It’s the color in a blossomed flower
It’s the touch of the softest silk
It’s the sight of the ripest fruit
It’s the taste of the sweetest vine
It’s the feeling of soft luxury

It’s the color of the bruises on my skin
It’s the touch of an unwanted hand
It’s the sight of a hazy night sky
It’s the taste of a bitter poison
It’s the feeling of entrapment

It’s the melancholy color purple that fills my sad dark world

Life isn't easy
And Life isn't fair
Memories make me queasy
Because it's difficult to bear

No one said it would hurt so much
No one said I would have to endure
Every broken violated touch
When all I wanted was to remain pure

Yet in it all a spark of hope
We grow with the pain, and we pull through
Just need to not end up hanging at the end of a rope
But instead waiting for something new

Who would imagine
An odd chance
A lucky guess
Or maybe fate
An old email
A forgotten password
And just like that were back

I can feel it spill into me
It's not a new feeling
It's more like coming home
As darkness spills into my days
And sadness fills the nights
The pain of all those years
And it never leaves
Although scars will heal
Dreams will fade
And memories take a backseat in life
They never leave
So I remain broken and helpless to the ways of the world
A shell of the person I once was

When all is said and done
I know I will miss this place
Miss the people
The view from the windows
The pillow I cuddle each night
But at the moment I feel like a rat in a cage
Poked and prodded and just now
Catching the scent of nearby freedom
Into a frenzy pacing the bars back and forth
Looking for a way out
Yet knowing that there isn't one just yet

I'm not one to get ahead of myself
I try not to be a fool
But darling when I'm with you
My mind tends to wander
Because I just can't wait to marry you

I look up
And you're eyes are locked on me
And as much as I might deny it you really do complete me
You turn storm clouds to rain
And you bring out the best in me

You don't give yourself the credit you deserve
I understand that we're all human
But you are perfect to me
So as you probably have figured by now
I just can't wait to marry you

I was 10 years old
I was an excellent reader
Ahead of my age
I could read for hours a day
Books each night
I was sitting in class that day
Reading aloud
And noting looked different to me
In my mind every word was right where it should be
And mid-sentence I heard it
The shrill voice yelling to read it how it was written
But I was reading it how I saw it in my own eyes
Only my eyes were wrong
Mixed matched and all around wrong
And as smart as I might have been
I was never the right kind of smart

This classroom was full at the beginning of the semester
And it didn't happen all at once
One by one students not understanding
One by one failing tests
Realizing they won't make it
And don't get me wrong
I might not too
But at least I'm still here trying

It always starts small
A "wish I was perfect"
Or "could I be more?"

I never started playing the game with this in mind
And as I stand here one foot in the grave
Its easy to see how it couldn't have ended any other way

The little doubts grow into deep pains
The tiny voice whispering turned into screams
The sleepless nights became endless days

Maybe it began innocent
Maybe it was originally some small
But soon I'm slitting my wrists
Locking my door
Before I know it someone finally says it
"why don't you just **** yourself"

What an idea
The ultimate escape
The end of the game

Swallow the pills
Slash my wrists
Still here though

Couldn't even finish the game
Try and try again
Can't even win at this

Put the gun up to my head
Pull the trigger
Now she's dead
Doesn't really matter anyways
Tomorrow is here

The flowers have burst their buds
And the rivers will start to flood
But she lies cold in a patch of daises
Like a queen amongst her subjects
But she rules over none

And as the sky bleeds into grey
It dosn't matter anyway
Because tomorrow is here to stay

How times goes by
Only been a year but it's still amazing
Everything that has changed
How we've all aged

I never thought I'd see you all again
but now I can't wait
Funny how the passage of time changes things

Cause time gone by it time you cant return
And the day's I have missed are gone forever
But in the moment we have now
And though the days are limited
I promise to cherish them
Until we part again

I used to hurt myself every single day
Used to maybe to go a week at best without fresh wounds
Used to need it to get through the day

And it's difficult to explain
And it's different for everyone that chooses to feel pain
Cause that is exactly what it is choosing to feel pain
It's wanting to not be numb
Wanting to feel alive
Wanting to feel anything other than that emptiness
Because the emptiness is the heaviest thing you will never have
It's like filing your heart up with rocks
Feeling it sink in your chest

And that heaviness at first is just a symptom
It ***** but you push forward
But it gets heavier and you slowly loose control
Instead of growing stronger the weight just wears you out
And son you feel the weight piling on more than ever
Every time they...
...call you a name...
...push you down...
...use you...
...ignore you...
...abuse you...

And it builds and builds and you can't keep going
And you start to wonder what if I just didn't exist
And the thought scares you to death but you feel so helpless
And you can't keep carrying the weight in you heart without help
So every single day the though come up
What if you just died

And every day it seems more and more like a better idea
Because you're tired of crying yourself to sleep
And you're tired of always feeling alone and unwanted
And everything is so numb that it hurts
So you give it a shot and it's messy
It always is the first time
And there's blood
But for once you don't feel like you have a heart full of rocks
Instead your heart is racing from the rush
And you feel something
Its painful and awful but it's something
And its nice but not necessary

So a few weeks later on you're at your breaking point again
And you put steel to skin
And the blood arises from the **** like a mountain spring
And your body feels the rush all over again
Before you know it every day is a pain and all you want is to feel
So you're like me
Slit your wrists before bed
Cuts in the mouth in the morning
And the torment all day between the two

And you're not destroying your body because you're suicidal
You aren't doing it oping you'll die
You're not ripping flesh from flesh because you want attention
The horror inst worth a few glances

You're spilling blood like a warlord committing crimes only against your own body because you're trying desperately to stay alive and only in this bleeding, in this pain can you find any peace from the pain of existence and the voice inside you that tell a you just to give up and die already

It's counter-intuitive but it's what keeps you alive for another day

There is a fine line to happiness
And at the end I'd like to believe stands you
Open arms and waiting for me
I want to savor every step
Every memory
Yet I can't wait to reach the end
However the future is shrouded with mystery
And the picture isn't real clear
Which is the only reason I take it one step at a time
Feel my way into what's to come
But with every step I believe a little more It's you
And I know I might be wrong as I often am
But I've never wanted anything more

You are asleep night now
And I am right beside you
Your breathing is soft
Almost as soft as your skin
And I love you
I love it when you kiss my nose
And I love it when you hold me tight
I love how you are so vivid and fun
And I love how you make me feel alive
You fill a void in me
Breathe into me life when I just want to die
Give me hope when it all seems lost
You take away my pain
And someday I hope to do the same for you
But until then i'm just the girlfriend
So that will have to do

I dream of darkness
A world I can call my own
It's far from perfect
But when I get there I will be free
Free to dance among the stars
And to light the way of the future

Whenever I stand in the mirror
I cant stand what I see
A miniature to a man I cannot stand
Cold Blue lifeless eyes
Hair as dark as the nights I struggled through
And skin as tarnished as the war zone in my heart

Whenever I see you in the mirror
I can't look away
The living embodiment of all I love
Eyes like the sky
Hair as soft as your voice
Arms for me to hideaway in

Whenever I see us together in the mirror
It feels surreal
As if I was dreaming
Cant help but hope you'll hold me there forever
Suspended there
You and me

I'm hitting the realization that I might just be truly alone
And I know that sounds scary
Because loneliness is tragic
But my life is a tragedy so its rather fitting
And for once it doesn't bother me
Because friends are temporary excuses for a good time
And life is a solo mission
So fly me to the moon
But my plus one
It's empty

Your smile spread from side to side
I saw you like I saw you that night
You were happy
So happy
Just now you're the only one who is

Take me back to our first kiss
To the endless nights
The Bright mornings
And the sun filled days
I want to be in love again
I want to see your smile again
Hear your laugh
And at the end of the day feel your embrace

Just for once
I want you to stay
Just for once
I don't want to see you walk away

Just for once
Don't turn your back on me
Just for once
Show me all there is to see

Just for once
Stay by my side
Just for once
Don't leave me to die

If I started walking now
Maybe I could reach you by sunrise
It's far fetched
And highly unlikely
But a girl can dream
And I dream of the day I can be in your arms again

There aren't words that can express the way I miss you
I miss your goofy smile
Your head nuzzles
Your beautiful dark eyes
I can't shake the gaze of those beautiful eyes of yours
Almost half a year since we locked eyes
And yet you stare at me forever
I'm sorry I wasn't there when you left this world
I promise I tried to be
I'll hold you in my heart forever
That's one promise I can keep

The sky is dark and full of stars
The same stars you love
The same stars we loved

But soon the sun will rise
And darkness will die
And there you will be
Right in front of me

Maybe it's the way your smile captivates me
The way your words help me to see
The way your existence allows me to be

Could it be the depth in your eyes
The absence of lies
The way I hate to say goodbye

By chance is it the music you play
The powerful words you say
The way you make my day

Possibly the connection I feel
The way you seem so surreal
The ability you have to make my heart kneel

You are so very far away,
But in your arms is where I want to stay.

So ******* a butterfly kiss,
And know you are missed.

No matter the distance my heart beats for you,
Its beats loud long and especially true

Time is passing
Day by day
And yet everything stay's the same

Looking out from beyond the glass
A wire fence
Not allowed to pass

Criticism in their voice
Needless nit-pick
A lack of choice

Sleepless nights and endless days
The same routine
Trying to find new ways

Unhappiness absorbed within these walls
Trapped in turmoil
Life begin

But hope from far away
A brand new hope
Waiting for someday

Waiting for sweet spring buds
Summer weather
Leaves red as blood

And you a memory for now
Until the sky turns
And fire springs into the bough

You don't look the same
But why am I surprised
And honestly it's a shame
Because I miss your cold blue eyes

You say you envy me but you don't understand
I'm tired of fighting and dying
Just once I want to be given the upper hand
Because if I said it was easy I'd be lying

So maybe you're so sorry for me
Since you know what I've become
This thing I am forced to be
You know from where it comes

I don't want you help as much as you try to give
It's on my own terms that I plan to live

I can recognize the smell in this room
It's a familiar smell
An old smell
A smell I used to bury my face into
And just close my eyes and drift away
But somethings changed
Its grown distant
And its grown cold
And I think it may have loved me once
But I will never truly know

This pain that is growing inside me
It feels like something to come
Something bad and something terrible
So I ask myself would it even be worth it
Would I even be able to do it
My heart says yes but my body says no
And maybe other girls can dream of a husband
They can dream of a family
But in my dreams all I see is an empty house
And a big tree
I suppose maybe that's all life has for me

One second I'm dancing in neon light
And the next bleeding out in the shower
Its as different as night and day and yet
Both take place in under an hour
Because that's the thing about the human mind
It has unreachable highs
And unfathomable lows
Down in the sorrows or reach for the stars

I could see it as clearly as if my eyes were open
There as a man in the house
And I'm awake alone
I lay down in the tub out of sight and dial the phone
But while I remain hidden he finds you instead
And he puts a bullet in your head
He passes by the door of the room
And I swear this is how I meet my fate
But he walks past
And out I dash
Out the window
And down the wall
Across the road and again I call
But before they come you are gone
No one could save you
If only I had been god enough.

You don't know it yet
But you will be mine very soon

But don't worry I'll treat you well
Show you ropes
Then put you though hell

But believe me when I say I love you little one
But this night is unending and daylight has yet to come

Days turn to hours,
Hours to minutes,
Minutes to seconds.
Time slips away,
Faster and faster with every moment,
Until I'm stranded without you.

I feel like I've had this conversation before
But here we go again

Run

Run like your life depends on it

Run as though you are outrunning death itself

Because I fear it has only begun
The tragedy of life
This is the play
And we are in act one

Hold me close
Like I mean the most
And whisper a broken lullaby.

With shards of glass
And cigarette ash
And a pain I've grown to call home.

Let me sleep under the moon
And hope help is coming soon
And forget all that I know.

And i'll try to cry
But dry my eyes
And let it come to an end.

Because love is pain
And there's nothing to gain
From a house that's not a home.

So brush my hair
And pretend to care
And let me fade away.

Because i'm sick and *****
And tired of hurting
So please let me fall asleep.

And once i'm gone
You'll have to move on
I'll see you another day.

Went all these years without having an opinion worth sharing
Why would it change now?
To speak up is to be shut up
And to stand out is to be cut down.

You are so small
Your eyes are so blue
And your heart is so big

I could hold you forever
You are the most wonderful little thing