across from me,  
a god so i thought he seemed.
ink and paper in front of my eyes,
i sketched him out.
and too my surprise
something so frigtening
on the white sheet.
I can’t run now
he’s watching me.

i remember a time
i was a bird, free from her cage.
finally spreading my wings.
i flew as fast as i could.
and when the small metal
opening that was keeping me locked in
had finally opened,
i got to show the world
how i soar.

will the ache in my bones ever end ?

i've created many storms inside myself
i'm afraid to cry now
when i do
it releases from my body
the lighting strikes
the thunder begins to clap
the wind is very strong
and its destroying everything it its path

a needle
a spool of thread
you offered to sew me back together
you helped take the stitches out
of the wounds you made

beauty is not defined by
the colors of pigment you brush onto your skin
to hide what you believe are flaws.
its not defined by the fibers you glue onto
your eye lids.
nor the creams and glosses you swipe upon your lips.
beauty is not defined by the skin tones
that rest on top of your bones,
or what colors of silk lay upon your head.

beauty lies peacefully within the soul, mind, and spirit.

you are beautiful.

sometimes i miss waking up next to
someone
but if i woke up to a body that wasn't yours
i'd be disappointed

that’s the only lullaby I’ll ever need
So keep letting your heart beat sing me to sleep

my past lies behind me
like the hairs that are tangled
into a bun resting on the back of my neck
like the world that dangles in my rear view mirror of my vintage
car with the torn seats
it comes to me daily
in everything i do
its there
it always will be there
but my future reminds me as its gushing through my windshield onto my face
its making my long brunette waves shimmer
and my olive skin glow
that something brighter is ahead

how do i fix myself when
i don't even know what broke me
in the first place.

you poured gasoline
inside of my lugs
you struck the match
and watched as the inferno begun

saying i love you
to get you to stay
was like burning my
tongue on a sip of black coffee


-its scorching me

my hopes are so high
i hope they don't crash
because i'm not sure
if they'll survive the landing

i didn't wake up one morning
and decide to stop loving you
i'd never be that cruel

Cause my demons bloomed like flowers, and I plucked them up for hours.

i was the flesh you needed
to cover your aching bones
but then your skeleton
decided he didn't need a home

Like two thunderstorms that came
From opposite directions
Colliding
And caused mass destruction
That’s exactly what happened when our souls met

my heart was started to skip beats
my hands trembling
my head was spinning
sweating
nausea
lethargic
every noise i heard started to
sound like nails on a chalk board
i was confused
i reached for a body that was no longer settled into my sheets
as the pupils of my amber colored eyes had dilated
i was seeing double of you
was this a nightmare
i was detaching from you
my drug
with drawls had begun

you got stuck
in that same
place you begged me
to help you out of
sinking
like quick sand
now all i can do is
sit back
and watch you drown
in your past

you are serotonin and dopamine

i'm so high

but drug free

how do I begin to
let my mind process the thoughts
of giving my body to someone else?
when I don’t even feel like its mine in
the first place.

i once had dreams
but no matter how hard i tried never could i achieve them
while the years flew by my world remained the same
and i watched as my dreams seemed to scatter to everyone but me

he's a Saturday morning sunrise
he's a best friend
and the love of my life
he's a warm cup of coffee
he's a late night movie
he's everything i wanted
and everything love should be

and if i never find another soul to love, i'll be okay with yours being the last.

you told me you loved me a thousand times
you didn't say it with you voice
you said it with your eyes

my dreams had faded
like photos that had been hanging
on the walls for too long
once the summer sun
starting sizzling outside
dwindling out
as the seconds went by.

i think we’ve all fallen down a time or two in life.
it's the ways we’ve chosen to get back up that makes us powerful

If you like fanning the flames,
It's time to meet inferno.

I have everything I want. But my mind still visits times we had together. It's melancholy really. A beautiful time shared between us when we  had been so lost ourselves.  But yet we found some type of hope inside our wicked bodies.

you forgot to take it
to the curb
you forgot to empty it
your mind had been full
overflowing with the memories of us
it sat there for awhile
you wanted to keep them but
they began to
decompose
perish
rot to their cores
and the smell lingered
you started to bag it all up
one by one you put pieces of us
in a jet black
plastic bag
with a twist tie
and walked us to the curb

i'll forever deny that i still love you
and everyone knows thats the
biggest lie i'll ever tell

every time i see you
i want to cut my hair
you loved it long
i will become
everything you hate

I’ve sunken down into dark holes
That I’ve dug myself.
The blisters are throbbing on my palms.
I know the way out.
But what lies above
Are the things that scare me.
And I’m hoping that hiding will heal me.

you saturate my darkest nights
with all the colors that lay in your eyes

I  would have traded hearing you tell me
I don’t love you anymore
For every bone in my rib cage to shatter
It would have ached less

i wasn't aware of the pain you felt.
but if i could have taken it from you,
i'd let it skin me alive.

you had arms
covered in them
it was artwork of the things
who made up
who you had been
and who you are presently
you gave me my first cigarette
and you also saved my life
your mother still asks about me
and I will always wonder
my place in your life

When was the last time you slept through the night without waking up reaching for someone?

trying to read someones intentions are confusing , they may look like their staying. But they've already stepped a foot out the door.

You taught me a lesson, and that was to never trust again.

and when i lost you,
it allowed me to become someone new.

i was so desperate to hear the liquor induced
"i love you "
that oozed from your lying lips.

i wish i could make you disappear from my mind
- i'm no magician

we used to be like magnets
if we got close we knew we couldn’t separate.
if we got to far apart, there was still a strong
sensation that kept pulling us together.
but we kept breaking down into small bits
and began to scatter.
we lost our strength,
now i’m not sure if our souls will
ever reattach to each other again .

if you wanted to be a part of my world again
you'd be the biggest continent its ever seen

don't run marathons for people who wouldn't take two steps for you

taunting,
like my childhood bully
on the blacktop
of the elementary school i once attended.
poking me all over.
tormenting me.
the mocking laughter.
kicking me in the ribs,
until i ran out of air.
that's what our memories
feel like