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Mya Oct 2018
There are times
Even in love
When frustration becomes
A malevolent force

To my partner
I give it all
Or would even sacrifice
If needed

I love this spirit
With all of my being
But ****
How do I express this

This...


This.

No these


These feelings I have
****
Too many of them
To even count

I don't know if its love
Love makes you want to kiss
And sing
Maybe even procreate

No, but he
For him I feel so much more
My whole body
Feels these things not just my head
Guden Oct 2017
I cross the same bridge everyday,
There are always the same people,
With their different purposes,
Or is it the same?

Today I saw God begging for a coin,
On the bridge.
Nobody looked at him,
I guess they were mad,
So was I.

I came to God and slapped his face,
He understood and didn't fight back,
I hit him for everything,
Like an ant that escapes from the farm,
After several minutes I remembered that I don't believe in God,
Not this guy with a beard anyway,
So I stopped and continued my way.

I returned for a last punch in the face,
Just in case.
This reminded me of my first fight with Tyler.
ryan Sep 2017
but I know what i dont have
i don't have the time
the walls are closing in on me
these walls the ones i created
the closer they get the less i can breathe
roaming in circles gets me nowhere
but its all i know how to do
by now the only thing i can do
is stand here and let my dizzy mind
get crushed by these four towers of impending doom
i aint got time - Tyler the creator
its one of my favorite songs but sometimes I think of it in the opposite way of what its meant to be
ollie Sep 2017
I'm gonna be gone someday
I can't always be here to stay
You know that
Sometimes I think I'm a fraud
Like I'm the only moderator in my life
I'm the only one that runs it and I run it with lies
And you read in disbelief with your eyes, say your goodbyes
There is no saving a fraud
And God I wish there was
Because that's what a fraud does
We lie in wait of something more
Sobbing on the kitchen floor
Because frauds can't get drinks of water without a crisis
We can't calm ourselves without falling
Into the palms of something bigger
Something different
Frauds are held in chains for crimes they didn't commit
And we're scared
Yeah, we're afraid
We may have an act but we get terrified
We just made a pact not to show it
It's like we row our boats across the stream
But it's far from gently
We are screaming along the way
The water just covers it up
We're like magicians
Our magic trick is making you believe we're okay
Tyler, you may be a goner, but I'm a fraud
And while you've got people to catch your breath
I'm just going to stop breathing
Cause I'm a fraud
And maybe that's just how you started out
But you can't count me out
Cause no one can hear my breathing, much less catch it
And it's okay to be scared
I may be young but I know that much
Right now my thoughts are out to the world
I've curled my hands into a fist
But I'm not going to throw it
I only say I can cause I'm a fraud
Dear God let me free of this place
I know I've been a disgrace but do I deserve it?
I can't control the way I feel
And I know my poems are without much zeal
But is it worth it to condemn me to this
If you love me this is a kiss with a fist
Cause I still doubt that I'll be missed
I'm a fraud
So try figuring out if that's true
Yeah, I'm a fraud
But I'm still no good without you
i wrote this one a while ago. i'm really not sure what i was thinking. i'm pretty sure the last line was about tyler. my unfortunate obsession with writing poetry about them probably needs to stop. living for poetry is living, yes indeed, but for my poetry, it's not much of a life fulfilled.
Pauline Russell Sep 2017
My Diamond

By this life I've been cut to pieces, they're all there on the floor
Thousands of jigsaw shaped pieces, I'm not easy to explore

Only one person could look and see what was really me
Now that he's past, what will I become to be

For I'm constantly walking in circles, getting lost in the dark
Instead of a loving hand, all there is, is a question mark

I feel myself slipping backwards, further down the hole
Slide past the diamonds formed by pressured coal

You promised to be my diamond the hardest of all rocks
But even diamonds *****, with the ticking of the clock

I'm so very lost now, even more than before
Because you'll never again walk through my door

Only you could look at the jigsaw, seeing the beautiful picture it was supposed to be
Only you ever had the love to see, all that made me......me

©Pauline Russell
Tyler Castro Jul 2017
Neither girl nor male… So what am I? Am I the so-called perv aiming to invade the wrong bathroom? Am I a heretic aiming to impose my wickedness onto the world? Am I the clocking stares they give me? How about the result of a broken home or a broken heart? Does my mere existence force you to reevaluate your identity? When all I'm trying to do is figure out mine. Neither girl nor male… So you tell me where I am to relieve my bowels. Or am I to stitch them shut for your comfort? While I'm at it, shall I stitch my eyes shut as to not burden you with running mascara; which further assaults my "feminine façade"? I'm sorry to burden you with my fake *****, of which a second of labor (turning your head) would relieve you of your distress. I'm sorry you'd rather ***** away starring and clocking them. Clocking me. I am sorry that I was born male yet refuse to live up to such expectations. I am sorry that despite my best efforts I cannot pass for how I feel. Believe me—for the life of me—I am trying. As punishment for lack of natural *******, I stretch my skin to form a pleasing cleavage. As punishment for having the wrong body type, I wear a cage around my abdomen two sizes too small that cuts into my rib cage dare I seek the comforts of sitting down. As punishment for being born with a male anatomy, I crunch my disheveled sack of nerve endings between my chaffing thighs. Dare my body have the audacity to ***** itself for any reason I bend the muscle, in such a way never intended, between my legs just to have one less aesthetic reminder as to what I am not. Your clocking stares painfully remind me that I may never be seen as how I see myself. But ****** do I try. Until I do, I am condemned to be neither male nor… female.
By far not the worst struggle in the world. Disheartening nonetheless.
AvengingPoet Jul 2017
I hope I can bloom
I feel myself fading frequently
For real wonderin whether I got any purpose left
Leaning on a wall another wallflower

Sometimes…
I bloom
Beaming and gleaming
Glowing and flowing
Failing and ******* up ten times a day
**** I don’t live in reality
Really does it even matter
My eyelids, don’t wanna wake up

Gonna look both ways this time

Going to school
Wondering if I should have listened to that intuition
Individuality feels faded and feels like I’m failing
Comfort is conformity or am I blooming?
Beating myself up?

I hope I can see you again soon
Seems like it feels like it was forever
**** maybe it was
Well I guess I’ll never know

As long as I bloom
Baby, I’m breathing
Maybe that’s all I got

And that’s alright for now.
Tyler Castro Jul 2017
I would be amiss
Iffen I were to dismiss
What a seemless bliss


What a lie is this
To pretend that I don't miss
Our soft and gentle....


Silence on my lips
Though my heart's Gaurd lay remiss
A good man's premiss


My soul beckons, "Bis"
I guess what I'm saying is
Wonderful was our....
Pauline Russell Jun 2017
In my room locked up tight, so no one else could see
I got your shirt from it's hiding spot and held it close to me
I buried my face in it and inhaled, it still held your wonderful smell
I closed my eyes so very tight, it was almost like you were there
I could almost feel your arms the way you would  hold me tight
I  almost heard your voice, telling me it would be alright

But reality always has a way of creeping in
There is no stoping, tears flowing again
I will never again love, how could I
There's absolutely no reason why
Only left with halve a heart, and that part is shattered
Besides there'll never be another you, so it really doesn't matter

©Pauline Morris
Poem for my soul-friend that passed a almost a year ago
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