An acid that burns me up
Falling slowly, drop by drop

Too caught up in my own affairs
To really show that much care

Self-pity comes so easy
I don't show it much but my heart is bleeding

And once again, I pity myself
And shudder at the name of someone else

Pattering on the roof,
I slump against the windowsill
Press my face against the cool glass
As tears streak the inside
And rain streaks the outside
And all I can think is
Why?

I first feel hyper
Then I sink low
Laugh at the sky
Then stare at the floor

Feeling beast
Then feeling small
These are problematic
But that ain't all

I get hyped up
A maniac outside
Then like a switch
I'm thinking suicide

Of course I won't do it
I know I never could, or will
It's just all up in my head
Like a ******* hype pill

If you're a drug
Then I'm addicted
So easily
Affected
This **** just makes me brain-dead
Pleasantly ******* with my head

I may not snort you
Up my nose
But God knows I know you
With both eyes closed

You many not make
My nostrils bleed
But my heart knows
It's you I need

You're my dose of *******
Constantly affects my brain
I may seem calm but you drive me insane
You are the sun in the midst of rain

I may seem crazy
You made me crazy
Bring me into focus
When the world gets hazy
Wake me up when I'm feeling lazy
Like a zombie, ******* Day-Z!

Getting hyper, filled with energy
Your very presence, methamphetamine
You are a drug straight to my brain
Wanting another dose of your *******

A black hole,
Swallows whole
***** out and
Devours my soul

No idea how I'll get it back
The stress gives me a heart attack
I need it inside of me
Even though it's pitch black

Need a vacuum
To consume
The black hole
And the soul it stole.

I scared you?
How could this be?
This isn't what I wanted to be
I'm a monster, can't you see?
Should not be allowed to breathe freely

Look around, look down, look up to the sky
Just want to be happy and live a happy life
But instead I am trapped and now I live a lie
Probably the best option is just to ******* die

If this is my destiny,
Because my kindness gets the best of me
And I've devolved into a monster
And I just wanna rest in peace
And not tear anyone else to pieces

What have I done and who am I now?
A demon by accident, lives being devoured

I didn't want to be like this, I just cared about you
An ambulance was in your street
What the **** else was I supposed to do?

If someone that you loved was feeling pretty bad
And a message from two weeks ago was all that you had
Wouldn't you be concerned?
Or would you just sit there?
They could be ******* dying and you wouldn't even care?!

Sorry if it seems wrong, to actually give a ****
About someone to the point that you wanna lend a hand
I'm sorry that my actions had you running scared
But I'm not sorry for the fact that I actually ******* cared

Out of genuine concern
Someone that I love is hurt
The pain of it makes my heart burn
I'm shutting down, signal red alert

So what are we now? Where do we stand?
Because to me this whole incident is rather unfair
I did what I did because I actually care
Not saying you're stupid but you misunderstand

I only wanted the best for you
Without considering the best for me
The rest of me
Contesting me
Condemning me
To solitary

It's just too painful to deal with alone,
If there were any way I could atone...

For actually caring, for not being cold
I'm done with this argument it's getting ******* old!

So I'll say it once again
I only wanted to be your friend
I've explained enough, I won't repeat
Because it burns my heart and I feel the heat

Out of genuine concern
Someone that I love is hurt
The pain of it makes my heart burn
I'm shutting down, signal red alert

Star Gazer:
Unlucky overlord from sydney australia. Named hidden agenda before.

We conversed in only poetry remember?

For once where the tyre swing hung on the tree
Now hangs a broken noose....

Remember?

Conor Blatchford:
I remember, for our poetic talk
Became our poetry
And I always did enjoy
The leisure of a pleasant memory

Star Gazer:
A pleasant memory twas,
But memories get forgotten,
But I do send applause,
For a memory unlike cotton.

Conor Blatchford:
Applause graciously accepted,
No roses are thrown but none needed
That memory was but a play, one of many
That in life will continually be seeded

Star Gazer:
Until uprooted without reason
Dangling onto what is left,
And heart plays traitor in treason,
And memory is but a theft.

Conor Blatchford:
True, memory is not quite the event
But tend and care for it like any plant
And it will grow into something fond
Something that becomes more real and less like a mask

Star Gazer:
Humans are attracted to masks,
Cruel facades are what we have known all our lives.

Conor Blatchford:
A façade makes life worthwhile
A display of grace and eloquent style
Hiding what we truly are
Is perfectly understandable, not in the least bizarre

Star Gazer:
But where is the line between imaginary and reality,
Feeding false hopes and liee to banality,
It is just one step closer to hell,
And one stop further from heaven as well

Conor Blatchford:
Heaven and Hell are concepts designed
To induce goodness and quell pride
For even though evil creates a social reject,
An old saying re-written: no-one is perfect

So how are we supposed to climb
The stairway to Heaven with imperfection in mind?
Wouldn't it be just easier to fall
Into the Hellhole that awaits us all?

The Bible states that ignorance is a sin
Which is why I don't ignore
The evil and greed stored within

I am always in solitary confinement:
Just me, in my body, with a vague yet distant
Presence of others

Brianna: "Happy Valentine's Day!"
Me: "Happy On-My-Own-For-The-15th-Year-Of-My-Life Day :( "

"Gloomy Conor is Gloomy :/ "

Just run, don't fight
Sprint into the cold of night
Muscles pumping, no frostbite
Out the door and out of sight

Hands raised, on defence
Opponent has a death sentence
They swing wildly, stupid and reckless
Knuckles cracking, time to end this

Let's see what you've got inside,
I rip you up, open wide!
Let's do some digging, fingers deep within
You think I'm done? Let's begin!

I watch as he kneels on the cliff,
Curved dagger in his hand
"Why must I end this way?
I-I... I don't... understand."

His tears flow freely
Seagulls calling in the sky
Salt spray smashing the rocks below
Their own intent to die

He pulls off his shirt, his face just as crinkled as it
Throws it to the surging waves
Says his prayers, regrets his choices,
As he remember the path he paves

Gripping his dagger, knuckles white
Into his belly, blade out of sight

My eyes snap wide open, as I awake
Oh, this excruciating pain

You will never understand the contribution you have made to my life,
You are the friend that really came through for me when I found myself in strife.

No-one else could see past the mistake I had made,
They chose to ignore how I felt and fixated on my darkest shade

I have always looked up to you, you have always inspired me
You've always been the one I've looked at when deciding who I'd like to be

Please don't throw your life away,
I really count on you
I know that being here for me is something you can do
I love you, I appreciate you.
- Brianna Carter

You look up to me,
Quite literally,
But in this case you mean metaphorically
Yet similarly,
I looked up to you,
Size doesn't matter just a point of view

You are a better person than I,
As pure and beautiful as the stars and the sky
In harmony, elements defy,
The birds and the planes that roar or sigh

No matter what happens, you always come though
Shrug it off, move on, it's just what you do,
This is why I wish I were like you

Yet despite all this you look up to me?
I am blind, can't really see clearly,
But even I can tell you are a rarity
A treasure, and thus better than me
-Conor Blatchford

Sunshine
Face shines
Happiness

Clouds cover
Rain falls
Sadness

Turbulent wind
Lightning lashes
Anger

Face shines as
Tears streak,
And all I want to do
Is lash out
So what does that make me?

The Devils thoughts lie deep inside,
"You can run but you cannot hide"

I curse myself, but I've a love for you
A bit more than friendship, this is true

I've made this mistake before, but not another one
I will not hide but by God I will run

What we feel,
What we see
Defined as Reality

What they feel,
What they see,
Defined as Insanity

A small cave of darkness,
Step out into luscious forest,
Green and brown, mixing with moonlight
Birds chirping, waterfall crashing
Running water over rocks

Leaves rustling, wind gentle
On my forehead, pushing my hair
Back off my face,
Tasting faintly of honey,
Smooth and indulgent.

Walk over to the riverside,
Sit cross-legged on the bank
Run my fingertips through the water
So soft, rippling and welcoming
So clear
And oh so beautiful,
So breathtakingly pure,
So real and righteous.

A pity that I cannot show
My dreams, as if through telepathy
So that those I love can share
My place of freedom,
And be at peace as I was
Last night.

Met a demon at the crossroads,
Under the night sky
Called her out because I wanted her
And I needed help to fly

"Possess me" I said,
Then a rush of warmth filled my veins
Why I needed her I didn't know
But love drives me insane

For payment she stole something,
Although I guess she played her part
She helped me get my life back on track
But now she has my heart

Took a sucker punch to the guts
Man, romance can really ****
I don't know what to do
But yell out "what the fck!"

I'm just riding this rollercoaster,
This pain in the *** called life
It can be good
It can be bad
And that's my only real advice

Left to my own devices
I'd scream out at the night and
Stand out in the rain and pray
That my mixed emotions find an end

Confused as fck,
I'm out of luck,
Wish I could get out of this,
But I'm stuck

Man, life is a btch,
When your mood starts to switch
And
You wanna go back in time
But you know that'd be a glitch

Tear down my feelings,
Before the rise from me
Tear and claw and slash at them
Defeating my enemy

I know I am stuck with
My heart given to another
Yet the way that she sees me
Is she's my sister and I'm her brother

Now I'm not saying I don't like that,
In fact I don't mind
That she can take comfort knowing
That I'm a nice guy inside

And that she can trust me
With whatever she wants to
I wouldn't ever blurt her secrets
If I wanted to die that's what I'd do

But I'm allowed to want something more,
We are all allowed
To dedicate ourselves to what we want
She's my religion and I'm devout

Confused as fck,
I'm out of luck,
Wish I could get out of this,
But I'm stuck

Thought I was a demon
And I thought I was an angel
Now I know different:

I'm just a human,
With the potential of both

Goodbye:
One word, significant of farewell,
I won't see you again.

Can also be used
To say you won't see someone the same way

The hardest part about a goodbye,
Is seeing someone you know become a stranger

A Phoenix never dies,
It turns to ash then rises in glory
You can beat me once,
But I will rise again

Tweedle-dum, tweedle-dire,
I met a man who was all fire
"I fight for justice, I seek revenge,
I use violence to avenge".

Tweedle-dum, tweedle-dice
I met a man who was like ice
"I use my words to get my way
My tongue is a whip and you will pay".

Tweedle-dee, tweedle-dallow,
I met a man who was a shadow
"I keep secrets in the night,
Never exposing them to the light."

Tweedle-dee, he looked lost,
This angel I knew called Permafrost
"I do what I must to provide good advice,
Fate can wait and chance is but a dice."

Tweedle-o, oh I dare,
To tell you about a demon named Nightmare
"To **** you is my ultimate goal,
I'll bleed you out and devour your soul."

Tweedle-o, tweedle roolf,
I was surprised to meet a wolf
"I supply to those in need,
I protect and defend this wolf-pack I lead".

I realise I've been talking to myself
"Who am I, or am I someone else?"

I laugh and smile as I figure, in the end,
That I already know who I am

All of them, and they make me
I am Conor:
A wolf, an angel, a demon,
Two opposites and
A shadow
All under my name

Tweedle-o, that was easy,
Now you know what makes me.... me.

:)

I curse myself my misfortune,
Yet when it turns I bless it

I say goodbye sometimes,
Yet immediately want to turn around and talk some more

I always worry when I'm not around you,
Yet when ill befalls me and you're not there I tell you not to

Sometimes I feel like I am the worst,
Yet still manage to see the best in others

I am instinctively protective of you and my friends,
Yet all I want to do is rest my head on your shoulder and give up

I rant and rage about some people, all fire,
Yet when I actually speak to them I become ice

I always want to talk to you,
Yet unless in a babbling mood I find it hard to do so

In my mind, I picture myself as a smooth talker,
But honestly? The moment I see you I am tongue-tied

If only you knew my ironically comical habits,
That befall me when I fall for you

Too long I have spent,
Shrouded in shadow
That I have forgotten the sunlight,
And within my pain and suffering grow

It is time to shake off
This lethargy that binds me
And blinds me
With lies and such atrocities

I yearn for the light,
But the shadows are all too familiar
It clings to me, my family,
Even though it brings pain and such things similar

Shadows are an absence of light,
Therefore no good comes with it
Yet shadows are always with me,
And I am finding it hard to split

I will try with all my might
To crawl out of my shadowy hellhole
And bathe myself in brightness,
Whilst I reclaim what the night stole

(My Hope)

They say that your dreams are sky-high
That to reach them you gotta fly
Up past the clouds, further than the sky
Wait too long and the stars might die

For every star holds your hopes and dreams,
Don't mistake them for jets because stars don't scream.

They call

I feel myself drawn to those orbs of fire
Hanging up there, holding my every desire
But I don't wanna go up, I'm a resistance fighter,
I don't like going places higher and higher

I fall
And I am afraid of heights,
So I stall
And at ground level I still crawl

Teach me to forget my fears,
The clouds will pass and the sky will be clear

I look up into the sky with a sense of longing,
I'll stop being lonely and start belonging

I smile
It's genuine, it's been a while, but I smile

A lustrous orb, both dark and bright,
Rimmed with hazel lies the night
A clear-glazed look, yet shimmer slight
Does not affect the gaze so bright

The inner does grow in the dark
And yet in this night there lies a spark
A small glimmer, almost impossible to see
Yet when passion burns, this light goes free

All is hinted, however sly,
There lies a mystery about the eye

There was no goodbye,
No farewell
Just a demon and his demons
At the gates to hell

Didn't know how,
Didn't have a clue
How I'd ended up here
Or what I was to do

I swore I'd protect you,
That I'd try and sort it out
And when I went with my instincts,
I didn't see any doubt

I did what I had to do,
Everybody has a limit
I was standing on the edge,
And ya almost pushed me in it

So I quit

You can call me a quitter,
Though not for one second, did I ever lose hope
That you'd pull yourself clear,
Holding onto, that escape rope

I'm happy that you've come so far,
That you're almost fully fixed
Check back down the assembly line
And I realize I am next

Thank God for it,
Don't know how much longer I can go
Before I finally reach salvation
And simply utter "no".

There was no goodbye,
No farewell
Just a broken man with hopes and dreams
At the gates to hell

You can call me a quitter,
Though not for one second, did I ever lose hope
That you'd pull yourself clear,
Holding onto, that escape rope

You can call me a quitter,
Though not for one second, did I ever lose hope
That you'd pull yourself clear,
Holding onto, that escape rope

I need no goodbye,
Or farewell
Soon I'll be an angel
And fly away from the gates to hell

I drown myself in music
So that I cannot hear
My own mother beating my sisters
There's nothing I can do, and that is what I fear

I drown myself in music
Because if I don't I'll drown in anger
Why the fck do you hit my sisters?
DO YOU GET FCKING PEASURE?!

I drown myself so I cannot listen
To my sister's innocence being beaten out
They'll be as FCKED AS YOU!
Driven by anger, primal instinct and DOUBT!

I DON'T WANNA LISTEN
TO WHAT I WENT THROUGH AS A CHILD
SO I DROWN MYSELF IN MUSIC
AS IT KEEPS ME SANE!
UNLIKE YOU, YOU'RE FCKING WILD!!!!

A warm, fuzzy darkness
Sinking deeper to the pits of misery
Turning to an abyss of water
Tentacles of doubt restraining me

Pitch black, murky shadows
Bubbles of air escape my lips
My hair thrashes as my limbs cannot
A screech of metal from raking fingertips

My soul screams in desperation
As it approaches a chasm f loneliness within
As I near the Eternal Destination
Do I be saint or one with the sin?

A light, gently teasing, shines down from above
My doubt-imbued prison lessens, then fades
As the light surrounds me, surrounds everything
Chasing, pursuing, all the darker shades

I rise from the water, am pulled up, fully encompassed by light
She laughs, comforts, reassuring me with dark hair and eyes
I laugh too, no longer feeling heavy,
As light and as free as the birds in the sky

She wraps her arms around me, pulls me in
I hug her back, tight with fear, for I wish to stay
She leans up, mouth to my ear, and whispers:
"Look forward, not back, and you will find a way"

A gentle kiss on the forehead, a scruff of my hair and a sad, sad, smile
She speaks once more: "In a while, crocodile".
It fades back to darkness, and I cry as I remember my dream
I am alone, in the night, with only the sheets holding me

Have you ever considered the legacy you will leave?
I know that I'm just a wisp of smoke on the breeze
A figure in the shadows, unheard and unseen
I wanna be a star, but I'm allowed to dream

I aspire to be someone with a gentle mind
Whose every action is heartfelt and kind
Who has an open heart, who is not blind
To the facts and truth we all yearn to find

I wanna be like all of this,
Yet the truth of the matter is:

I'm human, no better than beast
Who on, hatred, does like to feast
Who cries in the dark and wishes to be released
To protect those close, that being the least

Of my worries, not lesser but large
In fact, not the only one in a pool so vast
As demons scream a ****** hail from my past
And torment me, wishing to make me breathe my last
(And trying to do so, with whatever they have in place of heart)

But if I do, no legacy will be left
Only memories, in one's heart be kept
Of this one, who at expression is adept
And with the end of the line his soul has met

So I will strive to be better than I am now
I will devour my demons, hear my vow
Through jungle and field I will trek and plough

To be who I wanna be:
A seeker of truth, open mind and kind
And convert the raging beast inside

I'll be the star of my own show,
Lest I drown in an artificial sorrow

My favourite haunt is on the roof
And here I write my poetic proof

High above, staring at the sky
Despite the Sun the world isn't bright

The river gleams, but more in spite
Of the Sun failing to be spectral-bright

Yet where shadow falls, the river is night
Where Sun and Shadow compete and fight

A stalemate, from two opposing sides
That only changes with the tides

The riverbank is lush and green,
Though in the shadows lurk the Unseen

White clouds trespass on property that does belong
To Sun and Moon, to Right and Wrong

But which side is wrong? The Sun, so bright?
The Moon, reflecting the Sun's own light?

You can doubt I wrote this on a roof,
Yet here does lay my poetic proof

What was supposed to be happy holiday
Hath shifted from bright to gray

When feelings change with sudden shift,
I realise I've been set adrift

All alone, on the river,
The mind's own darkness makes my spine shiver

Control myself? As if I could,
And I would if I could, it's what I should

But doubt has crept too far in,
And now I feel Nightmare's grin

No help on the end of my phone
My soul is stolen and I die alone

At least, internally
I just wish someone would hear me

Even though I do not speak,
Surely anyone could see I'm weak?

Open your eyes, and save my soul
Before my Nightmare swallows it whole

Saddened and alone
I'm supposed to be having fun
But the truth is,
I'll be glad when it's over and done

Yeah, call me a stereotypical teenager
I just wanna text my friends and stare at a screen
But you wouldn't know how I feel- no-one does
Or how, without my connections, my heart tears and bleeds

Is it so bad to want your friends, to talk to them?
Surely this means that they mean something
I think it means we have people we would endure the world for:
Survive, or die trying, true friendship couldn't mean much more

The waves ripple across the river
Small and gentle, calm and collected
The air so fresh, blowing steadily
The reason the waves are so affected

Clouds scatter across the sky
The trees reach up to grasp them
Despite the serenity of the scene
Loneliness to me does freely condemn

I am trapped- free me
From this isolation that prevents me
From breathing
Freely

Being here with you,
My heart dances like the flames of a flickering fire
Your smile, so perfect,
Fulfils my heart's desire

Time is unfair,
It flies by when I want to
Be alone together, do whatever
The hell you wanna do

Sitting here, writing,
All I can think about is you
Makes me smile a little
When I realize you probably won't think this true

Yet it is- so there
I have you on my mind
All our good memories, shared laughter,
It's in the past, all behind

But I bring them back to life
Because these memories, such pleasantries,
Makes times passage
As one of ease
(do you remember that memory?)

So here it is, just for you
I write and I fight because that's just what I do
But everybody needs a focus
Now it seems my focus is you

"I'm in trouble aren't I?"
"You have no idea..."

"Wanna know something?"

"Are you going to say the same thing,
Like you do every time?
You know.. if you hadn't done this...
Sort of thing?

"Save your breath mate,
I've heard it all before
Why don't you say something new,
Instead of parroting the same **** every time?"

"Like seriously,
Why are you even talking to me?
You wanna gloat don't you?
"Haha, you've been caught and I win".

"Well ******* *******,
I'm not hearing it
Why don't you leave me alone
And go choke on a bucket of ****."

Like a Phoenix,
Rise from the ashes
Eyes mirror thoughts
As fire flashes

Speak what you wish
I will not take offence
So let your mouth run wild
Give up this polite pretence

Speak with emotion,
So raw that nobody can doubt
That the opinion you voice is true
Whether in a whisper or a shout

Be loud and be quiet,
Be outrageous and subdued
If you wish you can be polite
But I don't care if you are rude

Tell me what goes on
In your pretty little mind
Behind your stunning eyes
To where your true thoughts hide

You can tell me anything
That is why I am a friend
Like a Phoenix from the ashes
True to self, do not pretend

(For I am here until the end).

The say silence is golden,
But I think it more like stone
Hits you cold and hard
When you realize you're alone

Seeing figures in the shadows,
Faces on the walls
So go on, face the silence:
Think you got the *****?

Well you'll be thinking twice
When your blood spatters the walls

Sometimes, I snap
Some things that I wish I could take back
Because when I do them I catch flak
And I fall into a punishment trap

And
I just want to defend
All my friends
Until the end
As peacefully as I can
But my patience is easy to bend
And yet everyday I pretend

That I'm Mr Cool
Nobody's fool
Yet in fact I am a fool
For believing I could deceive you all
From the fall
Without  a warning call

But yet even when I persevere
I just can't and the results are always severe
You know they all say "no fear"
Yet I do and my eyes have shed many a tear

All I wanna do is just chill out,
Have some good times and not freak out
Share the fun and not the pain,
Did this all yesterday
Now I wanna do it all again

Living in the past
Thinking this is my last
Moment coz life is fast

But I
Hyperventilate
Tryin' to delay chance and fate
Open up this mystery crate
Look inside all I see is dead weight

That I carry in my chest
My inner demons I try to best
This annoying f*cking little pest
Eating my heart, wants my eternal rest

But I must stay alive
For my friends I must survive
Even if my demons deprive
Me of the the will to live that I possess inside but

All I wanna do is just chill out
Have some good times and not freak out
Share the fun and not the pain,
Did this all yesterday,
Now I wanna do it all again...

I wish for inner peace
And safety for those that I call friend
Save them all from myself
Don't wanna be nobody else
For honour and loyalty I will defend...


All I wanna do is just chill out
Have some good times and not freak out
Share the fun and not the pain,
Did this all yesterday,
Now I wanna do it all again

For my friends until the end
                                                             ­      Just chill out....
I will fight and I will defend
                                                          ­          Don't freak out....
                                      Share the fun and not the pain,
                                             Did this all yesterday
                                       Now I wanna do it all again....