Is it so bad.. that I just want to hold your hand? I want to pull you in and try to help you understand this isn't a ******* game, okay? You're either in or out there's no way around this yes or no question and if I keep thinking this way I might just go insane. I want you all to myself.. I've never felt this way please just tell me you're going to stay.. Until this pain subsides I'm going away to hide dreams may not be the best place to disappear to but it's the only place where I can see you. I'm sorry for being so paranoid. I guess this is what happens, when people find something they don't want to lose.

It's nice to have people around you,
who you know won't attack you.
I don't feel like I'm walking on glass anymore.
I don't have to worry about ending up crying on the floor. It's nice, how my mind isn't racing with worries. I never knew a world without you, could still be happy.

False and insincere...
is this how I've come off to you for so long?
It makes sense considering everything I've done
I hate myself for being that way, and putting you through those things.

I don't want kids if this is what's in store for them:
depression, diseases, anxiety, emotionlessness, goodbyes, heartbreaks, bullies, stomach aches, pain, sorrow, tears, anger, even happiness can be cruel at times it can be worse than having a life threatening fever. But that
doesn't mean I don't want the good things for them:
goodnight sleep-tights, I love yous, first words, joy, exploring, going out as a family, not having to worry about abandonment or exporation dates
maybe someday the world will be a good enough place to have you here.
But right now all that I see are terrible things and not-meant-to-bes.

I really care for you
and I know you do too.
Thanks to you,
I've become who I am.
You're not only my lover
you're my best friend.
I want to experience
so many things together.
I want to have something
that will be remembered,
I want to keep learning
and growing with you.
I love that when I least expect it,
we go through something new.
Nothing is never nothing,
when it's something with you.

I wish there were a system in my mind
that had filing cabinets and computers  holding all of my memories inside so I could just zip you away, but it doesn’t work that way.

I let fear fog up my mind
My thoughts yell at me "I'm trying!"
While my actions show me
I want to let the light in

but I fall into darkness
all too often I hide away
and avoid the open blue sky
because the rainclouds distract my mind

the sky-blue sheet above me
only inspires every thought
I try to avoid to blow through
and bring rain from within

There’s never any pausing with you.
You’re always asking me to do more things for you.

You saw me crying
as I was sinking
you pulled me in
and wrapped me up

I was surrounded
with your love
when you found me
and I still am, even now.

One girl, one boy.
Totally different,
But very alike.
They find eachother.
They need eachother.
But not for love.
At least, not yet.

She feels guilty,
She flaked out.

He's ******.
But he'll accept it.

They'll figure it out.
Together.

Some days I want to be completely alone,
on others I’m crying for friends I don’t have.
Sometimes I want to go out and have fun,
other times I feel like a troll came
and super glued me to my bed over night.
It’s so exhausting, being scared and tired all the time.

No one cares that you’re hurting.
They don’t understand how it’s controlling.

he showed her the sun
and as the snow melted
her monochrome life
became so vibrant.

You slip out of my bed
as I'm falling asleep.
Though, I'm still feeling
your warmth around me.
My heart beat is steady
my breathing is quiet.
You may not hold me in your arms
until I've fallen asleep,
but being close to you is comforting.

I hate when I'm in the mood to write
But nothing I put down comes out right.
I'm thinking about him and my excitement
But at the same time I'm nervous, also content.

I guess I can't decide whether to be tired or vent.

I want to skip the montage
I'd see who stayed and who's gone
Did I lose the weight
Did I leave or stay
Could I be what I needed
Or did I stay in bed depleted
I want to skip the montage;
Move forward to when I've moved on

We're just people
it's the sad truth
we lose our minds
and don't know
what to do
where to go
what to say
to you?

You're hard for me
to expose myself to
because I don't want
you to see through me

Because honestly
underneath my boring
exterior, I'm really sad.
and it's like you don't know
but I am
and there's nothing that you
or anyone else could really do
that'd change that fact
The fact that I'm literally
going no where
I'm a walking piece of nothing.

I like to be reassured,
If I’m not I worry and stress.
so I try to tell you often,
about how you’re not like the rest.

If you need me, you know where to find me.

Today I saw an old man
who wore a golden chain
around his neck which
looks kind of red
I wonder if he's mad
I can't help but question
how he got the chain and
what makes him wear it
I wonder why people wear
things around their neck.
It usually irritates my skin
but sometimes I like it.
I wonder why that is..

I wish I wouldn't bottle things up so often. I underestimate my feelings, and wind up hurting. It's truly the worst feeling of all, when the smallest of things end up breaking the bottle. All I want really is to express myself freely without overthinking everything that runs through my mind.

I'm wondering what will happen.

Shhh, quiet down.
I hate those sounds,
That escape your mouth.
Keep them locked inside.
I'm begging for silence,
From the monsters around me.
Please stop thinking.
I can't stand the words.
That are filling my ears.
They're truly my fears.
You've caused them to be.

Saying goodbye is hard, but I'll do it over and over again until we don't have to anymore.

I'll follow you through the galaxy
into black holes, around moons, through seas
but will you follow me to a new atmosphere?
It's a planet that's so far from here.

Am I exceptional enough to capture your attention
if I am will this feature last long enough
for us to be known as star and moon for life?
If you follow me, I'll follow you.

I spend lots of time writing poems
I probably write two a day,
So it sounds silly to me
I don't let many see
All the writings
That I create
Everyday

I try to hold back the tears,
as my phone shines in my face
I cover my eyes with my palms
to try to hide any trace of what slipped away.
I’m so tired of being alone.

sometimes i feel so sad, i think i'll just die.
i talk to myself and wonder why i even try.
i stare at my ceiling and try not to cry
but it all comes out one tear drop at a time.

I'm physically exhausted; tired
I want to take a bath and lean
back into it, avoid thinking about
you.. and forget everything that
makes me hate the world and me;
myself.

You don't understand, you say I'm
depressed but it's more than just
this.. I want to go home and smell
the air that surrounds me there
I want to step out into warm rain;
take in my fate and ignore my
designated place in the world..

My cold feet will slap against the
streets pavement and I wil stand;
awaiting my painful death
I've always believed that death
can never be painless anyways..

And honestly, I think I might just
crave this one thing because maybe
just maybe as they're crashing into
me... I'll awaken from a terrible
dream and realise I have a family
who cares and live a life where I'm
**h a p p y . . .

Why am I here?
Laying under blankets,
eyes filled with tears,
everything feels uninteresting.
All I feel is disgusting and sad.
I don't want to bring others down
but when they can see through the mask
they get mad.

*and I end up ignored anyways.

So often these days, I find it hard not to cry as time passes.
I look at the clock and wonder how far I'll actually make it.
I tell myself "when I move out I'll be happier...
I won't wake up like this anymore."
but at the end of the day I lay in bed filled with fear,
that I won't know how to be anymore.

Everyone is waiting for someone to save them, but sometimes you have to be your own heroine.

I tend to write directly before I sleep
Or just when I wake up
If I write somewhere in between,
That's when you know something's up.

Today was good, it was okay
Tonight was lovely, I saw his face.
But now it's real late and I'll be asleep soon,
Someday I hope, next to you.

I don't want to be left in the past.
I thought these sad times had passed,
But obviously they have not.
I'm still being left behind; forgot.

Soon enough he'll be gone.
I'll be once again at a loss.
It'll just be me, like usual.
Am I really that unapproachable?

My hands miss yours, I think that's why they're so cold.

I miss his touch and how cold I was
because he could warm me up so quickly.

The more I recall the
things you ranted,
the more angry I feel towards you,
and all the less enchanted.

Today has come to an end,
and I'm feeling rather content...
I held your hand
and I heard your laugh.

And as we were standing,
I didn't want to let go.
I wanted to hold on to you...
You, I'll always follow.

I'm tired and
my eyes burn from posting
these poems on private,
so many I keep hidden
due to my dreaded
overthinking process.

I can see the outline of the mountains
in the sky through the fog
it's such a comfort,
knowing they will never disappear.

It’s burning up around me,
every time you glance at me I try to hide.
Because I know what you’re thinking inside.

Normally I'd fall asleep
in such a calm state,
it was like a dream
but there's no sleeping
with you around
I'm too attracted to the sounds
that escape from your lips
every giggle that slips out
makes me smile all too well
it's almost as if you're a drug-
inside of my heart is a flood
full of fun things I never get
the chance to see
*thanks for everything.

I'm holding onto you and shutting my eyes, as the song keeps playing, my heart continues to melt. The sounds from the squirrels jumping on leaves are all drowned out... I feel your hands moving, I smile and breathe you in, our faces come close again, your nose touches mine and I know I don't want this time together to end. *It was cold outside but you left me feeling heated.

I won't be sad,
because the miles aren't forever.