There are too few good doctors now a days. This is just how i feel in my country.

"How many have to die
so that you can feel loved.
by Florence + the Machine"

you know her music resonates my darkness.
her music really tugs some heartstrings I
tried to hide.

first love only last as long as you stayed true to your love. sometimes the heart gets tired, it weathers as you stop nourishing its root - neglect and broken trust, a heart can die.

thanks for reading.

I was never a writer
I was just some poet
Who seek some
understanding in my
understatement @pax

at times I feel so tired...
thanks to those who still read me..

I leave with this quote of mine as a reminder for me:

The thing about waiting is
it takes much longer
since from the start
you never make a move.

thank you all in reading my lightly lit star in my so dim world.

ive secluded much of my world into the four corners of my home, hated to see how harsh can the world judge me. also hated this part of me, a coward. I needed to remind myself of this feeling to move forward even a little step will do.

A quote

a quote, 6w.

not sure either ill come back or not, writing seems so far away. my darkness keeps invading. life's darkness its weakening my defences..

I truly wish everyone is okay here and doing fine.

a poet for me - are thinker, observer, admirer of beauty, emotionaly smart but most at the time they're sad people looking for  understanding. @pax

A shoutout. A qoute. Alone.

I guess this will be my last post for a while but I will not be gone just around. writing seems so away now, I guess that my life becomes dull as my heart slowly turning to a stone. this piece pretty much explain what ive been doing. I will write again when im back in my own country, it's good news to me that im exiting suadi Arabia, soon...sigh... another big challenges will come to me, another big step i'll take....

just saying, quick reminder, a quote, 6 words story.

so it doesn't hurt anymore.

6words story.

just a quick reminders....
a quote

seems contradicting but in truth, I better stay silent and listen more than confronting any situations thats for the later part....

longing i knew so well...

just a simple shout-out to self

I'll leave this quote to everyone...
thanksss....

Not sure where to start, as to the poem itself speaks volume, I've been away from writing because of my busy schedule when i came back i found out that one or two of my work are stolen. I was never really a great writer to begin with as to i wonder why they would steal from me. And there's also stories that uses my quotes without crediting me, sigh... Perhaps this is the reality. sad, disappointed and distraught to myself, but everything is a risk, so posting in all writing/poetry sites, your words are bound to be stolen when someone liked it without you knowing it. sigh.... "i write not!" was one of the stolen.

just a quick shout out, short but it says what is just needed to say. Less but not much. Sorry for being away, its seems like i just bottled up my feelings yet again and stow it away to be a faded unanswered feelings... sigh...

i hope everyone(my literary friends) are well...

thank you for reading...

I wrote this as a means to remind myself for the beauty of life.

Aren't we all want this? there are some happiness that are short, some takes longer, and some never arrive at all. There are some happiness that  are amazing or simple - big or small... I guess my happiness didn't arrive yet, as i am a late bloomer or very much reserved to the point of being afraid... im still overcoming that.. this thought/quote sprang to mind thinking i don't want an amazing life, with all the luxury or many amazing achievements, i just want to be loved and to love back in the simplest way of life, but i guess its still too much to asked. :(

-six word story-

I've seen far enough superficiality in this world. That's why I don't ask much advice from anyone in the outside world. I've decided to look for them myself. A friend who understand without saying much at all, is a treasure.

this was the complete poem of this little piece:
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/959592/a-star-wont-glow/
2014 - old work of mine. But there was a commotion of emotions this week, I was sick with Typhoid Fever, I've eating something cheap and gotten me sick. It was frustrating, so alone for two days, its hard even to eat something. when you're in abroad, living alone, its hard to get sick.. even with a roommate, they would not care for you unless your dying. SO i just slept it all up, still in the end you get up and fend for yourself, pick up your pieces even your body is at the weak state. I guess this is adult life with no one to lean on to. sigh..
Now I'm a little better.

yeH! a new poem, a longer one and it's been long i haven't rhyme like this. a bit hard when you have limited vocab, my apologies for its simplicity and many thanks for reading.

I cooked up a metaphor...
My life in dual meaning.

Raw feeling, i wanted to cry earlier, but can't cry to my own stupidity.

Old notes: "a positive poem I guess - i am not sure it's worth posting. Since the month of June, i became sickly... and i have lost my pen of expression and the courage to write a piece. I always lose confidence, lose my self-knowing that i can... lose everything all together to the overly sensitive soul, then fall into darkness, alone - then come back into the gray solace - never wanting to give up what i hope will come true, someday, somewhere in time."

now looking back at this note and re-reading this poem again, then posting it here, i realized that my driving force in writing is my emotional self, on which right now i feel dull, seems like im losing my will to write, and to cope up with realities barricades...

thanks for reading... hoping you and I can find something in this piece, something good, something nice, something positive to move forward to...

"does long distance relationship really last? I think it does for some people, but it is not for everyone. I guess it really depends how stretchable your love is..." ~ pax

it was a prompt for my little book jiffy's love.

dear readers,

i hope you would not think i have such deep regret buried deep inside,   i don't have those as of yet and hope not in the future, it is just that this nagging feeling that you've wasted your time, or i feel like i wasted too much of my time engaging on something  that i did not learn to loved. I'm writing now, because my heart seems to be so cloudy, and feel like crying for no reason... i hope by writing this, i'll find relief on the nagging feeling...

thanks again for reading.

my very first on my darkness series little thoughts.

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1778759/darkness-ii/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1804662/darkness-iii/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1811425/darkness-iv/

Dear Reader,

When i was young, i dream of many things. I guess in life our paths its never or would be as expected. It doesn't mean we or i have live full of regrets,  perhaps there's some but not entirely all. Granted we're young and foolish in choosing which way. Still me on the other hand, I waited, I choose what's safe and what's given. Perhaps I was indecisive on what i want, or i was too fearful of failure on disappointing them and also maybe myself as well. I never would have expect that I could hurt myself more than what people's darkness had brought upon me. I fear that when I reach 35, and I'm still alone, I might lose my mind. I really wanted to quit my job here and find myself. I think I've been confused and lost for quite some time now. Writing seems to brought up what's needed to be done, that's why I'm doing this. Recently I've been reading online books and watching some films/TV just to ease my restless mind, relieve me on my sadder thoughts. I tend to sleep more over the weekend, atleast there I can be whenever I have to be. But all this escape are just an excuse for me to live on. You know I've erase all my childhood memories, or its just the way it is as we grow we forget those distant past, yet one thing that remain that i still wanted, a family of my own. I dream before that I have a simple white house with my family, one or two child, and i have a stable job while my wife stays at home. A cliche isn't it? I guess since before I only want the simple things. Now I never would have guess its that hard to achieved when you know there is a rock that blocks the passage way in your heart and there's a hidden wall of fear in your mind. I guess you can tell that I know what to do, but didn't do it. Perhaps all of us needed more time, more courage to be ready. All I think about; 'Risk is never easy'. Once I step I retrack back, doubtful, fearful of what i thought are the consequences. Sorry reader if I am quite vague on this journal, this is just tib bits on what's on my mind here and there... I'm thankful, when you read this, that alone is enough, because I myself need to understand all what's written here, to understand my inner self more.... I just end my jibberish here for now...

Your friend,
Pax