Down in the depths of the hole, there's no sound but the beat of my heart
And my dark charred thoughts
That drip like black oil
That everything it touch's, it stains and soils
Thoughts of death and gruesome memories
From them there is no where to flee
So I lay in the bed curled into a tight ball
Just waiting to hit the bottom of the fall
There is no one to talk to, no one to call
No one knows how this inky darkness flows
How it consumes the soul and continues to grow
I'm imprisoned in theses bones, this skin
Is this how the end begins
I've prayed for love and light
But I've only been given glimpses of that site
Any happiness I have fought for is snatched away
In just a short few days
So now I pray
For death and a shortening of my years
To live a long agonize life is my fears
Not one month goes by that tragedy doesn't strike
It's like trying to get through life on a trike
You pedal really really hard but get no where
To tell the truth I just don't care
I want to become totally unaware

I love to make him groan
His soft sighs, his moan
As my fingers trace the line down his chest
Temporarily stoping just short, I let my hand rest
As we passionately kiss, lips locked in a long embrace
I kiss down his chin and follow the trail my fingers have traced
Then every so gently I go down
Making his eyes roll around
It slowly intensify till his moans become liquid
He caresses my head up and says "girl your gifted"

All I crave is a human's touch
Is that asking to much
I don't mean ***
I'm not trying to vex
A touch on the hand
In passing you don't have to stand
A small little hug
My shoulders a rub
In touch in passing
Nothing that's lasting
I just won't to feel normal
As I rock in the corner

I sit and listen to the crickets melancholy tune
I watch the moon start to bloom
The stars pirouette across the sky
Soon the frogs are croaking in relpy
Fireflies light up the night
Flickering their golden light

A single wolf starts to howl
As if to ask the age old question how
I ended up so lonely
And where's my one and only

My dog is sitting at me feet
She looks up at me as if to say, nothing here is off beat
In the cool of the evening
the honeysuckle is smelling much sweeter
Than in the day under the sun's heater

The moths flutter around on silent wings
My heart is so light it just sings
I just sit here for hours dreaming
Under the moon that now is just beaming

My dog gets up and moves to the door
I look at my watch it's way past four
She's ready for the foot of my comfy bed
So I oblige, and make my way inside,and lay down my weary head

I can't fly without  feathers
So why are you putting me in tethers
I can't swim without fins
And still your sticking in the pins
And pulling off that little dolls limbs
Like right out of the fairytale grimms'

Your vicious as hell with that voodoo doll of twine
You made in my image so it would be mine
I constantly feel the shivers run down my spine

I don't understand why you keep me here entrapped
And leave all of our potential so untapped
Instead you think I must be kidnapped

It's trust that you're so desperately lacking
Wish you would just relize it's not me that's been slacking

Locked up tight in a lover's cage
Easy target for all his rage

Lies being continually fed
I love you was said
Caught in his web

Sweetly tainted words he continued to weave
How was I ever that ****** naive
Blindly continuing to believe

Moved far from home and friends, freedom firmly suppressed
Long sleepless nights and days of no rest
As his crazy obsessions slowly manifest

Walking on eggshells till the next rampage
Locked up tight in an iron cage
Easy prey for all his rage

Never really knowing why or when the next attack
One word taken wrong, my jaw he would jack
Kept constantly pregnant, so I couldn't fight back

I realize from the outside looking in it's hard to construe
People say leave, but they haven't the slightest clue
But here on the inside, he means every death threat that's spewed

They just don't know that type of griping fear
Of keeping your children safe and near
While trying to hide all the violence from their eyes and ears

What if I left, tried to break free
Would he **** me, like he promised with glee
Would the kids survive, there's no guarantee

I know if he raised them, they would surely be twisted  
As adults would they follow in his steps, also be addicted
I fear their view of love would grow so sadistic

I was determined to get my kids out of his hellish cage alive
One day my opportunity did faithfully arrive
Leaving him to rot in his own putrid cell, while watching us thrive

               NEVER AGAIN

Will I be locked up in a lover's cage

               NEVER AGAIN

Will I be an easy target for rage

©Pauline Russell

Oxymoron

Good judgment comes from experience, experience from bad decisions
This whole ******* life is a contradiction
It's an oxymoron at every turn
Every decision only gets you burned
If in old age you manage to arrive
That's when life's lessons are realized

The young are bound in the futility of it all
Never seeing the cliff before they fall
Not wise enough to know
God clipped our wings before the throw
He turned everything upside down
When he placed us on this hellish ground

We all were marked
You can't see the light unless your in the dark
You don't appreciate the sun's rays
Till you've stood in the storm for days
Without pain you wouldn't relish the pleasure
Without work, there would be no leisure
What is good, if taken to much only leads to bad
Giving love away leaves you with more than you had
The act of forgiveness is not for the one that hurt you
But heals your soul before its through

So do the best you can in life
Even when it equals strife
For this world will keep you spinning
For the score card is plain, death is winning

But don't you worry, I'm sure that's an oxymoron too
When deaths door we pass through
Real living, then will we ensue
In death there will be no rest
This life is but a test
For the oxymoron weaves it's way through it all
Even when death, at your door calls

©Pauline Russell

She's an emotional vampire
She'll **** out what she desires
She preys on the lonely
Making them think they are her one and only

She lives off their emotion
Love or hate, just as long as it's commotion
She thrives on the drama
Leaving behind only trauma

She'll take you down slow
You won't even know
Till she releases her hold
Leaving behind only holes
Where she's ****** out your soul

She's an emotional vampire
She'll burn you like Hell's fire
She's quite the enchanter
Her whole life is a banter
It's only the emotion that matters
She sparkles like a sapphire
That emotional vampire

To foreign lands I want to roam
Where Kings and Queens sit upon their throne
And big cats prowl, and wild dogs howl
And there's every kind of fowl
Where mighty elephants trumpet
And with tea they serve crumpets
I want to see the very old creations of man
I know I'd be their biggest fan
To walk the ground that Jesus tread
And feed the masses with seven loaves of bread
I would love to see the foreign sands
To get homesick and return to my home land

Space and time is one and the same
Einstein sure knew the game
It's not gravity, but space that pushes you down
In time everything comes around
The space bending time
Holds your feet to the grind
The faster you go, the younger you stay
If you haven't noticed it's always been that way

In my black forest I was passing through
To get to where the mountains grew
I came upon a pitiful sight
In the early morning just after night
Dew was still glistening on the ground
When I heard that crashing, growling sound
I knew a great bear was on a rampage
It was a pure white hot outrage
About to turn and go the other way
Blood curdling screams rebounded off the forest decay
And I knew I must go try to save the day

An occupied man had heen writing in his script
And over the baby cub he had tripped
Mother bear heard her baby's cry
And with red molten furry in her eyes
She was ripping that poor man apart
His blood was spraying with every claw mark



In order to get the furious bear away

I knew an incantation that I could say
I didn't want to hurt her it wasn't her fault
The careless man had triggered this assault


“Mother bear of the forest
This attack I can not warrant
Vanish all your angry claws
And your teeth from jaws
But do not discourage, and take heart
For as soon as you depart
You will regain your missing parts”

Stuck inside my head
This is where I fled
I can't find my way out
The bars are much to stout

I scream and shout
I fling about
Searching throughout
There just is no rout

I'm stuck inside my head
So much is left unsaid
I've lost so many friends
In here there is no wins

Going round the bend
No one comprehends
Thoughts just condemn
Slowly sink and descend

I'm stuck inside my head
This is from where I bled
The bars were just to stout
I couldn't find my way out

©Pauline Morris

Hunted and stalked
She was caught
Forced into the car
Out in the woods so far
No one heard her cries
Hands behind her back tied
She tried to plea
His hits just made her bleed
Shoved into the dirt
He was gonna make her hurt
He killed his prey
She dies a little more each day

Let me in the car I want to go someplace
I'm getting so ******* tired of the human race
Someone's always up there in my face

Speaking things I don't want to hear
Always right there in my ear
Make them go away, I don't want them near

Their lies they want me to embrace
They're alway in my bubble, my space
My faith they are starting to debase

Their humanity is begaining to disappear
They gawk as life passes them by, just like a sightseer
They are all being controlled by the puppeteer


Can someone spare me a little grace
I need somewhere I can touch base
Because I'm feeling slowly erased

There was a caterpillar that had no friends
She feared she would be alone in the end
She had all, but given in

She stayed in a trees
And hid behind the leaves
Until she ate them, or there was a breeze

She had become so very fat
All the other insects made fun and spat
Out cruel words, she no longer wanted life and that was that

But before she could eat the poison leaf, along flew a hunny bee
"Hunny child you just dont see
That one day your gonna fly like me"

She looked at him in bewilderment
Surly his brain was a little bent
Wings for her would have to be heaven sent

But she decided to hold on a little longer
Just to prove he couldn't be wronger
That bee's words she would often ponder

The other insects still showed their hate
The more they said the more she ate
She knew they was right she'd never find a mate

So she made a cocoon, to hide herself within
So she no longer heard the words that could condemn
What awaited her would be hard to comprehend

The bee seen the cocoon, and sat and waited patiently
He wanted to be the very first to see
At what a beautiful creature she had came to be

When she emerged the sun hurt her eyes
Many a day had gone by
The sun seemed way to bright in the sky

But then she got a look at her wings, they where gray
"Why didn't God paint them, why are they this way"
At the bee in disgust she shouted, "You should of let me die that day"

"But my lovely one, you are now a creature of the night
And will fly by the enchanting moonlight
And see many many wonderful sights"

"Besides my hunny chid they're wings
You can now fly to the heavens and sing
Your point of view will now change on many things"

"God painted your wings gray
So in the bright of day
Against the tree bark you can lay
And safely sleep the day away"

"God only picks the strongest
To prowl in the moon lit darkness
He only picks the bravest
That at night can help with the loneliness"

The Moth bent her head in repentance
She couldn't even finish her sentence
For she realised in that instance
The bee was talking about her transcendence

Tidal waves of memories hit my minds shore
You where my heart,  you where my core
Now I'm lost, I'm adrift on this emotional sea
Because you are no longer here beside me
I can't seem to navigate it any more
Wishing with my might, it could be as it was before
Before you was called to a different plain
Nothing, no nothing remains the same
Your departure was way to sudden
The ground around me is now flooding
My tears won't stop, even when they don't show
Belive me inside they still flow

The sun no longer shines so bright
The moon hides it's face in the night
The stars refuse to twinkle
Wishing in time I could find that wrinkle
That I could ride back to you
Back before your spirit flew
Back before I knew this pain
Back before this ice cold rain
Back before the wave of your death ****** me under
Before my life was ripped apart and plundered

Tidal waves of memories hit my minds shore
Thing's will never be as they where before
Your presence will be no more
Your existence is but a vapor
A puff of smoke, that is gone to fast
Now only shadows of your memories are cast
Only seen by your loved ones eyes
As the tears start to rise

I will never forget that cold day in August
But this before was promised

Forever you will remain in my heart
Forever you will remain in my thoughts
Forever I will love you my soul united friend
Forever beyond this end

For we will meet again
When time bends

Your soul's obscene
The worst I've seen
Your soul's to putrid
It's been polluted
Your soul's turned rancid
It's stagnant and placid

You are a travesty
An unforgivable tragedy
Stick that needle in your arm
Anything that harms
Pop those pills
You have no self will

Continue doing what you do
But you can count on this, I'm through
The smell of death surrounds you
Your choices are growing few
I'm tired of being on the wall, the fly
Just sitting here watching you die

I want to write a love poem
The best the world has ever seen
About two shattered people
Fitting together at their broken seems

I want to write a love poem
That no one can forget
About two lonely people
That where a perfect fit

I want to write a love poem
That transcends past the stars
About two cosmic bodies
That's not imprisoned behind broken bars

I want to write a love poem
So great no one has ever known
Of two tattered spirits
That clung to each other and the love they shown

I want to write a love poem
That can survive any storm
About two people with icicle hearts
That true love burned bright and warmed

I want to write a love poem
But alas that I can not do
For I have never tasted love
So I have not a single clue

The alligator in my dreams
Stomped on all my pretty things
He gobbled down
My favorite clown
He quickly tuned around
Chased me till he found
All he need do is open his jaws
In I'd crawl
In the belly of the beast
I found the thief
That stole my heart
So I took back my part
Turned around and strolled right out
Between the teeth, in that beast's snout
Pinched myself, so I would awaken
So I could placed back the heart that's was forsaken

If you venture out at night in the Louisiana swamp
You better be careful of where you do romp
Out in this swamp where the tree moss hangs thick
You better step lively you better step quick

You better beware
You better take care
I'm gonna tell you just what in there dwells

You can't trust your brother, you can't trust your friend
You can't trust your family, no not none of them
For in that swamp lies a mighty curse
It's not like a nightmare it's much, much worse

It's big, 10 feet tall
And hair covers it all
Part man part dog, wolf, and demon
If you see it, it'll start you to screaming
It's a curse laid on man
You'll never know who wears the brand

So don't go out in the silky black night
Your heart might not be able to take the fright
For it's name is the Lugaru
And it will be coming for you

Right there on my bed we sat
I played his flute, as he creased my ***** cat

There's a typhoon a monsoon
Of catastrophic misery, agony, and doom
The pain keeps raining down
In my sorrow I will surely drown
An ocean of emotion and I can't swim
My soul's light is growing dim
The sky just keeps bleeding
My tolerance it's exceeding
In this inky blackness I am sinking
My soul keeps on shrinking
From this psychalgia there is no exception
There is no redemption
In this anguish
Is where I'll languish
In this tribulation I will suffer
There is no hope I will ever recover
In this desolation I will moan and wail
This despair is my last coffin nail

I have an unquiet mind
The gears up there just twirl and grind
It never stops it's wound up tight
Sometimes up there it's really bright
Thoughts unstoppable, and really intellectual
Other times my brain is just ineffectual

And all my thoughts quickly take fight
And then it turns dark as a moonless night
But even in the dark the gears still turn
It's just different thoughts that burn

It's terrifying then the one's you'll find
But sometimes the light and dark get all intwind
Then it is intelligent madness
Paints a gruesome picture on that grey matter canvas

But still the gears just strain and wind
All up here in my unquiet mind

God doesn't love me he never did
Even from the start as a little kid
I was so innocent
Or maybe just ignorant
I don't know which
But stepdad threw the switch
And I was neither this nor that
My soul just went splat

I hit a wall so hard and strong
I would forever always be wrong
No matter what choice I made
It all ended up so decayed

This life is no fun
I live it far from the Sun
But I could never hurt anyone
So why is it so
That upon my soul
That the sorrow it grows
And the stale wind blows
How could God hate me so much
That my life would turn out as such

That the agony just grows
In the memories that it's sows
Makes me wish this life was no more
I'm hollow to the core
I don't want to hurt any more

So take this living corpse of mine
In all of its great decline
Do with it what you wish
For it never will see any bless
So use it up and spit it out
Because after all isn't that what love's all about

Because that's all I've seen
In the 46 years that I've gleaned
So use me now, or use me latter
You'll always be just a hatter
In this mind of mine there is no doubt
That this thing called life I want to bow out
And forever be no more
And settle the score

I want to stand on that judgement day
And hear what God really has to say
Let him look me in the eye
Let him see me cry
From all that he did not save me from
And why he left me here so numb
That all I can do is shout
Is this what love is all about!

One day while searching the web
The little devil on my shoulder said
Why don't we watch **** instead

The little Angel was missing that day
So what was I to say
But okay

As I sat there in the computer screen glow
I clicked some links but they were slow
I clicked and clicked, but it just wouldn't go

It had froze
Figures that's how my life flows
But then they all at one time started to roll

All I had wanted to do was watch a show
With some **'s and men with part that grow
But I had unleashed a ******* pornado

There once was a man named Jake
He thought he could swim in the crystal clear lake
He striped down to his birthday suit,for heavens sake
The water was so clear everyone could see his little snake
He was embarrassed and started to shake
It felt like a big earth quake
Luckily along came his friend named Drake
That pulled up in his truck and set the hand brake
His friendship to Jake he wouldn't forsake
He wrapped Jake in a towel knowing what was at stake
For you see Jake's snake was an implant, a fake

And that's when Jake became awake

Space and time is one and the same
Einstein sure knew the game
It's not gravitate, but space that pushes you down
In time everything comes around
The space bending time
Holds your feet to the grind
The faster you go, the younger you stay
If you haven't noticed it's always been that way

Little fingers, little toes
It's such a joy to watch you grow
Big bright eyes that greet the day
A crinkled nose with a smile that shines my way
Messy faces at supper time
Couches like mountains that you just have to climb
The wonders of this world seen through your eyes
Such a truly beautiful prize
Child of my child
You have me so beguiled

Fried green beens
Whirl of the machines
Flashing lights
Squeals of delight
Games to win prizes
Drinks in all sizes
Pig and cow judging
Old friends hugging
Bands in the grandstand
Fried pickles at foodstand
Gator bites and gyros
Rides tossing to and fro
Cotton candy
Salt water taffy
Beer tents
Free events
Pies, canning and art
Contest to take part
Many concessionaire
Great old fashion state fair

Taught of fear in my youth
Never to be told the truth

Fear of the night
Fear of the sight
Fear of a turning on of the light

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Fear of the abuse
Fear of the accuse
Fear of forever being used

Taught of anger in my childhood
Never again would I be understood

Anger of the touch
Anger of the clutch
Anger that it was to much

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Anger of the madman
Anger of the evil plan
Anger that I will never again stand

Taught darkness in my young years
Never thought I'd live my life in tears

Darkness of the need
Darkness of the deed
Darkness that is where I bleed

Taught the wrong side of love
Never anything but the shove

Darkness of the ****
Darkness of the numb
Darkness that is what I've become

Lost in a world of cruel misfortune
I'm just another ***** orphan
Searching for that elusive love
That will raise me far above
This pitiful life in which I dwell
A regular modern living hell
Planted in front of the tv at night
Tears sliding down my checks in the flickering light
Dreaming that in the light of day
A gentle heart my way, will sway
Take my hand, lead me to the stars
As he kisses every single scar
But for now I'm just a lonely orphan
Wallowing in love's misfortune

I was not invited
So I didn't come
Feeling sad and slighted
My thoughts begin to run.......
................................

Meaningless and worthless
Fate spun it's unforgiving wheel
Leaving a life that's mirthless
Dealing sorrow with gleeful zeal

I find myself alone again
The wheel can only spin around
Ending where it begins
On familiar battleground

On my shoulder sets the crow
Memories continually fanned
Very slowly I sink below
Standing firmly in quicksand

©Pauline Russell

Hide in plain sight
Hold back the tears
Thru all of the years
Hide all of your scars
And all of your flaws
Don't let them know
Keep it under control
Stand straight and tall
Like there was never a fall
Don't run away in fright
Hide in plain sight!!!!

Sit right down let me tell you what we serve
You might think it quite absurd
But we only have just one dish
And it might even be what you wish

But apathy is our only course
I hope that is your choice
It's very easy to prepare
And everybody can have their share
If you don't like it we don't care

Empathy use to be our greatest cuisine
It really was quite supreme
But serving it was such a pain
And to admit it we are all just to vain
It took to much time
And it didn't pay a dime
We had to layer in the flavors
Of truly caring, love, patience, and of course life savers

Who has time for all of that, not us
We don't need all the fuss
For we only care about our own
To care about strangers we're not prone
Your tears we care nothing about
So just sit over there and pout

For we only serve one thing here.......apathy
We are to self-absorbed for.......empathy

Let me take you to the dark side of the woods
All that dies here is the good
Let me show you that spot
This is where I fought
He had me tied, I could go no where
I was terrified and scared
He did his deed
And left my soul forever to bleed
It will always seep with rage and anguish
Part of me will always remain and languish
There in the dark side of woods
That day all that died in me was the good

The rain outside is pouring down
And slowly lifting is this frown
I love the pitter patter sound
And the mud it makes as it hits the ground
I joyfully go out in it and dance around
There is just no better feeling to be found

My heart is bleeding again
It will never mend
It will never heal
Into my sleep you steal
Giving dreams of you
How our friendship grew
Waking up to reality
Sorrow is a guarantee
I open my eyes
Sun doesn't sympathize
Winds don't care
Everywhere I look you're there
Life now so mundane
Heart bleeding once again

©Pauline Russell

There once was a tiny Dragon
The biggest anyone could fathom
He was the fiercest in all the land
And always willing to lend a helping hand
He could breath fire so you better take stock
He turns everyone into ice blocks
In this land the sun always shines
But it will stop raining at the drop of a dime
It's the land of contradiction
Every thing is fiction

Or is it???

Cascading waterfalls
Over cold stone walls

Take a look beyond, to what is so unknown
On the surface it's strong, made of stone

But as delicate as a wilting flower, with it's peddles about to drop
Won't take much, for this bleeding heart to stop

Standing in the salty waves and mist
Of all the tears my eyes, have dismissed

Watching the pages of my life turn
As my story goes up in flames and burns

I've crossed that bridge of sorrow to many times to count
Praying my feet next time, would take a different route

But it seems, I must pay that toll
For on and on, the agony continues to roll

I can hear the demons laughing,  as they're tallying up the score
Full in the knowledge, my years will soon be no more

I was in a sombre mood
I went outside, my nerves to soothe
Guess I had been sitting to long, to still
For a little bird flew down, set at my heel
This litte bird was so sweet
He started to tweet
He sang me a song
It was kinda long
But I slowly move
To his little grove
That bird made my day
He made me smile before he flew away
Miracles happen all the time
Missing the small ones is a crime

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... in your grave
No more children will you crave

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... shot in the head
For your sickness that you fed

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... and at Hell's gate
No more monsters can you create

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... you won't be missed
Maybe my nightmares won't exist

I'll be glad when you're dead
You ******* you
When you're dead..... with all your sin
It'll be cursed ground you sink in

I seen her there in that rocking chair
Grey hair flying everywhere
She was rocking as fast as could be
Letting out shrill squeaks of glee

Beneath the wrinkles you could still see
The child she so long ago use to be
In her eyes was a glint
Of a woman hell bent
On squeezing out every once of fun
She knew her time was almost done
But for today she hadn't a care
Let the people stare

I watched the grandkids climb onboard
As Grandma throttled up and the soared
For imagination was her most prized possession
She was leaving it to her grandkids, you could see it in their expression

This lesson from their wild haired grandma that they got
Would never ever be forgot
As that rocking chair flew back and fourth
Leaving the gravity of earth
Headed for an adventure out in the galaxy
Sharing Grandma's fantasy

Why am I unlovable
Why is the pain unstoppable
Where are the arms to hold me at night
Are the scars on my soul such a fright
That no one will ever hold me tight
With no love I'm withering
Life is so unforgiving
I just want someone to care
To simply stroke my hair
To tell me they're glad I'm here
To whisper in my ear
I'll always be near
To look inside my soul
And see past the scars it holds
Will love ever make this heart beat again
Would that be such a sin
Or instead of flesh and bone
Will I simply turn to stone

I feed you wolfsbane for lunch
I know you ate it I heard the crunch

Now your sitting there ashen-faced
Your mind starting to embrace
That death will soon be your fate
You'll soon be at deaths creaking gate

You look at me in disbelief
But I just wanted some relief
I couldn't take your yammering on
But soon now you'll be gone

And my ears will no longer bleed
I only have to endure your dying plea
Your last breath to me is pure art
I never claimed to have a heart

Sadly this woman with the biggest heart
Has to rip out her most loving thoughts
She must turn cold
For over her, people just rolled

She alway knew they would
But she still did what she could
She so desperately wanted to belive
That everyone that was truly in need
Would appreciate what she did
She had the faith of a little kid
She believed there was good in most everyone
But now with all of that, she was done

There finally was that last straw
Finally a line she had to draw
This decision was agonizingly painful
After this, she didn't know what she would live for, would she be able

The pain of this was greater then all that had came before
This killing of her own soul hurt so much more
Than what any human monster had inflicted
With this her heart would truly be restricted

She took the broken pieces of her being
Ground them to dust as tears down her checks kept steaming
She knew with this final self inflicted act
There would be no coming back

There would be no more love, no hope
If not for drugs, how would she cope

With one last sigh
One last cry
She pounded what made her, her to dust
She felt no other way out, it was a must
The chain that bound her to helping others just turned to rust
It broke and fell away
She wondered why on this earth would she now stay

For with all the good she had tried to spread into this wicked place
She sincerely thought it would be returned when difficulties she faced
Only to find
No other human would act as kind

Every single person she tured to
Only replied "what can I do"
"I would help, but I must put myself first"
Her loving heart made her feel so utterly cursed

So she decided that was it
No longer with the afflicted would she sit
No longer would she put others before herself
They could all fall off the ******* shelf

This decision was not freeing
It was gonna **** her completely, her fragile soul, her being
It was gonna break the ties that held her to this life
But when she need help, no one was there to end the strife

Now this woman with the biggest heart
Has to rip out her most loving thoughts
Now she is as cold and heartless as the rest
But look really hard, there is still the stain of tears upon her breast

Here I sit in my pile of ashes
Wishing I had some rose colored glasses
I want to look at things a new
But my glasses don't carry that hue
I watch my dreams smoke and combust
And all I can do is look on in disgust

I'm forever circling over the tree tops
I don't have to flap my wings, I just glide non stop
Just trying to find some place to land
For your clock was stoped, you've ran out of sand
Don't worry no pain I bring
You won't feel a thing
I will feast upon your rotting flesh
It is my very favorite dish
I will gobble it all down even the wiggling maggots
And whatever else there inhabits
I do my circling dance in the sky
Just to let others know that near by
Something must have died, and lays baking in the sun
And I will soon be having fun

Let me sink my fangs into you
To stop me from turning blue
Let me get to what's within
What lies beneath your skin

Like a vampire
Your sweetness I need to acquire
Let me drink before I expire
Don't let me pass from this world and retire

With out the sweet taste of you upon my lips
In your hands cradle my hips
As slowly into me you slip
Exploding like a rocket ship

Welcome me like the dying light
I will not leave you felling contrite
I'll make everything just right
I can excite
I can delight
Meet me my dear at midnight
Under the bright moonlight

Take me to the stars
Let us zoom past mars
Grace my veins with your intoxication
You are my only fixation

Like a drug, a need
To your power I concede
I hear your call
I'm your victim after all

I'm looking for the Grim Reaper, we have a date
And he seems to be running late
We were supposed to meet years ago
And still here I am, he's a no show
I'm begaing to think he's avoiding me
I've felt his dark presence, but him I couldn't see
I tried to grab his sleeve
When with my sick mother he was about to leave
I stalked him to my dying uncles bedside
But again right by me he did slide
Reaper why do you play these games with me
Can't you let my death be
Do I need to write my name in blood
Do I need to let it be a flood
Grim Reaper I am gonna stalk you down
Until you finally put me under ground

Sitting on the soft floor surrounded by white
Hugging your self wither you want to or not
The light is so very, very bright
In your head your screaming stop

Because they're buzzing so loud
And it's the only **** sound
But the voices in your head are starting to crowd
In your brain they are circling and twirling around

How did I end up here
I don't remeber a thing
There is nothing at all that is clear
Did I finally snap, that one final little string

Oh those ******* lights won't they stop
My voices yell in unison, it's causing them pain
That buzzing is gonna make me blow my top
If it don't stop soon it'll dive them insane

And if they go nutty what will happen to me
**** it's been hours, or has it been minutes
I'm not sure, seconds it might be
I'm being pushed past my limits

Still, tho I can't see a clock
I can feel time ticking by
Or maybe it's not
I would know if I could see the sky

But that is impossible so I just rock and I sway
The buzzing has now become my back beat
I know it's been years now, or maybe just days
I can't tell this room is dripping with deceit

I know when they open that door
Drowned in my own drool
Right there on the floor
Just another crazy fool