That's the thing about dreams;
You wake up

You cant love someone
Who doesnt love themselves

You call it drowning
I call it breathing

Shes the gasoline
Igniting the fire with you
A flame that could never burn out

Shes the soil
Enriching the flowers within you
Helping you grow as a person

Shes the mirage
That taunts you with its beauty
Knowing youll never catch her

I was the sand
that we drew our initials on
You were the waves

With one last kiss
You washed away and took
a part of me with you with every crash

I'd say go to hell
But i never want to see you again

I used to hate when you were drunk
but now thats the only time you call
so drink all you want

I write my poems with the blood in my veins
The same ones that once flowed for you
I write my poems with the tears in my eyes
The same ones that once flowed from you

i was taught
to always hand scissors with the blade
inside my clutch
facing myself
and the handle facing out
so I never hurt
anyone else
Since a young age
I was always taught
that it was better
to hurt myself
than anyone else.

You should be here with me
My heart is as empty as the side of the bed that you used to sleep on
And my life's crashing harder than the waves on the shore like when you first kissed me
And I'm falling harder and faster into loneliness than I was when I fell for you
And I know there's no stopping this
But you should be next to me
Kissing each freckle on my arm and tracing "I love you" into my palm because each letter deserved it's own recognition for it made up a larger picture
And you should be next to me
With my head leaning onto the very shoulder I spent entire nights crying into
You should be beside me
But I guess this was all besides the point
And now you're next in line for a new girl
I just wish you would give me a next chance

This secrets been eating me alive
Maybe thats why theres
not much of me left
These words are leaving
a bad taste in my mouth
but i cant seem to wash it away
The skin replaces itself every 27 days
And its been months since I last saw you
Yet I still crave your touch

I write about every person who enters my life

thats why I never find closure
so I'm stuck in this infinite loop
of love and depression

the only two options I have left
is to stop living
or stop writing

but I live because I write and I write because I live

There's something beautiful
about sadness
and how there are no words
for the depth that you feel.
I never knew emptiness was a feeling and that loving someone
could be so **** painful.
I used to cry at
scraped knees and broken toys
but now I cry at
bruised hearts and void souls.
How can I heal
when you were my only antidote

The depths of her soul
was no match
for the empty abyss
where his heart should be

Our hearts frozen to ice
We were two glaciers drifting
Our presence engraved into the ground below
We were meant to last forever
But something between us broke
Now we spend eternity
Apart

You replaced my heart with a tombstone
Maybe thats why it feels so heavy

People don't realize the damage they've caused until they open their eyes and see the ashes of what once was and the fires burning what will never be again

There are no haunted places
Only haunted people

You were water
You drowned me with every kiss
And I had waves of missing you
That crashed against me
And dragged me back out into the bay
When you left
I went through a drought
And saw mirages of you everywhere
You're the only thing that can save me
I need you
But now the only thing
I have left to remind me of you
Is my tears
And the flooding of emotions
You left behind

I love the way you speak
And how you forget the word youre looking for
Because you were speaking too fast that your mind couldnt keep up

I gave you directions for the long way home
Because i didnt want to miss one moment of your passionate rant

I listened intently when you spoke about what you loved
In hopes that one day youll speak of me that way

Even when the tables turned
And i gave my opinion
You listened
You cared
You understood

Thats all ive ever needed

You had me at hello
No, you had me at the first syllable
You had me at the inhale before you spoke
You had me always
But I never had you
My biggest regret was not choosing you
I had you in the palm of my hand
And promised I had you secured
Within the knuckles of my grasp
And you started slipping
All the girls whispered about the boy
with the dark eyes and beautiful smile
And how could they not?
What chance did I have
I can see in his eyes he's empty
Maybe that's what the drugs are for
Although he'd never admit it
I know he's so much more than he makes himself out to be
He'd be the best worst decision of my life
But in the end it's him

It's always been him

Its 2 am
And you're not home
Because you were never mine
And i was never home

Midnight drives
Sharing secrets and stealing kisses
In between red lights
The street lights looked dim
Compared to the light in your eyes
And I play back this memory in my mind
But it isn’t until I realize I’m smiling to myself
That I realize that life is all about
The person who makes you feel less alone
Even when they aren’t around

It took one look
That Monday night
You looked over at me and said
“I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me”
You held me like I was glass
And pressed up against me until our souls were touching
Heavy breaths and light heads
We were meant to last

Singing in your passenger seat
With your hands intertwined with mine
I have finally found my Someplace Better
And this was just our gentle beginning
In the dead of the night, we became alive

When you left me
I couldn't sleep
I stayed up all night
Counting the minutes wasted
These pills arent strong enough

When you left me
I couldn't feel
I tried every way
To stop the numbness
The blade wasnt sharp enough

My world will never be the same
And frankly i dont miss it

I cant tell you the amount of times
Ive cried for you and drowned
in my tears and regrets

I cant tell you the amount of times
Ive dreamt of you and woken up
missing you more than I ever have

I cant tell you the amount of times
Ive looked for you at the bottom of a bottle just to realize I lost you forever

You love me
When the alcohol kicks in
Then take it back because
it wasnt the real you talking

You miss me
When you get high
Because your lows
Include me

You **** me
When your sober
Then ignore me
When we pass by each other

I wish i was what you were addicted to

You cannot force someone to love you
Only the moon can make the waves kiss the shore but even then they crash together and drift apart
It could be written in the sands of time but the waves will wash it away

Instead of spending nights
filled with laughter
and the taste of a strangers tongue
I'm stuck attempting to remember the taste of you
When did alcohol and drugs become better companions than people?
When I should be confident
and careless
I am insecure and belittled
Where did the years go?
When did happiness become a fantasy instead of a lifestyle?
Teenage years were supposed to be
full of stupid mistakes
But somehow
I'm the only stupid mistake

Maybe I've had my happiness
Maybe we only get one chance
Only one shot at our dreams
Why would the universe believe in us if we can't even believe in ourselves?
Maybe these things do take time
But perhaps my hourglass
has cracks in it's figure
And now the only thing running out
Is me

I can kick and scream
at the top of my lungs
but nothing will make you ever hear me

I remember the way your lips
Felt like rose petals
Soft and delicate
I loved roses and their sweet smell
When we kissed
Time slowed to a stop
So we could make every moment count
I shouldve known better

I saw you kissing her
Everything was in slow motion
But this time i wish time wouldnt stop
I wish time would faat forward
To when i no longer thought of you
Or rewind to when i was in her place
I shouldve known
You sweet aroma was poisoned
I guess i thought
You were covered in thorns
Because even the most beautiful things
Should be guarded from the world
Now i think its because youre a *****
Even the most beautiful of roses
Have the deadliest of thorns
I hope those kisses make her feel weak
Weaker than i feel now

I've never felt roses the same
In fact
I hate roses

You were my missing piece
but I was just a spare part
You were my safe haven
but I was just a roof over your head
You are my everything
now and back then
but I was just a thing you needed
every now and then
Maybe next time I'll read the fine print

You put the weight of the world on my shoulders
And complain that Im not standing up straighter

We crossed paths
I crossed a line
You crossed me off your list   
                                                      f
                                                  f
          ­                                    o
  
     W                                e
          e                   ­      m
        
               c               d
                  r         e
                    o   s
I     c    r    o   s    s   e   d     a     l   i   n  e
                   o   s
                r         e
             c             d
    
      u                       p
   o                            a
Y                                 t
                                     h
                                       s

I really don't fit in anywhere.
Sure, everyone has that missing
puzzle piece that they're trying to find
but I'm afraid that I will forever
be left unsolved and incomplete
because no one has ever
stayed long enough to figure me out

“If I could go back and do it all different" she whispered while her voice began to shake "would anything have changed or would you still have left?”

He sighed and said "Things happen. Tides change, people transform, feelings manifest." He looked her in the eyes and wiped the tear falling down her cheek and continued "Whether by the hand of God or your own. We were never meant to last. I wasn't what you needed and you're not what I need either. I want you, oh god how I want you, but the world stops for no one and we need to move onto bigger and better things."

You never know
How truly lonely you are
Until nothing's going right
And you have no one to turn to

Some days
Getting out of bed is the hardest challenge
The demons living underneath my bed
are now crawling beneath my sheets.
There's no use in trying
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it

Some days
I can't stay in my own bed
I can't even stay in my own home
The touch and company of a stranger
can fill this emptiness even for a moment
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it

Some days
Those bottle of pills looks promising
It's crazy that the same hand used to create
can also hold the thing that kills you
And I don't just mean the pills; I mean his hand
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it

Lying here without you
pretending the wind is your fingers
running through my hair
as I share emotions with the sky

I fell for you
But you stood your ground

I chased after you
But you hid your feelings from me

I opened myself to you
But you shut me out

But the main difference
between you and I?

I'm still here for you
But you're already gone

******* I can't do this
I can't love him and watch the clock
tick by the limited amount of seconds I have with him
I've tried warning him
I've tried walking away but he has always followed
Any girl would **** for a guy as stubborn and reluctant as he is
Glue doesn't begin to cover our relationship
It's like we have been stitched together
Each individual binding bringing us closer
I know this won't blow over easily
I need him
I need his quick wit and his coldness
I need to know that I am the only one who can melt him
But I know that's not the case
He's a closed book
I'm the bookmark that marks the place where he left
I just worry he will forget me
Leave me on the shelf until he needs a reminder of where he left off
He was my shoulder
But I got too close
and cut myself on the blade
Maybe we are meant to short lived
And that's why you
don't get your hopes up
It only leads to getting let down
Because what goes up
must come down

His eyes were empty
but filled me with life
His hands were cold
but warmed my heart
I knew his lips spoken words of pain but his kiss numbed me
He had been broken before
But he completed me now
I've seen the girls staring at him
Who could blame them?
He was beautiful
He taught me that some people can only give what they can't receive

It's been 1 month
and it pains me to breathe
and I'm trying to act like I'm okay
but I can't help but feel
all of my emotions at once
I don't know how I'll make it
without you by my side
I took a chance with you
what was I expecting
while bargaining with the devil?

It's been 2 months
it's like learning to walk all over again I'm still shaky
but I can stand on my own
I have a fear of falling and getting hurt but I do it anyway
because the world doesn't stop
for anyone
and I need to get a move on.

3 months have passed
and I have to pretend
that I don't notice that you're happier than you were with me.
You finally cut your hair
like I begged you to
and stopped biting your nails
I've taken up the occasional cigarette
to rid the taste of you on my lips.
It's nice to have something
inbetween my teeth than your tongue and feeling the stress leave faster
than you did.  

It's been 4 months
and I wake up
shaking and screaming your name until the echo soothes me
My dreams are haunted by you
and I can't escape you in my reality. I've dyed my hair
and changed mindset.
I'm not the naive ***** I was before.  
I don't let people walk over me
and tear me to shreds.

Half a year has gone by
and I'm still searching for something
to fill this void
I miss you terribly
and there's not enough drugs
in the world to give me the high
you gave me when we kissed
I saw someone who looked like you the other day and my heart froze
My initial reaction was to hide
I couldn't stand the thought
of you seeing me
and the look of disappointment
in your eyes
I didn't want to
hear how great your life has been
without me.

Luckily it wasn't you.
Unfortunately it wasn't you.

You told me to write whenever something inspired me
So I wrote about how you loved me
despite all my faults

And I've been spilling myself on these pages
Trying to find the right things to say
But now I'm drained empty

I tried writing about whats keeping me alive all this time
When i had every reason not to breathe
I ended up writing your name

You were my anchor
Holding me down through the night
When the storms hit the hardest

I promised I would never write about you
I never needed to immortalize someone who I would never forget

When i drifted away you pulled me closer
Having your hand to guide me
I find the light
Please dont leave me in the dark