mosquitoes and deceit.
The greatest place on earth can keep its ******* receipt.

The air as thick as my blood was,
When I met your eyes.
And yours met hers,
And your monster claw,
Tore her smooth skinned thigh.

I felt that painful scream.
Boiling up. Melting my chest inside.
What's the point of being still while my mind is feeling fried?

So I packed my heavy load of anxiety,
And headed for the coast.

I watched the orange sunset,
As I brought up a salty toast,
From my eyes.
Solemnly, spilling into the sea.
And I felt the spirit of an old friend.
Leaning rigidly against me.
So I turned on heel and didn't speak a sound.
As I turned to leave the now known ghost town.

And I gave one last grim look back out at the sea.
As I write these tattered goodbyes,
To where my feet have rambled me,
And I let my tongue wrap around the ribbons of goodbye,
Escaping my parched lips.
And I shutter as I listen to the sound of my heart as it rips,
An angered storm of sea,
Flooding down my eyes.
Knowing this is where the memories of escapades in our days, lays down and dies.

I feel the faint.
Bleak pain, blanketing us,
Weak and weary.
And I know our story has a melancholy mood of dreary.
And this is where I end it.
And cast it all out to sea.
And I leave the tragic bays of what I once called Rosemary.

Golden Afternoon-
I’ve waited years
To find you
When you were
Right here
All along.
Hidden under
Frozen nights and
Frore hearts.
I tore apart my
Chest to find
You.
I never asked for
This endless game
Of hide and seek.
I am no longer
Hiding.
Let the sun showers
Bathe me in their
Golden, elegant
Glow.
I face my
Inner light.
No more hiding in
The shadows.

I’m suffering.
Tears of gasoline, beaded down my cheeks.
And Darling, your kisses are the firepower.
You want to see how long I can stand to suffer
Without speaking?
Honey, keep preaching to the choir.
I refuse to speak,
In fear that I will choke on my own words-
Infused with negativity and
Melancholy blues you used to
Sing to me.
That subtle, lackadaisical smile
That got me to fall so hard in the first place
Means nothing to me now.
You’re artistically numbing my creativity
With those vacant eyes…
I used to see the sunset in them,
And now,
I can only see your
Tilted and twisted views on society
And the love ones who surround you.
You may be blind and wounded,
But at least the old dog can smell
That I am indeed,
In heat.

Running cross country
Just so you can hurt me.
Desert me in the desert,
Leave me tethered to the sky.
I fly just fine
As long as
I’m high enough.
I’ve been staying dry enough.
Been getting by- sly enough.
Not shy enough to be alone
In my own personal reserve.
Haven’t you heard?
Awkward, anxious caterpillar
Took her time off too cocoon.
Now she watches you all swoon
Over her metamorphosis into
Social Butterfly.
I will be friendly,
I will not try to please the masses.
I soar through open sky.
With looks that serve and wings
That swerve.
All you insects
Are disturbed by the words
Of my accomplishments.
I can’t wait to see the astonishment-
I love who I am.
And if you are perturbed by
My self love,
Then Darling, I’m
Sorry your self esteem has
Fizzled out so low.
But you can still support others
From a friendly distance,
Rather than watching
People succeed
And immediately feeling
Resistance.

Father Time wanted the future.
Mother Earth begged him to stop.
Bleeding, hurting, dying inside,
And Father still turned the clock.

Mother Earth gave us compassion.
Father took it away.
He argued it was too old fashioned,
And that compassion was too mundane.

Father Time gave us sinful, skinful pleasure.
Mother Earth pleaded against so.
She knew it'd make her baby sick.
It'd make time fly out the window.

Mother gave us crystal waters.
Father dried all the lakes.
Father Time, some figure head father
We're to believe he doesn't make mistakes.

Father Time is our god.
So we should all believe in him.
Mother Earth will no longer nod.
She knows our god has sinned.

Mother Earth isn't stable.
Mother's choking last breaths,
Begging for another choice
Father knows she is unable,
He lets  women have no voice.

Cutting her down
For the last
Heartmolding
Time,
That awful man
Cruelly ended
Something so divine,
Mother Earth was mine.
And now?
I cannot find her.

Father spun her purely out of existence.
Father of it all,
Cackling still,
This ******* persistence
Of death
I hear my earth wilt.

I feel my life draining,
Slowly from my fingertips…
My hair,
Tumbling from the top
Of my
Withering scalp.
My veins,
Surfacing on my pale skin,
Bulging, pulsing,
Of the verge of bursting
To their own extinction.
And I am sitting here,
Watching the clock
With these tied and
Filthy, aching eyes.
I can’t slow my life down..
I have no time key.

You’ve moved on.
And that’s just fine.
You were nothing
But grime under my nails.
A stale hit.
The key didn’t fit-
So go ahead and mail it back.
I need a new one
To get over the
Old act.
Matter of fact,
I need a new one altogether.
Someone who will show me off better.
Bored of the
Mundane brains surrounding
My skewed one.
I’m just a dainty demon,
Who wants to have some fun.
Rearranged blame, pounding in my head-
Seeing red
Until I find the right one
Who feels the same.
I am not the one to blame.
Reciprocate my passion-
Stop playing in my feelings.
Guessing real love is too old fashioned
For a young boy like you to be feeling.