I cradle hurricanes in my ribcage
while words swirl around my head.
I try to catch the good ones-
but mostly, I wish I was dead.

I do everything too much-
the joy, the sorrow, the dread.
Yet somehow, I’m never enough-
what a curious truth to be force fed.

If I laugh, it’s always too loud;
my mouth too sharp to make anyone proud.
Crying is a dangerous game,
I could sob away a city, drown in the blame.

My rage leaves no survivors,
as if I line people up on personal pyres.
When I vent, they hear preaching-
a sermon no one wants, a fear of my leeching.

I don’t love, I dissect-
obsessively search for the trap I expect.
I can’t just leave; I burn it all down-
the bubbly, funny girl wears a permanent frown.

I do too much and my inner child feels seen,
She's acting out, we aren't this mean
I just get scared when the vibe is off, and ruining the mood makes the blow more soft.

Despite the chaos I still crave love, an equal partner, wearing fireproof gloves.

When I am silent,
and it’s all said and done,
will you bask in the quiet-
happy you’ve won?

No more complaints
slipping past my lips,
just peaceful quiet
and sometimes a kiss.

Will you be smug
while you rant through the day,
watching me nod along
with nothing to say?

That’s all you wanted, right?
Obedient peace.
An interesting woman to meet,
until she becomes what you please.

Or will you miss my words?
My fire? My song?
Will you miss my ranting?
Will my silence feel wrong?

Will you look in my eyes
and see through the glass?
There’s nothing there anymore-
only what you ask.

I wish I lacked empathy.
I don’t want to feel.
I don’t want to see signs.
I don’t want to be real.

One minute, I’m fine—
then my soul explodes in my chest.
I wish I didn’t see that.
But I did. And now, no rest.

I wish I could shrug,
say “that’s not my concern,”
but every flicker of pain
Causes my stomach to hurt.

I notice the silence,
the shift in your tone—
there's nothing in your voice
It's all I think about alone.

This is why I'm standoffish and stick to just me
There's no ache in loneliness
At least not the kind that stings

Maybe I'll make friends but that feels like betrayal
These self imposed rules- a safe fortress failure

I wish I didn’t feel
At least not to this extent
My day was going so good
But I ruined it again

Wash your hair
Pretend to care
Sit and stare
That feelings there

Perpetually lost
Figuratively stuck
Exhaustingly overworked
Disgustingly underpaid
Literally confused
Effortlessly cliche
Beautifully me

One day
Some day
Probably soon
I'll be nothing
Dust on the moon

Never could be solid
Never could be whole
Never found a way
To fit into the mold

Bleeding through the pages
Crossing all the lines
Aching in my soul
Pretending I'm just fine

This ache is such a feeling
A hard one to forget
I've never been without it
Yet I never do regret

Some souls can do wonders
And others are so wise
Some of us are filler
Background till our bland demise

Not quite meant for great things
Just put out here to live
I wanted to be special
My expectations I must forgive

I can't live up to her
Never will live up to him
Living up to myself?
A barren truth discovered on a whim

So hush now, do be quiet
It's so loud in my mind
I'm so sick of noise
Leaving thoughts of grandeur behind

Staring at a wall
No time to even blink
Living a life mentally
Reality making me sink

Such a twisted sickness
Being great in your head
Wasting all your hours
Decaying in your bed

Feet that once danced so
Unashamed through city lights
Lips made for conversations
Slowly stitched shut for the last time

A heart made for adventure
A soul yearning for great love
Bones that take you nowhere
And fears of all the above

Whispering so loudly
Yet speaking so **** low
"She never did make sense,
Never knew quite where to go"

A recipe for disaster
Chaos by her hand made
Falling slowly then faster
Replacing parachutes with grenades

"You made your bed now sleep in it"
Is what they like to say
But I never made my bed
Yet here I am destined to lay

So tomorrow I will fix it
A new lovely day for change
A promise never kept though
Being true to myself is strange

You'd think it would be freeing
To live right here, right now
But possibilities are endless
I'm overwhelmed- I must lie down

But now please don’t do that
My nervous system shouts at me
You'll never overcome fear
Hiding from the world in sheets

If I’m a walking lesson,
well, you never learned to read.
We waste away the hours,
you just take and take to feed.

You claim that I am guarded,
all traps and tricks to test,
but you charge ahead so reckless,
never slowing, never rest.

You bleed against my defenses-
spikes, blades, and trap doors.
Yet instead of asking questions,
you argue who hurts more.

If I’m your greatest lesson,
the one you won’t discern,
is it that you fear to stay here,
or to leave and ache, and yearn?

If I could sit you down and make you understand my mind I would
I want to love you
I want to be loved by you
It's not that easy
Relationships are a love triangle
You, me, and my brain
My intrusive thoughts don't know when to shut up
A protective friend
A possessive ex
Always there
Hard to ignore
Eventually you'll grow tired of them popping up
But they can't be blocked
Can't put a restraining order on my mind

I'm just a bitter soul
In love with love
And my idealizations
I see your potential
Know what you could be
Push you to be your best
Know what we could be
But at the end of the night
That's not you
And my inbox is still empty

My mother is stronger everyday
Or maybe she's always been
This way
And I'm just now paying attention.

Maybe I'm just now seeing her daily struggles
Understanding her pain
Past and present.

Just now noticing how having a baby
At 16
Changes you forever
Never knowing who she could have been.

Always knowing I ruined chances at her dreams
Not that she would ever say that
But I did.

Every day passing seeing her more tired than yesterday
Working constantly since I can remember
Always being the supporter.

Just now wondering if she ever wonders who will support her
Or how we will function
Without her.

We won't.
It took me 20 years to appreciate my mother
And I'll never take her for granted again.

I find solace in the quiet,
And see comfort in the loss.

I need to sit and contemplate with my own thoughts.

I'm easily persuaded
Then my mind gets all mixed up
I like it better lonely, it's being together that's tough.

I want to forget what I said
But I want to remember how it feels

Never will I learn
To stay away from fire
Aware that I will be burned
Yet still I crave its heat

I’m not a morning person,
And I’ve never liked birds,
But today I sat outside
With my coffee in hand.

Yeah, it was hot,
But the heat felt good on my skin,
Like the sun was embracing me
As he rose from his slumber,
Like I was the first thing he reached for
When he woke up.

The breeze swayed the grass gently,
Carrying quiet secrets in its sigh,
And for a moment I wondered
If mornings had always felt this kind,
Or if today was just different,
Because I finally let myself enjoy it.

It was a good morning,
My thoughts finally at ease.
I’ve always loved the sunset,
But watching the sky fade
From cool blues to warm hues
Felt special in a way I didn’t expect.

I'll write you a letter
That you'll never see,
I hope to feel better,
Go back to being me

My cheeks are rosy,
You're making me blush,
This flirty little game
Is a heavenly rush.

Everything feels lovely
When it’s all brand new,
Overthinking tomorrow?
I’m really trying not to.

So tell me I’m pretty again,
I’ll reward you with a smile,
Maybe we won’t get married,
But I could enjoy this awhile.

You brush hair from my face,
Soft touch, sweet and shy,
Little moments like this
Are reasons I sigh.

Your laugh makes my chest ache,
It’s light, it’s carefree,
I tuck it away safely
As a secret just for me.

Dance with me in the street
While we're still young and free,
Whimsically fall in love
Until you start to resent me.