Drama. Don't put me in the middle of it. Don't start any with me. If you do then you ****** me off. If you ****** me off then you have just awoken the demon hidden deep within me and its coming out to play.

I have a love. I have my home. I have my spot in this world.
I plan to keep it. I am back with my family, friends, life. Its nice
to be in a familiar place. I'm back at the place I love and others hate.
This town is home and the townspeople is my family. I love them and I wont give up on them. If i have a future... then so does my Home and Family.

I know some people don't like me for who I am, for my attitude, my expressions, my style. But im just showing my real personality and im not going to change for people that don't care about all the **** I have to go through!

Dean is beauty
Dean is grace
Dean will stab you in the face.

I am NOT sad.
I am DEPRESSED.
There is a huge difference.
If you don't get it then got look it up.
Learn about it before you judge me.
Deal with it or leave because there is only one cure. I won't get it for a long while. be there for me or leave.
I am done. With it all.
Only a few things are keeping me from finding a blade or overdosing.
RIGHT NOW.
So before you want to run your mouth.... how bout ya make an effort, know me. Then maybe you can be smarter about what you gotta say.

You know that feeling?
When your're just waiting.
Waiting to get home, into your room,
close the door, fall into bed,
and just let everything out that you kept in all day.
That feeling of both relief and desperation.
Nothing is wrong.
But nothing is right either.
And you're tired.
Tired of everything, tired of nothing.
And you just want someone to
be there and tell you it's okay.
But no one is gonna be there.
And you know you have to be strong
for yourself, because no one can fix you.
But you're tired of waiting.
Tired of being strong.
And for once, you just want it to be easy.
To be simple. To be helped. To be saved.
But you know you won't be.
But you're still hoping.
And you're still wishing.
And you're still saying strong and fighting,
with tears in your eyes.
You're fighting.

Tears rolling down my face,
Her screaming in my face,
Telling me I am the disappointment,
I am the one no one will love,
I am the one that can't do anything right.

Guess what.
You. You raised me.
You raised this horrible person.
You raised this *****.
You raised this *****.

I am sorry I'm not good enough
I am sorry I am the person I am today.
I am sorry for being your terrible daughter.
I am sorry for being the selfish one.
I am sorry for being here. In your life.

Thanks mom. For making sure I know what I really am.

You are not mine,
but sometimes
i pretend that
you wish you were

i create this idea
that you secretly
want me

and i often forget
its just something
i've made up

You do not want me,
and you are not mine.

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become

Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

I thought I was gone. Thought you took my heart with.
Turns out you weren't even the one who had it. He did. My best friend. The one I'd go to about you. The one that threatened you and never left my side.
I love him. Not you. Never did truly love you as I thought.
I thought i lot of things that turned out to be false but I am sure about him. He is  caring, loving, sweet, truthful. All thing you'll never be.
I would say I am over you but honestly one good look of you know and I realized there was nothing TO get over. haha. Now bye. Friends right ******?

Me:
Is it all my fault?
The way I feel?


Monsters:
Of course, you are sensitive, stupid, and naive.
You are making it worse and worse.
It's all your fault. Every last bit.

Heart in pieces, knife in deep.
The ache, the pain,
I start to weep.

Help me, save me,
Don't leave me here.
The pain has me crying,
Shaking in fear.

He got me, he lost me,
Now I'm in tears.
As I go, I whisper, and say,
"Help me, save me,
My love isn't here ."

My dreams are still about you
So are my nightmares
I have come to realize
For you, I still care
My hopes have only you
Written all over them
Even when I think of you, today
You still don't cease to overwhelm
I still feel messed up
When it comes to you
My friends say I am still in love
Maybe that is true...

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

[Pre-chorus:]
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

[Chorus:]
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you,
I love the things that you do

[Pre-chorus]

[Chorus]

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do, I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me, yeah

[Chorus:]
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

You left.
You took the key to my heart with you.
It's locked away deep and hidden in the sorrow of
my loss of love that is swallowing my soul whole.

You give me chills.
You make my heart beat faster at the touch.
You make me feel safe
You make me feel loved
The thought of losing you scares me
Every dream I have of you, I smile in my deep slumber, thoughts of you running through my mind.
I thought I knew love but you have proved me wrong.
I love you with all my life, heart, and soul.
You're mine. I am yours.
I'd die for you
I miss you..
I
  Love
          You...

Abandoned
Ugly
Hurt
Like I don't matter
Useless
Invisible
Like I don't belong
Not worthy of love

It's me who is my enemy,
Me who beats me up,
Me who makes the monsters,
Me who strips my confidence.

Every night I lay awake scared of one thing and one thing only, Loosing you. We may not be together. But im scared of never seeing you again. Never talking to you. I don't ever wanna loose you more than I already have.

Uh huh, life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is
'Cause life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is

Chill out, what you yellin' for?
Lay back, it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see
I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
And you're talking to me one on one
But you've become...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no

You come over unannounced
Dressed up like you're somethin' else
Where you are ain't where it's at
You see you're making me laugh out
When you strike your pose
Take off all your preppy clothes
You know you're not fooling anyone
When you've become...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watchin' your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no

No, no, no
No, no, no
No, no, no

Chill out, what you yellin' for?
Lay back, it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're trying to be cool,
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated? (yeah, yeah)
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no

The saddest part was realizing we could have made it work. If you were truly in love with me, you would have fought for me. But you didn't, and that just means I loved you more than you loved me.

Write 10 negative things about myself. Here they are:
1. I am fat.
2. I self-harm.
3.Stupid.
4.never learn.
5.everything is always my fault.
6.I am a bad person.
7.I am worthless.
8. I am a *****.
9. I'm a *****.
10. No one will ever love me.

It's just so hard to ignore you
Just so hard to not look at you
I don't know what it is about you
That makes me feel like I do
No matter what they say
I can't think of you that way...

But It's hard to say hey
Or just smile and simply wave
I don't know why I feel this way
And when you smiled today
Oh how it takes my breath away...

The sharp stinging of the pain. The pain of heartbreak, loneliness, and loss. I mourn the death of you, my friend. I shall be brave as you were. I shall not shed tears of sadness but tears of joy. You are in a far better place than even imaginable. You may have gone, with the wind on an autumn day but my love for you will never leave, never parish. For me and you have a bond that shall be forever unbroken. This my friend is a bittersweet blend of love and loss. For my love for you will never be lost.

It is so sad to think
That the ones who self harm
who cut;
bruise,
burn,
purge,
starve,
are the most gentle.

Who would rather hurt themselves than anyone else..

Years ago we sat there in the church.. talking away. You were the only one that got me. The only one that understood my life. You are my old friend. Best friend. Brother. Bub, I miss you so much! I can't wait 9 years. I can't wait till I am 23. I would do anything for you. When I have the money I will call you! When I am 18 I will come see you! There is no one on earth that could hold me back from seeing and talking to you. My parents don't like the fact your in my life and they don't like you. But ***** it. ***** them. I am done and nothing can stop me now.

It *****, you know.

When everything is doing fine then,
its all crashes again?

And the worst part is,
I really don't want to try and put
it all back together again,
but I have to.

And she was lost
she didn't know what she felt anymore,
She was both happy and sad at the same time.

She would never tell
how she felt,
she would stay quiet
and keep it for herself.

She had lost so much
and gained so little,
she would laugh
and she would smile,
she would act like everything was fine
but she new
she was living a lie,
behind her smile
she held a broken heart.

She would forgive over and over again
just because she was afraid to lose
someone who never saw her real worth.

She expected too much
and never learned to let go.
she got attached too fast
and when time came,
a part of her was gone too.

And all those promises
in which she believed
flew away just like the wind

And she waited,
and waited,
but he never came.

All she ever wants
is to never feel again
because every time she feels,
all she feels is pain.

The time of the year where
it's too hot for long pants,
But I am fat and a cutter
so.. I can't wear shorts..

And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories, I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying "she loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I destroyed her."

I wont change for you nor anyone! I dont care about your judgement. If you dont like me then you can leave me alone. I wont change for someone thats selfish, doesn't respect people who care.

Razor blade razor blade
Let's sing a song
Let's erase the pain
Even though it's wrong

I'll press you. Against my skin
And wait for blood to come
My eyes full with tears
The ***** deed is done

The pain is gone
Even if it's only for now
As I smile to myself
And take a little bow

Razor blade razor blade
We sang our song
And now your time is done
Was it really that wrong

"You ruined your body, It's covered in scars, are you happy now??"



"You really think I did this to be happy?!"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
All of me... All of me... All..

When I die, **** it
I wanna go to hell
'Cause I'm a *******
It ain't hard to ******* tell.

Here are ten good things about myself..okay...? this is ANDY'S CHALLENGE!!
1. I care about others
2. I love to help others
3. I have faith and hope
4. I try and be truthful
5. I put others before me
6. I try to do be a good person and do the right thing
7. I put trust in people
8.(I guess) I'm smart
9. I have pretty hair
10. I don't give up (easy)

Check out my new Website..
https://sites.google.com/site/erinnlehman/