Explore my labyrinthian corridors,
From the walls to the hallways, to the unkempt floors.

'Tis in my mind I finally realize,
I have not the time to explore each and every door,

Precious, singular thoughts,
Expectedly drowning,
but in due course,
We are lost at sea in an ocean devoid,

emptied by the mindless wars.

In better days,
I've seen stronger sways,
Back and forth,
To and yonder.

Storms form upon calm seas,
Rain falls upon dry earth,

Peace is fleeting as the eye of the storm,
And just as hard to find.

To Yet,
I write this page,
This,
Is the eye of my storm.

~Robert van Lingen

Fare well hello there,
Put the comma where you like,

Goodhi,
I am pleased to had been meeting you,

In this world of mime,
Our hellos, the same as goodbyes,
As soon I say hi, you already said bye,
And vice versatile how we speak our words to mean different things.

Hello Poetry,
I am please two half met you,
Under these circumstances,
If only I could see you later,
Talk to you next time we meet again and again we find ourselves in these strange situations.

What ever will we do things really have to be this way?
Fare well hello there.
I guess it depends on what words you decide to read me something nice so I can fall asleep.

.Goodbye Poetry.

Love blunt my blade,
Set in stone my firebrand,

And show me a new way.

~Robert van Lingen

Ideas cast in thoughtless gold,
Will rend no fortune's tale.

Though dreams forged with dauntless hold,
Will breathe truth preveiled.


~Robert van Lingen

Lay the sandbags.

Endless streaming torrent of thoughts,
Carve a new path.

The mind river in which I flail,
But cannot drown.

Leads me to run the anxious mile,
Which never ends.

The desperate search,
For some familiar earth.

The rise of the uncontrollable,
Until we resort to the toll of will,

The anxious blade,
Is the friend we made.

In our trying times,
That made tunnels of our eyes.

When our dice fall upon the zero,
There's no telling where we'll go,

Except to our secret place,
Where we've hidden our friendly blade.

Pain to distract from pain,
Just another color in our endless rain.

Ashamed of what we've done,
The scars we bear,
Are proof that we've won.
Because we were there.

Because we're still here.

For the memories of those who aren't,
Now would warrant a graceful tear.

For our brothers and sisters in arms,
and the arms who've bled,
we're the ones who know...

Just how strong we are.

You've made it this far,
There's no telling where you'll go

~Robert van Lingen

Sugarplum sweet,
Dropping not too far,
From the lone-blossomed tree,
That has given you life.

The Blindness monotony,
Hurl your jokes my way.

Your play ball strikes as stone,
Not very much unlike that which is buried deep inside my heart,
And never shown.

Harmless, is in the eyes of the beholder, my friend.

Your jokes,
   Are my demons.
Your entertainment,
   Is my downfall.

So all I ask,
   Is that you walk a mile in my mind,
Then maybe you'll see,

Harmless jokes hurt sometimes,
  But don't mind me.

~Robert van Lingen

Home is where the heart is,
As the home wanders through the vacancy of confusion,
A heart follows in stride.

To know where home lies,
As we sit alone,
Standing by, waiting to be shown our streets of gold,
As we wander with these hearts of stone.

A home is never far away.
Or so I've been told.

Shall I paint you a picture?
With my pen and paper I may yet sing you a song,
With these scrolls I scribe, away to see my each and every perspective, prospective to today's little happenings,
blissfully ignorant to what happened just a few seconds ago.

You see,
My words are the arts,
You paint with your heart.

The day I wept,
Today I slept,
I swept aside that which kept me awry,
And I breathe a sigh of relief to those who listen.

The days I wept,
Long passed,
Long avast are my tears, the yearning and the burning,
Fears abound.

A year's past and I have found that which I thought I had all along.

Yet, today I am not blind to agony, the fight,
I remember that which I lost of myself,
Now regained in a new light.

Her name?
Peace.

-Robert van Lingen

The stories,
The worries laid to bear,
Fade and pass,
Fade and pass.

At last I find my strength,
What am I meant to be?
We will see.

When I breathe I will move the Earth,
When I speak I will burn the fires that held me back,
I will turn cracks to canyons,
The Rockies will tremble at my march,
The cliffs of Dover will turn to sand.

So,
Here I am.

Try to stop me.

~ Robert van Lingen

And let me guess,
You threw away the key?

The Trust we've mustered, and dusted off,
In the past, has only set fast our reasons to not.
Time, and time again...

We've finished with this pain,
Locked away,
We keep our scythe-d hearts...
still-bleeding from the wounds of years ago.

Our still-beating heart that somehow survives,
Despite itself...
And the lines we've drawn.

I am the great wall with no gate.
And nothing inside...
But with nothing to hide,
I hope.

I'm just afraid,
You'll come by,
and give me another reason to...


Wait.

You've given me another reason to not.
I hold the keys to many hearts,
but not my own.

You've put the table on the wrong side,
as well as the door.
Six locks,
To keep the blight inside,
But not to hide from us all.

These blue eyes see through those sighs of grief.

You've not locked yourself inside.
Just put your pains away.
You,
May leave your strains behind,
And fly,
Away to breathe the sighs of relief that you couldn't wait to see.

Don't lock away your heart,
Because here's the key

Hello there,
I see you,
And,
I'm broken too...

I have just one question for you,
Do you think,
Two broken hearts,
Make one, too?

~Robert van Lingen

Conjunctory synapsations dominate this space of mine.
Illogictorious messengers flutter across the grey matter.

Ellaborations swim down my being.
Painfulnesses take wing through the nervousness I call anxiety.

It is reading words that can be said, but that you cannot understand.
This is me,
My time,
My ramblings in thought,
I am,
Stranded in my mind.

Write the word
   No need to rhyme.

This is my home,
Please take a seat and have a cup of tea.

Sometimes the words flow like honey,
So sweet and lovely.

The ink is my solace from this mind,
   However mostly healed,

   However...

Spill the peace upon the pages.
  My pen is my heart,
With black ink blood..

Please sit with me a while longer.
Speak a toast to the everlasting sonders of this beautiful life we live,
This sacred space of ours.

My mind is restless.

Invested in which what wherever I breathe,
   Philosophy.

Once I awaken,
I will truly enjoy this place and times therein,
Until then,

Please come again.

am so,
alone.

i need a friend.
i want to talk to my friend

no.

Why?

you'll be a burden, she's busy.
she's got more important things to do.

then..who do i talk to?

me.

but, you're me.

I,
am so,
alone.

I am Patience and I am Pain,

I am tribulation and trials,

I am horror and I am happiness,

I am not myself, nor I wish to be so.

I am as existence is,

And so I wish to be peace,

I wish,

And I am.

I am fragile:

Tissue-Paper skin,
Silken heartstrings.
Yet I still can breathe.
This tenuous breeze.

Glass bones,
in my glass home.
One stone,
is all it takes to breach,
My glass throne.

I am Fragile:
Please, shout at me,
while I can barely see,
what "me," really means.

Please, tell me I'm wrong,
So I can guess why,
I'm going to cry,
A broken song.

I am the fragile song who beats in amorphous tune,
to no one else's beat.
Who's piano strings are plucked by someone else's keys.
And who's instructions are in the other room.
Locked with someone else's key.

I am Fragile:
Easily broken or damaged.
Flimsy or Insubstantial.
Delicate and vulnerable.

I am the frail,
Who lives on the sheer strength of will.

My words,
   Aren't necessarily,
An accurate idea,
   Of who,
I really am.
   They are more,
Expressions of what,
   I don't want to be.


~Robert van Lingen

Laying there,
Almost asleep.
Silent, Rustling thoughts.

Reach out for my friend,
...The Heavens stamp upon my weakened chest,
My relentless, petrified trembling.

Is this my becoming?
No.

I am Stronger than This.

~

Let the beast trod his energy asunder until he trods his last.
And there I stand.
I labor these embrittled bones to rise.

I stand here.
I bleed all I have and more,
as I stare into your pestilent eyes,
and I say,

I.
Am.
Strong.

You will not take this from me,
I fear you not.

No matter how many times you crush my heart,
I will rise.
Again.
And Again.

Until the day I rise above you and I can finally...

give you my thanks.

This endless torrent of pain that pours from my heart feeds the earth within which my roots are planted.
I grow stronger with each drop.

You cannot take from me what you've never known.
But,

I forgive you...
because I am strong.

I am.

~Robert van Lingen

When my fires burn invisibly,
Blissfully I stand across the path of my pain,
Aging to wonders I'd never known, but,
I dare.

I,
Defy the paradigm,
The escapist void,
Lines of code I refuse to obey.

I defy,
Defy,
All emotionalogic.
I make no sense,
Or a dollar that pays my way to ignorant bliss.

'Tis the streets upon which I so selfishly make my way and,
My gears turn with no source or destination.

I am the,
Status quo of the chronically out of place.
So,
Take that next step,
Show me.

Look at me.
Stare,
Into my bloodshot eyes.

Death,
You follow my every step,
I don't even care.

Claw my skin and take everything from me,
I stare through fate with a straight face.

Go ahead. Do your worst. I'll never be afraid.

I live within the walls of pain every day, and maybe that's why I'm still here.

I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to cry.

But...
Don't, you, DARE
Think I welcome the fateful pair.

I spent my years with fear,
Throughout my days in pain, with death knocking at my door.
Then I lost so much more.

I cast fear aside,
Petrified what may come otherwise.

I'm neighbors with death.
I live with pain.
And I don't care.

The only thing I hate is,
I'm in love with loneliness.

~Robert van Lingen

Mindpeace,
   My mind plays tricks,
Like the days,
   Coming.

I remembered that I forgot,
   And I smiled inside..
The thought of not thinking of you
   gives me a peace I haven't known in far too long.

For here,
   Is my first day since,
That I forgot about you.

Too many days,
   My haunted months threaten their return.

A cold winter,
   my old friend...

maybe now that I,
   forgot to remember you,

My winter won't be so cold..

Sounds, spoken of my mind,
   Impulsive,
Yet, still overthought.

I never know what to say,
   But always know just how to say it.

I'm quite skilled,
   In the art of scaring you away,
With the words I didn't know how to say.

Stuck in this space of mind,
   That hides me from the correct answer,
Forced to find the long way around.

For the sake to not make a fool of myself,
   I just have to remember...

I Have the Write to Remain Silent

~Robert van Lingen

I want to see something I've never seen before,
   because I've already seen the worst of it all.

I want to open that door,
   And have a new place to walk every day.

I want something unfamiliar,
   Because everything I've already known has hurt me.

I wish tomorrow could be the new day it really should be,


The past, is not the future I want.

Yes, you.

A love won,
A battle lost,
A cost too dear,
Here I stand in my worst fear,
Here I am.

****,

What now,
So loud,
The thoughts,
The self screams.

Mother,
So dear,
I understand,
I know how you feel,
Take yourself into God's Kingdom,
And be free.

I love you Mom,
Goodbye.

~Robert van Lingen

I'll move on,
But I'll never not miss the moments,
The look in your eyes.

I'll move on,
And I'll forget to forget the memories we share,
Of how you cleared my melancholy skies.

I'll move on,
I'll regret to regret the wrongs I've done,
And I'll shake them loose as now I've learned.

I'm moving to moving on,
On and on my eyes float by the skies we stood underneath as we smiled and we forgot,
We forgot how to hurt.

I'm moving on.
But,
I'll never not love what we once were,
And what we used to want to be.

~Robert van Lingen

I might seem strong to you,
Truth is,
I'm just too broken to ask for the help I silently need.
How am I still here?
I'm too selfish to remove myself from the equation.
Why are you still here?
Because I lie to myself and tell myself that you are.
Because I'm terrified of losing everything I'll never receive.
Because I live under the assumption that I'm worthless because all past evidence points to it.
Because I'm broken.
And If I ask for help,
I'll probably break you too.
And break myself even further.
Because I'm afraid of everything.
Because I'm not,
Who we think I am.

To speak of my pains is my release from which.
It is not merely my drudgery within the muds of self-wallowing.
It is an awakening when I read my own words and learn who I am in that moment.
It is a point from which to move on, a stepping stone.

Winding fingers,
Weave the thread,
That wrap me so comfortably in my fears,
Embracing.

Mould my mind,
Shamelessly encrypting my thoughts, Through and through.

Grown to shapen my impersonality,
Both for my lack there of,
And my tenancy for the impersonal.

Yet how,
Should be such a bond to my pains,
An Introspective perfection,
Or am I?

Or is that just my guise,
Impersonality guide my imperfection,
Interspective shapes my imperception.

Impossibilities in my inevitabilities.

I am.
Imperfection.

<Insert Poem Here>

<Insert Silent Sympathies Here>

<Insert Spiraling Tenancies Here>
   (Wait...No. Not that.)
<Delete Line>

<Insert Self Doubt Here>

<Insert Friends Here>
   [File Not Found]
::Comment:: What about me?

<Insert Apology Here>

<Insert Regret Here>

<Insert Pain Here>

<Insert Poem Here>


<RvL>

Immaculately organizing every letter of the alphabet in slightly different ways to make what you read today.

My brain is the battery charged with the words I say in different ways,
And until I am depleted,
I am defeated to keep writing the words flowing like a fresh summer's flash flood monsoon,

Hopefully soon I will fall asleep,
So I can put away this curse of a brain that keeps saying things I can't help but see.

This is it.
The role of the dice so maybe I can finally sleep,
Hopefully these are the last words I write so my heart can slow to the creeping I wish It'd be,
So I can dream of things that I will never have to have the pleasure of seeing again.

Fawning over the fissile festivities,
with which I fake my facile form.
Fatal futility floods my far-flung faith in myself.

Feeding the fires of my forgery,
Frantic forethought,
Fictionalizing the facts before my faithless eyes.

Forclosing upon the fractional freedoms that I've so long fought for.
Fearing the unforgiving firestorm that follows,
Once I've finally exhausted faith in my future.

Fielding my final fight,
Standing fast in the face of futility.
Fit to fly into the fray.

Blanket eyes,
Close, to see the light.

Drift,
Further from the shining bright.

Open wide,
To see the blight.

That which,
Leaves with dreams of flight.

Goodbye, fateful might,
For once again,
I will sleep tonight.

Silent colors swaying away,
Like a blade that cuts the stars.
A far reach,
Yet close enough to blind.

The emotional synesthesia of my heart and mind,
Conspire to light the fires beneath,
And set myself ablaze on the flameless pyre.

I stare at the wares that I have created,
As I continue the debate with me, myself, and I.

Ticking away.
The timeless eyes.
Bear witness.
To the lightless skies.

The silent colors.
That only I can see.
These synesthetic linguistics.
That fall away.
Onto the synthetic pages.
To which you read.

You blame me for what happened,
Don't you.
I guess it's okay...
I blame me too,
If I wasn't there,
She still would be.

If I had locked it up...
she wouldn't have used it...
and then,
You'd have no one to blame.

It's okay,
I've secretly claimed this fault for my own anyway,
Shoulder'd the burden of it all...

It was my gun,
after all...


If I'd come home just a little earlier,
If I'd been the son I should have been,
If I'd swallowed my f*cking pride and just told her I loved her,
My mother may still be here...

You blame me for what happened,
I understand...
It's okay,
I blame me too...

I do suppose,
That little pill,
Has done its deal,
in sealing me away,

or at least,
the part of me I wish I'd never see.

The lack of write,
represents my lack of fight,

bittersweet.

i love nothing more but to speak,
these little lines.
these broken skies, however,
never suited me well.
This isn't goodbye,
just,
see you later,

when there's something,
something to fight.

The formalities which we call normality,
Would bring others to tears,
As if we don't...
But we do.

Silently,
To ourselves,
We allow our minds to scream in our eyes,
If only because we have no other option.

Gracefully we strip away our minds until all that's left,
Is who we think we are,
All to this, though we are never satisfied.

With a straight face,
We release our streams of tears,
And allow no one to see the hells we face.

Our needlessly numbing mind drags on,
Our nemesis in ourselves,
But we can't tell a soul.

"It's not that hard."
"Just think positive thoughts."
and the best,
"I could do it, why can't you?"

They think us lazy,
When all our energy is spent fighting ourselves.

But,
Here,
We find our kin,
Where we extend our silent sympathies,
With the written words,

I understand.

The single thing I've been chasing for as long as I can remember.
Perched Gracefully upon my fingertips,
Only to fly away.

Leaving me on to watch enviously at its untouchable beauty, not knowing If I'll ever see it again.

One can only Hope.
Peace.

~Robert van Lingen

Drudging,
Struggling,
Muddling through the days nary yet to be realized.
The dreams of ensnaring rose-water skies.
That faint red,
So beautiful...

Panic at the door,
Knock, knock.

I feel my waning mind,
My breath distressed as I try not to answer,
My heart beating in ominous tune.

The anxious wait,
Streaming thoughts turn to screams,
Thoughts darting here and there,

The incessant drumming,
Don't open the door,
Or everyone will see...

~Robert van Lingen