Good judgment comes from experience, experience from bad decisions
This whole ******* life is a contradiction
It's an oxymoron at every turn
Every decision only gets you burned
If in old age you manage to arrive
That's when life's lessons are realized

The young are bound in the futility of it all
Never seeing the cliff before they fall
Not wise enough to know
God clipped our wings before the throw
He turned everything upside down
When he placed us on this hellish ground

We all where marked
You can't see the light unless your in the dark
You don't appreciate the sun's rays
Till you've stood in the storm for days
Without pian you wouldn't relish the pleasure
Without work, there would be no leisure
What is good, if taken to much only leads to bad
Giving love away leaves you with more than you had
The act of forgiveness is not for the one that hurt you
But heals your soul before its through

So do the best you can in life
Even when it equals strife
For this world will keep you spinning
For the score card is plain, death is winning

But don't you worry, I'm sure that's an oxymoron too
When deaths door we pass through
Real living then will we ensue
In death there will be no rest
This life is but a test
For the oxymoron weaves it's way through it all
Even when death at your door calls

On the futuristic cartoon the Jetsons
They had phones with projections
I thought it was so grand
That in front of that screen they could stand
And see who they where talking to
What a wonderful thing to be able to do

Now it is common place
Our loved ones face
Can travel through space
It shrinks the miles that separate
And I think that's just great

Now we can Skype
And all of that like
We can take our phone
And bring loved ones along as we roam
It's almost like them being home
And on and on we can drone
Or our imagination we can flex
And even have cyber ***

I hope who created it was inspired
By the thoughts they acquired
By watching that simple cartoon
Because it brought us all a little more attuned

Late one evening on a stroll
I was feeling mighty droll
I came to the big open meadow
And decided to sit down and mellow

There was nothing but grass for miles to see
Nothing at all but this one tiny bee
He looked in a great hurry
He's wing's buzzed with a mighty flurry

So me being me
I decided to fallow and see
He ziged and he zaged
I tried hard not to lag
At the top of a small hill crest
Is when I seen all the rest

On one side the bees, the other side the butterflies
And right in the middle their prize

It was the only one left
Frost had taken all the rest
It was tattered and torn
But it's beauty none could scorn
For it had stood times test
It had been stronger than the rest

It had been pearly white
Such a beautifully gourges sight
Now a dingy gray
It's nectar still as sweet as that very first day

And that's what started the war
That one little flower is what they where all here for
The big strong bees
Thought they could bring the butterflies to their knees
The fragile brightly painted butterflies
Behind their backs had a big surprise

The bees flew in first, stingers at the ready
Their stingers polished and sharp, flight was steady
The butterflies spread wide their colored wings
Hiding behind them their evil means

The first bee to the flower was shot down
I watched it spiral and hit the ground
That was it, all out war
All those flying fighting insects shook me the core

The bees had brought knifes to the butterflies gun battle
All I could hear was buzzing and tiny gun fire crackle
The air was a sea of colorful wings
And the yellow and black with the wings that sings

The bees were out powered
With the guns the butterflies advanced on the flower
The bodies of bees soon littered the ground
And when it was all over, it was sad what was found

The poor flower had been beaten down
It was laying with the dead bees on the ground
The butterflies realized the war had been for naught
For neither side would get what they want

But the butterflies had tasted power
They forgot about that little flower
So if in your town the bees are despairing
Then know the butterfly revolution is nearing

As I walked in the yard today
Right infront of me as if to say
I'm still here with you, stop wearing that frown
One single softly fuzzy feather floated down

I think it came from the other side
Where so many of my loved ones do abide

I wonder if it was from my big brother
Or maybe it was my Mother
It could of been my Dad
To remind me of the good times we had

But then again it could of been my Grandma, or Grandpa
They where very wise and taught me God's law

Or maybe it was from them all
Just so I would recall
The love and light
Each one brought into my life

Or maybe it's just as simple as a bird losing it's feather
And nothing else to it is tethered

But it brought them all to mind
And for that I'd have to say God was being kind

I promise to mislead, deceive, and begial
You can continue to live your life in denial
Pretending everything's great
As your lies you spin and create

I'm the one that comforts you in the dead of night
Not your so called friends that are so up tight

I calm your nerves
I'm what you deserve
I chase the memories away
I make everything seem ok

But somedays I make them stay
I make everything in disarray
You know on those days you just need more of me
On your back I'll always be
With the darkness always closing in, always there
I'll by the only one who truly cares
You are my favorite ******
                        
                      Sincerely
             Your Loving Money

Why all the scars, please let me explain
I've been through Hell, I've been licked by the flames
I've trudged through the white hot coals
I've been where know one should have to go

And I will not hide the scars
That on my body mars
I wear them proudly
For they speak loudly
Of the agony I've endured
And of my madness that can't be cured
But also that I'm a survivor
A real bad *** fighter

But my heart did not grow cold
Like many people that I know
Instead I know true empathy
Which is so much more than sympathy

It's the knowing of pain and what it can do
Those without gut wrenching agony haven't a clue
So if you find your self in sorrows fiery land
Just streach out your hand
I'll grab ahold
And not let go
I'll not lose my grip
I won't let you slip

I am the plague, a ghostly vapor
My soul bleeds blackness on the paper
If you're looking for a happy write
Don't read mine you won't get that sight
What you'll see is a glimpse of a spirit in total darkness
You'll learn just what the cost is
As a child thrown to the brink
And time and time again I sink
Like the platypus, I'm Gods little joke
Again and again I choke
On all the cruelty throughout the years thrown on me
No one hangs around to truly see
Beneath the scars I'm only human
Despite the blackness and confusion
My soul cries out
At times it a hushed small shout
At other's a battle cry
As I pick myself up and again I try
But my day's are growing short
For I am feeling out of sorts
Out of patients, out of hope
I can't even begin to cope
I feel I just might throw in the towel
I'm trying to figuring out how

The winds of change she often rode
A wild free spirt, through the galaxy she strolled

Out in the Milky Way, she liked dipping in her toes
See the silver ripples as outwardly they flow

That fiery auburn hair was always in a whirl
When on Saturn's rings she would go for a twirl

She would wash her soul clean, in Jupiter's waterfall
She always loved listening to that planets howling call

Sadly her heart froze solid in the blizzards of Neptune
She flung herself to the Dark Side of the Moon

Like fireflies in the dark, bring life to a child's jar
Silent shimmering tears, gave birth to kaleidoscope stars

Don't bother looking, gone but still close
Another wild free spirit, woven into the cosmos

©Pauline Russell

Welcome to her house of many bones
Step into one of life's great unknowns
With broken dreams and shattered heart
In this carnival of freaks she is apart
For the price of a ticket you can see
All the horror, and agony there could ever be

All we ask is to put down your stones
On the left is a kingless throne
No love was ever ment to stay
I don't know why, it's just that way
On your right is the dreams that's died
Where want and reality did collide

In the next room you will find
All the demons that are in her mind
Young man, please step back
These demons will, and do attack
On her arm's you'll see the scars
Made with their talon like sharpened claws

Please don't dottle, let's hurry along
This sad little journey we don't want to prolong
Up next you'll find
Human monsters of every kind
They all wear a clever disguise
You won't even see them unless your wise

Of the shadow men take no heed
Off the sorrow they just feed
The closets doors all are open wide
Not one skeleton does she hide
Please don't be scared, please don't shout
The are free to dance about

Last but not lest I want to show
What happens when the anguish grows
Tormented by years of unbridled strife
In the coffin lies her pitiful life
It's not her body, for she is the walking dead
Heart in taters, screams echoing in her head
Eyes opened wide with years of dread

The light and happiness are always there mocking
You'll find her over there in the corner rocking
Yes she had to be restrained
In the straitjacket she will remain
It's for your safety, not hers
For the pain she endures
Is not for weak amateurs

Exit on the right
Single file, please don't fight
Enjoy the rest of the attractions
We guarantee a hundred percent satisfaction
Unless in this carnival of woeful souls you are captured
Then your only hope will be the rapture

With all this stress I'm starting to crack
You'll find me here like a turtle on my back
I can't get up, even though I try
But like that turtle I'll just stay here and die My Back

With all this stress I'm starting to crack
You'll find me here like a turtle on my back
I can't get up, even though I try
But like that turtle I'll just stay here and die

With my clothes in tatters, I stomp through the flood
Of demon and villagers body parts and blood

A steady straight line I trudged, my mother witch never taking my demon red eyes off
This was her only time to explain, her one shot

All the while vision flashed before my eyes
I watched my horrific child hood in my vision fly

I seen her hand me over, telling them to brand the symbols, do their worse
She wanted this girl child to hate, to feel that evil, and of all men curse

My mothers plan faild because of one tender hearted man
Who did put a brand a symbol of light, this she couldn't stand

So she cursed me, and with every good deed
The evil sunk in to plant the seeds

By the time the visions are through I was standing it front of her and the knight
Hissing the words through my teeth, "why did you want me on the side of the Evil Ones fight"

I stood there waiting, eyes glowing, teeth wrenching
Hands turning white from the fierce clinching

"My dear child I knew this day would come when the Dark Lord would be banished
And I as the leader would potrol the night with you by my side, oh the wonderful things on you I will lavish"

With that the sphere collapsed in on my kight and ****** out his life
There was a small twinge of pain, I flew at my mother, on was the fight
Killing him should of been my RIGHT

I committed the greatest evil,I wrapped my hands around my mother's neck and laced my fingers
She put up a hell of a fight, but I was younger and stronger in magic and strength, I choked her till no life lingered

And with that horrific evil act, the last brand sunk in to my skin
For it was the symbol of light, since the act was pure evil it was driven in

I was thrown and suspended into mid air
Pure white light shot out of my eyes, mouth and finger tips,raven black was now white hair

Transformation now complete
I gently touched down on my feet

I ran to my love, I flung myself on him
I cried and I tried every spell, I pleaded to the Gods, all of them
All to no end

So I gathered my self now a white headed witch with ink tattooed symbols covering my body
Evil still resides inside me but the light reigns, tho both are embodied


LEANA with a rush of air and a great flap of wings flew down by my side
I climbed upon her, she spirited me back to my woods so I could hide

My knights legend would live on in his deed
And in my womb he had planted his seed

He was now with his son in the netherworld, I'm sure he is watch over me and his daughter
He will see her with the love and magic of a white witch and his bravery she will have I will surly have his greatest
imprimatur

With my pen I try to slay the demons
I am determined to chase them from my eden
With the inky darkness I will paint my picture
I will paint them with such stricture
My words will flow
And everyone I'll show
They will no longer be allowed to reside
Hidden deep inside
With the darkness of my ink
I will bring them to the brink
With the black flow, I'll shine the light
On their hideous form, no longer hiding in the night

As the sun creases my eyes open
It ignites, starts an explosion
It continues the erosion
Inside my head
It all turns red
It's where it's bled

I shake the cobwebs from my head
Looking into the future with dread
New tragic things will come my way
Try as I might to keep it all at bay

The residue from last night's dream
The echo of my screams
The bright warm sunbeams
Can not chase away
The thoughts of the day
Where my demon play

I live a life where smiles are miracles
Happiness is only mythical
It all leaves me cold and miserable
Guess that's why I'm so cynical
All I really want is a life that's livable

A cookie cutter version is what this world wants
So my wild messed up ways I flaunt
You can try to figure me out
As in your face I shout
I'm not like the rest, I never will be
You look but don't see
The uniqueness in me
There's no other that comes close
No one can make that boast
They ask why can't you be like the rest
Well.....I really don't want to be secound best

Two seedlings grow up on the same plot of land
Wonderful black soil, not loose sand
So their roots gripped deep, so tall they could stand
So face to face they grew, each one knowing the other
As they shot up, their love soon bloomed one for another
They so longed to touch and entangle
With their branches they wanted to hold and mingle
And all the way to their roots they wanted to feel the tingle
Their love grew strong, and so did their trunks
They were watered and cared for each day by the monks
And the years slipped by when one final hour
Their branches could touch with a little wind power
A few more years slipped by and they now could embrace
And they were happy they had been planted face to face
They stood for centuries happy and content in their place
Sadly they thought that this bliss would last forever
All life problems they swore to endeavor
They held each other through storms and sunny weather
Until one day his roots grew weaker
With every passing year their situation grew bleaker
One night a storm blew in and their situation was dire
The wind blew him over and lightning set him on fire
She lost some branches trying to hold on to him
She knew deep down to her sap that now her life would be grim
Without him by her side she started to cry
And with every eternal year that crept by
Her limbs no longer reached for the sky but drooped down to the ground
Cuz that is now where his charred remains could be found
She reached for him with every single limb
Her weeping went on each day of the sorrowful years she was filled to the brim
The monks took care of her but they could feel her great sorrow
They prayed everyday that she would stand strong till tomorrow
One day an old monk took a close look at the tree
And decided the pain had changed her so much that her name now is different by decree
So my child when you lay your tired head on your pillow
Remember her and all her seedlings are now the weeping willow
She's there to remind us of the loss of great love
That not even her seedlings could rise above

Self mutilation
Tattooed invitation
Thoughts confused
A razors used
Skin engraved
Scars won't fade
Mind unwind
Blood divine

God's off his meds again
Guess he was tired of trying to fit in
Now he stands at the corner of 44th and vine
Screaming all the time

The end is coming soon
And it's gonna be a monsoon
Of catastrophe pain, and death
Because you mortals aint seen nothing yet

God is off his meds again
And he doesn't have any friends
It's apparent he's all alone
I think he's becoming an old crone

He's *****, and he's angry
It's apparent he's gonna let fly the fury
He is just a homeless ***
He screams at all that to he's corner come

The end is very near
Does no human on this plant fear
He keeps screaming night and day
But no one want to hear what he has to say

God is off he's meds today

Let me take you to the dark side of the woods
All that dies here is the good
Let me show you that spot
This is where I fought
He had me tied, I could go no where
I was terrified and scared
He did his deed
And left my soul forever to bleed
It will always seep with rage and anguish
Part of me will always remain and languish
There in the dark side of woods
That day all that died in me was the good

I took some pills to pass the time
Don't you worry they were mine
I took some pills to pass the day
I wanted black, was tired of the gray
I took some pills to pass away
Please dear friend don't be in dismay
I took some pills to go to the void
Don't look up what would be said by Freud
I took some pills, the deal is done
Please don't bother yourself to come
I took some pills, now I'm floating away
You'll have to look for me another day

l'm your new daddy and I love you in a special way
Don't tell mommy, she won't believe you anyway
Just keep quiet, be a good boy
If you do I'll buy you that new toy
Keep your bruises covered, don't say a thing
If anyone ask, tell them you fell off the swing

They shouldn't have to pay for love with their blood and their bone
They shouldn't have to be scared to go home
There should not be scars on their young flesh
Their ****** up short lifes have become such a mess
When the adults in their life become the villain
Hell is for children

In this darkness ment to stand
Only seeing brighter lands

The light I did pursue
But the dark it did ensue
Though I ran with all my might
The darkness remained right by my side

It remained like a moonless night
No guiding light
To alumminate my flight
It wasn't right
The darkness I could not fight

In this darkness ment to stand
Only seeing brighter lands

The Sun glistening through the trees
I could almost feel the breeze
It brought me to my knees
To pray to a God that doesn't see

He's left me to all the fears
He's never near
He's made it clear
This God only listens with a deafened ear

In this darkness ment to stand
Only seeing brighter lands

I am the sheep lost in the dark
My soul it has no spark
Only sound, song of the lark
To my voice no one will hark

Please take my eyes I no longer want to see
The nothingness in front of me
I beg of you I  plea
Imprisoned in the dark, left groping for a key

In this darkness left to stand
Forced to see the brighter lands

There was a witch in the woods
No one thought was good
She wore a shirt tie dyed in hippies blood
She smoked lots and lots of bud
She had a pet nightingale
And at night it would not sing but yell

One day she decided to pay homage it mother earth
For nature to her powers had given birth
She thought that a picnic might do
So she went around setting the mood
She gathered the wolfsbane and some food
Lit the candles and the fire
Making it climb higher and higher
She stared her naked dance you could hear her wicked laughter
But there was an important thing she forgot to factor

The villagers really hated her so the tracked her down
And tackled her down to the ground
Tied her up and on one of her wrists was a big bruise
That was the final straw, it lit her fuse
And she sent them all
To the gates of hell for the fall
So no longer could they visit or call

Useless memories that only makes me bleed
I'm about to give up, about to coincide
Lifes a joke and I'm the punch line
I'm on the wheel of time
Spinning around throwing sparks in the grind
Knowing full well things will never be fine
I never was something
About to become nothing

Hide in plain sight
Hold back the tears
Thru all of the years
Hide all of your scars
And all of your flaws
Don't let them know
Keep it under control
Stand straight and tall
Like there was never a fall
Don't run away in fright
Hide in plain sight!!!!

After all the carnage I did imparte
The gypsies thought I had mastered the dark art
When I left that  wretched gypsy caravan
Anyone that had wronged me, their  blood spilled on the sand

With their tongues like parchment
They told darkened stories, and I was their target
And as I slowly roamed the land
To seek out about my mother first hand
The villagers seen my burnt skin
And knew I was the one the gypsies said carried great sin
Every human treated me badly, to scared to get close they threw their stones
So I sought out a place where no human ever goes

I found a forest but to sunny for my mood
It had to be darker, it had to be crude
So I started out simple and enchanted the vines
I made them all twist entangle and entwine
next was the trees I made them grow branches to cover the sky
so even from the keen eye of the hawk I could hide
But not done with them yet the bark I made bare
Thorns that would reach out and scratch and tear
The sand I made quiken to entrap in and ensnare
So anyone caught in my wicked trap could no longer breathe the air
My wonderland was soon renamed the Black Forest
all that dared entered claimed they heard the demon's chorus

And so my legend was born
The gypsies through their stories warn
Of a dark hearted witch that the fires couldn't burn
Even though their fires burnd white hot and the coals they churned
That I the black hearted witch had escaped and layed waste
In despite their fear they had given chase


So now alone I roam my beautiful dark place
With the gypsies warning story no one will give chase
But in my roaming before the forest I had heard a great tale
Of a witch who had put her baby under a spell
That upon it was put a curse
That would work in reverse

Why did you want to hurt me again
Why do you want to twist that knife in
Your words cut worse than any knife
And I'm the reason for your strife

I swear I did the best I could
I thought I was proticting you like I should
I'm sorry I didn't know
But I'd ask you everytime you would go
But your answer was always no

But I know little kids can be frightened
And I'm sure that noose he tightened
And I don't blame you for hating me
For I am mom you see
I was supposed to protect you from the monsters
But I didn't know it would be my secound step father

I didn't know my mom would marry a another one like the first
This nightmare was the worst
I just wish you could see
I tried my very best to be
The mother you could always depend on
But now your gone

You hate me for what was done
But I want you to know if I'd had a gun
He could of never hurt anyone
And tho you hate me I'll love you always
I'm mom and I'm to blame anyways

I see the tears welling up in his eyes
As he sets there, with a heavy sigh
These thoughts on his mind heavily weigh
Under his breath I could hear him say
"I'm getting so very forgetful"
"I'm looking so **** pitiful"
He turned 87 a week ago
And his age is starting to show
I know he feels deaths grip closing in
His skin is paper thin
He's always cold even in the sweltering heat of summer
His hearing is almost gone, it's all just mummers
He talks of how his legs don't work so well any more
Getting up is such a chore
He has taken to cussing like a sailor
But reads the bible, getting ready to meet his creator
"Growing old in not for the weak or faint of heart
This growing old **** is hard"

Flashbacks of a confidant fool
Flying through life with out any rules
Headlong into danger
The adrenaline rush is an intoxicating flavor
Thoughts of past injuries are nothing but flashes
As quickly he dashes
With those famous last words on his lips
WATCH THIS!!!!

I want to take one day
To just go out and play
To forget about the grown up ways

To run, jump and romp
Pretend I'm Godzilla and just stomp
Or be a creature from the swamp

Make mud pies let them bake in the sun
Flap my arms like a bird when I run
**** it I just want to have fun

To see the world again trough the eyes of my inner child
When everything left me so beguiled
To see things in that why,has been such a very long while

Innocence left me at age eight
Since then all I've seen is hate
On a scale my misery would be hard to rate

Is it to much to ask for just ONE day
To go out and have some fun and play
Just one single solitaire day without the gray

Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
All of the masses
Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
Till they all become passive

Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
So they know longer have voices
Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
Till they no longer have choices

Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
Let them all become sheep
Keep them drugged, keep them drugged
Till their all nice and meek

With their drug addled mind
Their own thoughts will be hard to find
Then we'll input thoughts that are ours
For we are the great and mighty powers
We will tell them we know what's best
Not just for them but all of the rest

Like Sheppards to sheep we'll guide them along
And they will continue to sing our programmed happy song

For when the world starts to come to an end
We'll keep them drugged and tell them we are their friends
For when that day comes we'll shake and we'll sift
Pick out the good ones, drive the rest off a cliff

With my clothes in tatters, I stomp through the flood
Of demon and villagers body parts and blood

A steady straight line I trudged, my mother witch never taking my demon red eyes off
This was her only time to explain, her one shot

All the while vision flashed before my eyes
I watched my horrific child hood in my vision fly

I seen her hand me over, telling them to brand the symbols, do their worse
She wanted this girl child to hate, to feel that evil, and of all men curse

My mothers plan faild because of one tender hearted man
Who did put a brand a symbol of light, this she couldn't stand

So she cursed me, and with every good deed
The evil sunk in to plant the seeds

By the time the visions are through I was standing it front of her and the knight
Hissing the words through my teeth, "why did you want me on the side of the Evil Ones fight"

I stood there waiting, eyes glowing, teeth wrenching
Hands turning white from the fierce clinching

"My dear child I knew this day would come when the Dark Lord would be banished
And I as the leader would potrol the night with you by my side, oh the wonderful things on you I will lavish"

With that the sphere collapsed in on my kight and ****** out his life
There was a small twinge of pain, I flew at my mother, on was the fight
Killing him should of been my RIGHT

I committed the greatest evil,I wrapped my hands around my mother's neck and laced my fingers
She put up a hell of a fight, but I was younger and stronger in magic and strength, I choked her till no life lingered

And with that horrific evil act, the last brand sunk in to my skin
For it was the symbol of light, since the act was pure evil it was driven in

I was thrown and suspended into mid air
Pure white light shot out of my eyes, mouth and finger tips,raven black was now white hair

Transformation now complete
I gently touched down on my feet

I ran to my love, I flung myself on him
I cried and I tried every spell, I pleaded to the Gods, all of them
All to no end

So I gathered my self now a white headed witch with ink tattooed symbols covering my body
Evil still resides inside me but the light reigns, tho both are embodied


LEANA with a rush of air and a great flap of wings flew down by my side
I climbed upon her, she spirited me back to my woods so I could hide

My knights legend would live on in his deed
And in my womb he had planted his seed

He was now with his son in the netherworld, I'm sure he is watch over me and his daughter
He will see her with the love and magic of a white witch and his bravery she will have I will surly have his greatest
imprimatur

I'm looking for the Grim Reaper, we have a date
And he seems to be running late
We were supposed to meet years ago
And still here I am,he's a no show
I'm begaing to think he's avoiding me
I've felt his dark presence, but him I couldn't see
I tried to grab his sleeve
When with my sick mother he was about to leave
I stalked him to my dying uncles bedside
But again right by me he did slide
Reaper why do you play these games with me
Can't you let my death be
Do I need to write my name in blood
Do I need to let it be a flood
Grim Reaper I am gonna stalk you down
Until you finally put me under ground

Some people see me as a zero
But I'm a ******* hero

Everyday I survive
What would make other want to take a swan dive
Off the brige on 65

Everyday I survive
What would eat others up alive
In the chaos I thrive

Yes some people conceder that I'm a ******* zero
They can't see behind the mask that I'm a complicated hero

Everyday is a boulder
I must climb over
it all leaves me a little colder

Everyday is a boulder
Ment to roll me over
My life's a **** rollercoaster

Some people need to reconsider what makes someone a zero
Because everyday I fight to the end, plainly makes me a hero

Who knew nothingness could hurt so bad
Like the nothingness your words had
Nothing did they carry
In their nothingness my heart was buried
There was nothing when you looked into my eyes
Your nothingness made me cry
There was nothing in your hugs
Your nothingness Just made me shrug
Who knew nothing could hurt so bad
Your nothingness made me more than sad

The sun was shining very bright
In that very darkened night
He loved me with all his hate
Light as a feather under all his weight
Broken into pieces, he left me whole
I was blinded by the light in his black hole

The cast iron skillet of love
Fell on me from up above
No time for a warning to be said
It landed squarely on my head

Pain far from dull
It caved in my skull
Scrambled my brains
Let them all drain
Gray matter splatered
Nothing else mattered

An unstoppable event
It quickly came and went
It left my heart sore
My brains on the floor

I was very cautious
I knew if I wasn't what it would cost us
I made sure the bedroom was perfect
I wanted MY romantic affect
I hung the plastic, then the curtains
Bed exactly in the middle, I had to be certain
Lit a few candles
Then sliped on my dress, and my sandals

I cruise the street
For my baby to meet
I pick him up at the corner
My heart beats faster, my body warmer
We go back to my house
Where we start to mess about
I lead you to my bedroom
We'll be making love soon

To my bed you are shackled
You have no idea of my feeling of hackles
Straddling you, and ridding you like a horse
All the wail your loving it of course

With you still in me, I bring out my toys
They are only for my collection of boys

They are bright and shiny
I will not treat you kindly
They are so sharp they can split a hair
And in their refection you just stare
You can't believe what you see
As the look on my face is pure glee

You body starts to convulse and thrash
Then with my blades I start to slash
I plunge my toy in
With the evilest grin
I love the squirting gushing sound
It's all so profound

I have loved all my men
That's why I let no one chase them
Forever in death they are mine
I'm one of a kind

I slash him to ribbons
It's as fun as the dickens
He's still alive
And feels every vibe
Covered in blood
Our bodies fit like a glove

I slowly climb off top
And lop of his part
Blood sprays the room
Death will be here soon

I'm so happy I made it romantic
And taped up the plastic
I am the Black Spider
I **** all I desire

Here I am on this hamster wheel, I'm running so fast and getting nowhere
Going round and round, like a ******* nightmare
I'm starting to choke on all this despair

Every day is exactly the same
No wonder I'm not sane
Over and over I go again
This is so very far from zen

Any day I'm not hard to find
I'm just here amongst the grind
Forever running this rat race
Everyday it's always in my face

Running, and running on my wheel
Until one day over I just keel
Yes every day you'll find me here
Running on my hamster wheel

There in the belly of the city
Way down there where it's dark and gritty
Lives a very complexe man
There in his Window he stands
Watching the atrocities that parade down his street
He's seen the dealer's and the junkies meet
The homeless that set at their feet
The thugs that prey on the weak
Children abused that turn them meek
It plays out every day of the week

He's seen it all
He's watched humanity fall
It's hard for him to digest
On this life's problems his mind rest
He knows there's not much that he can do
He watches and writes it all down, he's one of the few
Sent to bear witness to the inhumanity of man
To make us think of where in this life we stand

Yes he is a poet
His watched it all and wrote it
He has a big heart
Which makes it hard to play his part
Of watcher in the tower
As those below cower
But his calling he is sure of
To watch the dying of love
To watch the darkness closing in
To watch all of man's sin
To sound the alarm
Of humanity going wrong

He stands at his Window and cries out
But no one pays attention to his shouts
So he soaks the page with ink and tears
Hoping that at last somebody hears

He took the drugs to ease his physical pain
He took the drugs to deal with all the strain
He took the drugs now it's in his brain
He took the drugs now he's stuck in the sick and twisted game

You'll find him there within his room
You'll find him there with the needle and the spoon
You'll find him there where the darkness looms
You'll find him there for the pain always resumes

I'm scared one day I'll find him there............that awful shade of blue

Little boy blue, for you I blow the horn
I wish you was just lost amongst the corn
But the monster came and snatched your hand
Lead you off to an angry foreign land
I can see you, but can't touch your frozen heart
You was such a loving child at the start
But my little boy has grown into an angry man
Now in this empty field I stand
A trillion tears I've cried for you
Of the loss of my little boy blue
Who's eye's use to look up to me with love
You are my only son sent from above
But now you've gone into the void
Your innocence and ability to love destroyed

A most gracefully bird, but not of the air
White caped waves are his clouds
Water proof feathers is what he wears
He stands on the beach mighty proud
His wings won't let him fly
But through the ocean he quickly glides
You'll never see him in the sky
Behind the corral is where he hids
When lion seals are on the prowl
His play ground is a winter wonderland
He is by far the best dressed fowl
With his dashing tuxedo he looks mighty grand
By design he was denied freedom of fight
But that my friend doesn't make him sad
For in the ocean so deep he reaches new heights
The icy slides are his launch pad
He certainly is a wonderful bird
To call him anything else would be absurd

Little bird little bird why do you sit there
in the middle of the road without even a care
did the other little birdies give you a dare
I'm afraid you haven't a prayer
You just set and you stare
So totally unaware
That you'll soon be a splat
Where your body once sat.

As the sun creases my eyes open
It ignites, starts an explosion
It continues the erosion
Inside my head
It all turns red
It's where it's bled

I shake the cobwebs from my head
Looking into the future with dread
New tragic things will come my way
Try as I might to keep it all at bay

The residue from last night's dream
The echo of my screams
The bright warm sunbeams
Can not chase away
The thoughts of the day
Where my demon play

I live a life where smiles are miracles
Happiness is only mythical
It all leaves me cold and miserable
Guess that's why I'm so cynical
All I really want is a life that's livable


So good morning people, don't mean to sound cynical
Hope your treasures safe from criminals
I hope your day is winnable

I've been treading water, trying not to drown
But I'm afraid, I'm finally going down
The waves are coming faster
And of self control I am no master
Should I hold my breath as I plunge
Or breath in the water and quickly this life expunge
I keep my eyes open as I am sinking
But I can't keep from blinking
When a colorful fish swims by
Then turned around and looked me in the eye
What he had to say gave me chills
"Why don't you just grow gills
We all must change and adapt
Or none of us would live through life's crap"
Wise words from a fish's lips
And if I survive, I'll never again eat fish and chips

Violent aggression
Extremely violated
****** beyond repair

The sun was shining very bright
In that very darkened night
He loved me with all his hate
Light as a feather under all his weight
Broken into pieces, he left me whole
I was blinded by the light in his black soul

Within my darkened hour
I lay upon my bed and cower
Waiting on the Grim Reaper to devour
I was waiting on that darkest beast
But Death wisps in and gently sealed my lips with a kiss of sweet release
And I become one of the blessed deceased

I'm not scared of the water, I'm scared of the river
I've seen what it can deliver

I'm not scared of being alone, I'm scared of being lonely
I have never been someone's one and only

I'm not scared of losing faith, I'm scared of losing hope
With out it I could not cope

I'm not scared of the anger, I'm scared of the rage
I keep it locked up tight in a cage

I'm not scared of pain, I'm scared of agony
In my life there has been to much tragedy

I'm not scared of hell, I'm scared of the fire
Look at all the sins I've acquired

I'm not scared of God, I'm scared of his wrath
He's always beating me over the head with his staff

Stop
Drop
And roll
This ***** is on fire, she's out of controll
Don't try to follow, you'll get lost in the flow
Like a rollercoaster she'll take you to the top
A hesitant stop
As you prepare for the drop
Then the ultimate roll
As she drops you in the hole
Where only the darkness dares to go
What is her goal
Is it to steal your soul

Hell no
She just wants to show
What it's like
On the tip of the spike
What it is to live her life
She'll give you the rhythm
Of what she's been given
She'll give you the rhyme
Of a life out of time
She'll show you the holes
Within her soul
Where the monsters took and stole
What happens when only agony grows

Stop
Drop
And roll
It's the only way to go
When you've turned to stone
Because every cut is to the bone
In her mind only demons roam
Every night is a fright
Everyday is a fight
So hold on tight
It's a ride for your life