I'm done for the day
What else can I say
I no longer want to play
Emotions starting to sway
My mask flew away

Leave me alone
I just want to go home
There's nowhere to roam
I'm turning off my phone
Gonna Lie down tired bones

I'm done for the day
Thoughts in disarray
They never obey
It's a feeling of dismay
Being life's proverbial prey

©Pauline Russell

An angel landed by my side
He spread his wings open wide
"Come here my child I'll let you hide"

"Come here I will protect
From all that would effect
I will not let any of that affect"

"You've been beaten, you've been bruised
You've been mislead, you've been used
Your past is misconstrued"

"I am your guardian angel, I am your sword
For you have been given to me, I am your ward
Sent to save you from the hoards"

"Of demons ment to do you in
They've toyed with you with their every whim
You have no need to suffer anymore within you skin"

I guess he thought I would run to him
But my anger towards this Angel was filled to the brim
He took to long to save me, now I'm standing on the rim

"Where was you, my sword wielding Angel for all those years
I was left to perish among my agony and fears
You showing up now, just grinds my gears"

I guess he was expecting me to be nice
I guess he didn't see my knife
Or he would of taken fight
I furiously cut he's wings off
Then I stood there and scoffed
"Now you will see
How it is to be
Stuck just like me"
The look on his face was priceless
I had taken away he's devices
Of soaring above the muck and the mire
Now in this demon ravaged land, with me he could expire

A tic for a tac
And all of that
Once gone, it'll never come back

A penny for your thoughts
Because that's all you got
Even after all you sought

What comes around goes around
By this law we are bound
Even when silence is the only sound

You'll find all that glitters is not gold
You must take solace in what you hold
Before it spoils and turns to mold

Stuck between a rock and a hard place
This seems to be a hard case
Just stay in this space

So bite the bullet, till you bite the dust
See everything through eyes of disgust
For every thing turns to rust

So burn the midnight oil
So time your plans won't foil
Curl in on it's self and recoil

For this world is as cold as ice
Nothing in this place is nice
It will beat you up more than thrice

Brain is fried
Hands are tied
Soul has died

Just pound that last nail in the coffin
Please do not speak of us often
We'll be in the ground just rotten

©Pauline Russell

A glass that is shattered can not be made whole
No matter how much you try no water will it hold
It remains cracked, brittle, and broken
No longer new, no longer a token
And with my life the same can be spoken

Sit right down let me tell you what we serve
You might think it quite absurd
But we only have just one dish
And it might even be what you wish

But apathy is our only course
I hope that is your choice
It's very easy to prepare
And everybody can have their share
If you don't like it we don't care

Empathy use to be our greatest cuisine
It really was quite supreme
But serving it was such a pain
And to admit it we are all just to vain
It took to much time
And it didn't pay a dime
We had to layer in the flavors
Of truly caring, love, patience, and of course life savers

Who has time for all of that, not us
We don't need all the fuss
For we only care about our own
To care about strangers we're not prone
Your tears we care nothing about
So just sit over there and pout

For we only serve one thing here.......apathy
We are to self-absorbed for.......empathy

You found my secret talents that I hide
Every one of them I make sure is applied
You make me feel so alive
After all our desire can't be denied
I enjoy the pleasure you provide
Being on top, I love the ride
Ooohhh, to feel the power of the slip and slide
Loving the feeling of you inside
Our bodies mesh as we collide
As in and out you gently glide
No position do we leave untried
Until at last, at a ****** we arrive
We hold on to each other for dear life, as the passion slowly subsides

Driving to work today
This is what I saw along my way
Vultures sitting on top of utility poles
As I traveled down the hot dusty road
Kinda makes me worried how todays gonna go
Not one, not two, but four I spied
Makes me want to turn tail and hide
They did not fly but had that look in their eyes
Patiently waiting for a great demise
But on I pressed with great foreboding
Wondering what the futures holding
Made it to work, everyone here is still alive
Thank God,because the old man is eighty five
Maybe the vultures are for me insteed
Maybe today is the day I'll end up dead

In the land of Gods and Monsters I am a fallen angel living in the garden of evil
Every creature there is ruled by needs that are primeval
With broken wings, broken heart, broken life
Living on the edge of a knife
One wrong step will be my last
Long ago my die was cast
Every night the monsters attack
Of my soul they make a snack
The Gods look on and laugh and point
I cry, I plead, but they will never anoint
I'm lost, I'm scared, but I'm trapped I can go no where
And there is nobody that loves or cares
And of all the wrong to me that's been done
Being left all alone is the most tragic one

The atoms around me are exploding
My body is eroding
Every particle of me is floating
It's all in my DNA coding
Starting my ascent
This I will not circumvent
Now I'm out in outerspace
Up to the great fates
The vibrant colors around me swirl
I'm no longer a person, no longer a girl
I am particals, I am pieces, I am atoms
Floating around like a phantom
Ground down so much I am star dust
Pushed along by the cosmic gust
Destined to land in another galaxy
Far away from all the inhumanity

I hear the scratching in my walls all night
It sounds to sinister it gives me a fright
It could be mice or maybe legions
Of some really ******* ****** demons
I hope it's just my ****** up imagination
Not again, my own damnation
Guess I'll just lay here and wait for the screaming
I've past insane, there's no redeeming

Laying on my back on my bed alone
Fingers laced, hands over my forehead
Fans mechanical whirring, trying to soothe my ravaged mind
Replaying in my head, every word exchanged on the phone
Moonlit shadows pirouette across my walls
Smoothly and so gradually they become our shadow selfs
Our very own love story playing out like a movie shown
At an old time drvin-in, the screen so big you can't miss a thing
It shows our endless nights of talking, about all our hopes and fears
And how we nurtured our love and respect and how it's grown
The shadows played on, to show that first ****** kiss
Our lips interlacing for what seems to be a life time
Two bodies entangling, if you listen you can even hear the moan
Our shadow selfs now inseparable, the rest of our lifes spent together
Even as the shadows slip across the screen and age creeps in
It is the greatest love story I have ever seen, it's our story that the moonlit matinee sown

The stars are falling from the sky
The moon no longer wains on high
It's grown dark and cold
For the sun has been sold
Darkness reigns
The demons run free, they're the few that remain
Human life is over
The Jinn dance on the clover
The lion will eat the lamb
The light no longer stands
The cloven hoofed one rules this world
The one with the horns that curled
The Banshee no longer screams
Everyones already dead it seems
The shadow men walk to and fro
With no particular place to go
Only the creatures of the night thrive
Eating off of the dead one's hide
Vampires slowly die
With no human blood supply
So demons, ghost and Jinn
Is all the company the cloved one has with him
What a sad creature he has grown to be
How he begs for the light to see

Can you hear them whispering
There inside my brain
Can you hear them tinkering
Trying to shake lose what is sane
Can you hear them Clamouring
There inside my mind
Can you hear them favouring
With sadness all they find
Can you hear them plotting
There inside my cranium
Can you hear them knotting
All my thoughts till thier alien
Can you hear them screaming
There inside my brain
Can you hear them scheming
They are driving me insane


The voices here inside my skull
Are always chattering, never a lull
They are bent on my destruction
At first it was a sweet seduction
Now it's a roaring wave
Trying my head to cave
I can hear them as plain as day
Can you hear them what they say
Those voices in my head
All them yelling, one thing said
They only want me dead

Will we meet upon the green grass hill
Will you come and sit with me still
Underneath the old oak tree
We can sit and gaze at the sea
We can watch the white top waves
As it beats toward the caves
The sea foams frothy white at the wide open mouth
And when the wind blows from the south

You can almost hear the pirates song
When they use to visit the cave, but those years are long gone
That's where they use to hide their treasures
But now only the waves laps in at it's leisure

You once asked me,"why don't you explore the cave by the sea"
"To find diamonds and the gold that there might be"
I only shot you a smile
Because I knew all the while
I had all ready found my diamond
And around you my arms I tightened

But that was many years ago
And the winds of time did blow
It aged our bodies, and took you away
So I made that climb up hill today

To sit up under that old oak tree
To reminisce of what use to be
To hold tight the ghost of your memory
For that's one thing time can't take from me

Let me be, or I'll explode
I'm not a possession to be sold
Don't enter my life
Thinking you can give me strife
Don't convince your self that I can't see
The way your trying to control me
Don't think your sweet pretty words
Will make my vision blurred
That I'll over look your snide remark
Or ignore the side of you that's dark
I'm not naive to you wicked thoughts
As you try to twist emotions up in knots
So don't walk away, run
Before I bring out my gun
And shoot you down
Like a rabid hound
And leave nothing to be found.
With a grin I'll bury you in the ground
Because you think your so hard to decode
But leave me be, before I explode!!!!

Will we meet upon the green grass hill
Will you come and sit with me still
Underneath the old oak tree
We can sit and gaze at the sea
We can watch the white top waves
As it beats toward the caves
The sea foams frothy white at the wide open mouth
And when the wind blows from the south

You can almost hear the pirates song
When they use to visit the cave, but those years are long gone
That's where they use to hide their treasures
But now only the waves laps in at it's leisure

You once asked me,"why don't you explore the cave by the sea"
"To find diamonds and the gold that there might be"
I only shot you a smile
Because I knew all the while
I had all ready found my diamond
And around you my arms I tightened

But that was many years ago
And the winds of time did blow
It aged our bodies, and took you away
So I made that climb up hill today

To sit up under that old oak tree
To reminisce of what use to be
To hold tight the ghost of your memory
For that's one thing time can't take from me

Our souls are reaching out, calling one to another
Can you hear it, it sounds so much like thunder
It pulls at every single atom
It's stronger than anything you can fathom
It's like a might magnet, deep inside our bones
Pulling at each other till in your arms I'm home

Wings where broken it couldn't fly
Nothing to do but stand by
Watching her spirit slowly die

There is an emotional graveyard in my back yard
It's for all the feelings that die, and I discard

Innocence was the first to fall
But isn't it always that one for us all

Happiness fallowed soon after that
Because my life quickly turned to crap

Trust was the next to bite the dust
For self preservation it was a must

Ignorance was the very next one
I swiftly learned life's lessons
Under the gun

Love has entered and been dug up from the ground
But each time I bury it a little father down

Sympathy can also out there be found
It's right over there it's the biggest mound

Desire and all the stuff I crave
Is right here in this shallow grave

Lust that I mistook for love one to many times
Deep is it's hole it was such a vicious crime

Joy also has it's place among the markers
It couldn't be saved by the therapist or doctors

Anger was the last that went underground
I just couldn't take any more of it's horrific sound

You'll notice pain, agony, and strife
Very much still have lots of life
So also is fear and my darkness
I have placed their markers after all I'm heartless

And that last little plot way over there
Under the Weeping Willow dug with such care
It's stone only has dates and dashes
That's for my shell when it finally crashes
For it will be hollow void of all emotion
To lie in that grave will be such a promotion

Taught of fear in my youth
Never to be told the truth

Fear of the night
Fear of the sight
Fear of a turn on the light

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Fear of the abuse
Fear of the accuse
Fear of forever being used

Taught of anger in my childhood
Never again would I be understood

Anger of the touch
Anger of the clutch
Anger that it was to much

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Anger of the madman
Anger of the evil plan
Anger that I will never again stand

Taught darkness in my young years
Never thought I'd live my life in tears

Darkness of the need
Darkness of the deed
Darkness that is where I bleed

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Darkness of the ****
Darkness of the numb
Darkness that is what I've become

Like a white bird in a blizzard
I'm invisible
In middle is where I'm delivered
Battling the freezing storms
No one notices, but that's the norm
The battles I wage are as silent
As the first feathery snows at night
This world is cold and cruel
There is no golden rule
One of these days when you finally look, I'll be found
Lying frozen to the ground

Have you ever wondered
What it's like to live a life that's been plundered
Body and emotions *****
What kind of monstrous life it shaped

Let me tell you a story
I apologize now, it maybe a little gory
It's about a little girls life
How she was forced to walk on the edge of the knife

The sadness started at her birth
At this event there was no mirth
Before her a brother at 4 months had died
She was not born a boy so her mother cried
But she was the apple of her Dad's eye

So for the next 7 years
Her world was full of cheer
Except for her mother's geers

There was mud pies
Sunny sky's
Bicycle rides
Slip and slides
Camping trips
Potato chips
Fishing poles
Daddy's hand to hold
Big sisters kisses
Mother's suppers delicious

Then came the split
Her heart was ripped

A dad rarely seen
A mother that was mean
Then came the step dad, what he did was obscene

A mom never knowing
Around the girl the darkness was growing
The keys on his belt jingled down the hall
He was coming to call
Under the covers the girl of 8 cowered
For he held all the power

Step dad beat the girl's mom all the time
He threatened the child, "tell no one, I claim you as mine"
She told not a soul, not even her Dad
She was afraid step dad would hurt him bad
Besides a new family with a new baby boy her Dad had

So she suffered in silence till the age of 14
When thinking back on what her years had gleaned
For her dad had recently passed away
It made her heart cave
She made a trip to the cemetery laid down on his grave
Took a handful of sleeping pills, death she craved
To her disappointment around noon the next day she woke up
Trudged back home, knowing she would have to drink the wrath from her mother's cup

Fast forward a few years
There was still plenty of tears
The sins of a mother is like no other
On the little girl they covered and smothered
The little girl knowing only pain as love
The girl married a man that beat and shoved

After four kids of her own, 3 daughters and a son
She found the key to her rusty cage and made a run
She was bound and determined thier childhood would be full of fun

For man's wicked way she had been shown
So for 13 years her and her kids lived all alone
She tried her hardest to protect them from the monsters
Only family was let close enough to love and foster

She didn't realize her mother had married ANOTHER *******
The little girl's  SON'S soul was tossed into the fire
Though she questioned her children all the time, the results was the same
Her son suffered in silence and shame
Even though the little girl didn't know, she was mom and she was to blame
All of her love couldn't heal her sons pain

The years ticked by
She lived under the darkest of skies
Her son's anger grew
He's words created scars that where new
Along with the constant every two year visits of the abusive alcoholic she had once been chained to

That girl decided her kids where grown and with her life she was through
Swallowed two bottles of pills
Praying it would cure all her ills
She went behind the veil to the dark quite abyss
Her children would be all she missed
Much to her chagrin
Those doctors brought her back to life again

Fast forward just two more years
There would be new founded fears
That abusive alcoholic made another visit, dragged her to the woods
***** her in the worst way he could
He left her miles from nowhere, bruised and bartered
More holes in her soul, ripped and tattered

That was a year ago
The darkness from it all still grows
She struggles every day
As she tries to keep the demons and darkness at bay
For her thoughts heavily weigh
When she thinks back on her life in decay

Are you wondering what happened to that little girl lost
How she lives on still paying the cost

Well you see
That Little girl is me

I'm still all alone
In my bedroom at home
That is where I cry
Screaming at a non existing God why
Why, I was only given a few happy years
With agony the rest was filled
Not understanding why I was spit out of deaths mouth, just to be ***** again
Tell me God, at the age of 8 what was my sin
Why was I condemned
Never to see blue skies again

Walk with me into the void of nothingness
There is no need to even get dressed

For there is no,when or how
There is no holy cow
There is no God or Satan
It's a fact I am stating

In the void nothing exist
It's more than just a wish
There are no demons or monsters
Nothing you can foster

There is no flesh and bone
No skill that you must hon
No beating heart to shatter
There certainly is no clatter

Only darkness surrounds you
For light is absent too
It is not cold or hot
Darkness is all it's got

The void is peace and quite
There is no need to riot
It welcomes everyone
Discrimination there is none

The void is where I am heading
This earthly body I am shedding
I've lived in the gray my whole life
I'm ready for an end to the strife

So off to the void I go
I will bring nothing in tow
It's not an end, but a winning
I'm finally at the begaining

Alone again, on the same furrowed land
Knees trembling to much to stand
I find my feet firmly planted in quicksand

I'm sinking yet AGAIN
There is no need to pretend
My situation is to much to comprehend

I'm tired of all the abuse
Forced into being a lonely recluse
I once again raise my flag of truce

This suffering is way to much to bear
So I let go, raise my hands into the air
To an uncaring entity, I offer my last prayer

I hear the last toll of the bell
As the tears in my eyes swell
Sinking into my own personal hell

I watch my life slowly dissipate
I listen to the last beat beneath my breastplate
I could no longer carry the weight

Found someone, fits like a charm
Never mind false alarm.

I was ******* when I heard the fire
I was ******* in your attire
I was ******* I am all you desire
I was ******* I was your live wire
I was ******* you made me moan like a choir
I was ******* when you started that bush fire

Wings where broken it couldn't fly
Nothing to do but stand by
Watching her spirit slowly die

You know how the story goes
A little girl thrown in the rabbit hole
Sides to steep so there she stays
For years and years and days and days

As she grew the hole got deeper
The world was determined there to keep her
It did a really good job
For living in the hole was very hard

Every time she seen the light
The universe would put up a fight
So she never reached the top
She was always stoped

Now even her bones have gotten cold
In the abyss she's grown gray and old
For others sin's she was made to atone
Her only defence was to turn to stone

She never did get out
Through she fought every bout
In every fight she was knockout
So if you see a statue in the abyss
You will know who it is

Everyone has their daily struggles
But with depression it's more than doubled
I rise each day to face the sun
But a part of me just wants to run
To hide away and lock the door
Or **** someone and settle the score

The wounds inflected on me I can not hide
You can see them all plainly on every side
They are apart of me, inside and out
I've been prey to many, and my trophy head they mount
In their memory of victims, I'm another count

They did it slow, they took their time, in no hurry
Then sent me off to the f**king taxidermy

They cleaned me up and stuff in the saw dust
But all you see standing before you, is just my crust.

I am the frozen lock
I am the stopped clock
I am the sand
That slips through your hands

I am the black sheep
I am the freak
I am the hungry  beast
That's never satisfied with the feast

I am the snake
I am the earthquake
I am the boat
That just won't float

I am the rope
I am the loss of hope
I am the godless
For no one can stop this

I am the dead
I am all you dread
I am all but gone
So very far from strong

I am the walking cadaver
I am the shatter
I am the gray matter
That out of my head splattered

There is mayhem in the sky today
The trees are so excited, they dance and sway
They like me, love the power that's unleashed
Hopefully it's all day before an ****** is reached
The lighting the thunder, is the sky crying out in pleasure
The intensity is hard to measure
Thunder rolls on at it's leisure
As the clouds rain down it's treasure
The earth greedily ***** up the flood
The ground turns liquid, turns to mud
Dark clouds building up, you can feel the emergency
Till it's dark as midnight, feel the urgency
Darkness and mayhem brings on the strife
As mother nature's ******* brings fourth life

There is mayhem in the sky today
The trees are so excited, they dance and sway
They like me, love the power that's unleashed
Hopefully it's all day before an ****** is reached
The lighting the thunder, is the sky crying out in pleasure
The intensity is hard to measure
Thunder rolls on at it's leisure
As the clouds rain down it's treasure
The earth greedily ***** up the flood
The ground turns liquid, turns to mud
Dark clouds building up, you can feel the emergency
Till it's dark as midnight, feel the urgency
Darkness and mayhem brings on the strife
As mother nature's ******* brings fourth life

I found that I was talking to myself tonight
No one in the room just me and the light

I think I've done lost it, that one final piece
There is now nothing in my head to decrease

Out of my cranium it must have crept
I bet you it did it last night while I slept

Now I'm talking right out loud
As if in my room there was a big crowd

Yep, it's official.......it is all gone
Yep, I think it left right around dawn

Wait for it.....wait....there it is, I just answered myself
Maybe I should go with the other crazies upon the shelf

Altho as I listen, I think I'm quite right
It's the most intelligent things I've heard in many a night

Yep, that proves, it I'm totally insane
It's done been let off of it's chain

Oh well what use is there to having one
It was never in use when I was having fun!!!!

On nights like tonight
I take my knife
And whittle
Just a little
And you can make sure
It all just becomes a blur
But I am so numb
I let the blood come
I know I'll survive
I just need to know I'm alive

Useless memories that only makes me bleed
I'm about to give up, about to coincide
Lifes a joke and I'm the punch line
I'm on the wheel of time
Spinning around throwing sparks in the grind
Knowing full well things will never be fine
I never was something
About to become nothing

Out in the woods I took a stroll
But the trial was getting mighty droll
So off into the thicket I dared go

The further I went the thicker it got
But I was determined to find what I sought
I was so tired of these overwhelming thoughts

The trorns stretched out and cut thin lines
My hands got entangled within the vines
This seems to be a constant thyme of mine

But I pushed on, pushed through Even though the pain grew
Had I bitten off more than I could chew

The brambles I was currently entangled in
Went on, and on much to my chagrin
I couldn't even tell where I had been

I sat right down there amongst the thorns
Why did I never listen to that voice that warns
But I never did, I always meet the bull by the horns

About to give up, about to coincide
But what happened next was hard to believe
A crimson red bird flew down and sat by me

He started to sing of better days of better ways
He sang of greener pastures in which to graze
Even if on my hands and knees a trail I must blaze

"So don't give up" he screeched as he flew
"Your trials will be a lot more than a few"
"But pushing on I know you can do"

So that I did, on my hands and my knees
I knew perseverance held the keys
I would be as brave as my ancestors, the Cherokees

When I finally broke through, dog tired and ******
Body covered in the thorny cuts, face muddy
I looked like a severely beaten puppy

But as I looked down on the valley below
I let all of that go
I was now within nature's wonderful flow

The smell of honeysuckle and lilacs did mingle
A scent so delectable it made my senses tingle
The dew on the vibrant green grass, like diamonds did twinkle

I'm so glad even though sorrow overflowed my cup
That I didn't give in to all of this world's snubs
I pushed on and didn't give up

Life is an oxymoron, on that you can depend
For now that I'm at the end
My life can truly begin

I'll give you the knife and show you how to hurt me where to cut deep
I give you my love, and my trust
I'll tell you all the secrets I keep
I pray you love me just as much
Your love I want to reap
So please don't use that knife, don't ******

Because you could rip me apart
I am trusting in you
Not to cut out my heart
For I would bleed out, and death would ensue
For I have loved you from the very start
Please baby don't leave me cold and blue

I  am not afraid of my truth anymore
And I will not omit pieces of my gore
Just to make you a bit more at ease
I will say and do as I please

I am a black sheep
I am a freak
I am not that stable person you seek
My past and future reek

I meditate
I hesitate
I contemplate
I self medicate

I'm a complicated person
Of that I am certain
I am not whole
I lost my soul
I've grown cold
But thats the way it goes
When there are holes
Because of pieces stole

I'm not afraid of my truth
No need to become a sleuth
I confess, it started in my youth

A step dad that loved to much
His putrid touch
Years spent in his clutch

I am a black sheep
I am a freak
I am not that stable person you seek
My past and future reek

A heartless mother
That just smothered
One sister and two dead brothers
Agonizing events, one after another

Heartless men
Used and sinned
Life in a spin
Latter in life ***** again

Sanity gone
Done so wrong
Growing weak, no longer strong
Just part of my sad life's song
If I wrote it all, this poem would be to long

On the futuristic cartoon the Jetsons
They had phones with projections
I thought it was so grand
That in front of that screen they could stand
And see who they where talking to
What a wonderful thing to be able to do

Now it is common place
Our loved ones face
Can travel through space
It shrinks the miles that separate
And I think that's just great

Now we can Skype
And all of that like
We can take our phone
And bring loved ones along as we roam
It's almost like them being home
And on and on we can drone
Or our imagination we can flex
And even have cyber ***

I hope who created it was inspired
By the thoughts they acquired
By watching that simple cartoon
Because it brought us all a little more attuned

The memory of what he did brought even more memories to mind
Slow at first but picking up speed, it's all starting to unwind
I don't want to look, I don't want to find
But when I close my eyes there they are right behind

It's been almost a year, but all these thoughts have come rushing in
Because it is mushroom season again
The woods I would have to go within
I always loved to romp about out there,but now thoughts twist and bend
Losing my sanctuary was the greatest sin

Dragging me out to my beautiful wood, so I could be his prey
The feel of the freash damp earth under foot, birds chirping in the trees, I will remember it ALL till my dying day

My hands tied behind my back, it would be easier for him that way
He pushed me to my knees, invading me from behind just like my step daddy did so a ****** I'd stay
He knew it would bring back those memories of my yesterday's

With that veil evil deed, so many things got lost
My woods, singing birds, the river's bend, what a cost
No more fishing, no more camping, no place to take off my disguise
No sanctuary to run to, all of this I'm starting to realize

He was an intelligently crazy
He was destroy the last place that was my safety
He was taking my last bit of joy I could get
He was very cunning in that, I'll have to admit

He found away to continue to bring me agony
After all these years he couldn't just let me be
He made my tormented life worse by many degrees
So now standing at the edge of the woods I freeze

He took my place
To feel warm and safe
New and catastrophic agony is now a cold fire inside
There is no place to hide
It's left me fighting hard not to end it all and die

Soon my friend you will unfold
For I know the deeds you hold
For you shine with the gleamer of hope
When with all the agony I can't cope

Soon my friend you will drip precious rubies
You will comfort and sooth me
When nothing else can console
You are there to create the flow

Soon my friend you'll bite my skin
Save me from the sorrow that's within
You'll transfer the pain swelling in my head
You'll drip with precious rubies bright and red

On the verge of suicide
Who would really care if I died
No one thats who
I just want to be through
A few might cry reflecting on there own lifes
But no tears for me, I was just a passerby
If I just disappeared would anybody notice
I'm counted among the hopeless
So very friendless
My life is meaningless
This life plays on my weakness
I am no longer fearless
I live in constant darkness
I'm sinking into the great abyss
And this tattered life I will not miss
So swallow down these pills I might
I'm really tired of this fight
The demons are gonna win this one
The voices I couldn't over come
It's to hard to fight them off alone
So the darkness has just grown
It was companionship that I craved
Don't leave any flowers on my grave

I nearly forgot my broken part
Till you took a blowtorch and cauterized my heart
You devastated me, with your art

Don't think of yourself as smart
In love my brain from my heart departs
I always put the horse behind the cart

The stars are falling from the sky
The moon no longer wains on high
It's grown dark and cold
For the sun has been sold
Darkness reigns
The demons run free, they're the few that remain
Human life is over
The Jinn dance on the clover
The lion will eat the lamb
The light no longer stands
The cloven hoofed one rules this world
The one with the horns that curled
The Banshee no longer screams
Everyones all ready dead it seems
The shadow men walk to and fro
With no particular place to go
Only the creatures of the night thrive
Eating off of the dead one's hide
Vampires slowly die
With no human blood supply
So demons, ghost and Jinn
Is all the company the cloved one has with him
What a sad creature he has grown to be
How he begs for the light to see

The earth is the devils playground
Fear He loves to spread all around
On friday the 13th He turned it lose on France
He let his minions do their dance
There is no way of stoping him
He does whatever he wants on a whim
He minions number in the millions
Never knowing which ones they are, they look like civilians
The devil entices them to blow themselfs up
He whispers lies, "you'll be drinking from that heavenly cup"
The devil knows there will be more
Trillions of them wanting to settle the score
All we can do is pray to a callous God, who long ago quit listening to our cries
Us never knowing why
So we bury our dead
Try to comfort ourselves with something inspirational said
As we watch the earth turning red

When life gets to hard
And everything feels charred
And this world gives you nothing but ****.......
........
Dung beetle it

There's alway this glass, this screen, this wall
I can still feel the call
Fearful of the fall

Still I fight on, trying to break through
As bearers grew
I act the fool
With myself always in a dual

So no matter who wins
I will remain penned
I will remain dead
For my soul holds nothing but dread

In my dream the other night
Meteors where in flight
They streaked across my midnight sky
Like fireworks on the 4th of July
Forever screaming through space
Far above this sad human race
As I watched such beauty rain through the heavens
The nightingale's song did beckon

It brought my attention back to the ground
Horrified by what I found
Hairless apes that swung down from the trees
Are now on bended knees
I heard them praying to their Gods
They seemed to be at odds
I seen them on their bellies crawl
Look up to the sky in awe
For they feared his wrath
They feared his laugh
Praying to an unseen entity
When mother nature held the remedy

I turn my attention back to the star sprinkled sky
But even there thing's where starting to go awry
The sky was falling into the deepest darkest hole
A hole so greedy it refused to even let the light go
The world started to spin
The hairless apes screamed it was because of the other man's sin
Refusing to see sin belongs to each of them
Instead they just chartered
About the depravity of one another, none of it matter

Colors no one had ever seen swirled by
It was the most pleasing journey to the eye  
As I rode the earth into the void
Streaking into the blackness like an asteroid
Relishing the thought human nature would soon be destroyed

But I fell like a stone
Waking up in my bed alone
T.V. showing the morning news
Terrorist plotting against the Jews
Everyone hating on one another
Their religion is their cover, trying to use it to smother
Them apes are to blind to see
That thier imaginary entity
Is the original sin
Another reason for men to hate men

She stared out her window, it was scary and dark
Harvest Moon reminding her of all she forgot
The crickets sweet song, was a deafening roar
Harvest Moon calling, come and explore

This night and what would transpire, she already knew
The fear of it all, invaded her mind and grew
She decided to be brave and examine it all
It was the end she feared, not the fall

Harvest moon hung in the sky big and bright
She ventured outside in the soft orange light
The fireflies fluttered and danced under the trees
The leaves rustled with the chilly northern breeze
Her eyes darted and searched, fear clung to her
"why did this orange night occur "
She always thought this night would be red
Not this beautiful orange hue of the moon instead

The shadows reached out to her soul and beckoned
Feet hesitating for only a short second
Now deep in the woods no light escaped through
Harvest Moon not seeing her, once orange turned blue

The owls asked her questions
That we dare never mention
She answered them all with tears and with truth
Oooh those owls where such cunning sleuths
She walked on through the forest decay
Telling the shadows of memories to just stay away

She broke through the dark tree line
Leaving those deep inky shadows behind
She had came to a field of bittersweet wheat
Her fingertips brushed the tops as she walked with bear feet

Harvest Moon smiling to see she made it through
Her mind was the forest where the dark thoughts flew
Nightingales came to sing a song of rebirth
For that is what happens when you leave this earth

She stood in that field ready and willing
For the razor sharp scythe to do it's reaping
In the soft orange glow of that night
Harvest Moon made everything right
Her sorrowful life over with a whimper, not a boom
You'll find her up there visiting that glorious Harvest Moon

I hear the scratching in my walls all night
It sounds to sinister it gives me a fright
It could be mice or maybe legions
Of some really ******* ****** demons
I hope it's just my ****** up imagination
Not again, my own damnation
Guess I'll just lay here and wait for the screaming
I've past insane, there's no redeeming