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Arisa Mar 2
To be a gentleman in a Chatroom,
One must always introduce themselves as a number.
As an age.
To inform the fine maidens of the Chatroom that,
'Yes! I am legal.'
So that way they feel obliged to tell you:
'Why, I am too!'

You must also accompany such a number with your gender.
Just so that they won't get confused,
And know that you are a
masculine
manly man
of manliness.

It is of the Gentleman's Etiquette to note your existence afterwards.
A simple 'Here' would suit.
Or spice it up with a
'You?'
Afterwards.

Make sure you always ask how your possible future **** partner is feeling, it's only polite. If they say
'I'm feeling wonderful, how about you?'
or
'My day's been ghastly. How about yours?'
- No matter what the answer, make sure to reply with a steady:
'Nothing much', or if you're feeling impatient, 'nm'
Just to show that no, you don't really care
and want to get straight into business.

- Which shows that you are a man with a clear goal in mind, and as we all know, women adore men with confidence!

The next step is the bargain.
You need to sell yourself to the feline with flair,
Ferocity,
Wit, style, charisma.

'Wanna ****?'

And if they reject your courteous advances, all you can do is tip your hat and carry on to the next lady in waiting.
"21, M here."
Chatrooms are hellholes full of people who want to ******* and nothing more.
How come
I am always dying as a martyr?
My thoughts constantly drifting
To funeral marches and sobbing relatives

How will I die?
A botched parachute jump?
Saving a small child
From a moving vehicle?

My funeral will be adorned
With white icing
The flag of my nation
And a flock of doves

Testaments
To my infinitely philanthropic nature
And unending commitment
To human liberty

Why is it so easy
To tack a medal to my breast?

Maybe because
I exist
As my bloodline
dowses its progeny with ****** praise

So eager
to bathe
In the violent tears of this world
That are ancient castles and monuments to men wearing wigs

Or maybe
Because I'm just selfish
And I often *** all over myself
On my paunchy stomach
nothing you can do
'cos when I touch myself, I
always think of you
no need for imagery, I just break out the 'ol memory reel
Lou Jan 1
Whenever I give pleasure to myself I wonder why I always do it.
At the beginning it is exhausting and it feels okay.
As the tension in my body starts to grow and I’m getting closer to the light, I understand why I do it.
It is a feeling of joy in my complete body and it is exhausting.
Allison Wonder Nov 2018
I don't understand
The way my body reacts
Or how it doesn't.
Allison Wonder 2018
ethan Nov 2018
when i feel the burning sensations often i feel like if i burn my fingers i can make it quell
but not go away completely,
the burning covers my thighs and lower stomach and i push my fingers into it but it’s never enough, and yet too much
the burning mixes with a feeling i can’t describe that brings tears to my eyes
i try to push it down because the burning hurts and my fingers are covered in flame
but it’s never enough
and yet too much

dysphoria is a funny thing
i hold toys in place of what i miss
i push up and down trying to ignore
the pangs i feel in the chest that isn’t mine
dear god please let me finish this time
they all say hope will make the burning worse
but there isn’t much worse i can go from here
and yet it scares me all the same

i shudder once
a broken sound
it’s better than before
but not enough
and yet too much
i replaced hrt with hope and it still got the message across
Justyn Huang Nov 2018
No Nut November
Is the hardest thing
I have ever participated in.

Seriously, it’s really hard.
Like all the time, and at the most
INCONVENIENT places.

Waiting for the train? Hard.
Taking a dump? Hard.
Wedding or funeral?
Yea let’s not go there...

But the worst moment by far
was telling a homeless man
I didn’t have any change, and he
Said, “it’s okay, no one’s been this
happy to see me in years”

No Nut November is a cultural movement observed around the world where Men attempt to prevent themselves from ******* for the whole 30 days of November
Tadpole Oct 2018
We all need acknowledgement
Consideration
We need air and food and sleep and
a sign that we are on someone's mind

You must fake care
We all must
Because a functioning relationship and a
a very low ******* tolerance cannot
Coexist

I have the neediest of needs
Unfulfilled
But your head could not be farther
up your own ******* and you can't see
I'd like them met by you
Oops
Keyan R Oct 2018
Dear Love,

I know in my heart without a doubt even if I can never find the words to say
You are the one I am crazy about
You are the one I fap for every day
When everything doesn't feel right,
I look at you
My sun, my moon, my morning light
My happiness when all is blue
With you, I am always safe and every day you make my heart race
You're my home, my friend, and saving grace
I was asked to make a funny poem about *******
Nik Bland Oct 2018
I think I need a girlfriend
But maybe then I don’t
Suffice to say
That when the day
Comes I get what I want, I won’t

Waste a minute, waste a moment
A nanosecond or more
I’m by no means clingy
But the joy she’ll bring me
I’ll glady return in scores

I think I need a girlfriend
My hand is far too cold
It speaks to me
(Between *******)
And asks for another to hold

Was that too much information?
If it was, apologies are due
It’s just, you see
The overwhelming lonely
Like *****, sometimes accrues

I need to shut up if I want a girlfriend
My censorship is not the best
My intentions are pure
But my words get obscured
As soon as they leave my chest

Because... ugh... and also... grrr
And ****! And ****! And sigh
I just want... you know
So we can... smile?
And if someone would give it a try

Then I would love and cherish a girlfriend
Id wipe away the tears
From her, from me
And everything
And love her, far or near

I’m distant and I’m awkward
I’m clumsy and sometimes ******
I’ve been the ****
Of love, a joke
And the victim of broken arrows from Cupid

I think I need a girlfriend
Who sees me for the poetry
Without a word spoke
Nor the ones that I wrote
Just one who accepts me for me
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