The walls were closing in on me
Where the floor was rising
And the ceiling was sinking
Determined to suppress me to dust
A Chinese puzzle box
That’s more of a trap
Than a puzzle
For me to waste my time
Fiddling with the padlock
When there is no code
Discovering the key
When there is no hole
Turning the ****
When there is no door
An unsolvable problem
That I kept on trying to solve
Until my room was a box
And my box was a prison
And my prison was my life
Determined to suppress me to dust.

The best idea

Is the one I never thought of.

I should be saying
That I'm thankful
For every breath I take
But truthfully
I'm not.

Every time I inhale
It's a long draw
Of a cigarette bud
That isn't mine
Forcing me to wheeze
And cough up the venom
That scorches my lungs

I am cursed
With the longing
To breathe fresh air
And rid myself
Of what I've become so attached to
Just because it's not my nicotine
Doesn't mean I'm not addicted to it
Addicted to dying
Addicted to the thrill of wondering
If this will be
My last cough

Quitting isn't my choice
I'm not the one
Who lights up
With shaking fingers
Shielding a flame from the wind
I'm just the one
Who enjoys
The ashtray full of burnt consequences

I don't have the option
To become unattracted
To the white clouds
Floating around your lips
I was already convinced
That following you
Was as good as resting in the sky
Even if my rest
Was on pillows
Made of poison

I can't say I'm thankful
For the intoxicatingly
Toxic air
That you spoon fed me

But I sure am blissful

I'm not stupid enough to think
Thankfulness and blissfulness
Are the same thing
I am smart enough to know
That honestly
I'm no better than you
Even if I wanted to be

You never offered me
My own cigarette to smoke
But standing next to you
I'm as good as dead.

You were too
Careless

To handle
My
Fragile
Clay
Heart.

Sleep can cure depression.

Although...
Waking up makes it worse.

The Sun told me he was dying
And of course
I didn't believe him
…
Until the sky went black

I suppose it was in epiphany
That in that moment
The world had gone cold

Excitement in the eyes of the crazy
Panic in the heart of the insane
And Confusion in the mind of the dumb
Because the Sun had died

Melodramatic as ever
His death only lasted a minute and a half
And when he resurrected
The earth was warm again
Relief washing over him
Knowing that he hadn't abandoned
The ones who needed him most

It was seeing the Sun in that crescent shape
That caused me to realized
It was the Moon herself
That had stolen the spotlight
His spotlight

When it's just the two of us
Alone
(With all the other stars)
I ask her
“Why did you overshadow
The one you call your brother?”

From this
She looks down at me
A reflection of sadness
Buried deep within her craters
She sighs

And she tells me.

At least once
Every one hundred years
She wants people to look at her
In the daytime
And understand
That she might not bring heat and light
But she is part of our solar system too.

So now
I understand her
Because I listen to her
Because I see her
Because despite the thousands of miles
Separating us
Our hearts
Seem to beat
At the same time.

There's nothing that's worse
Than biting a Hot Pocket
And the middle's cold.

Have you ever looked up at the sky
When it was raining
And wondered where the clouds stop?
Because you know
That somewhere across the world
It isn't raining.

So where do the clouds stop?
Is it possible that someone
Is standing right at the edge
Of dry warmth
Gazing out into the cold wetness?

Where do the clouds stop?
Is it possible that someone
Is standing right at the edge
Of where the water falls
Staring out at the daylight?

Where do the clouds stop?
Is it possible to stand
Right at the divide
One hand being hit by raindrops
The other being hit by sun rays?

Where do the clouds stop?

Have you ever looked up at the sky
When it was raining
And wondered when the clouds will stop?
Because you know
That sometime in your future
It won't be raining.

Only time I feel beautiful

Is when I starve myself.

I want to find
The person
I was made
To be with

Not just
The person
I was made
To **love

The petals of a shadow
Sharp against the fingertips
A monopoly of acid
Dripping from a pair of lips

The duel wings of a shadow
Whistling through the ashes
Poison oozing from the pores
A tyranny of rashes

The heartbeat of a shadow
Lurks in the vacancy of noise
Creeping over the moonlight
Through a psychological void

The night roots of a shadow
Like tools of a mercenary
Inching up walls of the sky
Too palpable to bury

The mindset of a shadow
A lock of thorns splintering
A storm brewed with tears
Shards ripping through a bloodstream

The silhouette of darkness
The petals of a black rose
An epidemic of ail
Now swallowed by the shadows.

I have no choice
But to put you on trial
Cuz you claim
You're innocent
Until proven guilty
But with all the evidence
I've collected
I'm positive that it was you
Who committed the crime against me

I'm sick of all your twisted lies
The disgusting humor
That this was all one big accident
Saying that in reality
You didn't mean to break me--
Only to leave me bent

The defense says
You were just messing around
That you didn't mean to take
What you stole
But I
-the prosecution-
Say that's *******
Cuz I know you seek control

So now it's time
For your verdict
Take your seats
They're about to start…
…
HA!
The jury says you're guilty
So it's indeed true
That you stole my heart.

I’m becoming blurry
When I look at myself in the mirror
And I’m beginning to see
His face through mine
Instead of mine
Like my body is disappearing into His
Like if He wasn’t there
I’d be completely invisible

Now I can’t get rid of Him.

Or I just don’t want to
Because I don’t want to vanish
Into thin air
And be another ghost
Wandering the streets
I want to be seen
Even if His eyes
Are piercing through mine
Even if the world is clouded because of it

Every time I blink
My life seems to get a shade darker
Until everything is disfigured
From His pupils over mine
And anything bright
Seems out of place
Forcing my eyelids back shut
Until the dark returns

It’s funny
That after I’ve been with someone
For so long
I become more and more like them
With Him
It’s no different
I chose to let Him stay with me
And as a consequence
I’m fading into Him

It sounds cliche
That maybe I need Him to survive
Maybe I’d lose my identity without Him
Maybe I’d be nothing…
Maybe I’m too afraid
To let go
And find out

He’s given me a reason to live
And a need to die
But who am I to turn Him away?

I wonder
If I’ll ever truly be able
To see myself in the mirror again
Or if I’ll forever
Be looking through His eyes.

I thought that out of everything
I could rely on the moon
To always be there

But even she leaves me
At least once a month.

I spoke the words
That were better left
Unspoken
Prying my heart open
Until it cracked in two
Leave me broken
Despondent
Dejected
Cuz of what I said to you

Words rippled through my blood
Phases fill my lungs
Sinking deeper
In this nightmare
I try to bite my tongue

I begged you to stop me
Stop my words
Stop my mouth
A heart pounding restlessly
Won't let the sound come out

I couldn't miss it
You insisted
Despite my warning
Not a token
Once I speak
There's no possible way
For me to make it unspoken

Unscramble the words
My stuttering absurd
You found out what was true
Words too messy to explain
Unscramble
“I”,
                       “love”,
                                        “with”,
     “fell in”,
                   And                                 “you”.

You'll kiss
hundreds
of frogs

Before
you
find
your Prince.

You know I'm eager
Because I'm already wet
Before you touch me.

Call me a monster
And I’ll be wicked
Call me a fool
And I’ll be stupid

Call me a freak
And I’ll live in the shadows
Call me a streaker
And I’ll lose all my clothes

Call me a beggar
And I’ll be down on my knees
Call me bedridden
And I’ll be diseased

Call me abusive
And I’ll punch black and blue
Call me a *****
And I’ll be ready to *****

Call me a tyrant
And I’ll take over mankind
Call me a thief
And I’ll rob you blind

Call me psychotic
And I’ll be deranged
Call me a danger
And I’ll be restrained

Call me replaceable
And I’ll get lost
Call me a cheapskate
And I won’t pay the cost

Call me a housewife
And I’ll cook dinner
Call me suicidal
And I’ll pull the trigger

Call me a cutter
And I’ll slit my wrist
Call me a no one
And I’ll cease to exist

Call me a black girl
And I’ll fit that design
But call me a ******?!
No.
    You just crossed the line.

Last night
A dream flew to me
It sat on my shoulder
Right where I could see
Content with where I stood
It rested there peacefully
It sang a bittersweet melody
A beautiful lullaby
That I wanted only for me
This dream - for once -
Was within my reach
-
So I reached for it
But as soon as my fingertips
Touched it's wings
It flew away
High
Up into the sky
I just had to chase it
But humans can't fly
Doesn’t mean I wasn't going to try
-
I climbed up a tree
And took a leap of faith
But evidently
My dream was still too far away
Of course - I ended up falling back down
With a broken leg
And shattered hope
This failure was far too profound
-
I'll just lay on the ground
Next to where my dead dreams are
The dreams that lay
In their own decay
The dreams that never flew
The dreams I never knew
The dreams I neglected to come back to
-
Maybe if I had taken care of these dreams
I could have brought them home
So that when they developed
They wouldn't fly away alone
We'd take off together
Like birds of a feather
Neither of us would end up forgotten
Like a voice with no sound
Neither of us would be lying so broken
On this cold
And ***** ground
-
Look up
At all the dreams I've chased
Circling me in the sky
I look up and ask why they left me
I wonder why I couldn't fly
Those are the dreams
I dream about
The ones in the air
That fill me with doubt
-
The truth is:
I could never catch them
For I'll always be too weak
The truth is:
The only dreams I could catch
Are the ones that sit at my feet
The dreams that are all lying dead
Are the only ones
Within my reach.