My throat is swelling up,
My thoughts seem to be stuck.
You're over me now, I know.
I didn't think that was it, though.
I should've seen it coming.
This heartbreak that I'm feeling.
But I completely deserve this.
Because I acted so selfish.

I feel the cold seeping in through the walls,
and I stare out the window at the snow that falls.
My eyes are tired and the silent news channel that's playing annoys me.
I wish you'd sleep in your bed and not on the couch, it's depressing.

As the leader leaves, out the door into the freezing,
I climb back up the stairs to my room and feel sad I got up so early.
Why doesn't anyone inform me of plans they have that include me?
I take off two layers and want to go back to sleep... but I'll be awake in another hour either way.

I'm a child again.
Always stuck in the middle.
No one is looking to make sure
I won't fall and get caught in a riddle.

You've pulled all of their eyes to you.
No one can invite others over.
You've made it so no one can do
the things they were planning to
before you decided to stay with us.

I'm laying in my bed
Surrounded by darkness
Listening to the footsteps above me
It's easy to tell who's walking.

I turn over and sigh,
Still in a mood from last night
I just want to go back to sleep
So another day can pass me by,

But I have to get up and fight.

I haven't touched the folder
that contains every picture
every long message and yes,
every video that you've
sent to me.

I want so badly to remove it
though; the painful little thing
that sits inside of many other
folders that are located on my
desktop.

*I just can't bring myself to do it..
why must I let you haunt me?

The sound drowns out
You're mind fills with doubt.
You've been living in bed lately.
Did you really think you could act sanely?
People can see that you're sad.
They can tell as you walk past them.
Your eyes are in a depressed state.
Have they not yet realised their fate?
You somehow stay calm as you say,
We'll all die someday. so silently.
I wonder if you're really there anymore.
So long ago, you shut that door.
The door that kept me inside.
But Just know, I'm still alive.
Your happiness is in here.
You just have to find me.
Don't let the sadness devour us.
Please, you're not Hell Bound,
You're just stuck inside of the sound.
The sounds of the past.
But listen, it doesn't last.
I believe that you will succeed.
Just trust in me.
Find me.
We can be happy, again.

Being in love can be such a pain
I know what you're going through
and I have to say that I'm truly sorry
being so far away from your partner
can be so agitating..
But you have to remember what will come next
when you're finally together things will be fixed
the love you've been storing away just for them,
you'll finally be able to let out and give.
So just hold on a little longer, okay?

I cried the day you told me goodbye in the hallway where so many memories of mine were made sad, and I'm crying again now after learning about your death.

I will always be here.
So don't hide your tears,
Share with me your fears.
For you, I'm all ears.
Ignore all of their sneers.
They're the ones who need repairs.
I will always be here.. For you.

I'm warm and flustered...

When the caffiene fades
So does my smile
But that'll never change
At least not for a while.

It's 5:32 AM*
and as I lie awake in bed
you're all I can think of...
****, I miss you so much.

I want to cry,
I want to scream,
Everything I'm feeling
has begun to build up.
How do I let this out?
I can barely understand it all.
It's one thing after another
I think about it for a moment
and push each bad thought aside
then they all come back, together.

His warm hands embraced hers
and her heart melted away,
she was no longer starving
but felt content and full.

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my brain and fall dead for 12 hours, when I'd wake up I wouldn't remember.

When I recall the things I've done,
my heart shivers and scolds me
for inflicting so much pain...
not only on myself but on the one I love the most.
I try my best to remain stable,
but sometimes it's hard
I'll see something I shouldn't have
and everything floods back.
I'll spend minutes to hours,
just being upset with myself
but then I remember
it's in the past and now is what matters.

I'm so tired of your perverted glances.
Every time I see you now, I become so angry
due to there being no consequences.

I don't think we're friends anymore
I'll stop coming around and banging on your door,
It's ******* days where I miss you more
But the thing I can't take is how different we are.

I value consistency in communication
You value space and a lot of distance
Both things are valid and I'm not hurt by that,
But it's hard for me to maintain our connection

Especially when there are contradicting statements.
I know how hard talking can be
But it hurts to be cancelled on so frequently
Especially while feeling full of hope for where our friendship can someday, be

I understand the need for space,
Endless trauma dumping was such a waste.
If there's anything I regret, it's being a pity case
It's a shame I can't go back and still know our history to date

But I guess that's fate,
I can't go back to undo my mistakes.
I can only move forward
And know myself better

When I would ramble to you
I didnt know the power of the letters
I wrote endlessly to you
only wanting to feel better.

I think there was a time when things between us were good
Where we knew eachother and had dreams, as kids should
Somewhere, sometime, some month or week
Things changed between us, something changed in me.

I don't like who I am with you,
but I miss the fun we had and dreams we planned,
Sometimes I wish they'd still come true
But I have a feeling they won't because you don't trust me and I don't trust you.

Laying on my floor
I look over at my monitor
at the title of the song playing
I hear your keyboard taps
and you tell me what's happening
I'm smiling as I remember things
that we did together
my heart longs for you.
This distance is frustrating at times
but for you I'll always do the time.

Any and every doubt that ever crossed my mind,
He's caused to disappear; and just in time.
With him I can always speak my mind.
I admire the way that he always shines.
No matter what he's doing or saying,
He tends to perform the perfect crime.
It's titled, Stealing My Heart,
Do you want to know why?

He lights a fire underneath my skin.
The things that he's said and written,
Leaves me in a place where I can't help but grin.
Deep down inside, my heart is slowly drowning.
And the direct cause would be from his eyes- so piercing.

I want him to know that his hands, I want to hold.
I want to run down hills that are covered in snow.
With him I'd travel around this uneasy globe.
Just in search for something; maybe a show..

I would do anything, just to be beside him.
Maybe once he's in my arms, my head won't spin.

Hit me again.*
You say it's a punishment.
You told me it's a learning process.
You act like it's the way to learn;
That you've done wrong.
So if I hit you back this time,
Will you realise what you've done?

I'm more fragile than you think.
Like a chalkboard, I've begun to screech
because I can't take anymore chalk on me.
I may have a cold and smooth surface
but you see me as ugly until you start erasing
all the cramped up information that surrounds me.

Quit asking me what I want to do
if all you're going to do is shoot
the idea down.
I know to you I'm just a clown but
I have dreams and will take flight
with them once I figure out how to.
I know I'm in a pretty bad situation
one that was partially my fault but
not completely.
I just wish you'd let it go.

I'm content just knowing you're with me.
There isn't anything else that I need.

Please, don't make me wait.
Please, just take me away.

I play one more game before deciding to logout.
I lay in my bed with a book and tune out.
After finding a good place to stop,
I roll over to my back and see your letters from the corner of my eye.
I can't help but look over and read
*"for my homeboy"

You say you pick me
but what do you mean?
Am I really the one who
makes your heart scream?
I sure as hell want to be
but I'm not sure if you
**u n d e r s t a n d .

night time drugs are kicking in
i tried so hard to stay awake until the end
and now that the end has come
i am sad, i can't wait until your smiling face
will be so close to mine again.

Sometimes it's okay to be by yourself,
**without anyone else.

when I get there,
Can we drive somewhere?
I want to feel your hand on mine
As we disappear down the road
To somewhere we'll be unknown
We can listen to cheesy songs through the radio
And be together for a while.
I'd like that right now.

I want to hide my face and cry,
I'm tired of no one understanding why.
I bluntly say what's on my mind
and yet you say that I've lost my mind.
Nothing will change, because really
my feelings don't matter.

Do you have that one person who can change your mood by just saying a word to you?


I do.

We started with keyboard taps and echoed laughter.
We opened doors full of nothing but matter.
I am so happy to be able to say,
I met this engaging boy.
Who stole my heart and filled me with joy.
He's never stung me,
or tore me apart,
but one thing he has done,
is find the way into my heart.

You engraved a mark on me
a mark that will never leave
something that I'll never forget
and forever be cursed with
but now I'm the forgotten
and even if I remember it all
I'd be surprised if you remember..

Every time you look at me,
I just want to scream.
So I get a pack of crackers
and move to the next room,
the one that smells like dust and old things.
Every time I see you glancing over your ***** shoulder
I get chills up my spine
and just want to cry.

Is it so bad.. that I just want to hold your hand? I want to pull you in and try to help you understand this isn't a ******* game, okay? You're either in or out there's no way around this yes or no question and if I keep thinking this way I might just go insane. I want you all to myself.. I've never felt this way please just tell me you're going to stay.. Until this pain subsides I'm going away to hide dreams may not be the best place to disappear to but it's the only place where I can see you. I'm sorry for being so paranoid. I guess this is what happens, when people find something they don't want to lose.

False and insincere...
is this how I've come off to you for so long?
It makes sense considering everything I've done
I hate myself for being that way, and putting you through those things.

I'm slowly cleansing content from my feeds
I'm so impressionable, it disgusts me
but I want to use it to my advantage
I know who I want to become,
So I'll only look at things related

I don't want kids if this is what's in store for them:
depression, diseases, anxiety, emotionlessness, goodbyes, heartbreaks, bullies, stomach aches, pain, sorrow, tears, anger, even happiness can be cruel at times it can be worse than having a life threatening fever. But that
doesn't mean I don't want the good things for them:
goodnight sleep-tights, I love yous, first words, joy, exploring, going out as a family, not having to worry about abandonment or exporation dates
maybe someday the world will be a good enough place to have you here.
But right now all that I see are terrible things and not-meant-to-bes.

It's nice to have people around you,
who you know won't attack you.
I don't feel like I'm walking on glass anymore.
I don't have to worry about ending up crying on the floor. It's nice, how my mind isn't racing with worries. I never knew a world without you, could still be happy.